PDA

View Full Version : Heroin - Can you really kick it? Wife of addict


dagnab
12-06-2004, 07:30 PM
:confused: :confused: Looking for words of advise from anyone who has been able to beat heroin or tried. I'm beginning to think it is impossible. My husband has been using for about 2 years. The past year the worst. He has been in 2 rehabs. The second time, this past May, seemed the most promising. But alas, always a relapse with crying and yelling and promises (sometimes) of it not happening again. He is on methadone - 100mg daily. He thought for sure this would be what he needed. He has 3 degenerated discs in his back and 1 in his neck. Last November he had spinal fusion on the bottom 2 discs. However, he is still in consistent pain. His addiction started with vicodin, then Oxy - all prescribed. Then when he would run out of Oxy - he had a "friend" who would sell them to him. What a friend. Then friend gets busted and cant get him Oxy but turns him on to heroin and then begins the love affair. I have never hated anything more than I hate heroin. He is a good father and a stand up guy but heroin ......... I'm scared he may be one of those people you hear about that are never able to kick it. Like its embedded in his DNA now. Anyone have any encouraging words pass them on ....feeling kinda blue......thanks...... :(

windysan
12-07-2004, 05:19 AM
He has the tools given him in rehab but he might need to go on an extended stay(9 months or so) in order to stay clean. If he's on 100mg of methadone then he'll have to work down is dose to about 10mgs before a detox will give him a bed. It sounds like he needs a long-term treatment facility. It'll be difficult but it isn't impossible.

goddessdana
12-07-2004, 06:44 AM
:confused: :confused: Looking for words of advise from anyone who has been able to beat heroin or tried. I'm beginning to think it is impossible. My husband has been using for about 2 years. The past year the worst. He has been in 2 rehabs. The second time, this past May, seemed the most promising. But alas, always a relapse with crying and yelling and promises (sometimes) of it not happening again. He is on methadone - 100mg daily. He thought for sure this would be what he needed. He has 3 degenerated discs in his back and 1 in his neck. Last November he had spinal fusion on the bottom 2 discs. However, he is still in consistent pain. His addiction started with vicodin, then Oxy - all prescribed. Then when he would run out of Oxy - he had a "friend" who would sell them to him. What a friend. Then friend gets busted and cant get him Oxy but turns him on to heroin and then begins the love affair. I have never hated anything more than I hate heroin. He is a good father and a stand up guy but heroin ......... I'm scared he may be one of those people you hear about that are never able to kick it. Like its embedded in his DNA now. Anyone have any encouraging words pass them on ....feeling kinda blue......thanks...... :(

First of all you CAN kick it. My S/O has helped people kick it. He was a drug and alcohol counselor for 8 years. Seen some sad cases. He's not doing it for pain control anymore. YOU NEED TO ACCEPT THIS!!!! If he can get into a GOOD rehab anything is possible. I don't know where youre from. But if you look online for Drug Recovery Inc in Oklahoma City Oklahoma, I'm positive they can help you. They are just here in Oklahoma but maybe they can point you and your's in the right direction. YOU NEED to go to alanon for support. But be careful because some of those people will give bad advice. There are good ala-non groups but there are some bad ones out there you just find whats right for you. The methadone in my S/O opinion WILL NOT HELP HIM KICK THE HABIT!!!!! It's just as bad as the heroin itself!!!!!!! Thats all it is man made heroin!!! He's seen some people thats said it's made them worse then better. He really sounds like he needs some VERY LONG TERM TREATMENT no 29 day programs!!!!!!! :nono:He needs long term intensive treatment.
He needs to get detoxed first of all and I'm talking about a medical detox!!!!!!!!! Next get him into a long term drug recovery program!!! First would be residential but it all depends on the type of treatment he needs. there's a lot of variables. everyone is different. But he also needs to go to a drug treatment program that understands pain management and not all of them do. some think that not everyone needs pain med's. Like the condition your hubbys in with back and all, he's GONNA HAVE TO BE ON SOME KIND OF PAIN MANAGEMENT!!!!! My hubby was a horrible drug addict and alcoholic, he spent 18 months in DRI but he had a lot of issues to deal with most people are there 9 months to a year. My hubby was a rare case because he had a lot of issues to deal with. But anyways moral of his story he got his crap togather became a drug and alcohol couselor, and is doing great. He's in pain management except he has Reflex Sympathetic dystrophy syndrome and ankylosing spondylitis, broke back, broke neck, has every disk in his neck but the top one either bulging herniated or compressed and two bone spurs there, he has 3 disks like that in mid back, then four like that in lower back not too mention he also has severe nerve damage. Surgery is not an option with dale or any doctor!!! Any kind of surgery can make the rsds worse!!! I sympathize with you. I have lived with alcoholics and drug addicts and it's not easy to deal with. This monster of addiction is really gonna be testing your marriage and love for each other. You'll either make it or break it. But try youre best to stick it out with him. Was he a drug addict before his accident or after? Also check out Drug Recovery INC In Oklahoma City Oklahoma. they are an awesome program and they really saved my S/O's life!!! If anything at least maybe you can get pointed in the right direction or at least be able to talk to someone about some options you can take. They have a national register they have a list of every treatment center all over america. ASSUMING you are from North america :confused: Anyways if you ever need to talk. I come in a lot in the health boards. I usually go to birth control, pain management, chronic fatigue, fibromyalgia, reflex sympathetic dystrophy syndrome. I don't know what made me come in here I think youre topic caught my attention. And remember he has to have THE WILL TO QUIT!!! NO Excuses, No promises, No Cop Out's. He has to want the help. If he's quitting for you to save your marriage. It won't work. My S/O has seen so many cases of people trying to quit for sake of thier spouses. thats not a reason to quit. The reasons has to be HE WANTS TO STOP!! HE NEEDS TO STOP. It sounds as if this is getting worse and worse and worse. But you can't make him quit he has to want to. you can't give him ultimatums either. HE HAS TO HAVE THE WILL TO QUIT AND THE WANT TO QUIT. If you ever want to talk I'm usually stalking the boards about this time of morning 8AM central time- 10 am. Me and S/O is here for you. :wave: :angel:

PS
It also sounds like he needs a VERY GOOD pain management doc to help him. From what it sounds to me is there was either not enough communication with his doc or the doc is not a good pain management doc. Most GOOD PM doc's will say ok the vicodin isn't working, let's try oxycontin for a month see how you do. that don't work then the doc can change to patches or something which will give 24 hr pain relief. He may also need a breakthrough pill. But in the same breath i need to say this. Youre hubby NEEDS TO TAKE HIS PAIN MEDICATION AS THE DOCTOR PRESCRIBES!!! Not take an extra because he hurts if he's hurting and that pain medication is not working then the doc needs to switch to another stronger pain med. It's all about communication!!!!!! Unfortunatly thats how people get labled druggies not to say your hubby is NOT drug addicted because he IS!!!!!! If he's doing heroin he's addicted. But your in a sticky situation because he's now using heroin. Peopl take thier pain med's doubled because they hurt. Thats how you get labled a druggie( lack of communication with your doc.). he just needs good pain management and a good treatment center that understands some people DO NEED Pain med's. I do wish you the best. Like I said if you ever need to talk we are usually around. Good luck me and S/O will pray for ya'll. :angel:

pearce28
12-07-2004, 06:31 PM
It is possible. I have three years clean and it was a long road to it. I also went through two methadone clinics with the last one having me on 200 mg. What I found is that the methadone is the hardest of all to quit and not want again. I am sorry you are going through this. One of three things will happen, he will hit a bottom where he just can't stand it anymore and quit with a very long road of seriously recovering ahead of that but you do get back to normal, you die, or you wind up in jail only to get out and pick a path. The thing is when you do get clean the cravings after the w/d are very strong. The depression one time two months clean convinced me that I would just have to live the rest of my life on methadone and it was the only way for me to be normal again. I felt like the only time I felt right and got anything done was when I slipped twice and took someone else's methadone. Eventually the methadone does not work as far as allowing you to live a normal life and addiction slaps you in the face in one form or another and takes you to another level of low. Eventually he will just say thats it and ask for help and be willing to do whatever to get back to the land of the living. Wether it means sitting out a year of depression or whatever. He will get there. I am now almost three years clean from heroin IV use and crack and I actually have been able to creat a very normal life for myself. No one thought it was possible and now no one can even imagine that I really had that past. I am recently married ,happy,have a good job, and trusted by all who know me(weird), and expecting my first child. I did it all by myself and no one ,not even me , saw a life for me. It is possible.

dagnab
12-08-2004, 08:46 PM
Thanks to you guys who took the time out to reply to me. I really appreciate it. I didn't realize how much I would until I started reading them and actually got pretty emotional as I was reading through. I just want to say thanks again for listening and it made me feel really good to hear your words of encouragement, advise and straight talk. Here's wishing all of you much happiness - :wave: :angel:

eshank
12-08-2004, 09:03 PM
i was a heroin addict for several years did heroin w/ many people in my neighborhood and know lots of people hooked, i have been clean for 3.5 years, so, (the bad news)i have not yet met or heard of anyone else who has stayed clean that i ran with or grew up with or know from my using days. (the good news)the only other clean heroin addicts i have ever met are the ones i've met in rooms of na and aa, thats my expereince.it works! the grace of god has entered into my heart and expelled the obsession to get high!! i pray for him

pearce28
12-10-2004, 03:19 PM
I am the same way. I have almost three years off of heroin and I am the only one out of my whole group of friends in two different states that is off of it and has stayed off of it. It is sad. A lot of my friends have died. No one I know that I used to know back then has gotten clean. Just me and my husband got out after five long painful years of hell. The few people I have met that have gotten off of it and stayed off of it I have met elsewhere, like in rehab.

dagnab
12-10-2004, 08:05 PM
:angel: I'm glad you guys were able to overcome your addiction to heroin. If you don't mind me asking, did either of you do a 30 day center or a medical detox? Also, did you use methadone treatment? My last post was very very long and I went back the other day and edited and took a lot out. I felt it was too personal. Part of what I took out said how my husband went to a 5 day detox center then outpatient, then exactly to the day one year later checked into a 30 day treatment center and checked himself out on the 3rd day with another patient - used - then went back in another 5 day detox center. This time however the outpatient program in our area would not take him because he was not succesfull the last time. They would only take him if he would do a 14 day inpatient and he wouldn't. I gave history on his pain issues with his back/degenerated discs in the last post but removed when I edited. Basically, he is in pain daily due to 3 degenerated discs in back and one in neck. He had spinal fusion on 2 of the discs last November. After his last detox (May) he had a psychiatrist, drug councelor and therapist. He was very devoted in the beginning then started occassionally taking med for pain then he started on Methadone - doc's said might also help with pain. Not much though and unfortunately since he is an "addict" he cannot take his oxy as prescribed. Ends up eating a months supply up within a few days. One time when I went with him to therapy the therapist asked how many times we had been through this and if I was starting to give up on him yet? He said is this like the 10th time, 20th time and I was like oh god no and he said opiates are one of the toughest to beat due to the physical and psychological dependence it creates and that there might be many relapses but its part of the recovery and as long as he keeps with it he will get better because he wants to. As you probably know personally, some of the things he's done over the past year or so are completely crazy and I think, god , when is the "i've hit rock bottom" gonna kick in - cause its like he's already hit rock bottom several times - and he admits it himself. He's ashamed by the things hes done to score - Anyhow, thanks for listening and reply back if you like. I'm usually on line late evenings after the kids are in bed, before I go to bed. THANKS AGAIN FOR REACHING OUT - :wave:

goddessdana
12-11-2004, 08:53 AM
:angel: I'm glad you guys were able to overcome your addiction to heroin. If you don't mind me asking, did either of you do a 30 day center or a medical detox? Also, did you use methadone treatment? My last post was very very long and I went back the other day and edited and took a lot out. I felt it was too personal. Part of what I took out said how my husband went to a 5 day detox center then outpatient, then exactly to the day one year later checked into a 30 day treatment center and checked himself out on the 3rd day with another patient - used - then went back in another 5 day detox center. This time however the outpatient program in our area would not take him because he was not succesfull the last time. They would only take him if he would do a 14 day inpatient and he wouldn't. I gave history on his pain issues with his back/degenerated discs in the last post but removed when I edited. Basically, he is in pain daily due to 3 degenerated discs in back and one in neck. He had spinal fusion on 2 of the discs last November. After his last detox (May) he had a psychiatrist, drug councelor and therapist. He was very devoted in the beginning then started occassionally taking med for pain then he started on Methadone - doc's said might also help with pain. Not much though and unfortunately since he is an "addict" he cannot take his oxy as prescribed. Ends up eating a months supply up within a few days. One time when I went with him to therapy the therapist asked how many times we had been through this and if I was starting to give up on him yet? He said is this like the 10th time, 20th time and I was like oh god no and he said opiates are one of the toughest to beat due to the physical and psychological dependence it creates and that there might be many relapses but its part of the recovery and as long as he keeps with it he will get better because he wants to. As you probably know personally, some of the things he's done over the past year or so are completely crazy and I think, god , when is the "i've hit rock bottom" gonna kick in - cause its like he's already hit rock bottom several times - and he admits it himself. He's ashamed by the things hes done to score - Anyhow, thanks for listening and reply back if you like. I'm usually on line late evenings after the kids are in bed, before I go to bed. THANKS AGAIN FOR REACHING OUT - :wave:


My husband has couseled people that have went to get medically detoxed. And your hubby hasn't hit rock bottem yet. If you hit rock bottem, you'll stay sober for many many many years. If they offered him a chance for 14 day detox and he turned it down that told my hubby he hasn't hit rock bottem, he's not ready yet....but you can help him hit rock bottem by showing him some tough love. QUIT ENABLING HIM. STOP DOING STUFF FOR HIM!!!!! WHEN HE WAKES UP SICK OR HUNG OVER DON'T HELP HIM DON'T TAKE CARE OF HIM!!!!. Believe it or not it will make them get up they may **** and moan about it but they'll get up and do it themselves. Hubby's seen that work. You may also look into seeing if you are co-dependent. Most spouses of addicts and alcoholics ARE Co-dependent or develop codependency. Yoou need to talk to a counselor yourself to deal with all this. Or go to narc anon they are dealing with addicts that are friends and family members. We're herwe if you ever want to blow some steam off. Good luck to you!!! We'll pray for you and your family. :wave: :angel:

windysan
12-11-2004, 11:31 AM
If he ain't ready to go inpatient then he doesn't really want to quit. When he gets really, really dopesick then maybe he'll reconsider. 14 days ain't enough...he needs about 3-9 months inpatient rehab. There is a good one in Pensacola, FL where he can work and support himself while in treatment.

goddessdana
12-11-2004, 04:00 PM
If he ain't ready to go inpatient then he doesn't really want to quit. When he gets really, really dopesick then maybe he'll reconsider. 14 days ain't enough...he needs about 3-9 months inpatient rehab. There is a good one in Pensacola, FL where he can work and support himself while in treatment.
Thats what we said long term treatment, medical detox, and the will!!!!! there's a good one in Oklahoma City too. The best in the nation!!! Like hubby said he hasn't really hit rock bottem yet..... :wave:

pearce28
12-12-2004, 03:38 PM
dagnab,

I went through a lot of different rehabs. In patient and I went through out. I also went through the methadone program twice. I left a lot of the times early in my in patient stays and most of the time with another patient. Eventually I got really tired of rehabs and stuck with methadone. Honestly I think that methadone got me hooked more than I ever was to start with. One day I wound up in jail and was forced off of 200mg of methadone cold turkey. That detox took me down for the count. I was only there for about 3 and a half months. I knew my body was messed up from all the drugs but I did not know to what degree untill I saw what my body went through for that period of time. I asked for help from day one of jail. I got to go to a 90 day rehab and when I left jail I knew that it would probably take more than that. As messed up as I felt off of all of that after all that time I needed a lot of rehab. I will say that I was not jonsing. I finally did not want it anymore. I went to a 90 day rehab and then I decided I needed more and went to a half way house of recovery. Working, being responsible, and being a productive member of society was a hazy dream. It had been a long time. I was not sure I could do it. I needed help and guidance. I stayed clean for 9 months and then one day I went around an old friend and let him smoke crack in front of me and I did it too. With in a month I was back on dope and hating every minute of it. With in three months I was back in jail. This time for 8 months and I have not touched it since. My body got better and my brain got better and it has just got better. The main thing I think , for me, is I wore myself out to the point that I just did not have another ounce in me for drugs or any of the consequences that were involved with it. I would rather have died. I almost died 7 times and honestly jail was not that bad or anything but I just wanted a normal life with out those stresses. Hope that helps. Ask anything you want and I will answere the best I can. That addiction is really hard to beat.

HumbleMan10248
12-12-2004, 10:07 PM
hi there pearce have not got much time to post right now but wanted to say v well done and i reall feel for you and any other H or Crack addcit and what they have to go through...benn there done that (Heroin and Crack) and am currenlty trying to kick this my 2nd attempt been about 3-4 weeks clean i know long road ahead have to get back to meetinsg etc..one v imp point u also made that there IS NO such thing as control users when it comes to class A ppl say they are ppl who can i dont tend to belive it...evry time i relapsed is when i was clean for some time and only thought let me jsut use once BAM back to square 1...to be continued God bless ya all

Humble

fisherpard
12-13-2004, 09:29 AM
Windysan,

What is the name of the treatment center in Pensacola?

thanks,
fisherman

dagnab
12-13-2004, 08:55 PM
All - :wave:
You are all great human beings. I've had a terrible weekend. Unable to get my thoughts together to reply to you. I consider myself a pretty straightforward person. I'm the adult child of parents with drug issues and extended family almost all had alcohol or drug problems. So I guess I'm not too naive to issues relating to addicts. However, I am feeling totally beat by this. I've been feeling this will never end. Had a lot of huge blowouts this weekend and again today. Husband insisting the only thing he is on is the methadone and taking an Oxy here and there for is back pain. I dont believe this and get angry for being lied to and disrespected. I said this too him tonight the worst thing of this addiction is how it turns you into a liar. Lie, Lie Lie. I hate this addiction, I hate him, I hate Oxycontin and I HATE HEROIN. It's like i've made this my addiction. I've done more research and been to more counselors, etc. with my husband I feel I could be a drug counselor myself. I'm consumed by it. Maybe I know too much and thats why I feel so bleak. It's not my problem - but in the same breath it is. THIS IS MY HUSBAND THE FATHER OF MY 2 CHILDREN. IT is for my kids sake that I am still in this fight. I know how it feels to grow up and resent your parents because of an addiction. I don't want them to go through that and deep down I know my husband, the guy I grew up with and hung out with and chose to share my life with, is still there somewhere inside. I get glimpses now and again and thats what keeps me going. He is a great father but nonetheless an addict. I am crying as I type this. Can't put my thoughts together so I hope I am making some kind of sense. Sometimes I want to run just take my kids and go away and not look back. Just Go. I worry what will happen to him, he doesn't deserve to die. I've said this before , sometimes I think he would be better off. To see him struggle breaks my heart but in the same breath I'm no lambchop. I dont tend to him if he is dope sick. I don't - been there done that earlier in this fight when he went through detox and outpaitient. 100% I gave to his recovery and it all fell apart. My husband was an old school , stand up guy. Toughest, strongest man I ever knew. Hard worker, 12 - 14 hrs days doing construction. Always some type of home improvement project going on - always something. He says if he could just get his pain under control he would be okay. He says he was never an addict to anything before his back problems and back fusion etc....... I know the OXY started his addiction but now he's addicted, and I think likes it. WHY KEEP USING - ???????????????????????????????? The same man who used to think our friends that drank during the week were drunks.....I've seen him so dopesick he was going off the wall....... using anything he can get his hands on to score. He's pawned things, borrowed, taken every dime out of every savings, 401K , life insurance policy, anything that might be of a dollar value - gone. What kind of devil could make you do that? And here I am on the outside trying to keep up with my "professional counterparts" in my very hectic job, having "power lunches" with company heads, etc and he don't get it. Ok, ok - i'm rambling. All in all I guess what I'm saying is if this isn't rock bottom I don't know if I can go through rock bottom. I know this can't last much longer. Ok take a breath. I guess I know already what all you guys are telling me, just looking for someone to talk to. I think I said before know one knows about this - everyone - inlcuding all my close friends - think it was just the Oxy - cause that's originally how it started. I've never told anyone, nor has he about the heroin. I know its stupid , but we come from a tight Italian neighborhood and family and respect is a big thing. Everybody knows everybody type of thing. This would never fly in our family or neighborhood if people knew. I know, I know, a cop out. This would be the lowest form of disrespect. Bad enough after his last time in detox and therapy his parents disowned him. I've been the only one standing by him yet I'm the one that gets all the crap. Allright, now I'm bellyaching and I hate that just as much as the next person. It's all about sucking it up and getting on with it. Thing is we are just regular people and I just want my regular life back - 2 yrs ago before all this Oxy and heroin started. I guess I'm starting to break down again so I should probably go back to therapy - although she told me to leave and I guess I just wasn't ready to leave yet. She basically said in essense its just as much my fault - for enabling, even unconsciously, since I stay even after his relapse and keep up all the bills and such. So what should I expect - anyhow last time I was there I got real ****** off and havent been back since. I know she was speaking the truth it just hurt too much, cause I thought she don't know him like I do. But she had told me before she knew him better than I did. She was a former addict and been down that road. She knows all the things they say and do and can seem so sincere but in the back of their minds they are just thinking how they can score. I just couldn't handle it. I'm like who is this chick think she is talking about my husband like that. She don't know ......he's different. But I guess she was right. Sorry for rambling again, I know I'm just looking to talk,vent. Busy week ahead...husband has several appointments with specialist regarding his back and nerve problems. He has lyme disease in addition to the disc problems and is being seen this week for an EMG.....his speacialist thinks he might have ALS..(Lou Gerigh's). I dont believe this could be true, but doctor came up with that synopsis a few weeks ago after latest round of MRI's etc and can't figure out what else is wrong with him. Anyhow, after the doctor said that he went into a spiral...spent about a week in a heroin daze, even though he insists it was just the methadone and combo of benzo's his psychiatrist has him on - of course taking them by the handful doesn't help either. Anyhow, thanks for listening and GOD bless all of you for all your straigh talk. I wish I could meet all of you and thank you in person. I'm gonna look into NA meetings around here - - Thanks again - and GOD BLESS - :angel:

Erin122
12-14-2004, 09:12 AM
He can do it. 2 yeas is long, but I believe he can do it. Just what everyone else is saying though. He needs a long term treatment. I feel herion get a few chances, once your past 5 major chances. It's hard to ever stop. Also remember be there for him, but keep yourself sane too. Ill keep you in my prayers

stevepco
12-14-2004, 12:40 PM
he can kick it! i think everyone is differant. it took me hitting bottom and just getting fede up.the main criteria for success is the person REALLY want to body and soul. its a tough journey,i used for appx 15 yrs.lost everything went to jail............etc.he needs a program and needs to live,breath and sleep the steps to soberity.i also broke my neck in an auto acc last year but after 15yrs hooked no way was i lookin back. i've been clean 18yr now and wow,i blew alot of good time.best of luck to your husband, all you can do is support him but the success is all his.

kimc24fan
12-15-2004, 01:50 AM
I just got out of rehab for alcohol. I signed myself in because I was out of control. You really have to want to kick the habit before it works. You can't relapse. I was in w/a girl that was a heroin addict 22 yrs old and she was clean and then relapsed. I am struggling myself with alcholism and I wish youu the very best of luck

dagnab
12-16-2004, 04:24 PM
Thanks guys for listening and sharing your experience and encouragement. You don't know how helpful it has been. I believe my husband has been using every day for about 2 weeks, he's spending $$$ every day - claims for pills for back pain. We are not even speaking. Sometimes name calling which I know is not good but ... can anyone tell me from experience does shaming a person work or does it just make tyou feel worse and more desperate and use more. My tolerance is gone for this and I've been calling him lots of bad names and putting him down every chance I get. My thinking is some of this will sink in and he'll feel so ashamed he'll detox again. Cause he says it , that he's sinking and just in so much pain he can't stop. He say's unless I've been there I will never understand. Fine. I've done the supporting wife bit, stood by him, etc. etc. I'd take a bullet for him even to this day if it meant he could be healthy. He is just so consumed in himself. I know I might come off sounding like a witch, so be it - my life and his has been shattered in a million pieces and I blame him completely. I think I've done all I can do here......I told him after Christmas I was done. That I was leaving. I told him I don't want anything just freedom. He can keep the house, car and everything. I just want to breathe. He don't get it. He gets angry, yells, makes a big scene. I'm suprised none of my neighbors have called the police that's how bad the fights have been the past few weeks. He seemed to be doing good but yet again..this next week will be all Oxy. He gets a script on Sunday. Do you believe his drug counselor told him if was ok to take as long as he takes as prescribed? She feels if he could get control and only take as needed then he would be ok. Thats' the last session I attended with him. All his counselors see all this good in him and say this is par for the course, relapse, yada yada yada. I'm mustering all the strength I can to stick to my plan. I told him after Christmas for the kids sake, I'm gone. I said when you are ready to get it together and live this wonderful life given to you let me know. He basically told me to go screw and that me leaving will really be helpful to his recovery - oh and some other choice words. Anyhow, I'm hoping I do have the guts to walk away, maybe this will get him to the rock bottom all yall are always talking about. From hearing how honest you guys have been , apparently it could be much worse. This will be a huge step and will effect all of our lives drastically. I hope I follow through. Last time I attempted to leave it was major drama which ended it screaming and yelling , throwing things and breaking things and I ended up not leaving cause the kids didn't want to leave him. It was a bad scene. 2 days later he checked into a detox. I'm not thinking he will do that again, hell, I'd even settle for him just staying on the methadone and getting stable and such.......YIKES!!!! :bouncing: !!!I'm rambling again. Please forgive me if I sound a wretched mess. ... well I am so I guess , it is what it is. Thanks again and please pray for us :)
PS - All you guys , keep fighting the good fight. I am impressed and encouraged by your strenght and insight. Best of life to you in all your journey brings you.

Jamir
12-16-2004, 04:39 PM
Hi, it is really possible to beat this monster. I was on it for 15 years and I have been clean for 8. I had to go through program for 12 months, also gave my life to God in the process which is what actually got me off of it. He has to want it, I mean really want it. It's hard but beatable
Good Luck and Don't Give Up

jessy28
12-17-2004, 06:10 PM
If you leave it might be best. It is much easier said than done. And people that are strung out or on drugs do cause big scenes and fights that are way egagerated. I did. If you leave don't leave everything. Not everything you have worked for. You have kids and he will only mess it up and lose the stuff if he is using. Dont let it go to waste.

usbbroker
12-17-2004, 09:47 PM
Dagnab-
I have been following your thread and decided to put my two cents in:
If he has already tried treatment numerous times and has checked himself out then dont bother with trying to get him to go back, it will just be a waste of money! l went to two different 30 day treatment facilities in two years (over $60,000 down the tube) only to relapse again. My parents wisened up and realized what some parents never do, and that is that after two trips to rehab even though I was still not able to stay clean, I had absorbed all of the treatment/rehab knowledge they could give me. My problem was putting all of that knowledge to use and staying clean. So, instead of sending me to a third rehab, I agreed to go to Arizona and live in a half-way house for six months. Let me tell you, that was by far the best decision I ever made. I got a part time job there and went to 90 AA/NA meetings in my first 30 days of sobriety. Never in my worst nightmares did I ever think I would end up in a half-way house, but I did and it taught me a great deal of humility, which helped me get clean. Unfortunately I relapsed a few months ago after having over a 1.5 yrs. clean time but I am back on track now and am taking suboxone to help me. If your husband is taking as much as you say he is, he definitely needs to first and foremost, DETOX, and then either commit himself to longterm in-patient treatment or a half-way house (both of which need to be a good distance away from where you live). I have tons of information on long term treatment facilities out west and also some great half way houses in Arizona. If you are interested in either, let me know and I will send it to you. Being as bad a drug addict/relapser that I am, I had to constantly keep telling myself that nothing changes if nothing changes.
You are a wonderful wife to put up with him and try to help him and one day(hopefully soon) he will get clean and realize how lucky he is to have a wife as patient and loving as you are!!
Take care,
Jack

dagnab
12-19-2004, 09:48 PM
THANK YOU FOR LISTENING. Jamir, Jessy28 and usbbroker (Jack) - I just read my last post and GOD was it a mess. :bouncing: Thanks for replying and advise. stevepco, pearce28, eshank and goddessdana thanks for sharing your own battle with me and letting me know it is possible to win this fight. All of you are an inspiration to me and I hope you have people in your life that let you know how special and strong you are and that love you. All of you are angels to me and I wish good things for all of you. I believe I will take this one battle at a time. This is not going to be an easy one but hearing how some of you have beat this addiction AND have pain issues is uplifting to me. I believe in my heart and soul that his pain problems were the start of his addiction but to hear how it is possible to go through this without H or narcotics is something I didn't think possible. I hope for the best but am not any longer planning for the best. Like I stated before at this point I would be happy if he could just get stable on the methadone and keep on with his group therapy and get to a point where he could start tapering and recover. Hell I wouldn't even mind if he took a pill every once and again for pain just stay away from the H. Maybe that makes me weak, I dont know. :confused:

I guess maybe since I feel RIGHT NOW he can't/won't be completely sober that small steps towards a bigger leap are a good thing. I am committed to my previous statement about leaving him. I am realizing that my health and mental well being are in terrible shape :nono: and I am finally getting what it means when people say to take care of yourself. I NEED TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF. I can't make things right alone. The past few days have been ok. He has started (again) disassociating from his actively using H friends and this is usually when things turnaround. Today he actually had a shouting match on the phone with one because he keeps calling and calling to score and my husband has been ignoring him for a few days then another "friend" kept text messaging him today about leaving them high and dry, etc. He just completely lost it on the phone and screamed at them to leave him alone. He admitted to me the other day that he has to stay away from them. He realized in his group last week finally that they aren't really his friends, the only thing they have in common is the H and finding ways to score. Take that away or keep it in he realized he didn't even like them and said his counselor keeps telling him he has to take care of himself first and is starting to understand that more and use it. One day at a time right. For me and him. For all of us either personally addicted or loving someone addicted.

Let me share this with you - my grandmother was an alcoholic, my mother a pill popper my biological father an alcoholic and pill popper, my stepfather an alcoholic, addict and pill popper. All aunts and cousins either alcoholics or pill poppers. All sober for many years THANK GOD - when I was a kid I knew firsthand what drugs did and I matured very young and became very responsible at a young age beause of this. My husband was everything opposite of what I grew up with. Structured, hard worker, independent, old school. How ironic that I would end up now in this same boat again when I went after the opposite of what I knew. I think maybe somehow we all have some purpose here and maybe mine was to help him get through this. I know I will not repeat this pattern with my own family. Myself nor any of my brothers have not yet ever had any addiction or substance abuse problems. I don't know and to all of you veterans out there I probably sound off my rocker. :jester:

I don't know just trying to make some sense of this crazy life. I hope its okay that I keep posting like this. I find it very helpful for me (selfish?) and find a lot of strength and inspiration from you guys. Thanks for listening, AGAIN -

OH - usbbroker -Thanks for your advise. I was curious about the suboxone. Is it similar to methadone treatment in anyway? I looked online and think this is something my husband went on the last time he got out of detox. He participated in some sort of study where he went 3 times a week for. It was supposed to stop cravings and if he did use, stop him from getting a "high". Anyhow, if it was the same thing he was not successful with it. Most likely because after the detox he should have gone into an inpatient facility instead of outpatient. At the time he said he couldn't be away from his kids any longer. (but i remember when he went into the 30 day treatment center that I was the one saying that geez was 30 days too long? did he really need to be away from us for that long and when we were in the waiting room while they were going through his bags, he said this is what he needed to do and I said okay that you know better than I do. BUT he still escaped after 3 days :nono: ) Anyhow, I've seen some mention the suboxone was helpful with pain ?? or am I confused. The doctor told us the methadone would be helpful for pain also but my husband says it is not but that he doesn't CRAVE anymore but uses for pain management. Anything you or anyone could tell me about the suboxone would be appreciated. AGAIN, THANK YOU AND I APOLOGIZE FOR ALWAYS HAVING SUCH LONG THREADS. :D
LOVE YOU GUYS - :wave:

Without freedom from the past, there is no freedom at all, because the mind is never new, fresh, innocent. - Krishnamurti, spiritual teacher

People have a hard time letting go of their suffering. Out of a fear of the unknown, they prefer suffering that is familiar. - Thich Nhat Hanh, Buddhis monk and poet

Be great at the wait. Be patient - the aility to persevere is what separates whiners from winners.

JDean22
12-19-2004, 10:11 PM
I really hope you will get through it because if all is well at the end, you will love every minute of it. Just stick it out until he gets help. Believe me, I have seen my father fall to the ground when I was 6 because of heroin and my two brothers died of it. There is hope for a better life for him. When he feels he is ready, he will do what is right. I'll pray in the meantime. My dad is off of it, but still lives on the street. I have all the faith in the world for him just as I know you have at least some faith for your husband. You wouldn't be on this board if not. Good luck.

jessy28
12-22-2004, 02:31 PM
I saw that someone talked about a half way house instead of a rehab. I agree with them. I went to four rehabs in three years or less. There is only so much imformation you can take in from those places before you know it by heart. When the preasure was on me I went to rehab. When I finally wanted to actually use some of that imformation I went to a half way house. They help you apply recovery to your every day life. Most places are three, six , or one year places. Honestly to you it might seem like forever but if it means getting your life back and saving his it is worth it. It won't be something you have to talk him into it will be something he will want to do because he can't take it anymore and gives up on trying. The day will come. Pray in the meantime.