View Full Version : I hate my life

Trivial Rush
11-09-2004, 05:41 PM
I just saw my ex-dealer who used to sell me coke on a daily basis. I don't know whats going on i have seen him like 3 times it is so annoying i want this person out of my life forever. I mean I was so depressed before i saw him and now Iam even worse. He just reminds me of what a loser I was and all the bad stuff I did. Why do I keep seeing him all the time. I want to lead a normal life again and its never going to happen. It is like something in the universe doesn't want me to be happy. We were just talking about how bad i was with the drugs and it sounded like i was definetly a crack head. I should just be grateful that iam alive and not dead but it is so hard seing all these people lead regular lives and me siting at home miserable and thinking what a screwup iam. Am i such a bad person is this why i can't live a normal life. :confused: I talk to the dealer out of politeness but you know I just want to see him suffer more than Iam and I wanted to punch him. But i was nice and i told him all the problems i was having. Next time I see him Iam going to ignore him.

11-09-2004, 10:55 PM
don't let them pull you down,hold your head up.they pulled you down enough already.It takes time to get back on the right track.I read on here somewhere a few months back where someone was saying nobody means to become a addict and that's true.It's not like you meant to become addicted.I know it's hard,I've never done coke,but I have had more than my share of Lorcets,and believe me it's hard.I wish you only the best.That person you was talking about that used to sell to you will get theirs one day,and you will be the one doing better and watching them be miserable.Good luck maybe someone else can help you alot more than me,but I wanted to let you know you're not alone.Things will get better.

Marilyn Monroe
11-10-2004, 12:02 AM
Depression seems like a tidalwave that comes when you have quit and want a healthy life. Then there's the theorie that addicts are depressed that's why they become addicted to something to stop feeling depressed...
It's a puzzle I have yet to figure out.

I hope you can just stay away from this person and stay the strong person you know you can be. Good Luck.

11-10-2004, 04:39 AM
You just have to keep moving forward. Regret is a killer if you let it get to you. There is NOW and the FUTURE. Make things better now and the future will be brighter. We all go through the regret thing. Don't let it get to you.

11-10-2004, 05:24 AM
I totally can relate-my dealer was calling me up to a couple months ago-ive been off dope for a yr-on suboxone.
Doesn't get it the dumb ***..Hey-im not using.
These dudes bum when they lose steady cash flow-they WANT you miserable.
Remember..**** him..you are strong-above him..when you see him-nod and pass him by-he'll get it..no time to chat up-no wonder your depressed..i have been in the same position.
It conjours up old feelings-but those days are past..its a new day-and you don't have to give the man your money..
peace to you
ggrl :angel:

Trivial Rush
11-10-2004, 10:43 AM
Thank you everyone for your support and understanding of what I am going through. Next time i will just ignore him and if I start to think badly about myself I will stop myself and say Iam not that kind of person anymore i had the disease of addicton and I am not using anymore. It is just that every day Iam remided of what i used to be and it gets a little annoying and frustrating. ;)

11-21-2004, 02:35 PM
How long you been clean? If it is only a few months or something I know it took me like a year to start feeling better. I felt better immediatly but the cloud started lifting and I started to feel a little more comfortable in my skin. I also noticed that I felt the same way and like everyone knew it too. I think it is just a process where you learn how to forgive yourself and start doing good things and acting as a good person and not a loser and you convince yourself that you may have been a loser but you are not any more. It takes a while. It is scary to get out there and try to be good and "normal". For me it had been so long, if ever, that I did not know if it were possible. You are what you do today. If you were smoking crack today you are a crack head and a loser. Just because you might have been that yesterday does not mean you are that forever. You are what you do on a daily basis. Say hi and walk on with the drug dealer. If that. Make some new friends. Meet them at work or meetings or make your family your temp friends untill you make some.

11-22-2004, 03:29 AM
good morning. when you are down, do not let yourself stay there for too long. try to get up asap and live your life. things WILL get better. i think you are on the right track. keep yourself away from the old drug dealer. be good to yourself. get involved in living asap! you are a good human being! no, life will not be perfect ever, but please continue to take good care of yourself. you are worth it! i promise you that if you continue to take good care of yourself, then life will get better. be your own best friend, now!

...and happy thanksgiving! :angel:

...from, livefortoday