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View Full Version : "G'bye old pills....parting is such bittersweet sorrow"


Best Friend
12-09-2004, 12:04 PM
Today, I am grieving the loss of my old 'devil buddies' -- the little white hexagons and the little gold guys. Oh, what pleasure it gave me to line them up, to count them, to find one hidden when I thought I was all out. It was easy to wake up. I had my buddy to start the day with. And when reality seeped in an hour later, I could take - "oh, just a little nibble.' And so it went....thru each day's event, big or small, there was a 'pill' to get me thru. There was NOTHING that didn't "deserve" a pill - getting out to do errands or lolling in bed with a book. "I deserved it!"

Thankfully, I finally decided I "deserved" recovery. Sub is amazing. On one hand, it does all the 'hard work' for you. But it cannot stop you from feeling sad for the loss of your 'devil buddies.' I know it will take time for feeling "normal" to actually FEEL NORMAL! To recapture the highs I used to get simply being ME - without drugs. I am committed 100 percent to recovery. But I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge this period of sadness.

My mind seems so 'quiet' - very odd for me. No speeding. I'm looking forward to the "next stage" - where I can find my "natural" highs. I know it will happen and I am patient. I read all your wonderful words and I can HEAR those "natural highs" in your supportive letters. Thanks for being here for this 'grieving process' -- and for demonstrating by the strength of your voices that the 'next stage' is just around the corner. Hugs,
TwinAlice (and Lynn, who feels 'identical!) :wave: :wave:

MyRealityisFake
12-11-2004, 04:37 AM
: )

Thats what I loved recently when I was telling myself how I never want ritalin ever again. I really didnt want it, because I was missing the kind of highs I could get just being free spirited little me. I was feeling that again and I felt absolutely no need to bring the ritalin back into the picture. It is such a great feeling isnt it? Sure its fun to get high and messed up, but when you do it so often that it becomes an addiction, being sober is almost like a treat after a while if you know how to carefully reach that point again.

I miss it.....

take care of yourself! it sounds like you're on the right mindset ; )

FullCircle08
12-14-2004, 03:48 AM
Today, I am grieving the loss of my old 'devil buddies' -- the little white hexagons and the little gold guys. Oh, what pleasure it gave me to line them up, to count them, to find one hidden when I thought I was all out. It was easy to wake up. I had my buddy to start the day with. And when reality seeped in an hour later, I could take - "oh, just a little nibble.' And so it went....thru each day's event, big or small, there was a 'pill' to get me thru. There was NOTHING that didn't "deserve" a pill - getting out to do errands or lolling in bed with a book. "I deserved it!"

Thankfully, I finally decided I "deserved" recovery. Sub is amazing. On one hand, it does all the 'hard work' for you. But it cannot stop you from feeling sad for the loss of your 'devil buddies.' I know it will take time for feeling "normal" to actually FEEL NORMAL! To recapture the highs I used to get simply being ME - without drugs. I am committed 100 percent to recovery. But I would be remiss if I didn't acknowledge this period of sadness.


Great and very truthful lines. I sit here at 5:47am, not sleeping , crawling in my skin ( day 2 wd's) reading posts and your words make a great deal of sense- thanks

Best Friend
12-14-2004, 09:12 AM
Thanks Reality and Meddguy. Meddguy: How are you doing? Are you taking ANYTHING to help you with WD? Best of luck to you....keep us updated...
Alice

FullCircle08
12-14-2004, 09:31 AM
I really dont want to "take" anything any more. Thats my Motto. I want to get the pill popping out of my system. I am still taking 1/2 norco for the next 4 days then its cold turkey. I cant really describe how I feel. I guess the word "BLAH" could describe it. I hope that I feel great for x-mas. That is my goal. I will be 5 days with NO MEDS at that point. I forced myself to go for a hike up a mt. yesterday and it made me feel better and then I lifted weights. I think that I did too much b/c I was wiped out after that. I feel asleep fine with 5 mg of Ambien, but did stay asleep very long. I was back on the computer (sending u a message) in the wee hours of the morning. I hope I can get a good night sleep here soon. I need my sleep to be productive. Thanks for your thoughts. I hope your are doing well. Just think how cool the Holidays will be without having to worry about the PILLS and when and where you are going to get them, hide them etc. Makes me feel better just think about it. LOve to all :)