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bluejulie5
11-10-2004, 08:35 AM
I wanted to let you know how my methadone treatment went.

I could not find my origional post.

I started on the methadone approx. 3 months ago,
dr. started me at 8, then every 2 weeks he would drop me down
one.

Some of you were not sure that plan would work........

Well, I am one week meth. free or any other kind of narcotic.

I am not going to say it was a perfect plan for everyone, but it is working for me.
Minimal w/d. And I mean very minimal. on a scale of 1-10 maybe a 2.

Please everyone dont burst my bubble and tell me that this is not going to work for me.
I am taking vitamins, trying to stay busy, positive attitude, etc.
I need to make an appt to see my dr. in a few days.

My big deal now is trying to learn how to live again without the pills.
I have to face issues I did not have to face, I have to learn how to talk to people, go to the grocery store. and if this seems silly to people then i am sorry but thats how i feel. I had terrable period cramps and headache yesterday, (that i could never feel before cause I was always doped up), and I told hubby I wish I could get some and let you hang on to them for when I really needed them---he just shook his head, and I said ya, silly idea, I would be begging you for them every day!

Do you think I will make it? I DO!!!!! It was my goal to be clean by the holidays and by gosh that is what is going to happen.

Anyway I had not posted in a long time so I thought I would let you know how i was.
thanks everyone.

SAVEDBYSUBOXONE
11-10-2004, 08:55 AM
AWSOME JULIE! ;) That gives me hope that some-day I can do this! (get of Suboxone) I know they are different but "the word" is Meth is tough to get off. Amazing, breaking old habits and becoming the old (new) Julie will be great for everyone including your happy kids and family.

Again congrats and Happy Hoilidays! I'm so very happy for you.

bluejulie5
11-10-2004, 08:59 AM
THANK YOU!!

I have heard of sub but I dont know anything about it.
How long have you been on it? Do you wean off it like I did the methadone?
Good luck to you!

Twinlynn
11-10-2004, 09:02 AM
Julie - That is such wonderful news. And no one can tell you that you can't do it--because you HAVE done it! :-) Even though there may be tough times...your realistic expections will help you to get through them. It makes me so happy to read a story like yours...I know from all your past posts how you struggled. Congratulations! And please keep writing to us--we need that inspiration. :-) luv, Lynn

ChappyBoy
11-10-2004, 09:03 AM
Great news Congrats! Try some of the Herbal products. Many people think they dont work but if wd is at a "2" it may help take the edge off. Kava, and Valerian (Kava in the Day and Valeria at night to sleep). Hang in there!

bluejulie5
11-10-2004, 09:11 AM
Chappy Boy:: Wonderful!! I have been searching the internet for products to help me with the w/d.I couldent really find anything.
Kava and Valeria? Would I find these at a drug store or off the internet?
thank you !! What does the Kava do exactally?

TWIN: Your post made me start to cry.
Thank you so much for your kind words.
You are right it has been such a struggle. going from 20 hydros. a day then the meth now zero.
I am not going to lie though it has popped in my head several times how easy it would be to get some more hydro. but then it quickly leaves my mind.
I have been through worse than this and those stupid pills are not going to get the best of me. thanks again

Sarandipity
11-10-2004, 09:24 AM
Hey Julie! I havent heard from you in a while. Im so proud of you!
I kicked hydro myself. Im 52 days clean and sober. I know what you mean about having to re train yourself to go to the grocery store, have conversations with people, and get through "cramps" lol :p

This is funny:::: when I was in rehab. In my women's counseling group, we took trips- Walmart trips because being in a confined safe invironment- and drug free and then going to a busy place where theres stress, and lots of people, and NOT having my lil vicodin friends with me was SCARY! It's funny to think about it now but it wasent at the time. It's one of those things that gets easier everytime you are in a situation where you feel uncomfortable.

Im so proud of you! My detox off of sub was like dying. I wanted to die I hurt so bad. It lasted 7 days- from what Ive been reading on this board thats about how long it takes. How bout you? How long did it take to detox off meth. Sounds like you had a much easier time. 2 % thats good.

Glad you are doing well, If you ever need to talk, Im here!

Love,

Sara

bluejulie5
11-10-2004, 09:30 AM
HI SARA
That makes me feel good to know that other people feel the same way I do, you know about learning to live all over again, the grocery store stuff, and EVERYTHING.
I am going to a therapist; she told me "well this was just 3 years out of your life. You lived before without the pills and you can do it again". or something to that effect. I thought it was kind of cold of her to say it that way but I guess she is right. I have seen her twice and I go again next week.
thanks

bluejulie5
11-10-2004, 09:33 AM
SARA
BY THE WAY 52 DAYS CLEAN????????? YOU GO GIRL

by the way, when you said it took 7 days; does that mean 7 days after your last sub pill??
Because today is 7 days after my last methadone.
what helped you get through the w/d?
I am still a little weak and I have a little bit of leg cramps.

Sarandipity
11-10-2004, 09:37 AM
Julie,
Its much better than the years before because everything is so precious to me now. Like my daughter who is 3 saying when she goes to heaven she hopes I am there too and she wants God to rub her tummy if it hurts. I started crying! Before I would be too numb to cry.

What Im trying to say is the years before I was on hydro- I took things for granted. Now, I get into the simple things, and "people" in general- I go to AA meeting and look around without judging. I could'of never done that before.

Im humbled. And it feels pretty good.

Gonna look for your future posts,

Sara

bluejulie5
11-10-2004, 09:46 AM
Oh that is so great about you and your girl; I have a precious 4 yr. old daughter and I know what you mean about those special moments; not that I am anywhere near where you are at. You have come a long way baby!!!!!!!
I am trying to look at how blessed I am, I have a great husband 3 beautiful kids, plenty of money to get us by, acutally, no problems.........I think I used to take the pills (one of the reasons) because, look at my life its too good to be true, what if this and what if that (I am sure becuase of the death of my first husband and brother).
I worry about bad things that could happen to me or my family.......you know, invent things in my mind. but I am working on that with my therapist, and I am also on paxil 60mg and take a valium or 2 a day. (hubby hangs on to them and says I am going to have to taper off those too. he also hung on to my methadone bless his heart)

Sarandipity
11-10-2004, 01:03 PM
Julie,
You must have sent me that last post exactly when I was sending yours to you! So I didnt see it. Sorry!

Answer to your question: it took 7 days AFTER I took the last sub. For W/D's I took pheno barbital, ativan, quinum, bentyl, wore a clonidine patch, and took something for the runs. They gave me seroquel the first few nights and suboxone starting the third day I was in rehab.

The benzo's (valium) will give you w/d but sounds like it won't be REAL bad if you are on 4 mg a day.

My body is way sensitive.

Im so happy for you that you have a husband who understands !

Hope12
11-10-2004, 01:41 PM
Julie,
Wow,a huge congratulations to you.And yes, this is definitely the beginning of a journey.I don't think I've ever talked to you on the boards,but I have been on and off of these for almost as long as you,and have also read your struggles.I just passed the 9-month "clean" mark,but have had my occasional slip.But how exciting for you!!!OMG, I know all about the relearning to live without the pills,like you, even to just go to the grocery store.To just be able to wake up and have to face the day without that crutch that enabled us to not have to deal with soooo much.It is a slow process,learning to live without our doc's,but an enlightening one as well.In the beginning,things can seem so overwhelming,and for me, nine months later,still get that way at times.In fact, I didn't think I was going to make it to a whole nine months,even just a month ago I was ready to throw the towel in .But I didn't,and it seems like all of a sudden I'm starting to turn a corner here,finally really starting to feel better.Point is,you're going to have many ups and downs,and you really have to hang tough and reach out when you need the extra support.You are a miracle in progress,and I am so happy for you.I have do much more to say,but I'm watching my grandson right now,and he's begging for some attention,so I just wanted to tell you how wonderful for you,be proud of yourself!!I am praying for strength and courage for you,congratulations!!!

Peace,Stacie

Sarandipity
11-10-2004, 02:56 PM
Stacie! Hi it's me, Sara!
I remember writing to you a while back and saying- I just don't get it how can she be OFF the pills?

I understand what you are talkng about, each day is a struggle, but I have goose bumps during the day, like "God" moments when I do something I wouldnt normally do. Like going out of my way to be kind to someone.

Then theres days where I want to call in sick. Its up and down.

When I was at rehab- they said it takes about a year for people on opiates to stop feeling the mental and physical part of the wd's.

Im so glad you wrote. Please stay in touch, sure good to hear you are doing great!

Love,

Sara

bluejulie5
11-10-2004, 07:01 PM
hi stacie and sara

A whole year??!!??
oh my gosh I dont think I could handle a whole dang year !!
Just kidding, I think I know what you mean.
I have my ups and downs too.


Stacie: you have said you had occasional slips.
How did you do that without continuing your addiction, may I ask?
Hope I am not being noisy.
I think that if I took even one, I would be right back on them again.

later-----------------------

bluejulie5
11-10-2004, 07:03 PM
Julie,
You must have sent me that last post exactly when I was sending yours to you! So I didnt see it. Sorry!

Answer to your question: it took 7 days AFTER I took the last sub. For W/D's I took pheno barbital, ativan, quinum, bentyl, wore a clonidine patch, and took something for the runs. They gave me seroquel the first few nights and suboxone starting the third day I was in rehab.

The benzo's (valium) will give you w/d but sounds like it won't be REAL bad if you are on 4 mg a day.

My body is way sensitive.

Im so happy for you that you have a husband who understands !


WOW I have never heard of all of those meds!
How long were you in rehab?
Just curious-

*rockingham*
11-10-2004, 07:11 PM
Julie-

i am really really HAPPY to read this. great job girl! YOU DID IT!!!:)

bluejulie5
11-10-2004, 07:17 PM
HI Rockingham;
Thanks for the encouragement.
I have not kept up with the posts lately so, I am sorry that I dont know your
situation.
Guess one week is great, but I am afraid i still have a long ways to go!
thats ok as long as i dont have w/d that is aok with me; the sad thing
is the flu is going around town like crazy, so, having the flu would be just like w/d!!!!!
oh well
later------------------------------

goddessgrl65
11-11-2004, 06:08 AM
Good to hear from you-I know YOU can do this-if you want it-it can be done.
Im happy to hear the plan worked for you-and you didn't have to go thru hell!
Thats awesome!
If you feel weak/depressed-make sure you can talk to someone-do you have a therapist-or are ya gonna do meetings-whats your plan?
It is very inspiring to those of us-on maitainence..(suboxone is similar to methadone-but w/ other properties-still a very strong med to stave w/d's.
Valerian is very good-ive used it-lots of hot baths-make sure you treat yourself-in healthy ways..
All the love/good things for you-julie.
ggrl
Goddess Bless you! :angel:

bluejulie5
11-11-2004, 06:59 AM
HI goddessgrl
I am seeing a therapist...not going to any meetings though,.

It is so funny how some things just "take time"

I woke up a bit ago and thought, what pill should I take, should I take a valium?
just the thought of having something to take.
(I have no narcotics in the house of course).

Good luck to you

Hope12
11-12-2004, 02:07 PM
Hi Julie,
Just getting back to the boards,and to answer your question about my slips that I've had-and no,you're not being nosy at all-but in the beginning,right after I detoxed, there is no way I could of taken just one without falling right back into my addiction.In fact,some jerk (okay, my ex-husband) showed up at my house just one or two weeks after I had taken my last pill and pulled out a bag full of Vikes.The reaction I had was unreal-literally almost like an allergic reaction to something horrible-I started shaking,broke out into a cold sweat,and damn near literally threw up,I wanted them so bad.My head went into I swear to God life threatening spins.But lucky for me(although I hated him at the time-oh,still do)he refused to give me any.After I regained my composure(the next day) it just reaffirmed how bad I really was.And it actually strengthened my commitment to fight this disease even harder.But I am not perfect,and later on down this road to recovery,I DID give in.And each time I have,I've been able to stand back and compare the "fuzzy" foggy feelings I get when I've slipped to being clear headed and strong otherwise.And then I look back and see that THAT is how I've spent the last 7 years-being really out of it,a giant do nothing marshmallow that lived only to wake up and swallow pills every day.I really like-and appreciate- the alternative.There is nothing easy about recovery,it is DEFINITELY hard work,but I have found the lessons I'm learning and the "rediscovering" of myself and even the "brand new" things I'm finding out about myself are more than worth it.But it is a process,and I still have my weak moments,and I LET myself have those without punishing myself-I just pick up where I left off and keep going.Nobody can hate me or come down on me as hard as I can,and if I started self-berating myself for my slips,I would kick myself right back into full blown addiction.So, I guess you culd say thru all of this,another thing I'm learning to do is to forgive myself,not just for slips, but for a lot of other things as well.And THAT in itsself is allowing me to keep going and give myself another chance at life.I think that honesty(brutal honesty) with yourself,and then forgiving yourself are a big part of being successful in recovery.But no doubt about it,I am STILL really just beginning down this road,and I STILL take everyday ONE day at a time. So I say to you,don't overwhelm yourself,be PROUD of even your smallest accomplishments,and keep reaching out .You WILL do this,you ARE doing this,like I said before,you are a miracle in progress.And as you get stronger,you will realize that your experience as an EX-addict empowers you with knowledge that you can use to help others and further enrich your life.THAT WHICH DOES NOT KILL US ONLY MAKES US STRONGER-RIGHT???Absolutely!!I will write more later,let me kow how things are going for you,I've gotta run right now, the Scott Peterson verdict is coming in and I've been keeping up on this case since it went to court.Much Strength to you, Julie,Take care-

Peace,Stacie

FitPigg
11-12-2004, 07:13 PM
good for you Julie.You are doing it and can do it!!! I amnot a user myself but was in a relationship with a man for 9yrs with a bad addiction.

good luck girl!

bluejulie5
11-13-2004, 09:31 AM
HI eveyone just wanted to check in;
day 10 today for me narcotic free.

Feeling great except allergies, okay not great but you know what I mean.

hope everyone has a great weekend.

pat88
11-13-2004, 07:49 PM
Hi there, this is Pat. A guy down in Texas. I made my first post several days ago. "oxycontin withdrawl". You can catch my story there. Just wanted to congratulate you. I kicked methadone 16 years ago. Was taking 85 to 100mg for ten years. Did it cold turkey. Absolutly the worst thing I have ever went thru. Did'nt sleep for 21 days and did'nt feel human for several months. Hope you keep staying clean your first priority and you have support. NA has been great for me all these years. You're doing great....keep it up!!!! Don't use-just for today. Pat.

bluejulie5
11-13-2004, 08:13 PM
PAT
I cannot even imagine what that must have been like.

Were you not under a doctors care?

Thanks for the encouragement.

I am actually doing pretty good and not craving my enemy.

That is what I refer to those pills now, and consider them something
I hate and out of my life.

Thanks so much for posting to me

pat88
11-13-2004, 08:40 PM
Hey Julie, Pat again. Good to hear from you. To answer your question about me having doctor's care for my methadone withdrawl....yes and no. I saw an addictionologist(md trained in the addiction field) and he wanted to put me on some meds, but I made the choice to not take anything. I did go see him every few days. My blood pressure went up kinda high. He monitered that. I just bit the bullit and went thru the pain and agony. Iwouldn't really suggest that to anyone else. As far as I know and have researched, no one has ever died from narcotic withdrawl. You feel like you will while CT, but you won't. Just my story and experience. By the way, where are you? Texas weather sucks tonight...cold and rainy. Your friend in recovery, Pat.

bluejulie5
11-14-2004, 09:55 AM
HI PAT

wow you were brave to do that c/t.
I bet you felt like you were gonna die.

I live in southwest Kansas.

They have been talking about snow but so far just cold and a little rainy here too.
we are not so far away from eachother huh?

I just wish I could go through the day withought the pills on my mind and what I have gone through. Is there a "mourning" process that I have to go through or what????
that sounds rediculous. I try to get my mind on other things, but maybe I am feeling a little sorry for myself?? I dont know. Guess I can talk to my therapist about it on thursday.
I mean I dont have time for this crap.
daughter turns 5 in a few weeks (that means preschool party, bday party, buying gifts etc) then the holidays coming up, and PLUS I have 2 teenage boys (they are angels though thank goodness and I mean it. they respect me and are very good boys)........
I guess I am just hoping that my energy comes back soon. I still kinda droop around and am kinda weak...........COULD BE WORSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ok I will stop rambling.

*rockingham*
11-14-2004, 10:48 AM
julie- have you considered writing a goodbye letter to the pills? its a good therapeutic tool for ones recovery. it allows you to express your feelings and is a way to release your fears about the pills and what they could represent.

just a thought.

Good Luck julie!

bluejulie5
11-14-2004, 11:26 AM
Hi Rockingham

do you mean literally sitting down with pen and paper and writing a letter saying goodbye?

have you done that and did it work?

It has run through my mind today to get hypnotised!!!!
Just to get the pills out of my mind (I am not craving them, but thinking about them if that makes sense)

thanks

Sarandipity
11-14-2004, 11:29 AM
Rockingham and Julie!
Hey Rockingham! I havent talked to you or heard from you in a long time!
How are things going? It's sunday morning, cleaning house today- cold and damp outside in Houston today. My daughter's 8th b-day party is next Saturday- so Im cleaning the house so you can actually walk! I havent really done the serious cleaning since Ive been back from rehab so its out of control!

Julie! I wanted to replay to Rockingham's post about the goodbye letter. I did that and it helped. Theres so much therapy for me when I write things down, my mind is runnin 110 miles per hour at all times so when I write about why Im saying goodbye to something I loved and hated at the same time- clarity pours out. Yes, go through the mouring process- its perfectly normal and quite healthy. The letter is cool, you can write down all the wacky stuff you did while you were on em.

Let me know if you write it! Lots and lots of love sending your way!

-Sara

bluejulie5
11-14-2004, 01:50 PM
OK
I may give it a try if you guys think it may help!!!

thanks

bluejulie5
11-18-2004, 08:24 AM
HI everyone.
15 days today since my last methadone pill.

Today I have 2 appts:
One with my therapist, and one with the Dr. that prescribed the methadone for me.
Interersted to know what my methadone dr. will say today. he is very blunt and not real ............. well i was going to say "not understanding" but I think he is.
Hard to explain this person.
Anyway I ended the methadone 2 weeks early becuase I just could not handle taking 1/2 pill a day for 2 weeks (which was my idea in the first place). He probably will be glad I did it that way because he had asked me a few times if I wanted to "speed up the process" just not in those exact words.
Still no appitite. Bowels still screwed up. Still waking up every morn. around 4am and having a hard time getting back to sleep. Oh dont get me wrong I am not in misery, I am just still not "back to normal". I know its just gonna take time .
He called in a refill for me for the valium. it says take 1/2 to 1 pill a day 5mg.
geez i have been taking 3 or 4 a day for anxiety, and I will tell him that.
Thats not very much dont you think?
Anyway I sure have been in a crappy mood the past week or so, so much to do, so much coming up, the holidays, bday for daughter, teenage boys, etc etc etc.
the good part is that I really dont think of the hydros. or crave them becuase I know that its not an option for me.
I am just trying to get back to normal!!!!!!!!
I think if I quit smoking I would have more energy and feel better too.
thanks for letting me ramble

bluejulie5
11-18-2004, 06:56 PM
hi guys

went to therapist, she gave me some pretty good advice, and I am going to go see her again next week.

went to methadone dr. and he was actually really understanding and he told me 4 valium a day was okay, but he will only let me do it for 2 months and then will taper me off of them.
I told him a way I was getting my hydrocodone (I know I cannot mention it here) and he was quite surprised and interested so tomorrow I am going to email him some information............maybe it would help him with future methadone patients to see that there are easy ways to get access to the pain pills.........who knows?
Anyway I am just checking in.
hope all is well with everyone.

lisaaahubb
11-19-2004, 05:17 AM
WOW julie!!! You have been thru alot. How are you feeling??? Why are you tapering off of the meth already??? Stay strong, i know you can do this. How long were you on it??? Was it just used to get you stabilized and NOT for maintenance???? I feel for you girl...hang in there, K????
luv,
LISA

Philster2003
11-19-2004, 06:32 AM
Hi Julie;

Just wanted to say hi, glad you are back and so excited you are drug free now. It only gets so much better.

phil

jessy28
11-21-2004, 02:38 PM
At some point you just have to decide that other people can't always tell you what will work and what won't. I was on methadone and I personally would never recommend it to anyone BUT I also know from three years clean from 200mg of methadone and long time heroin use that each individual has their own things that work for them. Three years later something worked and it was never all of any way to be clean. I think it was a mix of things that worked and eventually I just decided that it was over and I was done and there would be no more exuses of why I relapsed because those days were over. It was not easy but it was still easier than those days. It took a lot of learning how to live again and it all felt really weird. The whole world looked different and I just decided that no matter what it took I was going to learn how to do life the right way. In the very overwhelming times and uncomfortable times(all the time in the beggining) I just had faith that it would feel normal later if I did it enough. Now the thought of those days and the way I was is like a movie I saw. I had to learn everything again. It is not silly. It is right. E mail me any time. You keep looking foward and don't look back. It is worth it.