PDA

View Full Version : Please help, I need advice!


twinmom28777
11-24-2004, 12:12 PM
I do not know where to turn for advice. My fiance and the father of my children is a crack addict and it is destroying our family. We met because of crack years ago but when I became pregnant I quit and insisted he do too but he continues to slip off and smoke crack. Sometimes he don't come home til the next day. I never know when it will happen or when he will come back. It is killing me. I live in constant fear he will take off. When he does, we fight like crazy in front of the kids and I can't have them being affected by it. He says he wants to quit be he still takes off. I don't know whether to make him leave or keep trying. I do love him and we are happy when he is not on drugs. He is a good dad when he's not on drugs but I know this is going to affect our kids. And it is definately affecting me. Can anyone offer any advice? I really would appreciate any help. {REMOVED}
Thank you, Tammy

windysan
11-24-2004, 12:50 PM
Al-Anon meetings for you and a treatment center for him. They have free state-run facilities if you don't have the $$. When he leaves on a crack binge then have the locks changed and tell him not to come back unless he has a treatment plan together(at a bona fide treament center). His using threatens your sobriety.

cleanstart
11-24-2004, 01:57 PM
I do not know where to turn for advice. My fiance and the father of my children is a crack addict and it is destroying our family. We met because of crack years ago but when I became pregnant I quit and insisted he do too but he continues to slip off and smoke crack. Sometimes he don't come home til the next day. I never know when it will happen or when he will come back. It is killing me. I live in constant fear he will take off. When he does, we fight like crazy in front of the kids and I can't have them being affected by it. He says he wants to quit be he still takes off. I don't know whether to make him leave or keep trying. I do love him and we are happy when he is not on drugs. He is a good dad when he's not on drugs but I know this is going to affect our kids. And it is definately affecting me. Can anyone offer any advice? I really would appreciate any help. {REMOVED}
Thank you, Tammy

It sounds that you have answered alot of your own questions. You said that you can't have it. He needs to go until he is clean. I agree that the next time he leaves you need to change the locks. Is he violent? If so then you have to get rid of him till he is clean. You have to protect your children and yourself. Try alanon or talk with a counselor. But get out of that immediatly. When he is clean and I mean clean for awhile then you can talk.

Cody

DowntownBrown
11-24-2004, 02:40 PM
God bless you, I have been where you are dear. I was three years clean & sober and my husband chose to continue using. I was going crazy too, and sooo depressed. But...thank God, I had my sobriety and serenity and my programs of AA and AL-ANON. I also suggest "face to face" meetings. You need emotional support to deal with this issue. Maybe, you could try a "trial seperation", and tell him, and mean it, that until he shows you that he will stay clean, that he is not welcome in your home. You say that he is a good Dad. Sorry, but I disagree with you on that one. A "good" Dad wouldn't smoke crack or take other drugs, and choose them over his wife and children. And...as long as you put up with it, you are telling your children that his behavior is alright. I know it is hard. I was a housewife and I was terrified about how I was going to take care of me and my two year old son.
You do have choices! You can put up with it and maybe lose your children if CPS or the police find out. You can seperate temporarily. You can go get some help for you and your children. Just because you used to "use" does not excuse him for using. Do you have any recovery or resources? They are out there if you look for them. Remember, you NEED to think about your and your children's needs and safety. You cannot CHANGE, CONTROL, or CURE him. If you stand firm and hold your boundaries, then he MAY decide that he doesn't want to lose you or the children. I'll pray for you. God help you to make the right decision.
Love ya, Sally B. :angel:

Sarandipity
11-25-2004, 12:01 AM
Hey Sally, Sorry to pop in on a thread but I just wanted to say Ive read some of your posts and you seem very genuine and It's nice to hear that.
I live in Houston and my dos is 9/19/2004, Im 60 something days- went to a rehab and just got back on 10/20/2004.

Im on step 8. Well happy thanksgiving- this will be my first holiday sober since I can remember.

God bless!

-Sara

marich101
11-25-2004, 10:52 PM
Congrats Sara........One more milestone.......just keep on keepin' on
Happy Thanksgiving
Marilyn

DowntownBrown
11-27-2004, 12:18 AM
Hi Sara, :wave: Thanks, my dos: 1/1/87 , been clean & sober almost 18 yrs. and I live in Richmond, TX, but nearly every weekend I go to Houston, TX to visit my Mother. I check the boards, whenever I can get access to a computer. Congrats on your 60 days! :D That's how it is started "One day at a time". One day + one day + one day, and before I knew it I was sober longer than I had been drunk. Imagine that! :angel:
Hope to see you on the boards again.
God bless, Sally B. :wave: