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LostMind
05-29-2005, 06:35 AM
Hi I new to this board.
I'll try to make this story short.
Hubby got hurt 3 years ago. Had Back fusion surgery, in constant pain. Was put on oxycontin 2 years ago by pain managment doctor. He was addicted and was abusing the ways and amounts of meds he would take. Always running out before next appointment .
Finally doc caught on and kicked him out and he went through serious withdrawls. I never thought I'd ever witness that in my life. Our 4 kids also saw it. I hate him and I love him.
He got off it for 3 months and realized just how bad it had his life, Then he went to a new doctor for pain, They did MRI and nerve conductions the results all the same, nerve damage and pain forever and even though they knew he had an addiction problem they gave him the oxy again and he took it after promising he would not, and my dumb_-_ believed him.
So its been 3 weeks on the stuff again................Hell is back
Low and behold last night it hit me why he was acting weird not sleeping pacing the floors. HE OUT OF MEDS A WEEK EARLY AGAIN. The cylce begins again and I cant take it anymore. I dont know what to do. I know I have to call his pysciatrist or the pain doctor. I am just lost. He takes care of our kids while I work and I am stressed to no end of his crap. I know he is in pain but the pain is the same with or without meds, he just wants the high.
Right now hes lying in bed restless not sleeping and going through withdrawls again.None of the doctors are in until tuesday I think I need to call his shrink.
What do I do?

goddessgrl65
05-29-2005, 07:01 AM
Hi lost..
Welcome..this is very sad-for both you/family..
Chronic pain-is a double edged sword-you need the meds to function-but the meds are highly addictive..
How do you find the common ground??
Have you considered-doling out his meds-so he doesn't run out-or he could get his s****t by the week-since his Drs. know his addiction issues-
It doesn't matter who you are-background etc..opiates are so highly addictive-taking a short course-can start the addiction process...
Many people here-have exp. the same thing-
there is also a pain management board-here..where others like your husband are dealing w/ having to use addictive meds to control pain.
I know this may seem frustrating to you-but the meds become all encompassing-due to when you are not on them-you are w/d or ill-and in pain.
Please check in-to the other board too-for more info-and im sure you'll get some more replys..
peace..
ggrl :angel:

Hollyday
05-29-2005, 09:37 AM
I'm not sure if you'd be comfortable being the one to hold his meds and dole them out, but that is a good idea if he would go for it.

If you don't want to get in the middle of that, I read somewhere about a type of safe that holds medication that only opens at preset times. You put the medication in, set it only to open every 6 hours or whatever and then that's it. You cannot get into it except when it opens on schedule. I WISH I could remember where I saw that!!! If I find it, I will come back and post the link.

Good luck - I really feel for you and HIM. The chronic pain/opiate/addiction cycle is HELL.....

:(

LostMind
05-29-2005, 12:56 PM
thanks for your replies.
YES i have doled out his meds to him and he got very angry with me and started getting very angry at me , telling me I am not his mom etc...
He even agreed to be goiving him his daily dose. SO no that did not work.
I dont really know what to do. I just talked to his dad who had no idea of this cycle and what his son has REALLY been going through for 2 years. Hubby calls his dad every other day and still his dad knew nothing in fact his dad only heard cover ups. He said I ought to talk to his doctors. I feel that I need to this time around. I know he will hate me but I have to. I cant watch him go through this cycle every month. The weekly meds sounds like a good idea.

Scared Wife
05-31-2005, 07:32 PM
I am so sorry to hear about your difficult situation. If you are reluctant to dole out his medication because of his behaviors, then maybe contacting his doctors isn't a bad idea. It is good to read that his father is aware of the situation as well. It helps to have all the support you can get. Dealing with the anger issue certainly takes its toll on a person, especially when all that person is doing is trying to help. You will be in my thoughts and I wish you the best of luck. Keep talking to the people here...they offer wonderful support.

Hollyday
06-01-2005, 12:56 AM
YES i have doled out his meds to him and he got very angry with me and started getting very angry at me , telling me I am not his mom etc....
That's what I figured :(
That's why I suggested another route if you were not comfortable with being the one to hold the meds cause that can cause a huge strain on your marriage.

He does need support but the decision ultimately has to come from him. Please let him know how his use affects everyone around him. Sometimes addicts are so self-involved they don't even realize they are hurting people. I wish you luck and will pray that he can find a non-narcotic method of dealing with his pain!
:angel:

allaboutme
06-01-2005, 06:20 AM
Sorry for what you are going through.
I know what I went through. The only reason why I quit using was because of my family. I am married and have a 2 year old daughter. I hid my addiction from my husband for 2 years, he was always kinda suspicious, but he trusted me. Finally he found out what was really going on. He gave me 2 options-
Quit doing drugs, or get out of our lives.
No matter how messed up I was, I still loved my family, and never wanted to lose them. I always knew in the back of my mind that I had to quit, but I never did. I would always say "just one more, than I'm done", but it never happend. When my husband told me that, I knew I was done. If drugs are more important to him than his family, he will never quit. If he really does truely love his family, he will do what it best. Don't give him excuesses, because it will never end. I'm sure he is in pain, maybe you should look in to alternate pain management for him. All pain meds do is mess you up so you forget about ALL your pain. Help your husband with pain management, but make him quit taking pain meds.

DCV
06-01-2005, 09:10 AM
Pain meds are a temporary measure to relieve serious pain. They are not for continuous use. They will eventually take over you life, once you start using them in any manner not indicated on the perscription you are asking for trouble. If you can't stick to the doctors instructions, you are not a good candidate for opiates, plain and simple. You have to do whatever you have to in order to get your husband back. He may not like it, and in fact, he won't like it. I didn't like it either, but when my wife gave me an ultimatum, it was just what I needed to shake me from my fog. I was ruining my life and the lives of my family. Even though I'm stabilized and no longer abuse or use opiates at all, I still live with tremendous guilt and shame. The sooner he gets on the road to recovery the better.

LostMind
06-01-2005, 04:42 PM
Thank you everyone.
Its mean so much to me. This has been the toughest thing I have ever had to deal with to date. My husbands addiction is ruining our family and it has for almost 3 years.
His pain management appt and shrink appt are thursday. He says things will be better then, yeah because he thinks they are going to give him the oyx again.
Please pray they dont.
It is his 5th day off the oxy and he has been badgering all of us. His moods are like a roller coaster. This is actually worse that the last time he came off them. He had other drugs last time to get through it this time was cold turkey. I cant even count the times I have watch him withdrawl from missuse of his script.
I am affraid of the hate I have taking over the love I have. He hurt me and the kids. I dont want to raise my kids like this anymore. But I am affraid If im not around he will just OD.
I did what I had to do today and made the calls to the both doctors offices. He dont know that yet? I asked if they could do it in a way where I dont have to be revealed as the snitch because he also has an anger problem and that it would not be good for me later that day after his appts. So he has no clue when he goes to those appts that they all know about the abuse. His shrinks office is peeved. But I think this is tough love and its my last stand. After this he will have to leave our home or I will leave with my kids. We deserve better.
Thank you for all your support, posting here helps me vent so I dont fall apart

feelbad
06-02-2005, 05:53 AM
Have any of his docs tried anything other than opiates to try and relieve his pain?I am really quite suprised that any pain doc would put someone back onto a drug that they were once addicted to.That was not the brightest move there.I am also an addict who suffers with unbelievable pain.This is due to a spinal cord injury that resuled in two extreme pain syndromes,RSD and central pain.Both have heights of pain that are truely undescribable at times.I do have to take narcotics to help deal with my pain levels,but that is also along with many other types of meds and doing different therepies.I also have been able to maintain the very strict guidelines set by my pain doc in the contract that I signed with him.if I vary from that contract in any way, I will be terminated.My family is also very aware of my situation and the amount of meds that I am taking and what should be there when anyone of them asks if they can count them.I have nothing to hide and all my meds are where they should be.

now, in your hubbys case, his docs really did him a big disservice by putting him back onto the OC.They should have tried him out on anything else but that med.There are many other meds out there that could have been tried first.But he really sounds as though he is wayyy out of control here and would not be able to handle the many restrictions involved in maintaining himself on narcotics.He needs to get off the narcotics completely at this point and onto something like methadone,or a combo of other pain meds that are availiable to treat pain like the anti siezure meds and antideppressants.There is also an implantable pain pump and stimulators that can do a great job in controlling pain.

When you are a chronic pain patient and also a recovering addict,you walk a very very fine line if you are also needing narcotics just to be able to get out of bed in the morning because of overwhelming pain.this is my world right now.i was clean for many many years until things happened with my neck and a glob of blood vessels that was bleeding was also found inside of my spinal cord.My surgeries and the reasons for my surgeries were causing some pretty overwhelming pain.After a very long talk with my primary doc who is well aware of my history,it was decided that i would try narcotic meds with some very strict guidelines.This actually worked for me and is still working for me now whlie i am in pain management.(it has actually been about three years now)i have many more rules and regulations that I have to follow now that most of my docs patients don't.But i am able to maintain my dosages with no slip ups.I am actually very proud of myself in this but I also know that the possibility for relapse is always lurking in the background if i get too comfortable with this.The fact that I could lose my pain doc really scares the hell out of me and really helps me stay on track cuz without the meds I am currently on, i would have absolutely no life whatso ever.Unfortunetly for your husband, he was given this second chance by his pain doc to see if he could stay on the meds at the proper dosages.If he is an addict, his pain that he states he has could very well be quite a bit less than he actually states it is.i know when I think of the possibility of going even one day without my meds at my current pain levels, it scares me enough that i don't even think of taking more than my Rxed daily dose.Unfortunetly, it is almost immpossible at this point to really know just how bad your husbands actual pain really is as he will try a different med at some point and if he does not 'feel" the opiate high of his former meds,even if the med actually works well for him, he will most likely state that it does not,just so his doc might put him back on the narcotics.

Your husband definitely needs treatment in an inpatient facility but the big problem there is that most places wont take a pain patient who is addicted to pain meds as they really have no way of addressing the pain.I would think that by now, in this day and age, there would be at least some treatment facilitys that would treat a chronic pain patient who has become addicted to thier meds.Those types of facilities were not availiable way back in the late 80's when i was in treatment.I think that the best thing for you to do at this point would be to talk with his pain doc yourself and explain the situation and his immediate need for intervention.Your hubby most likely will not be happy with you for doing this right now, but hopefully,once he gets himself clean, he will see just how bad he was and that you did what you had to do to save him from himself.I wish you lots and lots of luck in getting him to where he needs to be.This life he continues to live will only get much worse without your intervention and the help of some good docs who deal with this and know what to do.please keep us posted on what happens.i will say a prayer for you and your family and hope that your husband "sees" the need for help.Marcia

allaboutme
06-02-2005, 10:24 AM
I hope all goes well. You and your children DO deserve better than this, but remember these drugs are turning your husband into a person that he is not. I know you feel like your love is turning into hate, but it's the drugs you hate, not your husband. These drugs are controlling all of his actions and emotions. If your husband quits abusing his meds, both his, yours, and your childrens lives will soon be back on track to a healthy life. I also know it is hard to do what is best, but remember it is the best for all in the long run.

Lanie35
06-02-2005, 02:01 PM
Hi there. I am sorry to hear about your husband. I know your struggle as I am the one who you wrote regarding my sister's addiction to oxycodone. During her last crisis, I did find a rehab. that also addresses chronic pain conditions. I don't know where you live but this hospital is in San Angelo Texas. If you are interested I will post the internet address. They have a full time addictionologist who can help deal with the addiction. They give medications to help the person go through withdrawls. They also have a doctor who specializes in chronic pain. My sister truly does have migraines. But, she is not a candidate for opiates as she has deviated from taking them correctly. The hard part is getting them to see this. I have found that I can reach my sister better when she is going through withdrawls as she feels helpless. Once she gets the meds. she is on cloud nine and will justify her reasons for staying on them. I know that if she runs out this next month(she got her pills today) and she probably will we are going to set up an intervention with a trained professional(we have to find one first). I will pray for you and your family. Hang in there. You are not alone in this frustrating battle.
Elaine

LostMind
06-02-2005, 03:59 PM
I failed.
I went to both of his appts with him todays. He owned up to abusing his meds at the shrinks office and to being depressed and they changed all his anti depressants immediately. The counselor was who we saw ,the shrink was not there today but did call him as soon as we left to find out was the heck was going on.
The pain manangemnet doctor got my message and he came in the room and discussed all the options my husband has as far as meds he can take. He honsestly has tried everything but swears nothing works like the Oxy's, yeah well nothing else get him high. The doctor gave him the the oxys even with my disgust that he clearly addressed. Dr. told me I know your not happy but Hubby is his patient and has to go with his side. UN REAL. I said he will be causing a divorce.
Doc said next month he is off the Oxys and back onto fentynol patches and apparently back and forth so they work better. They wont give him and other meds with either of the drugs so I guess thats a blessing but i feel like I failed.
I made an appt for myself at his shrinks office, I think now I will need help.
I failed my kids and my relationship is doomed. The counselor told me if I have to kick him out then do it. plain and simple. I feel like no one heard me today just like he dont hear me ever.
Now I am depressed.
thank you again to all.
I will continue to post here about the situation

feelbad
06-03-2005, 05:39 AM
You did NOT fail.His Dr failed him and you.I would really consider the possibility of seeing another doc at this point.It is just not right for any dr to keep feeding an addiction like he currently is.when drugs are ruining relationships and causing the overwhelming emotional pain like you are dealing with here, to me, it almost seems like negligence or a malpractice of medicine to continue this form of drug therepy.unfortunetly, the choice of Drs is up to your husband and not you.This Dr could possibly lose his license if somthing should happen because he is continuing to Rx very strong opiates to someone who is very very clearly addicted to them.it is wonderful that your husbands pain doc is a very commpassionate man,these types of Drs are too few and far between when a true chronic pain pt is trying to find a good pain doc to try and get some relief and get their life back.But this doc is clearly wayyy over the line in his Rxing pratices.

you are very very right in feeling that no one heard you at that appt,as no one did.i would actually document what was said and done at that appt just in case something happens down the line.you are really on the right track here in taking care of yourself.Right now, your main priority is to yourself and your children.You have to take care of yourself first in order to be able to handle everything else.And you DO need someone to talk to who is strictly on your side here.You ARE doing the right things, really.As far as kicking your hubby out the door?go for it. once he sees that you are not willing to go on with the way things are and have been in the past, it may wake him up to the fact that he is losing all of the things that were once the most imporant things in his life.By not doing something drastic here your husband figures that he can continue this way of life forever,despite all of the negative consequences.By taking control of this situation,hopefully he will eventually see where this is all headed.Desperate times call for desperate measures.unfortunetly, your husband has pushed you to do this.it will not be easy but then again, anything really worth having is never easy is it?Seeing a good therepist will help you to form a good plan in taking control and being able to maintain it.I would also talk with your new therepist about this Drs Rxing practices to see what he or she thinks about this in an ethical sort of way.I just cannot see the logic in what this pain doc continues to do.If this doc was not treating other pain patients who would suffer through hell if he was not there, I would tell you to contact your local chapter of the AMA and report him.He is not doing any favors here for your husband.maybe you could contact them in an annonymous sort of way and ask their opinion about your hubbys doc and the fact that he continues to Rx to a patient who is so very clearly addicted to the meds.This is just not right at all.

I wish you luck and the strength to get through all of what you have to deal with here.just remember that you have children to think about first.They come before your husband, not after.You need to do what is best for you and your kids.please keep us posted.marcia

andyarj
06-03-2005, 07:08 AM
hi , im wondering why are you so mad at him .people have problems when pain rules your life.undermedicated people tend to act like addicts may be he needs a higher dose of pain meds to sableize him and keep him from self medicating.my experiance is that once i was titrated to a stable dose i didnt need to self medicate. be more understanding . dont throw away all you and him have built.marriage is hard he;s hurting and dealing with the stuggel(sp) of trying to help his pain and not let the pills control his life.if he;s like me his wife and kids are his whole world.dont quit on him its just a small time in your marriage.i hope that you and him can come together and fix this .give it time dont bail yet.he needs you .good luck a.j

LostMind
06-03-2005, 04:12 PM
hi , im wondering why are you so mad at him .people have problems when pain rules your life.undermedicated people tend to act like addicts may be he needs a higher dose of pain meds to sableize him and keep him from self medicating.my experiance is that once i was titrated to a stable dose i didnt need to self medicate. be more understanding . dont throw away all you and him have built.marriage is hard he;s hurting and dealing with the stuggel(sp) of trying to help his pain and not let the pills control his life.if he;s like me his wife and kids are his whole world.dont quit on him its just a small time in your marriage.i hope that you and him can come together and fix this .give it time dont bail yet.he needs you .good luck a.j

First off thank you Feelbad. Your post was very much appreciated.

andyarj , heres your answer.
Why am I mad at my husband. Hmmmmmm let me count the ways.
First of all I dont ever use the term addict unless its true. I grew up with an alcoholic and drug abusing brother so i learned very young about things a child should not have.

My husbands pain level doesnt change ever even when he is totally _ _ _ _ faced, he still claims to be in pain. Before his accident he abused alcohol, pot, pills what ever he could get his hands on. I even have to keep all my meds ie... my xanax at work because once he ate my entire bottle of them.
2 years ago he was drinking and We had a fight they arrested him and then he quit drinking. Our marriage went back to being great, Then 3 months sober he gets hurt at work has surgery and now is in pain forever, So he went from alcohol to pain meds. He immediately started abusing the meds, even seeing 2 different doctors to get them. Last summer I walked in on him shooting up !!! yes needle filled and in the arm ready to go. My kids where in the house and I has just gotten home from 10 hours of work. SO MAD doesnt explain how I am feeling. I am sorry if I sound angry but I am. 6 out of the 7 years of my marriage he has been an abuser of some sort.I have given him more time and chances than anybody.

allaboutme
06-05-2005, 10:42 AM
Hey, just wanted to mention to you-
I was addicted to duragesic (Fetynal) patches, and personally, they were harder to quit than the oxy's. I don't think they are a good option. Of course I abused my patches, I was shooting the gel inside them. If your husband has used needles before, he isn't scared of them. He will think of one was or another to abuse the patches. If he abuses them the was I did, you'll have an even bigger problem on your hands. I was a hard-core drug addict, and I thought oxy's were good, and fetynal was even BETTER. Watch what your hubby is doing with those patches. And when he runs out of them, I think the withdrawls from them is WAY WAY worse than oxy withdrawls.
P.S. Even thinking about those stupid patches makes my heart race like never before. Sorry, I hope you don't have to go through what my husband went through with me.

LostMind
06-05-2005, 01:52 PM
allaboutme

Thank you. I know they are not a good option at all. He had them along with the oxys for 2 years. both at the same time no less...The going to 2 doctors thing.
He abused them to by opening them up and doing god knows what with the gel.
Hes not afraid of needles at all I hope he dont try that crap AGAIN. I always have to keep an eye open for the signs. It sucks!
He has a hard time hiding things from me , his action give him away pretty quick. He sucks at lying to me but to anyone else hes a master.
He gave me his oxys and I give him 3 a day. Lets see what happens. been there done that !!

hangin
06-05-2005, 02:36 PM
Hi Lost,

I wish you and your husband luck. I am a chronic pain sufferer who abused pain meds for a long time. I realized how this was making things worse so I stopped c/t. I now go to a pain management doctor who gives me shots for my neck and also treats me with opiates which I take for a degenerative disease, not my neck pain. He knows EVERYTHING about me. I have to sign a contract , take urine tests and see him every month. I have had no problem in taking my meds correctly and appreciate how diligent he is.

The reason I am telling you this is that perhaps your husband would benefit from shots. I don't know if he has tried them but they can work wonders for back and neck pain, henceforth, no need for pain meds. I understand that your husband has back problems. Did any of his doctors discuss this with you or him? THe shots can be miracles.

I agree that your doctor failed you and your husband. It is not ok to give in and say we will see how it goes. DId you husband ever go to a REAL pain managment doc, not one that takes an extra class and considers themselves a specialist, but one that is qualified to give shots themselves, therefore, taking care of the whole patient. This was the only kind of doc I could go to, he saved my sanity and life, I couldn't live with the pain but I needed to be treated carefully.

Good luck, let us know how it goes handing them out, it can work and I hear of people having great success this way. AS long as your husband is willing to work with you you stand a chance. Look into these shots, if they work for your husband he might not need anything else, then no worry about pain meds.

I wish you the best and hope that your husband finds the help he needs. There are other ways to deal with pain and not take opiates. Biofeedback, acupuncture, many different types of massage. Keep us posted.

Peace and love,

hangin

ariel35
06-12-2005, 04:47 AM
Hi. I'm wondering how you and your family are doing. Please kep us posted!

Ariel35

feelbad
06-12-2005, 05:40 AM
I hope you have the meds well hidden from him.i know you had mentioned that you had to keep your meds at work so he would not get to them,can you do this with his meds as well?But only if you can be assured that the security is enough at work to keep someone else there from taking them.You just cannot trust anyone anymore.I truely hope that this works for him.He definitely has absolutely no control to do this himself.Marcia

LostMind
06-12-2005, 09:09 AM
Once again you are all awesome. thank you for all the support.

My husband is doing good with me handling his meds. I give him his daily doses before I leave for work. I have to move the hiding place every few days including taking them with me on days I see that he might be acting a little weird. So far so good. They also changed his depression meds and hes actually been on an even mood for almost 1 1/2 weeks. He does things with our family and is playing with the kids. He has energy.
I went and saw his Psychiatrist myself and he said I have done a wonderful job with all this over the last 3 years and he expected to see me alot sooner then he did. I talked to a counselor too and got alot out. I'll be going once a week for myself. They changed my anxiety meds too. I was so bad I was ready to dive off the deep end.
Dealing with taking care of him and my family finances alone ,raising 4 kids and not caring for myself or more like thinking I was caring for myself took its toll on my health. So everyone is getting help here and taking it day by day. We are all trying to heal and save our family.
We even planned a 2 day vacation to the falls in a few weeks when I have off from work.
Life here is minute to minute but ok and safe.
I'll keep posting
I love all of you

I sincerely thank you for your continued support.

shar6366
06-12-2005, 11:15 PM
god bless you hon....Your story is so familiar to me. It is not fair to have you endure abuse physical or verbal when you have to police his meds. It's not the Dr.s fault for feeding his addiction because I'm willing to bet he changes Dr.s often. There is nothing you can do, including intervention for rehab, that will be successful until he is ready and he may never be ready. You are risking your well being and trust he may depend on whenand if he's ever ready by going behind his back and telling his Dr.s about his problem. You also mentioned that you are on new meds for anxiety (good for you ) so are things getting better or are you just handling it better. also count your meds in case he dips in and through insurnace or pharmacies it's easy to find out how many Dr.s are actualy prescribing him meds.

LostMind
06-14-2005, 04:55 PM
shar6366

Thanks for the tip. I will keep track of other resources of him getting what he needs. I try to keep my eyes wide open.
As for me the anxiety meds , well they suck I hate them I hate that I need them. Im getting by with them because I can no longer get by on my own.
Thanks for your support

bent_halo
06-14-2005, 08:17 PM
Hi LostMind....

I just thought I might share a portion of my past with you...

I have 4 wonderful beautiful kids, whom I adore...Their father, has more physical problems, than I could ever fathom, he is definatly a prime candidate for Pain Management....unfortunatly, before he ever got his first appointment, he had gone thru years and years of pain, going from Doctor to Doctor, begging someone, anyone, to diagnose him, let alone deal with his pain.

In 2000, after 2 years of pain management, he was on 80 mg of oxys 3 times a day plus Norco for break through pain, he was also on a slew of anti depression meds, all in all, he was perscribed 46 pills everyday.
He would go through ALL of his pain meds, a 30 day supply in FOUR days time and then began the 3 plus weeks of massive withdrawls.

It all finally reached the boiling point, when he physically attacked one of my children, I ran and hid at a friends house, this was 4 days before his next pain management appointment, the night before the appointment, a friend called and said she had gone by our apartment and saw him through the window, he was laying on the floor covered in blood, I immeadiatly called 911, they broke our front door down, and called me 20 minutes later to tell me, he was fine, he was drunk and had fallen and hit his head on the corner of the coffee table, he had refused treatment at the hospital, I then sent another friend over to see what had really happened, as he did not or had not ever drank alcohol, to my knowledge....He had taken an entire 30 day supply of physch meds at once...the friend called 911 again, the police came out, this friend showed them the bottles with the date on them, all empty, having been filled 2 days ealier, he told them he was drunk, they advised him to sleep it off and they left.

I called his pain management Doctor, the next moring, knowing his appt was at 10am and BEGGED him not to give him his meds, I told him EVERYTHING, he showed up for his appt in bloody clothes with a gash on his forhead and YES, he was given his scripts, I went to the Doctor later that afternoon and DEMANDED to know WHY?....his answer...."You have no idea what real pain is, he NEEDS those meds, for his pain".
I stopped by the apartment long enough to grab the kids birth certificates and have not seen him since that day....last I heard, he was still in pain management, still taking his meds in less than a week and mental health had him in a methadone program for the rest of the month, seemingly unconcerned that he is an addict, who is now homeless and has lost his family and his life....

I understand your pain, your rage, the feeling of helplessness, feeling like you're takeing the kids dad away from them, failing at your marriage...I too tried to dole out the meds, I too bought the timed medication safe, I too gave his meds to a friend who did not live in our home...he broke into her home at 3 am and demanded his meds at knife point, I too begged his Doctor to help him, I too watched him suffer and at the time, this was before my own addiction, did not understand his pain, but tried to "love him through it", I too ran the gamet and failed miserably...the choice is yours, but please, think of your children, my youngest was under 5 at the time and still has vivid memories of the horror his father put us all through.

I wish you only the best and my prayers are with you girl...
Angel :angel:

LostMind
06-15-2005, 04:14 PM
Dear bent halo,

OMG. I am so sorry to read this. It made the tears flow. Thank you for sharing your life story with me. I know you know how I am feeling inside. I am trying everything I can but I refuse to let my kids live like this for much longer. So far hes doing ok on my doleing out the meds and next month they are taking him off the oxys or at least thats what the pain doctor told me. However when he gets off them the crap will begin over again because he will withdraw. Thats when he will find himself on the streets or me and the kids will leave.
Im so frustrated at the whole pain managment system.
I know hes in pain but geeezz do they really need to create addicts that loose their families. I hate that the doctors dont listen to us. I do see his physciatrist myself now due to stress and I can talk to him about this crap and he can see whats really going on with hubby. So I did manage to get through to one of his doctors. They cut his meds for depression down to 1 a day. It seems to be working. I know the worst is yet to come but I pray its not.

reddingkeith
06-15-2005, 06:34 PM
After reading all these posts I was compelled to write this post from my own view as the addict. I personally have had people dole out my medicine but ALWAYS had a stash to make up the difference. The thing was for me noone else could ever get me clean. The pleading, the children, the devastation I caused, the lies, the hurt, the con and so forth did not matter until I was ready. Noone else could get me ready! I've been shot, in rehab more than 15 times and have lost everything as you've described. My experience says for you to focus on yourself and your children and do whatever you can do to improve your own situation. Your husband may or may not ever recover and realizing that there is not a damned thing you can do about it must be a helpless feeling but it is the bitter truth. I know it sounds corny and probably brings up resentments but prayer is really the only thing you can do for him. So, in closing I urge you to take care of yourself and your children whatever the cost and pray for your husband. Their are support groups for people who fall in love with us and must endure the heartbreaking relationship. There is nothing your husband can do for your children and they are counting on you Mom. Good Luck and I'll be following your ordeal.

LostMind
06-16-2005, 02:50 AM
reddingkeith
Thankyou. I hate that I have had to realize that theres nothing I can do for him until he wants help. It hurt to watch someone you love destroy their life. I Just pray liek you said and have begun taking care of "me" and my kids.
This time if he falls , then he falls and I wont be there to pick him up, I enable him to continue everytime I pick him up.
I appreciate hearing your post as it gives me "the otherside" of the story and how he probably feels.
Question though for you. Did you reallize during all this how much sufferring and hurt you were putting your family through?
I think its uncaring selfcenterness I hate about all this.
again thanks and I will continue to post as things go forward here because this helps me alot to vent.
Thanks to all for listening.

mascutt2000
06-16-2005, 08:53 PM
I have a thought on this subject for you, I don't know if it will help or not. I don't want to sound as if I'm playing sympathy for the devil, but sometimes I do think it's important to point out who the devil is. I know it is difficult to see this at the moment because you are involved, and we always see things from our own perspective, but your hubby is not doing this to you, the oxycontin is doing this to him. This is why doling out his medication does not work, all it does is involves you further into a battle to which you are not the one with the control. Unfortunately, your hubby will only make a move to get better when he gets sick and tired of being sick and tired. In the meantime I suggest making sure you personally stay healthy and strong for the sake of your hubby when and if he hits bottom because he will need your support then more than ever. He needs it now but he does not realize it. That's why it's so important to remember that while under the influence of this drug, he is not himself. I'm not saying that's an excuse, but perhaps maybe just a focal point to keep things into perspective for yourself so that you do not allow yourself to be emotionally hurt by his excessive need for this drug. So often recovering addicts recover alone because they have, through the course of their addiction, chased off everyone who cares about them. You said in your post that you both hate him and love him. It's a balancing act and maybe just remembering that he's a victim too (of the drug) and that he didn't intentionally set out to hurt you, might help you keep the balancing act going so that you never forget that you do love him too, as often as you hate him. Don't ever just hate him :)

A support group for members of a family with an addiction problem could probably go a very very long way toward making you understand how to cope and deal with him too, in a positive constructive, and tough way that may, in the end, give back the husband you love.

God Luck for both of you and my prayers also :)

LostMind
06-18-2005, 05:26 AM
Hi and thanks.
I do know that its the drug that makes him act this way. But what I dont understand is that he was off it for 3 months and began to understand what exactly it did to him and how it influenced how he treated our family. And then took another prescription of them again knowing that it would take ahold of him again.
Before he even took him 1st pill this last time we had a lengthy discussion of his actions on and off the meds and he agreed that the drug makes him different but that its the only thing that takes away the pain. I told him exactly what would happen to him during the month to follow and he swore it would not. I knew he would have no control over it and that it was the drug.
Well everything that I said would happen happened. The only differeance this month is that I am giving him his meds and he cant eat the entire bottle before he gets the next one, and there wont be a withdrawl. I can say so far he is not like living on a rollercoaster the ups and downs are minimal. I think its because he cant eat to many pills and has the same dosage in him all day.
I also in formed him after he withdrew last month and clearly understood what I was saying to him that if he screwed up on the meds by either badgering me to give him more or taking another supplement to get by I would flush all the oxys and he would be out the door and the calls to the doctors would be very different this time. AS I said in a post I now see his Pysciatrist for myself and he will help if there are more slip ups on my husbands part.
Yesturday at hubbys appt I went in and clearly told the doctor about the "last chance"
Anymore and hes out. Now I also know that he will screw up due to the drug and that I can only do what I have said and show him the door and I am fully prepared this time.
I will not enable him to do this this anylonger. If he can stay on the meds and take them like he ought to like a responsible adult then OK because I know its not his fault he got hurt, but the abuse on his part is his fault.

All of you have helped me in ways I cant even say
Thanks !

feelbad
06-18-2005, 06:00 AM
I truely hope this plan will work.Only time will tell though.i will say a little prayer for the both of you.

You know, the one thing here that i really have a hard time with is this idiot Dr.Did your husband have to sign any sort of a contract with this doc?I know at my pain clinic, i had to sign a contract stipulating all of the do's and don't's and if i were to violate any one of those don't's at any time during my narcotic therepy, I would be terminated on the spot.I just cannot believe that this doc just keeps on feeding this very clearly out of control addiction that your husband has.I have to wonder just what in the heck is going through the mind of this doc everytime he writes that next script.This Dr clearly knows that your husband is using up his pills in record time but does not seem to grasp the gravity of the situation or the possible legal ramifications of his actions.What ever happened to "first,do no harm"???If i were you, I really would talk to someone at the local level of the AMA .You have to wonder just how many other patients this doc has who are in the exact same situation or worse than what you are dealing with.his behavior is really just unexcusable.He should know that since your husband methods of taking his meds are just so out of contol that there is just no way that your husband is actually getting even minimal stable control over his pain.when you are spending the majority of every month, completely out of meds because you snarffed them all down in the first few days, i cannot see how the doc would call this treating his pain adequately and keep on with this treatment plan.calling the AMA and just asking some questions really would be in your best interest here.See what they think about the situation.You don't have to name names or anything but find out just what the docs liability is in all this anyway.I really hope that things will work out for you, I really do.Just be totally prepared to follow through with the threat you made or you will end up living in this cycle up until it reaches a very unfortunate conclusion.you know as well as I do that this will not end in a good way unless you do what you need to do here.Just remember,whatever happens here, that your kids and you come first.good luck,and i will be thinking of you.Marcia

bent_halo
06-18-2005, 06:15 AM
Good Morning Lostmind,

I am so happy to hear the appointment, went well for you....

having gone through hell with my ex and THEN, becoming an addict myself, I can see both sides all too clearly now.

I have several friends who take Oxycontin, all are in pain management and none "abuse" their medication, they take it exactly as prescribed, but each one knows, if they were to stop today, they too would withdrawl....their is a fine line between dependance and addiction....I believe anyone that takes ANY kind of drug for mantinence(sp) will become dependant on it, My Father for example, takes blood pressure meds and lasix, if he were to stop today, there may not be any withdrawl but his blood pressure would shoot up and his congestive heart failure would kick in....bottom line, you can be in horrid pain and take your meds as precribed and NOT be an addict, but be dependant on them.
I have horrid pain everyday, from the trapped nerve due to my last surgery and a severe back injury, I am a prime candidate for pain management for mantinace pain medication, but as an addict, I know I could not maintain a directed dose....your body naturally builds up a tolerance to ANYTHING you take daily, even blood pressure meds have to be adjusted in dose, over time.

For me, what started out as pain relief, became a way to escape....you are in so much pain, you have little if any quality of life, all the things you used to love to do, HURT...and they offer you a pill, that makes you able to LIVE again, to do a lot of what you used to...you take the recomended dose and then one day you have pain a bit worse than the day before, so you take just one more pill or even a half and discover that instead of EASEING the pain, as the Dr wants you to, you can ELIMINATE the pain and feel wonderful..

If you have never taken opiates....at first they may make you feel tired but as your body adjusts, you come to feel GOOD, full of energy, out going, on top of it all...in reality your in a drug induced fog, you start a million things you never quite finish and in time, you become a SLAVE to that bottle, it consumes your every waking thought, you wake up and your first thought is to count your pills and see how many DOSES you have left, you count again and try and put them into little piles arrangeing and rearranging to see how many doses you can STREACH it out to...gee guys...sound familiar?
At first with your full bottle your on top of the world, but as you watch the bottle empty, the anxiety sets in, by the time it's half gone your concerned, by the time you have two doses left, your damn near in total painic mode....kicking yourself for NOT tapering like you swore you would, sweating the hell you KNOW your about to go through while awaiting your refill, wracking your brain for new and inventive ways to make another trip to the ER with that mysterious illness or self injury, just to get what?...another 2-3 doses....HATEING yourself for being so weak, for being a scum for being an addict.

NO ONE truly WANTS to be like this, we all have prayed a MILLION prayers, to be set free from all of this, we have all tried more than once to stop the madness and 99% have failed miserably over and over again...some of us are in the sun now...I am....but Nomore, if someone walked in my door right now and put 2 pills into my hand, it would take ALL I had NOT to take them, without even thinking....yes, i could justify it, I do have LIGIT pain, but it would be my ADDICTON that swallowed those pills NOT my pain.

you are so in my prayers...sorry to ramble on my soap box this morning, but I thought you might like a little insight, into WHY we do this to ourselves...

Angel :angel:

fj31
06-18-2005, 09:53 PM
Angel

You are so right on with everything you said. I've been addicted to vicodin for about 8 years now. First started taking them for a ruptured disc. I have been tapering the last few days and will run out in a couple of days. I quit about 3 months ago for 3 weeks and relapsed so I kinda know what to expect. Anyway I wanted to thank you for your post. It just made this a little easier.

Take care

Frank

rosebuddy
06-19-2005, 06:03 AM
Dear Lost Mind, Thank you for starting this thread it has helped people on both sides of pain pill addiction and hopefully yourself. Please take the time to read this lengthy post.

I am a recovering alcoholic with 11 years of sobriety. I am on day 8 of detox from oxycodone. I don't crave it.

Alcohol is my drug of choice. I absolutely cannot drink without triggering the craving to keep drinking. I did a lot of **** I was ashamed of until I got into AA's 12 steps and applied them to my life. I can see now see how having been through what I have that I can help other people, especially women in AA. I got sober when I was 28.

There is help for the family of alcoholics and addicts. I can see that you are ate up with resentments. I felt exactly the same about my ex-husband. All I could think about was that he did this and that every day. He free based cocaine in our house with our small children around. I had joined AA but if it had been alanon, i would have been told the same thing, "Stop focusing on him and what he is doing and focus on yourself" that is my own thoughts, actions, attitudes and ofcourse my own recovery.

After my husband wrote a bunch of bad checks and our electricity was turned off, and he had been up for 4 days and was out of cocaine, his mom paid for him to go to a fancy rehab and she paid for it and paid our bills and my dad paid our back house payments. I was so resentful at him all I could think about was how I had to take over, which I had a long time ago, about how he had done this and that, I couldn't think clearly. If you feel anger once thats healthy. But if you keep feeling it and are consumed by it, its resentment and that hurts you. It hurts your ability to take care of your kids, to live your life in the now.

Anyway, after my husband got back from the resort (God, I was ate up. How come I didn't get to go to one? It really was like a vacation.) he didn't go to meetings. When it was time for his appt with his psych, I called to let the doctor know that he hadn't gone to any meetings. The nurse or receptionist that responded to me sat in silence for a few seconds and then asked rather bluntly, "Have you heard of Al Anon?" Oh I was so angry and hurt and embarrassed. But it was what I needed to get help for me. I didn't go to Al Anon but I threw myself into AA. I began to work the steps regarding myself, the unmanageability of my life, the insanity I was living in.

Your husband's condition has filled you with resentment and controlling behavior. It isn't your fault that he is using and you cannot do anything about it. You know that by now. Leaving him hasn't kept you from changing your behavior, you are still trying to control him. In Al-Anon, you will learn to detach in a healthy way and feel good about your own life. He is creating a mess by his using, and you are creating a mess by trying to control him. Later, you may feel bad for the things you say and do because of what he is doing. You want to do whatever you can to keep your side of the street clean, and that means a healthy detachment. It is unconditional love too. and it is freeing. it doesn't mean you like his addiction, but you accept it. It doesn't mean you have to live with him either.

I left my husband after he relapsed on alcohol. I was really just watching him and waiting. I couldn't stand who he was clean. He was very dif to live with and you could cut the tension with a knife. Looking back, I could have handled it much more gracefully if I had had my head on straight. However, my kids were 4 and are now 20 and I am grateful that they didn't have to grow up around alcohol and drugs. We have a good life. I remarried. My exhusband spent 7 years in prison, on and off 3 times, for crimes committed trying to buy or sell crack. He lost everything. He has never helped with child support. But I don't hate him and I never have since I have been in AA. I am detached from him. I can talk to him occasionally on the phone, he is out and has stayed clean for 2 months, still refuses to go to meetings but he is going to church. I gave him a 12 and 12 and a big book in prison the first time. He has never gone to meetings.

An addict/alchoholic has lost the ability to control their drinking/using. It has become an obsession of the mind and a craving of the body. When we hit bottom, the grace of God moves in our lives because we have the willingness to admit that we cannot do it on our own. We cannot stand our selves anymore. THAT is when recovery starts, when we admit it and reach out to God, I know because I have been there and seen it over and over. The rest of the steps get our lives and thinking in order.

You are powerless over your husband and over oxy, alchohol, etc. and until you let go, you are going to be miserable. That doesn't mean let him go. Love him unconditionally from a healthy distance. It sounds like he is trying to kill himself. Continue to be supportive and to tell him he needs help and try to let go (over and over)

Does this make sense to you? Please give Al Anon a try, go to 3 separate meetings, some arent' as good as others, we are humans and controlling at that, so yeah, you might hit a meeting that you don't "like". Get a Big Book and a 12&12 and work the steps. Apply each word in those books to yourself, not just your husband. You. Your life will change so much for the better, I guarantee it. There are millions of 12 step groups all over the world because the principles set down are guidelines to living. It works

Oh I tried to shorten this post. It's so hard to get through the long ones. i hope your husband recovers, but right now I am more concerned with you recovering. Please get help for yourself, you can't do this on your own. Call the AA number in the phone book and they will tell you where al anon meetings and open AA meetings are.

Its was hard for me to admit, but I had let my husband's addiction take control of MY life. If not for the 12 steps, I would have stayed stuck-angry and resentful and trying to control him.

With much love, you are in my prayers
Donna

Life is not a problem to be solved, it is a mystery to be lived. This too shall pass. (It really will, I have been there)

young momma
06-19-2005, 11:38 PM
Lostmind,

I know exactly what you are talking about. My husband was injured 3 years ago (back injury) and got addicted to vicodin. He was on it for 2 years straight. His doctor just kept upping the mg. dosage. Then they took him up to perkacet (sp?). After his surgery, which was a year ago, they had him on so much stuff. His doctor took him off about 3 months after surgery. Cold turkey! Then he had loose bowels and his bowel movements were almost straight blood. Talk about scary! His blood pressure sky rocketed and all kinds of good stuff. Doc put him back on and tried to gradually take him off. I tried to give him meds at a certain time and the same types of stuff you have tried. I doesn't work.

The body craves for the narcotics and every little inch of it hurts. It turns to the point where you really do need it. He went through all kinds of cycles. He got really mean. He started turning violent. (which he is not) It made him a totally different person. He was a zombie on them and a mad man off of them.

It scared me to read your post. I felt like I was reading about my own life. I was a stay at home mom with 2 very young children. He worked his butt off to support us. After his injury, I had to get a job and he stayed home with the kids. It got to the point where I didn't want him to be around them anymore. He scared me. The way he started acting, I was scared he would hurt one of them. He would discipline one of them and then all of a sudden snap. It got to the point where I started stepping in the middle. I started getting violent back with him. He never got violent with me, he just got to the point that I didn't know exactly what he was gonna do. He wasn't himself. It took him a long time to realize something was truly wrong with him. Once he did, he became an emotional basket case. He still lied, bought narcotics from other people, stole them from other people, all kinds of crazy stuff. Like I said, not normally like him.

It was a long and rocky road. If you really love him, you need to stick by his side. No matter what it takes. He is going to need you. He is gonna act like a little kid that needs his mommy. He really will need his mommy. You! You are the only one that can make any final decisions. If you feel like you need to leave him then, so be it. I just think that is too easy for a wife to do. I will be harder than hell on you. I felt like, you deal with it. You are the one who has done this to our family, not me. You have to be the rock in the family. His mind is gone right now. Whether he admits it or not. If he starts to get violent and you can't handle him, take some self defense classes. Learn to deal with him and control him. You have to control him to a certain degree if you want your family to stay together. You may have to admit him into rehab. I went to my husbands doctor and told him that my husband had a serious problem. He worked with me alot. Either you need to keep that a secret if you do that or your husband will try to find another doctor to deal with. Right now you can't trust him completely. I know you don't want to hear it because he is your husband, but it's true. My husband has been off of narcotics for 8 months and still doesn't have his ****** back together. Not completely yet. I figured though, it took 2 years for the problem to get severe, it will probably take that long to get back to normal. What ever that is! I almost forgot what it was like.

I wish you the best of luck!!! I really mean that. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. It has been torture!! If it was you, you would want him to help. Even if you told him you didn't. Deep down, your husband is still in there. He's trying to get back to the surface but the drugs won't let him. He will thank you someday for all your support. Just think, what doesn't kill us makes us stronger!!

Sorry, this is so long. I could honestly go on and on.

Goodluck!! Stick with it!! It can only go down hill so long before it finally hits the bottom!

LostMind
06-20-2005, 02:40 PM
Once again , thank you all
I never in a million years expected so much support from both sides of addiction.
I have learned a great deal.

I do also know that I love my husband and I wish he was the man I married. The man whom owned his own business, great father and very sexy, happy outgoing.etc..
Since his injury theres no work, he cant be a dad and he aged 10 years and gained 40 lbs. The drugs do own him.
I read every post and take alittle of it and apply it to my daily thoughts.
This honestly has helped me get through.
Thankfully he has not become violent as of yet. Thats where i think I would draw the line. However I do have to step in the middle of arguments between him and my step daughter because I am afraid of him snapping.
Its tough not trusting the man I love. Trust may never be there again and thats no way to live.
I will try everything I can to keep my marriage alive but I also started to take care of me. I can not give 100'/. to him and my kids anymore.
I hope some day he does appreciate all we have done for him. Because right now he thinks we are all on his case.
I actually dont make a big deal out of it anymore, I just give him his daily meds and thats it. Its funny that he cant remember to feed the kids but every morning before i leave for work he wakes up to make sure I left his meds for him. Any other time the house could explode and he'd never wake up.
He has noticed that I have changed and when he asked why I told him he has hardened me. I am no longer the person I was. I have a wall up around me. I told him I have to look out for me and my health because all this HAS affected my health. I have to be here for my kids because he cant. He still dont get that though. Its kinda like he gets it for 1 millisecond and then boooooffff its gone. Drives me crazy.
Well I dont want to ramble things are still ok so far. Ill keep posting and you all please do the same
God Bless all of you, your all in my prayers.
MC

Nervous Nellie
06-20-2005, 03:35 PM
LostMind,

I've been following this entire thread and my heart aches for you...as well as for your husband.

It's always tough to find out that the man we married wasn't as strong as we thought he was. Wasn't as strong as we were. At least that's what I've thought for a very long time, based on my own experiences with 'love'. Actually, it's not that hard to understand in the long run. It's not a man's physical strength or career success or ability to protect his family that makes him so strong to us...it's his ability to be there for us when we really, really need him. It's his fragility, often, that makes him so endearing. :) It's his being there when the kids are throwing up or we feel like big fat cows because we are just about to get our period and have pigged out on chocolate chip ice cream for the past 3 days and tend to get a bit nasty. (Did I say a "bit" nasty"? LOL) A true test of a man's strength, I think, is when he can be tender and kind and act totally supportive, even when we feel like bovines who've just pigged out on chocolate chip ice cream and would rip the head off of anyone who would dare take that carton away! LOL :)

You sound so very, very weary. I don't blame you. I would be too. :( Trying to hold this whole thing together must be entirely exhausting for you. Marriage is usually an understanding that both partners will be there for each other...in sickness and in health...but I don't think it means that when one of the partners "gives up", that the other one is expected to live happily in the absence of the other. Your husband sounds as if he has truly "given up" not just on himself, but also on the marriage, and I don't think that was the expectation you had when you entered into these marital vows.

My own marriage broke up but it didn't have anything to do with a "sickness" as in addiction, it had to do with health, as in my lack of it, and my husband's seeking sex, love and fun with someone else. I don't blame him, I truly wasn't able to give it to him while I was on my death bed, but it sure sucked to lie there knowing that he was out there with someone else as I lay there, worrying about dying and what would happen to the kids.

As life has a funny way of turning out, I got better eventually. Wow, that was a huge surprise to everyone...especially my ex-husband. Addictions aren't the only reasons that marriages break up. Sometimes its just plain and simple...two people just weren't meant to be together to the ultimate end of their days on this earth.

I guess what I'm trying to say to you is that while addiction is a huge problem with your husband right now and has affected the whole family, sometimes it's not just addiction that breaks up a family. Sometimes it's truly because they just weren't meant to be together for the long haul.

My thoughts, prayers and hugs for you. I know the pain you feel deep in your soul. I am here for you also...just like all the other wonderful folk who have offered their heartfelt sympathy and excellent advice. This is a quality bunch and I would trust them with my life. :)

Hang in there, kiddo. Time will tell A LOT!

Nell (Karen)

young momma
06-20-2005, 06:53 PM
I think Karen is right. We think they are as strong as us. It really hurts to find out they aren't. My husband gets so mad when we talk about his addiction. He tells me "I'm sorry I'm weak. I'm sorry I'm not as strong as you are." It really upsets me. It just feels like I have been let down. I am so thankful my kids were too young to know just what was really going on. I hope they won't remember.

Anyway, enough about how my situation was. You are living it, you don't need to be told. It might be nice to know that other people have gone through the same thing though!! It is nice to be reminded that YOU ARE NOT ALONE! :)

Keep us updated!
Hopefully it will be over soon, hun!

Angela

I think some of us really are angels in disguise!! ;)

thghtsreal
06-24-2005, 06:31 PM
Don't be the one who gets between and addict and his drugs - especially an oxy addict. Addicts will literally kill for the drug and that is the real truth. A woman does not want to be up against a full grown male addict who needs his fix.

You might think that your husband loves you too much to hurt you, but don't believe it. Addicts love their drugs more than anything in the world. When he starts to run low and the pressure is on, if he knows you have the Oxy, he WILL get them from you no matter what it takes.

Hi lost..
Welcome..this is very sad-for both you/family..
Chronic pain-is a double edged sword-you need the meds to function-but the meds are highly addictive..
How do you find the common ground??
Have you considered-doling out his meds-so he doesn't run out-or he could get his s****t by the week-since his Drs. know his addiction issues-
It doesn't matter who you are-background etc..opiates are so highly addictive-taking a short course-can start the addiction process...
Many people here-have exp. the same thing-
there is also a pain management board-here..where others like your husband are dealing w/ having to use addictive meds to control pain.
I know this may seem frustrating to you-but the meds become all encompassing-due to when you are not on them-you are w/d or ill-and in pain.
Please check in-to the other board too-for more info-and im sure you'll get some more replys..
peace..
ggrl :angel:

tony_b
06-24-2005, 10:37 PM
This was a very touching story as I have been following it from the get-go as well. I am so sorry for the way your hubby is acting towards you and your step daughter! It totally sounds like the man you married no longer exists, and the drugs have consumed his concience! I wil pray for you and please stay strong fo ryourself and your children!

LostMind
06-25-2005, 05:13 AM
Karen and Angela,
Yes it helps so much to know that I am not alone. While this was not in my wedding vows.LOL, maybe it ought to be added in the future in small print. It sucks none the less. I have really gotten to see a side of my husband that I could have done without.

It does seem that men are not as strong as we are. And I think you are right the worst part of this is that he cant be there for me. He dont have my back so to speak.
It makes me feel like I am in my marriage alone. Let down is a good description.

He's self consummed about his injury and pills. His injury ( fusion of lower spine) is real and I know hes in pain but life goes on and hes not going to die from it. The pills might kill him though. He was injured almost 3 years ago and he still is not coping with it like he ought to. He does see a shrink but obviously its not helping. I think if he could break away from all pain meds to clean up and let his body see whats real pain vs addiction pain it would be easier for him. But im not in his shoes.
I try to help him anyway I can because I do love him and lately I have thought to myself and told him " I may just be your angel" without me I know he'd have OD by now.
I have my own problems too and no one to help me out. I have to go back for my 2Nd shoulder surgery in 2 weeks. I had the last one in Feb this year. I had it while he was withdrawling. This time I hope it will be different. Its hard to care for the kids with 1 arm, let alone try to wash my hair.LOL. Anyway like last time I will have hide my pain meds after my surgery, or he will like one for me one for her.! I also was told I have a large ovarian cyst, kidney stone and a cyst in my kidney, whewwwww.
All this from a CT scan for some side aches. So yeah my health sucks right now and I am going through it alone. Oh he says Im here for you and actslike he listening to me when I need to talk but the actions are not present.
Obviously my "nerve" meds are working because I am relaxing and I can laugh again. That crying thing really sucks everyday. I am just trying to get healthy for me and my kids.

As for the post about about being careful getting between an addict and his oxy.
I can relate and 1 time I saw that need to have anything and he would do anything to get it. It scares me And I am not thinking I am safe. I do not trust him all though I'd like to think he would not hurt me and has not hurt any of us physically yet. I know he probably could. Hes like 200lbs now and I am 124lbs. He could easily win. At that point if it ever got to that I wouls just give his pills and take the kids and leave without argueing or trying to stop him. I learned that much.
It feels like I have to be on guard 24/7.

This is the only place I can come to and type everything I feel inside. It has been a God send. Its the best therapy right now for me.
I owe all of you so much. I was in a very dark place with now where to turn when I started this post. Your help and support continues to get me through each and everyday. If I could reach out and hug each one of you I would in a heart beat.
SOooo consider yourself hugged..LOL
SO until next time,
thanks again
Monica
AKA LOST her MIND, if anyone finds it let me know !!!

thghtsreal
06-25-2005, 08:44 AM
Frankly, I don't think anybody is safe living with an opiate addict whether it is heroin or oxy. You just don't know for sure when they are getting the itch and how bad they have it.

Opiate addicts, and this goes for Oxy addicts too, can go foamy-mouthed crazy for their drugs. You won't know how bad it can get until you have a very bad experience. You hear about women selling their children for drugs and it is true. The drugs take control. I would rather feed a hungry bear raw meat with my bare hands than hold oxy pills from an addict.

I say get him out of the house until he is clean for at least a year.

Good luck

Karen and Angela,

As for the post about about being careful getting between an addict and his oxy.
I can relate and 1 time I saw that need to have anything and he would do anything to get it. It scares me And I am not thinking I am safe. I do not trust him all though I'd like to think he would not hurt me and has not hurt any of us physically yet. I know he probably could. Hes like 200lbs now and I am 124lbs. He could easily win. At that point if it ever got to that I wouls just give his pills and take the kids and leave without argueing or trying to stop him. I learned that much.
It feels like I have to be on guard 24/7. thanks again
Monica
AKA LOST her MIND, if anyone finds it let me know !!!

LostMind
06-25-2005, 05:08 PM
In 2 weeks his pain management doc is supposed to be changing him to Fentynol (sP)patches. I know that is just another bad drug for him to be on to. It goes from one to another. Doc says hes on oxys 2 months then off and on the patches then back again?? He said they work better that way.
Will there be withdrawl from the oxys being on the patches ??

young momma
06-28-2005, 01:06 PM
I don't know anything about the patches. It is so scary all the stuff that is addicting. About 2 months ago my hubby got on darvacets. He went through the withdrawals all over again. Somebody just offered him one this weekend. He asked me if I though it was okay. Heck no it is not okay!! I am tired of my husband being gone. I don't want him on anything. I guess a Tylenol is okay when he has a headache. Nothing else ever. My family has been a mess for way too long. He just got a full time job. I hope he sticks with it. He has been depressed for so long and thinking about his pills. Maybe I'm being too controling, but I want my life back for good. My youngest child will start Pre-k this Sept. My nerves have been shot for so long. I told him this past time that I can't take care of him anymore. I have neglected myself for so long and I can't do it anymore.

Goodluck with your surgery. It sounds like you have neglected yourself for too long also!! I hope everything works out for both of you. Just remember to keep your head up. Don't listen to criticism from other people. People tried to put me down for sticking it out. Especially my dad!! That can really tear you down to.

Hang in there girl!!
Angela

allaboutme
06-28-2005, 02:04 PM
I have shared my opiate addictions with you before. I was on both oxy and fetynal. To answer your question, NO he will not suffer withdrawls from one drug to the other. The reason is because he will still be feeding his opiate addiction. Both drugs have narcotics in them. The main difference to him will be the actual act of taking the pills. Some people are just addicted to taking a pill as they are to the drug itself. I have expressed my views about the patches with you before. Remember to check his patches, it's not very difficult to cut them open and do many different things with the gel inside. I would shoot mine up, but most people will just eat the gel, which is just as bad. If you are responsible for his pills, remember to keep an eye on his patches. Look for things such as-
Is he wearing it?
How often is he changing it? (It would be best for you to dole these out as well)
Is he using it like he should be?
It is just as easy to abuse these as it is with anything else.
Stay strong, keep us posted, and most importantly, take care of yourself and children.

Lots of love and hugs to you honey, I wish you, your children, and even your hubby, the best of luck. You all are going through a lot in this period of your lives. Hopefully things will soon get better for all of you.
Take care!!!!

LostMind
07-01-2005, 07:09 AM
Hi all,
Angela, you are so right, the worst thing is the others telling me what I ought to be doing. The people in my life look at me like are you crazy, just leave him. I hear all kinds of crap, he's a looser etc....That stuff hurts just as bad as what my family is going through. I get it from both ends. It would be easy to leave, but that sets up a whole other set of issues that no one understands. I suppport our famliy financially and carry all the health Ins. Besides the fact that I do love him and I would hate to see what leaving him would do to the kids, I would have to pay him support and carry his ins for a short time, He has no job just his workers comp income. He would not be able to pay any child support at all. So even though I hate of this staying is better unless of course he becomes violent or abuses the drugs further. Theres no way I am supporting an addict. This comes from a lawyer to by the way, I went and checked all avenues already. trust me.
Since I have doled out his meds he has been doing well. No ups no downs and not badgering me to give him more. After his next appt and they change him over to the patches I will dole those out to.
Allaboutme, thanx for the tips I will keep my eyes wide open for anything with those patches. I am glad to hear there wont be any withdrawls however I think your right about there might be an issue about no having a "pill" to take. I think in his head its alot to do with the taking of pills. He was on the patches before but always had break though meds to take ( muscle relaxants, percocets, xanax) This time there will be no other meds. The doctor he is seeing only gives oxy or the patches, not both and no other meds with them. This ought to be interesting.
We went to Niagara falls for 3 days this week, it was pretty hard to hide the meds.
Being in a different country I didnt want them on me so I put them in the safe in my hotel room. HE KNEW...He did try everything to get me to leave the room but I didnt ever let him alone and after I saw how hard he was trying to get me to leave I took them in my purse and that was it.
I must be very hard being an addict. It consumes him and I am very sorry for all of you who go through this
I sincerely thank you for helping me out with your view points.
Monica

young momma
07-04-2005, 11:02 PM
Why do they have to be such a pain in the rear? Husbands and family members!! My family gave me so much crap. I think my dad was my hardest critic. The man is suppose to be doing this and so on. Yeah, yeah! I know what your opinion is just quit already! This is my life not yours! That is all I could really say. I know it gets real hard when you have to defend your husband all the time. It got to the point where I just avoided my family for awhile. My friends weren't really around enough to know. I wasn't about to just spill the beans either. I tried to keep as much as possible to myself. If nobody knows they can't judge! Nobody needs to know. One of my friends is a pharmicist. It was hard to keep it from her. When they were talking about her work, he knew more about narcotics than she did. They get to know there crap real well. Sad but true. About your vacation, that is really sad. You are suppose to be able to enjoy yourself and relax!!! What a pain!! Someday it won't be like that anymore. I can't say when. I wish I could. I still don't trust him as much as I wish I could. He doesn't understand why I don't trust him. Go figure! You lie to me for so long and think you are just gonna get all my trust back? Yeah right. I hope you had a happy 4th!!
Angela

young momma
07-04-2005, 11:04 PM
Oh, and trust me, I do understand!! Completely!! I have 2 kids and I couldn't imagine putting them through that either. They already go through enough without seeing mommy and daddy go their separate ways!!

LostMind
07-05-2005, 02:59 AM
Thanks Angela, yeah I'd say you know exactly how my life is. yikes!

That trust issue is a big thing with my husband too. He can't figure out why I don't trust him. Ummm lets see, I can only think of oh say a trillion reasons. Guess thats not enough!!
I question just about everything he does in my own head because I have been lied to about every freaking thing under the sun. All I get is let the past be the past from him. Like I'm supposed to just forget all the crap I am going through. DUH !!
I have become a very different person because of all this and aside from his crap I'm not sure I like the me I have become. I could have dont without this part of my life and I hate that he taught my kids about an addicts life. My kids are old enough to see it and its a little hard to hide it. They are 16,13,12 and 6. The little one even knows something is up. I had to teach him pills are only for when your sick sick..I mean you teach kids about things but geez, I have been like if you find any pills you never ever eat them etc.... I mean I had to go way over board because he sees daddy taking them all the time. Im always afraid he will drop one and be too stupid to find it and my little one will.

Anyways his next pain management appt is on the 7th. The dr is supposed to change him to the patches and hubby is already saying he is not going on them that he wants to stay on the pills. So here we go again. And 10 -1 I say they give him them pills again.
Isnt life grand !

young momma
07-05-2005, 06:38 PM
The whole kid thing makes it real hard. They start to think it is okay to pop pills. My 5 year old got to the point that when he was sick he said he needed a vicodin. That made me real sick to my stomach. I don't want them thinking this is okay. My kids are 4 and 5. Everything got real tough. I was a stay at home mom and finally, I am again. My 4 year old is starting pre-k this year. I was trying to teach them manners and daddy is doing nothing. I worked all day long. At work and then had to come home and do everything. Sink full of dishes, dogs hadn't been let out all day, kids hair hadn't even been brushed. He fed them and that was about it. My stress level was so damn high. It has gotten better. Finally!!! It felt like I was living a nightmare. The bad thing was I never woke up from it! It just was the same crap another year!!

Crazy how I ended up on this website. My husband was having restless legs. So, I got online and ran a search. Ended up here and when I saw your post, I started crying. I just couldn't believe how it was like I was reading about myself. Almost everything was the same. You have two more kids and our age differences are a little off. Besides that though, it was all the same. Including your weights!! Kinda funny. He is 6'6 and I am 5'4. He is at 200lbs and I am 125. He probably weighs a little more now. It was just so crazy!! Neat though. It gave me some relief to see that my husband isn't the only one out there like that and I wasn't the only one going through this stuff. It is very emotional. Even when you think your heart has turned to stone and he can't do anything else to make you burst into tears. All of a sudden, bam, it hits you all over again. I probably could have used some anti-depressants or something. I still feel like I am a nutcase sometimes.

Anyway, I hope his appointment goes good and they don't put him back on that crap. I don't believe that some doctors just continue to prescribe pain meds as much as they do. I think they are just as bad as the addicts are.

Keep me updated! Keep remembering you aren't alone!! I'll be here for you!! Isn't it great to be able to talk to someone who can't blab to everyone all your personal business?! I think it is great!! Make a friend that you have never met!!

Karebear71
07-05-2005, 08:31 PM
Lost-
I have a similar situation to you, but with a twist. My husband has a very valid reason for needing Oxycontin and I do as well. Difference is, he, like your husband, will use too many a day and run out early. This causes him to have to bug me for mine to help with in-between time, making me run out early myself. It is a vicious circle of anxiety every month-not knowing if we will be DTing one week to the next. We both need the medication, so I can see no end in sight to this nightmare. I have tried to dole out his meds and also get the "you aren't my mom" and "you are a control freak" response. I am a fairly nonconfrontational person so I back off easily. The meds also make me weaker than I would normally be when I am afraid I will have to be without them through no fault of my own. I wish I knew what to do as well. One more thing: I am 34 and want to have a child in the next few years. How does one do that when one has chronic pain & is reliant on pain meds. This may sound selfish, but I don't want my health problems to keep me from eventually becoming a mom. Your thoughts and comments are appreciated. :)

LostMind
07-06-2005, 03:54 PM
Hubbys doctor GAVE HIM OXY AGAIN. He told the doctor that it allowed to him to actually have a family vacation this year. Load a crap that was.
Anyways he got them filled and gave me the bottle to dole them out to him again.
I counted them first and they where all there. He actually did some laundry to.

I dont know I guess this will be how it is for a while.(sigh) They sent papers off to workers comp saying he will never work again because of his back and will be on meds the rest of his life. Not sure I want to live like this for the rest of my life though.
As far as I can tell hes only taking what I give him , hes not acting high are duh!!
But hes not actually acting like a husband or a dad either. Still very self centered.
Everything is about his back, his pain, his this his that.

The real test will be when I get meds after my surgery, will he steal them ?? Of course I will hide them like I did last time.

What I am afraid of is after surgery I will be in pain and need meds. SOooo I'll have to careful about what I take and only take a little bit so I can still be the coherant one in the house. That sucks !!! I'll have to take care of me myself. Why did I get married???
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

I am just going to continue doleing out the meds and seeing my conselor, oh and taking my anti anxiety meds. They have been a God send.


Angela,
Thanks for everything. It's nice to know that I'm not alone but to know that someone else has gone through what I am going though sucks. I mean I'm not nieve, I know I could'nt have been the only one but It sure felt that way. It has helped me a great deal to be able to talk to you and to the others here about this. It helps to release some tension and your right about that fact that I can tell people who don't personally know me. I don't have to face all of you and feel like a schmuck for blabbing my personal life.

I started back to work this week after a weeks vacation,LOL reading your part about working coming home and working more , ie cooking cleaning kids.I do the same damn thing everyday. It sucks I hate it. My shoulder surgery is next wednesday cant wait to see what my house will look like without me to clean it.

I found this sight looking up anxiety because I felt like I was going crazy with all this stuff and low and behold I found this area.
I ought to be paying all of you my $10.00 Co-Pay, you have helped more then
anything in the world.

LostMind
07-06-2005, 04:03 PM
Karebear71,
Its tough raising kids in this type of inviroment. As you have read I have 4.
If your reliant on the meds yourself you'd need to dry out before a pregnancy big time. The risk having a baby with problems or worse addicted at birth is not something I could do.
Also babies need alot of care they have to come first for everything.EVERYTHING
Can you give up the drugs? have they consumed your lives to the point where you are both self centered so that theres no room for any kids?

Raising a child with an addict is not something I'd ever do knowingly ahead of time.

Until your both ready to be able to take your meds like prescribed or give them up dont bring a child into that. Sorry if this hurts and its just my opinion
God Bless

Karebear71
07-06-2005, 05:39 PM
Lostmind,
You are absolutely right. I am sure I knew the answer but needed to see it in front of me. Bringing kids into this is THE most selfish thing we could do. I have a non-addictive personality, and am sure I could stop the meds to have/raise the child. I am very good about grinning & bearing my pain. I did it for 2 years while working before going to the Dr. They prescribed the meds so that I did not have to "suffer through it" anymore. I have not had to try to be off of them yet (just had hand surgery) but we will see if & when that time comes.
My husband has a pretty addictive personality, so that would be a big problem as far as kids are concerned. Even before he broke his back/neck he drank quite a bit out of boredom(never any drugs other than occasional "pot" before his accident). Thanks for your input and I wish you & your family all of the best... Bear

young momma
07-06-2005, 06:07 PM
Monica,
You poor thing!! The men in our lives are worse than the kids!!! It's a shame that your vacation is over. You sound like you need to go to a spa resort all by YOURSELF!! That would be a wonderful vacation. It is past due for it to be your turn. Just try to keep your head up high. I know it is hard but you gotta keep doing it for you. I someone keeping your kids while you are in the hospital? Well, other than your husband. If I could, I would take your kids for a little while and let you get away!! You need it bad. What exactly did he do to his back? The rest of his life is a long time to be on pain meds. What really sucks is I thought Pain Management would help you deal with your pain. Not just put you on pain meds forever. When we went to Pain Management all I could think was what a joke. Well girl, I better get going. Hang in there!!

LostMind
07-07-2005, 03:28 AM
Angela,
He fell 14 feet of scaffolding that broke at work landed on his back. Herniated L5 into the spinal column and had surgery before he left the hospital it re-heriated and he developed a blood clot about 3 inches in diameter surrounding the sciatic nerve on the right side. The went back in for a second surgery 10 days later and by then they had to fuse L4 and L5 with metal rods and clean up the blood clot which left him with permantant nerve damage in right leg and constant pains. Recent MRI shows S1 nerve root impingment and L3 and L2 are compressing. Eventually he will need more fusing.

SO yes he problem in REAL however he was an addict before this. SO being on the meds hes on now is torture, like candy to a baby.

My kids will be here with him while I am having surgery hopefully its only 1 night so it wont be to bad but my recovery is 8-12 weeks. They are fixing a torn rotator cuff in left shoulder. Had same surgery in feb this year but it failed to relieve my pain so here I go again.
Well I am off to work with a giant headache !!!
Hugs !

young momma
07-08-2005, 12:03 AM
Ouch!!! Sounds very painful. For both of you. One of my cousins has a cage in his back. He has a huge scar from it. He was considered 65 percent disabled. He lives with it now. He hurts everyday but he has kids and has to still bring home the bacon. By looking at him, you never would have known that he has a back injury. He suffers quite a bit. I guess that is the price you pay in construction. Good money when they have work. It's really scary though. My husband has been in construction all his life. Pretty much everybody in his family is. They all just taught their kids and keep passing it on. We had our own business for awhile. I am so glad he finally got out of it. It really tears your body up. He is only 30 but by looking at the way he gets around you'd think he was 50!! He started working for his dad when he was 12. His back injury was in T1 and T2. At the time, he was working for someone else. I laughed at him when he got home after he hurt himself. It sounded like some sort of a joke. He was putting his tools up in the back of his company van and the wind caught the door and smacked him upside the head. He had a concussion and a seizure. It knocked him out cold. The door just swung freely. The previous driver took off whatever it is that keep the door stiff. He came home crying because it scared the crap out of him. His head had a pretty good size bump that oozed for a couple weeks. It got to the point where he couldn't turn his head anymore. Come to find out, it chipped his spine and was cutting through his nerve. He was losing his left arm completely. His comp nurse was a real witch. She said he was faking it. I guess she deals with alot of people though and several probably are faking it. It has been a year since his surgery. The muscle never did reattach to his spine and now his spine is pulling over to the right side. He has a nasty hole on the one side of his scar. It is grose. It still bothers him. His attorney tried talking him into sueing the doctor for screwing up. I know it still hurts but I'm not the type of person that is sue happy. I told him the doctor did what he could. He couldn't stay in construction if he wanted to now. It hurt to bad. Life goes on!

How did you get hurt? I bet you are living with alot of pain right now. What is the next step for you if this surgery doesn't fix the problem? I'm just curious. I'd be scared that if it failed to solve the problem the first time it might fail the second. You might have to live with pain for the rest of your life also. Hopefully this time everything will be fixed. I guess on the up side, at least you don't have a baby you have to pick up. Not much of an up but still a plus!! When is your surgery?

I'm pretty nosey!! Sorry!!
Take care!!

LostMind
07-08-2005, 01:49 PM
Hey Angela,
Yeah that construction crap is bad. We are more alike than I thought. We had our own business too and I was glad to see it go. Hubby was a carpenter and our business was building homes in North Carolina, then we moved here to Ohio to be near my family and he had to get a job working for someone else, he got hurt 3 months later.
Hubby is 37 and looks like 50 too !!

Right now he is 70 percent disabled and until workers comp allows full disability he get hardly anything. Its been 3 years.

I hurt my shoulder at work however I elected to use my Insurance, it wasnt a accident it was a slow progressive thing. Wear and tear from repetitive use.
After my first surgery in feb 2005 I tore another tendon which in my opinion should have been sewn the first time but Im not the doctor. This time around my surgeon said it will be a very aggressive surgery. YEE hAAAAA. Anyways if this should fail then theres shoulder replacement.Im not getting that !
Good thing is that I am not in constant pain but I do not have full strength and range of motion in my left arm and I am left handed. The pain hits when I move it over head, like washing hair or pushing things like the vacuum. I cant lift anything above my head , my arm is that weak. I cant even open bottles. I cant sleep on it either or it aches. My pain level is about a 7 on and off all day. Its hard to do my job. I am a CNC machinist-programmer. Its a tough job ( mans work) but pays me well. Im getting to old and I am to small to continue doing this type of work for long. Its beating me up
If the shoulder blows out again and I cant work then I guess I can try to get social security ( year right).. or work at McDonalds.
Good thing is I have a high tolerance to pain and I am allergic to alot of meds so I cant take hardly anything. Coedene, percs, darvons are all out. No vicodin either I get the hives. So after surgery this time I have no clue what they will give me. I took vicodin last time until my mouth started itching. I refuse to live on meds like my old man !!!!!PERIOD........1 of us has to raise our kids and it sucks that I have to be in pain
as well as he but he gets relief and I dont.
I go in on July 13th at 6am. So after wards I will have to type with 1 finger.LOL I apologize ahead of time for any mis-spelling.
Take care have a good weekend
Monica

Karebear71
07-08-2005, 03:36 PM
Wow Monica-That is wild. I, too, am out of work because of shoulder/arm overuse problems. I am on 10mg Oxys 3 times a day for the constant aching and pain around each joint of my arms. I was lucky enough to have gone to a walk-in clinic straight from work and the 1st thing they did was tell me to open an L&I claim. That has been a lifesaver to me. I have been out of work now since November and trying to deal with the emotional part of being in pain, on meds & not working for the 1st time in my life has been the hardest thing I have ever had to do. I have a supportive husband but he broke his back/neck last July and now has his own pain/no work problems to deal with. Sure takes a toll on a marriage. I have no kids yet and, as I stated in one of my other posts, fear I will never be healthy or med free enough to have them. I feel pretty helpless, but I know I cannot function & do my day to day work/household chores without the Oxys. I tried for 3 Years before going to the clinic and was just miserable being in pain constantly. It is a huge catch 22, ya know? Well, just wanted to share how much we have in common-
-Bear :blob_fire :D

young momma
07-08-2005, 05:52 PM
You are doing some tough work. My husband is now a CNC machinist!! So, I know that it is hard work. Especially being a woman. I was wondering what you did for work. Some of your posts are early in the morning!! That explains it!! Your surgery is right around the corner. So this week you will be getting everything ready. It's gonna be a hectic one for you. Make sure you keep your excedrin handy!!
I hope you have a good weekend too!
Take care!!

young momma
07-11-2005, 02:34 PM
Hey, I wanted to tell you GOODLUCK! I hope everything goes smooth for you!! Don't feel like you have to keep me updated anytime soon. I know one handed will be a pain in the butt!! Not including all the other pains your gonna have. If you need to vent, I am here!!

Goodluck with surgery!!!
Angela
:angel:

LostMind
07-11-2005, 05:55 PM
Thanx Angela,
I've been getting panic attacks the last few days. I thought I'd be ok with another surgery but I guess I'm not. I am still having it of course but freaking out to boot.

So your hubbys a CNC machinist eh. Odd how close our lives are huh? I wish I had a easy CNC job, some are some arent. I work in a job shop we make what ever comes through the door and the crap is heavy. Theres no air conditioning and its like 100 degrees in there. I run 2 - 3 machines at a time. Im the only female. Yea freaking haaa. Its tearing me up. Aside from my shoulder I have 2 bulging discs from lifting.

And knowing the out come of my husbands back crap Im not fixing thoses.

Hubby is actually doing very well with me doling out the meds. Hes actually getting back into the picture so to speak. Still not doing much around the house but hes present mentally. Its a start.

ANyways thanks for the support as always.
Monica

young momma
07-11-2005, 09:38 PM
Monica,
Panic attacks! Yeah, I have never had one until recently. I don't know why or what is wrong with me. Everything is going so good for us right now. Now, I start freaking out. I had a close friend tell me that with everything I have delt with, she thinks it has just broken me down. I am finally gonna make an appointment this week. For the past three days my head has felt like it is going to explode!! I can't take another day of this.

My husband has been working there for about 2 months. Got totally out of construction. He said the machine he is on right now has an air conditioning vent blowing right on it to keep it cool. Who knows how long he will be on that machine though. They are wanting to train him on all the machines there. He has picked up on it so quick. He said the only thing hard about it is the lifting. For him, that's not very tough. He said there are only 2 females that are machinists there.

I'm glad to hear he is doing better!! That is a good start!! Maybe someday, you can start lowering his dosage. Thats when they put up a fight. I think that is one reason why I have been so scared to go to the doctor. I am so scared I will be put on something and turn into what my hubby was!!

Talk to you later!!
Angela

young momma
07-12-2005, 06:35 PM
Goodluck for your surgery!!!

young momma
07-14-2005, 12:54 PM
Monica,
Just wondering how you are feeling! As for me, I went to the doc yesterday. She gave me some xanax. I had never taken it before. She gave me enough for 1 month and said no more. Last night, I slept like a baby. I only took half a pill. I am starting to feel more calmed down. I know they are easy to become addicted to. So, I am only taking half of a pill if I absolutely feel like I can't take it anymore.

Hope everything is going okay for you!
Take care!! I hope you feel better soon!!!
Angela

LostMind
07-18-2005, 06:56 AM
Hi Angela, :angel:

Surgery went well. I'm very sore. I'm allergic to alot of the pain meds so guess what they gave me? OXYCONTIN, OMG, I told um I'm not taking it. Thats the crap my old mans on sheesssssh. They gave me a nerve block in my arm and general anesethia. My arm was numb for 2 days , the hospital called for a follow up and they said I'd better take a pill before the block wears off. I was like ok, ok....NO. I'm not taking it have not taken it either.
My shoulder hurts but I have a prescription of 800 mg motrin I have taken 1 off those each day so far and thats it. My pain is able to be controled with just the motrin. Im to scared to take the other stuff thanks to my husband.
He was saying oh it will be the best pain relief you have ever had, yeah I bet it would have been.no no no no no no no no .lol.

As for you ....Xanax I have been on xanax .5mg for 22 years and never got hooked on it I only took it when I needed to take it though. I went though about 40 pills a year. I have suffered from panic/anxiety since I was 13. It sucks and it runs in my family really bad.
Thing is I managed it alone and with the xanax as needed until the old fart pulled his crap. Now I have to take daily meds to keep it under control because I also was getting depressed. Gee I wonder why.
Right now I take 10mg Celexa for anxiety daily along with .5mg xanax XR 2 times a day. Thats what the pysciatrist but me on. The same one hub goes to in fact. He know what I have to deal with.
The xanax xr is a slow release type unlike what your on. At first I didnt like it but now its ok. It stays in my body all day at a very low level. I cant tell Im on anything aside from Im not hyper and ready to jump off the nearest bridge
:rolleyes: . It doesnt make me tired or anything just a consistant calm.
It has been my savior.
Most doctors wont put you on anything like that unless you see a pysciatrist. family doctors hate passing out the xanax.
If you continue to feel that way the best doctor is a pysciatrist. They know their head drugs better that anyone trust me. It took me 20 years to get my butt there and Id wished I'd done it years ago. I may not have ever had to get this way then.

Its completely normal by the way for you to start getting your anxiety now. You made it through the tough part an now your body is saying ok now I can deal with what its done to me and boom panic hits..Nice Huh...
Happens to me with everything I do even good stuff that you think would'nt cause panic.
I hope you feel calmer and please if you have to take a daily med do it. Stress can kill us.OR we could kill whats stressing us :D
I wish you lived around me I'd bet we would be good friends.
You take care talk to you soon.
Monica

young momma
07-18-2005, 02:26 PM
Monica,

I'm glad to hear everything went well. After the pain lightens up you can start getting back to yourself. I'm sure it will be awhile till you go back to work. I don't blame you for not wanting to take that stuff. Too risky to even bother.

As for me, I am feeling alot better. I have been able to sleep again!! The panic attacks just plain suck. I have heard other people talk about theirs. I had never had one. Now, I know what a pain they can be. I just didn't want to be around anyone. Even just the kids playing and laughing was driving me up the wall!

It is so crazy the crap we put up with for our men!! They better appreciate it. It doesn't feel like they do. If they didn't have us...oh, they wouldn't make it. They would be so lost. It feels like I am his mom sometimes!! I wonder if they ever really grow up.

I like your last part about whats stressing us!!! Too funny and true! He stresses me more than the kids! I bet we would be really good friends! Then again, we may gang up on our hubbys and they wouldn't want us to be around each other!!!

It's good to hear your doing okay!!
You take care of yourself!!
Angela

LostMind
07-19-2005, 06:22 AM
Hey Angela,
I'm not sure how much you know about anxiety/panic disorder but do some research on the internet and maybe at your local library. I've had the unfortunate learning experience all my life and your right it does suck. I can help you. Maybe I can give back some support here for all you have done for me. It's amazing what talking to someone else who can totally relate can do for you.

Theres a cycle to watch out for with panic. See you get attacks then your mind starts relating the attacks to what or where you were when you got the panic/anxiety and then you start avoiding doing those things so you don't get the panic, sometimes your avoidance is unknowing to you. So before you know it your not wanting to enjoy life. Your avoiding going shopping or places alone and at home you can become distant so you don't bite off a childs head or the old mans. You feel like your going to go insane. The mind is a freaky place and it can play tricks on you.
Sometimes you can feel the panic coming on, thats the time to take the xanax or start doing something to take your mind far away. Other times the attacks come on like a bomb went off in your head instantly. The room feels like its closing in, your heart races, you begin to sweat, cant breathe , your heart is palpitating and your head is spinning and the feeling of losing control is very real, you feel like you might have a heart attack and in really bad ones you feel like your going to die but you know you won't.
My anxiety causes my head to feel like I am going a mile a minute 24/7 its constant on in there even while I try to sleep ( sleep LOL whats that), never peaceful. I think of a thousand things at once all day, its annoying to say the least. The new meds I am on are taking the edge of.
See I have had this disorder since I was about 13 and top it off with what my old man has pulled these last three years and you get me=basket case. I was told by my pysciatrist( the one time I saw him) that I have done a remarkable job with all this and that he expected to see me alot sooner. He has no clue how hard it is to hold yourself together and try to be normal. I mean im not a freak or what ever most people who know me dont know I even have this. I have learn very well to hide it. Which by the way is not a good thing its easier to let it out.
Well enough for now, just know that I can help in this area for you ok.
Take care,
Monica

young momma
07-20-2005, 02:21 PM
I have started doing research on it. I am sleeping again and my headache has went away. I am starting to feel better. Some stuff bothers me and usually I can deal pretty good. This week is so much better than last. Especially with the xanax. I have only taken a few and it really helps me sleep. I am feeling like myself again. I am sure though, I will end up with another episode. Lucky me!! The xanax is .5 mg. I only take half of one. It does seem to help. I think the kids are a huge part of it right now. School will be starting before you know it!! Yahh!! They are usually not around each other all day long. He was in Pre-k for 2 years and would get home about 11:00. So, she had me all to herself in the mornings. This year she will be coming home at 11 and he won't be home until about 4. She will still get me part of the day to herself. Plus, I will get my mornings to myself!!!! Wow, I don't remember the last time I was home alone!!!!! Once she starts kindergarten then I will go get a part time job. People think I would get bored during the day. I don't have time to get bored with a 4 and 5 year old. They are always on the go. My mornings will give me time to do whatever I want.

So, how is your shoulder feeling. That block should have worn off by now. Is the motrin taking care of the most part of the pain? I hope you are feeling okay. How is hubby doing. Is he getting any better? Is he tapering off the meds or just saying **** on it still? He needs to get off of it. It tears you liver up really bad. Not only that but your stomach. My husbands stomach is just now starting to quit hurting. He ended up getting ulcers from those meds. He would complain about his intestines all the time. I just told him to get over it. He did it to himself. Nobody shoved those down his throat.
Thank you for the advice!! I will vent to you and you can vent to me!!!!
How wonderful!! Free therapy!!!
Take care,
Angela

Royalsecret
07-24-2005, 02:17 AM
Dear Lostmind - I can understand what you are going thru with your husband. My husband has been taking oxycontin for the last five years, 320+ mg a day. He didn't go thru w/d's from taking too much because he let me keep it in a safe and give him his pills. He never thought he'd ever be able to stop taking the oxy - it's one of the WORST painkillers to get off of. Then we read about Subutex - and he's been off the oc for 30 days today and doing great! Have you read anything about Sub?

It enables you to get off your doc w/o any w/d's - and it stops all cravings for your doc, and it doesn't get you high so you can distance yourself from that rollercoaster and rediscover everything you were missing being high all the time! It's really a miracle drug! My husband started the sub at 16 mg and has tapered in one month down to 1 mg a day and plans to stop taking it all together by August 3rd.

This may be just what he needs to help him fight the oxycontin. I'm sorry if I have gone on and on and you have already considered sub and rejected trying it for your own reasons...I just really feel for you and thought this may help. Take care! RoyalSecret

AllenSD
07-25-2005, 07:15 AM
Hi - This website sells various pill dispensers - some are locked. ( removed )
If you catch your husband right when he gets his refill, and after he has taken his first dose - you'll have an easier time talking him into both of you putting the medicine in the dispenser. If you talk to his doctor and his doctor doesn't know how to handle the situation - it could get worse for both of you. I'd do that only as a last resort, but I would do it if you truly feel you are at that point. If you do that, you might also do your own preliminary homework to find him help - like the name of an addiction specialist that can see him soon.

LostMind
07-30-2005, 03:28 AM
Well as far as hubby going on SUB or ever getting off the oxy, I can tell he wont, I'd like him to but he will not.

Angela,
Hi sorry I havent been here lately, My arm is killing me from going back to work to early. And now to top it off I am sick. Fever sore throat the whole 9 yards. YAY!!!

I am glad to here your doingok on the xanax.
Hubby is still taking his oxy and letting me dole them out tohim with no badgering but he is not at a point where he will even consider stopping completely and just dealing with his back pain. He does have legitimate pain BUT how long can you live in a fog?

Have you ever heard of sub? I'll have to do a search on it.

Things here have been on the edge. The OLD MAN started to get high, smoke pot I mean. So now he walks around stone from that. Eats everything in site and looks 9 months prego. He so fat UGH...He sweats profusely
He really disgusts me lately. Only cares about himself.
Well not even that or he'd diet. He met a new friend right next door who always has pot. Geezzzz I went through the whole not in my house stuff so he goes there which I told him is no better.
My marriage is suffering I find myself not attracted to him anymore mainly for what he's put me through and physically he dont look like the guy I married at all.
I dont even wnat him totouch me, not that he does mind you. LOL that would be a first.
I have had a hard time this week getting back into working, my job and 1 arm dont cut it. I still have not taken anythingmore then motrin although I know I need more.

Hope all is well .
take care,
monica

thghtsreal
07-30-2005, 05:18 AM
Sounds really icky. Do you like that?

IF not, why do you stay in poo poo land?

I don't get it.

young momma
07-30-2005, 10:19 AM
I don't know much about subs. I would be scared to get off of one and get addicted to another. I'm sorry that you are still in pain. Maybe try half a pill or ask for something else. Darvecet is one that isn't as addicting as oxy or vics. Or maybe even vics and take half of one of those. My doc did give me another refill of xanax. I didn't even ask for it. She said since I have lived with an addict, she doesn't think I will let myself become addicted to them. I am feeling so much better! My anxiety levels are down and it is wonderful!!!!

I am sorry about your hubby. I sounds like he will never get off of them. He isn't even attempting to try. Maybe since he is smoking pot you can slowly wean him off. If he asks any questions, he's too high to even remember. This week take one away and maybe in a few more weeks take another way. Sounds like he is just enjoying drugs way to much!! I admit some are fun. I just know I have to many responsibilities and cannot subject myself or my children to that. I would have smoked some pot instead of going to the doctor. Pot makes me sick and I vomit. How gross!! It did relax me. That was all it did for me. I went the medical way instead!! If slowly weaning him doesn't work, then, I guess you are definitaly gonna need to get medical attention for him quick. Who knows what drug may be next. It could be cocaine and then start smoking that stuff. You can't let that happen. Your kids are worth too much to let them see their daddy doing this stuff. I'd be talking to a rehab facility. Actually more than one. All of them use different ways. You may have to lock his butt up. If it gets much worse, I hate to say this but, I think separation is the next step.

As for my hubby, he is doing great! He will take tylenol for a headache and gets a buzz. It's really funny that meds wouldn't do anything for him before and now just tylenol will kick his butt. He comes home from work in a good mood and seems happier than he has been in a long time. He doesn't just mope around and lay down and watch tv. He has so much energy now it is unbelievable!! I wish your hubby would turn his life back around. The way it sounds though, he has no intention of coming off them any time soon.

Sorry about your hubby and your arm!
I hope at least your kids and you are doing good!!
Take care honey!
Angela

LostMind
07-31-2005, 05:55 AM
Hi Angela,
I am doing well otherwise and the kids are doing great. My oldest is learning to drive,YIKES and she is trying to find a job.
They uped my meds for anxiety and its helping to. Im clear headed instead of my mind going 24/7 and I am sleeping which I am sure helps on its own too.
My step daughter whom lives with us full time has her own set of issues, what they thought was depression turns out to be Bi-Polar. Oh Boy. She will be seeing a new doctor and changing meds and of course more counseling. Shes not easy to handle.
Apparently her egg donor mother was bi polar so that gave her 30 percent chance of developing it and it usually hits at puberty so wha La... Her mom is in jail for life. The 3 strikes your out deal. Got caught 1 to many times, she was never in my step daughters life she booked out of the hospital 3 hours after birth to go to the crack house. Hubby raised her alone until I got in the pic 7 years ago and shes 13 now.
My life probably sounds like a soap opera.
See there are so many reasons for not leaving him, If he left his daughter would go to and he cant care for her so I want to keep her and probably could too but as I stated earlier people from the outside just dont get it.
He did stop the pot and that guy dont call or come over. He caught on to hubby leaching his weed and not getting his own.LOL. I laid the law down on the weed around here and he listened so far. I said I bet your doctors wouldlove to hear your getting high and walked away.
Pot makes me more anxious and jittery. I cant do it at all.
I am allergic to darvon,darvocet,vics,coedene,ultram and a host of others.
I went to my famliy doctor on friday and it turns out I have an infection possibly from surgery so i am on antibiotics and my shoulder pain dropped 3 fold so now the motrin is working again. I did ask what my options were for pain in the future and he said the oxy dose I was given was minor and I could cut it in half but im still freaked on trying it , but should I need meds for something else demerol or morphine but they wont write scripts for those which is weird cause they are lighter then oxy but my abusive apparently Hmmm? Ok I guess. My hubby is trying to get me to take the oxy to and I know why, its so he can throw it in my face on down the road. Like hey you took um to so get of my back or some dumb crap like that.

Ayway I am doing ok feeling better my sore throat is getting better do body aches are gone.
I give your husband alot of credit for getting clean. how long was he addicted and how long did it take him to realize hey I got to stop?
You take care and thank you for continueing to stick by me here in typing land I really appreciate your friendship. THANK YOU
Monica

young momma
08-02-2005, 01:57 PM
Well, I am glad to hear you are feeling better. You sound like you really have your hands full!!!! That really sucks that you can't take any of that stuff. I would only take half of an oxy if it was really bad. Hide them from your hubby and take half when he doesn't know. You really do need something for pain. If he doesn't know, then, he can't shove it in your face.

Anyway, just a short quick note. Have some chores left to do. Oh, the joys of being a housewife!! It's alot harder than people think. Well, that is if they actually clean their house. I am always cleaning. It never goes away. Plus, I am a neat freak on top of it.

Talk to you soon! Oh, and YOUR WELCOME!!!

young momma
08-12-2005, 02:05 PM
Monica,
Hey! Just wondering how you are doing! I haven't heard from you in quite a long time. I hope everything is going okay and you are just really busy. I have been pretty busy. Kids are getting ready to start school. I waited til the last min. to get them into the doctor for physicals. Next week though.

How is your arm feeling? How is your hubby doing? Hopefully, it is getting better!

Hope to hear from you soon!
Angela

deacon1
08-19-2005, 11:20 AM
I am in the same situation as your husband. I have a chronic disease that creates unearable pain. We need these medicines to make it through each day. If it were not for the pain meds I would take a bullet, the pain is that bad. I take 800mg of Oxy daily. I however am very good about making sure I don't take so much as to run out before the date is up. I am going to have a pain pump put in to administer my pain meds. You use 1/25th of the medicine and you don't have the highs and lows that come from the pills. It sounds like this might be something for your husband. It is a terrible situation to be in, it is worse than just being an addic. He needs you right now, try to sympathize with him, but call the pain doc right away and ask about the pump.

peewee43
08-24-2005, 05:20 PM
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 3

need to detox from oxy

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Please help my boyfriend and I,
He has been on oxy for about 5 months 200 mg a day and now starting today he does not have anymore, Ready for detox and support, he said he is having chest pains muscle aches tired wont eat, sever back pain and restless legs. Please help with this path.
Thanks
Peepee43
I am the girl friend and dont know where to start please help

Michael S.
08-25-2005, 07:46 PM
I asked my wife to dole meds while I wd from them. We seem to be on the same side with this, we both know I need to stop using them so I asked her for her help. So far so good. Just wanted to drop you a line an let you know it can be done ;)

young momma
08-27-2005, 05:41 PM
He isn't exagerating. The drug makes your whole body crave it. Everything hurts untill you give in or it gets out of your system. My husband had wd's for awhile. Even a couple months later, he would sometimes have an emotional breakdown for no reason whatsoever. It gets easier. To sleep, you will need to get him some sort of sleep aid. The restless legs, believe it or not, I slipped a bar of soap under the sheets on his side of the bed. It was just a sample size bar. I read it on the restless legs board. I never told him and he did start sleeping a little better. Eventually, he felt it and asked what it was!! LOL!! Magnesium, Calcium, and valarian. The first two help with some of the vitamins they need to cope. The valarian is like a natural valium. My hubby was taking about 16 a day. Eight in the morning, then lunch, and then at dinner time or before bed. A daily vitamin will also help some. I helped my husband go through wd's. It was real hard. It is hard for us to be patient with them.

Hope this helps some. Goodluck, sweetie!! You're gonna need it.
Drop me a line if you have any questions!! That's what we are here for!!

LostMind
09-10-2005, 06:06 AM
HELLO ALL

HELLO ANGELA !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!!!!!!! :wave:

I am so sorry I have not been able to reply.
My computor got a virus and it took me this long to dump everything and reinstall it all.

I am happy to see everyone is still using this thread.

Update on Hubby-
He is still letting me dole out his oxys. He seems to be well aware thats he's out if he f 's up again. The kids are all back in school, all full time this year and he is here alone all day. He is helping with laundry cooking etc...He is a pack rat and started throwing things away. YAY !!!!
I know he will be on meds forever so this is working no more roller coaster ride he is on an even keal. While I dont like the meds I do have to give alittle myself. He medical condition isnt going away.

I myself am still in counsling to help me with all this and I am still on my anxiety meds which is my life saver.

The kids well 3 are ok 1 is going to have a short life. LOL My step daughter took up where hubby left off. She is 13 recently diagnosed as bipolar is on 2 meds daily which are not working. Started cutting herself back in may went to physc ward stopped cutting and hasnt since. However lies lies lies is all we get. Sweet as pie to you but behind our backs shes the devil.
I caught her smoking in the house no less burning my table gave it away, we grounded her, on grounding at night after bed time she went and got my cell phone and ran up 561 mintues in less than 2 weeks, after confronting her she ran away from home. same day as that I found a thong in her room, we dont allow her at 13 to wear them. I checked her drawer for the pantys we bought her, gone and in the back was a sock stuffed with more thongs. I of which was mine UGh!!!. I also found my missing razor and my sons belongings to.
My razor was in my dresser. Which means she went through my stuff. I noticed someone was in my dresser last week ,rumaged through everything.
I was blaming hubby for searching for his meds. Someone even went through my credit cards. None missing but I need to check statements this month.
She took 25.00 from my dresser too. We dont allow her to wear make up and in her back back was a huge bag of it. She was shop lifting it.
SO grounded for life is her story mine is living in hell fromhubby to his daughter. :yawn:

Well isnt life grand.

Angela, how are you doing?

young momma
09-10-2005, 12:15 PM
Wow!!! Sounds like your anxiety isn't gonna let up! At least for awhile. My sister was real sneaking like that. My mom and I had cleaned her room one time. Oh, we couldn't believe the house was still standing. She really liked playing with fire. Burn holes in her matress and then in the closet, there were some shirts completely missing a sleeve! It was pretty scary to see the stuff she did when nobody was paying attention. I hope she gets through that stage quick. Otherwise, you may have cops knocking at your door. Which may help. If the police pick her up, oh, that would scare the crap out of her.

Glad to hear your hubby is doing better. Hopefully he is content with that for the rest of his life and doesn't give in. I assume you are feeling better. Did the surgery fix the problem this time? I sure hope so! I have been wondering about you guys. Hadn't heard from you in awhile. I wish everything was better for you. It always seems like one thing after another. Life never calms down for any amount of time. I wish it would stop just for a few. So, I could catch up!!!

Well, I could be doing better. My neighbor passed away almost a month ago. We were really close. I have been taking care of her animals until we find homes for them. It has been really hard. I am doing a little better since then. Both kids are in school. It is really strange for me! Being home alone! Wow, what is that? I almost forgot what that was like!! Hubby is doing really good. He went into the er a couple weeks back. It was really awesome. He refused any kind of drugs. He just wanted to know what was wrong with him! I never would have believed it if I didn't see it and hear it myself. It felt great!! So, like I said, one thing after another! I guess I better get used to it. Gonna be like that for the rest of my life!

It was great hearing from you!! Glad to hear you are still alive!!!!!!
:wave:

Jack Saturn
09-10-2005, 10:27 PM
You're startin to get close to an"answer or reply"record.After scanning 12 pages,I just said to heck with it,but here goes: I do not recall any mention of trying him on Methadone,even as an ultimatum if need be.A few years back, i was up to 720-800 mg a day.(9,10,12 a day,the 80 mg pills).My Insurance was suddenly cancelled, so was the Oxy.Over $1,500.00 a month with NO insurance.Had no choice,doc said "Methadone, 20-30 mg.,maybe 3-4 times a day." I settled at 70-80mg a day,went to 100 at my highest point.I have tapered down to 40-50 mg a day,but I'm startin to hurt.
This is the whole enchilada,L.M.,can your man bear the amount of pain he may be in with NO help?You probably know if he's REALLY hurtin or just wanting another Oxy.With Methadone, there are no cravings,that's why it's such a favorite to help Addicts with Chronic Pain.They deserve relief from suffering ,no matter what,the trick is locating a Pain Dr. who will handle him .I say there is.Use the Web,Yellow Pages and the phone,ask questions,you'll find one.That way you'll be able to let the doc deal with most of his tough stuff.Good-Luck,J.S.

LostMind
09-11-2005, 05:18 AM
Hey JS

Yeah he was on methadone , matter of fact he's been on everything including morphine. After Surgery they had him on Diladid (sp). I know his pain is REAL
and living with it with no meds would not be an option, His spine is failing at the fushion on up. The screws in the plates are backing out.
Also due to his inactivity he gained weight, not a good thing for a bad back.
He abused the oxys with no doubt. His problem lies in that once an addict always an addict holds true with him. He was an addicted to other things years leading up to his accident. When all the sudden they handed him scripts it was to easy to abuse, hell he didnt have to get crap off the street anymore. The pain caught up to him and it wasnt "fun" taking all the pills to get high, it was taking enough to ease the pain and deaden the depression he has. I know he gets high offf the oxys and to be honest its his drug of choice. Methadone didnt work as well according to him. And he has liver problems so apparently they keep him on the least amount of pills going through the body a day as possible. Right now he takes 3, 80mgs oxy tabs a day and his zoloft for depression. His liver counts went down on the oxys.
My problem was he ate then in 2 weeks and then it was a get high withdrawl cycle every month. I finally said NO never again. I have been doling out his meds to him since june and its been working good. He has never asks for more pills. Its a monthly adventure !!

young momma
09-11-2005, 09:59 AM
Monica,
I never really thought about it untill you said something about his liver. What does the doc say about that. After being on these meds for a long time, eventually, it will cause some serious liver damage. I was just wondering what is to happen then. Would them put him on something else to dry to fix the damage or just let it go. He is still pretty young to be on these meds forever. There is still alot more damage that will be done. I didn't know if the doc had talked about stuff for in the future.

I'll talk to you later!! Hope you are having a good weekend!
Take care
Angela

LostMind
10-05-2005, 05:48 PM
Well he finally found his meds and took 5 days worth.
I didnt count them as the month went along but he ran out 5 days early and tried to tell me I did something or the pharmacy miss counted. Once again he withdrew and is now back on them again.
I couldnt throw him out as I said I was going to.
Once again we had that chat about how he cant do this and yada yada yada.
He is never going to change is he?
I bought a lock box and I know the temptation is to great so I am not even going to keep the meds in it. Im not even going to keep them in the house.
I have to figure out a way financially to make it with out him here period.

How does the family of an addict live with one ?

Once again I have lost my mind

Arememom
10-05-2005, 06:08 PM
Hi Lostmind, :wave:

As a newly recovering addict, please let me first say I'm so sorry for the terrible insanity you have to live with. But also let me say, you can't keep him from using. If you keep his drugs away from the house, he will just go out and find a way to get more. You can not control an addict. I encourage you to do what you need to for your sanity. Seek out support from Alanon or Narcanon. With the knowledge and support of other people in your same situation, you will have the strength to make the decision that is right for you. You don't have to throw your addict out unless you really want to do that. Giving untimatiums are unless you are going to follow through. Addicts are like children, they will do whatever they can get away with and test your limits. You can never trust a using addict. They will lie, cheat and steal for the drug. But when they're clean they are some of the most truthful (painfully so at time. lol) people I know. I left my now ex-boyfriend because I couldn't get and stay clean with him. I know the endless cycle of OC addiction (it was one of my ex's doc) and he progressed to methadone and now crack. Addicts are not bad people. They are people with a disease that tears apart families and friendships. I will add you, your family and your addict to my list of prayers. :angel: :angel:

LostMind
10-07-2005, 02:44 AM
Thank you
Its not easy living with a person you cant trust but love dearly.
Its not exactly how I thought my life would be at this point.
I guess I've got some soul searching to do.
This time around though something changed in me, not sure what it was but life inside me is very diffferent. He is making it easier for me to say good bye to him I think. Each time he abuses his prescription and withdrawls set in,
it gets easier for me to distance myself from him. I no longer feel sorry for him thats for sure.
Thanks again for being here for support

Arememom
10-07-2005, 06:40 PM
LostMind,

Hope your day went well today. I think about all of my Healthboards friends throughout the day. I absolutely understand you needing to do "some soul searching". I myself am having to do that. My sister isn't very emotionlly equipped to give me what I need emotionally to stay clean. Her negativity really upsets me and I have a lot to do in my recovery. I'm thinking at this point I may have to cut ties and let her go for now. Once I'm stronger emotionally then maybe we can have a relationship or maybe not. I also loved my now exboyfriend and it was hard for me to let him go, but he has no desire to be clean and I do. It makes me sad but this will pass. And someday in the far, far, far (lol) future I will find someone else. Have a good weekend and I'll be here.

Your friend,
Arememom

jay26003
10-07-2005, 09:34 PM
Firstly I was just in the ER because of the same thing. You need to take him there. You can have kidney failure, muscle deteration, heart attack and severe dehydration. It can be quite dangerous.

As for the addiction I have not figured that out yet but he obviously need to admit that he is a addict. Are you sure the second doctor knows about his addiction? You might want to find that out and seek help. But if he is hitting you and/or the children you need to get away telling him it the drugs or you and the kids, not both. Good luck and we all care. If you need my help dont ever be afraid to ask. Ive already read this book and I can tell you the ending without all the pain.

love jay

LostMind
10-08-2005, 06:55 AM
I went to his doctor appt with him a few months ago. The doctor and I discussed him not using the oxys and hubby had a fit. The doctor told me he is his patient not me and has to do his job in that fashion. He is in legitimate pain however he abused the meds. Im kinda stuck feeling that if i say to the doc hes not taking them as he ought to he will get nothing and I know he cant live in the pain from his accident on nothing.
So in essence I am the enabler arent I.
He is not abusing to me or our kids at all. He can be a royal pain in our butts. Hes home all day alone and does NOTHING but get fat.
I do know that living with sombody who has cronic pain syndrome is not easy and Im not sure I am strong enough to live my years out playing pharmacist to him.
He got his new script last night and we sat on the bed and placed his daily dose of 3 pills in 30 little bags. I marked them 1 thru 30 and stuck them in my lock box that I just bought. I used to just hide them. He agrees on letting my give them to him too by the way. Anyways I keep the key on my neckless iwth my cross and told him its next to my heart and God. If he tampers with the box and anything comes up missing which I am fully aware it will then I told him he must leave our home. We went over all the issues at hand with the unfairness of me and kids living with an addict etc... He is aware that I cant and dont want to live like this. He said his failing last month which was the first time in 6 months was not going to happen again however he will need to leave if it does. I laid it out very easily about how he will leave with what he can carry and he wont see the kids until he cleans up or under strict supervsion of the courts. I am not going to play his game. I know its not easy for me and I failed last month by not kicking him out. But I have to be ready this time around of even if its in 3 months.
This is honestly the most dufficult thing I have ever had to live with. I hate that I still ove him too. My kids would be crushed but I have to look out for our best interest.

Thanks again,
Love ,
M

Arememom
10-08-2005, 12:21 PM
Hi LostMind, :wave:

I'm so happy to hear that you and your husband were able to sit down and talk everything out. I encourage him to get some outside support, possibly NA meetings. As much as you and your husband love each other (which is very evident to me from your post), sometimes that's not enough. This is a battle you and he will have to fight together forever due to his chronic pain. It can be done and you both have taken great steps to make it work. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.

Your friend :angel:
Arememom

LostMind
10-09-2005, 06:51 AM
arememom,
Thank you for your support and prayers.
I am realizing that love sometimes isnt enough. But I am still trying to live with this.
I am in counciling myself because of his situation and the stress it causes me. I have anxiety big time. Gee wonder why. Anyways its nice to be able to post here and thatnk all of you whom reply, you are my continued support system.
Love,
M

BeginAgain
10-09-2005, 11:34 AM
LostMind,
Recovery is tough for the recovering person and the support person. It's especially hard when the person won't stop or refuses to see the truth and you are left to deal with reality. I've been on both sides. My husband stoped drinking years ago and I never knew him when he drank, but I've dealth with the same hell you're going through with other family members. My dad is an active addict even though he'd never admit it and doesn't realize it. He's totally nuts and it hurts to put it that bluntly...but it's true. It's hard being the only half way sane person in the family unit. I'm an only child, grew up in an abusive household, felt like my role was to be the rescuer of everyone in every situation and grew up too darn fast. Childhood? What childhood?

I say this because you have kids. And while he doesn't physically abuse you and the kids, the emotional strain and abuse is terribly difficult to deal with. Sometimes I wonder if it's worse. It leaves deep scars that are hard to heal and sometimes hard to even understand.

You sound like you are getting stonger and you are dealing with the issues, and like you are loving and supporting your kids. I think it's important that while dad is "absent" emotionally, someone is there to give that love and stability kids crave. I'm no perfect parent, but I try to assure that there are routines and that there is stability and predictability when needed. Even though I've just been through a relapse and I'm struggling with some emotional relationship issues with my husband I'm trying very hard not to drag my kids on this emotional roller-coaster ride with me. I'm trying to keep up the routines they are familiar with. I'm trying to assure they feel secure and loved and a part of the family. Lord knows I don't want them to feel alone the way I did growing up and I want them to have little childhood worries...not scary nasty adult worries.

Keep going girl. Vent, vent, vent..it really helps to get it out. Sounds like you're doing a great job. Tough love is not just tough on the addict...it's really tough on the one's practicing it too.

young momma
11-17-2005, 12:27 AM
Monica,
Hi! Sorry it's been awhile! I have been having so many health problems. I have had these reoccurring migraines for about 4 months now. They are lasting for a couple weeks at a time. Nothing is getting rid of them. I feel like I am losing my mind. I'm sorry to hear that your hubby isn't doing any better. It's really sad that you have to pull yourself away from him emotionally. I do know what you are going through. I just wish your hubby could get it through his thick skull! lol! They don't even realize what they put us through. You feel alone. Especially when you need someone to help you out or just to be there for you. Their body may be there but their mind sure isn't. Just try to keep your spirits up and leave it in gods hands. You do have an angel watching over you. Even though it doesn't feel like it at times.

I hope you are doing better than you were in your last post. I am praying for you and your family!
Love,
Angela
:angel:

sadmama
09-10-2006, 12:44 PM
I have just read this thread and it seems like my life. My husband has been addicted to oxycontin for about 5 years. It has ruined our marriage and I just don't trust him at this point. In July he took off two weeks of work to detox, I was very supportive and helped him through everything. We talked about what he was going through and what he was putting our children through. As soon as he went back to work he called his doctor and got a script and started again. After two weeks of being clean- I can't beleive it. He lied to me the whole time-he never wanted to stop, he just didn't have a chioce right then and always planned on getting the script ASAP. I can't beleive he lied to me like that. When we got together trust was a main issue between us because we both had been hurt before. That has been shattered and will never be repaired. I want him to leave but I have no other source of income, since I am a stay at home Mom. I feel sad,trapped, hurt, angry and devestated.
Also he does nothing with our 8 year old twin boys, but all they want to do is please him. When he has his meds he is great he will play catch or take them fishing. When he is out-he is terrible. Verbally abusive to all of us and just plain mean. I realize now that I am an enabler. I too was the one to give him his pills everyday in the morning and then again at night. If I didn't give him an extra one when he wanted it I was then the "pill ****" . I have just plain had enough. We have not been intimate in at least 6 months because I can't stand him. I cringe when he touches me-which is only when he is high. And he has gained so much weight since he has been on this drug I am disgusted.
After reading this thread I was wondering if there were any updates or if anyone has any advice. Thanks......sadmama

bkim
09-11-2006, 07:56 AM
Hey guys. I just read some of the posts on this thread. It is really upsetting to think that you have it in your mind that you are stuck and canít get out. Oh yes you can!!! If you went for a divorce, he would have to pay support for you and your kids. They would fully support you on this. My wife shares a lot of the same issues that you guys have. Trust is a big issue. My pill habit was my secret and she didnít find out about it until the end. This is going to take a long time to repair. We do love each other and both are working on our marriage. The foundation is that I wanted to quit and have not taking a pill since entering the detox center. Iím sure she would be gone if I took another pill and she would never stay in the relationship if I was still using. I would suggest that you guys talk to someone. Try to get yourselves into an alanon meeting. You can take control of this situation. You guys have been through so much and you donít have to take this anymore.