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View Full Version : Can anyone give me advice about my 12 yr old son smoking pot?


ibsweetbaby
08-16-2005, 07:32 PM
I am desperate to find out if anyone else is having the same problem with their child, or can give me some advice. First off I will start and tell you I have just found out that my 12 yr old son is smoking pot. Im not sure what to do about it. I have taken all privilages away from him and let him know I will be testing him. He was open and honest with me when I asked him. I find out more bad things everyday. He has been smoking for 7 months, and I had no idea at all. no chage in mood, no signs what so ever. HELP ME PLEASE
all I do is cry and blame myself. I do not smoke pot how would he ever even get the idea to do it I dont even so much as drink any advice for me good or bad would be appreciated. :(

flintrock
08-16-2005, 08:16 PM
his generation is not a fun one. the stuff is out there everywhere...along with everything else.........not your fault!!! All you can do is test him....that's a great thing!! You can get the home tests at the drug store..around $10...it's worth it.As long as you let him know it's unacceptable and will not be tolerated and if he tests positive, tell him he's going to rehab.........tell him if social Services found out about it, he could be taken away from you!! (scare him) he's young enough to get scared....He needs a stern reminder that drugs are drugs and they are illegal....jail could be an option. You could arrange for the local PD to take your son on a tour of the jail!! or even Junvenile jail............Good luck and hang in there...be tough!! check his friends out...if they are doing it too.........tell their parents.......I'm all for being a tattle tail..............all us parents have to stick together.........

bent_halo
08-16-2005, 08:45 PM
ibsweetbaby,

my heart goes out to you, I have 4 kids and the thought of addiction of any kind, with any of them is terrifying...

My advice.....keep him away from his current friends, first and foremost, trust me they can look purely angelic and be users, so don't go on your perceptions, I am blessed that my kids are open and honest with me, so far so good anyway, but I also make sure they do not have a lot of free time on their hands, my daughter has some friends at school that "party" and her explination is, they really have nothing else to do, they live out in the country, with parents who both work, no way into town, and too much free unsupervised time on their hands...

Get involved...if he is busy into some kind of activity, sports, scouts, civic clubs, volunteer work, anything, he won't have unsupervised time to be bored and or curious...

Just my two cents, you and your son are in my prayers, I wish the very best for both of you.

Angel :angel:

thghtsreal
08-17-2005, 02:25 AM
Flintrock and bent halo give good advice.

I am also so sorry to hear that your 12 year old is doing drugs. That really is too young. Who sells pot to these kids? I would also call the police and have them come to the house and scare the hell out of him. The police won't arrest your son, but they will give him a stern talking to. See if they can scare him into telling them who the rat is selling to those 12 year olds! Your local D.A.R.E program might have some ideas. Call them.

Bent Halo's suggestion to force him to change friends is very good advice. If possible, you might make him so busy with activities that he is removed from his drug friends. However you do it, keeping him away from his current drug friends is one of the best things you can do to get him away from drugs.

God bless you.

KFld
08-17-2005, 05:28 AM
My son probably started smoking pot around 7th or 8th grade and I was devestated and thought what did we do. We tried keeping him away from certain friends and he would just find others of the same type. No matter what we tried, he continued to do it and then, huge mistake, we kind of got the attitude that we did it growing up and grew out of it, all kids experiment and as long as that is the worst thing he ever does, we will be thankful. Boy were we wrong. Our son is now an 18 year old heroin addict. I'm not saying this to scare you, I'm saying it so you realize that you need to do whatever you can now to get him to stop and change his lifestyle. I don't know if there is anything we could have done differently with our son that would have changed things for him today because I really believe it has so much to do with the friends they choose, and no matter how hard you try, even the ones you think our the best influence, don't always turn out to be.

Do you have a husband to support you in this. Make sure you are both on the same page if you do. Plan your strategy so he can't play one against the other. I would seek professional advice to from a counselor or someone on how to deal with this effectively. I have a sister inlaw who puts so much restraint on her kids that it actually causes them to do things just to rebel, so sometimes I feel there is a fine line between teaching them what they should be doing and controlling them so much that they want to move out the second they can.

Best of luck to you :wave:

Felicia65
08-17-2005, 05:30 AM
That is so young My baby boy is 15 and he has been smoking pot too , he lives with his father, so I can not watch out who he hangs with. And everyone is right get rid of the friends, Thats the first step he is not alone when he does this , I will bet you money,. and thats right keep him so busy, he can not think of friends. todays world is so hard to raise children in, drugs are at every corner, people in todays world are so full of evil. But dont put the blame on yourself, drugs are so easy to get your hands on. and it has nothing to do with what kind of person you are. so dont bet yourself up just get busy changing his playmates. As children it is important to have friends and to fit in somewhere, he has just been lead in the wrong path with some of them. If I may ask how did you find out he was smoking pot? We are here if you need to talk.

ibsweetbaby
08-17-2005, 09:43 AM
Thank you for the advice everyone. First I need to stop blaming myself. I am working hard. I do have someone to support me. (very much so) I stopped giving him money he now has a part time job.(making little money) I take the money and give it back to him when we shop and keep the rest in my safe. One thing I will not let him have the access of money to buy it. He thinks that this is unfair but at this point I told him that until he can be trusted this is the way it will be. I sat him down last night and explained to him that I dont want to be mean it is just the way it will be until further notice. He agreed that I was doing the right thing but if they want it they will get it. He informed me that he doesnt have to buy it. I know of two people that give it to him now I have to decide what to do about those people. Do I confront them, call the cops, and what will happen if I do call the cops? How big into this are the ones who have given it to him. Will they try to hurt him or even anyone in my family? I have given this much thought. You never know what others think and how far they will go. These drugs are everywhere My son always did very well in school I never would have thought I would ever go through this. A word to parents that think this will never happen it does. I am living proof. I only have one child, so its not like he dont get enough attention. It is so hard to be firm and not let him go anywhere and have 24 hr supervision.
I found out because I asked him. He told me he had smoked pot. He didnt lie at all. Its almost scary because he didnt seem ashamed at all he just came right out and told me, like everyone does it.
Im feeling like a very mean parent.

thghtsreal
08-17-2005, 09:52 AM
"Do I confront them, call the cops, and what will happen if I do call the cops? How big into this are the ones who have given it to him. Will they try to hurt him or even anyone in my family?"

Tell the police - FILE AN OFFICIAL COMPLAINT - that is very important or nothing will be done. Also, DO NOT confront the sellers yourself. Stay away. Let the police handle it. Nothing good will come of you confronting them yourself.

The sellers will not do anything to you or your son because they know you will call the cops and they know it will get them into bigger trouble. Pot sellers are different from narcotics pushers. Usually pot sellers are just punks, not hardened felon killers. Actually, providing drugs to a 12 year old is taken very seriously by the police. It is different than selling it to a 16 year old. The police are likely to clank the seller's clock. You will be doing the neighborhood a huge favor. In fact, the police might already have some complaints and need something a little more solid to act on - something you can give them.

The sellers will not like you or your son after the cops confront them. Don't be afraid of them knowing that you complained (it will be in the report). After all, you want them to not like your son and to stay away from him.

One thing is sure with all drug sellers. If they think one of their buyers is "hot" they will avoid him like the plague. With some luck, the sellers will tell their friends and your son will not be welcome in their crappy circles again.

It might embarrass your son, but it will be worth it in the short and long run.

Felicia65
08-17-2005, 11:35 AM
yes Do go to the police They will not tell them that you told them they cant, I bet your son is not the only child they are giving it to,, there is more children somewhere and this would be a sure way to kept them away from your son, Yes do tell dont hold back. And dont feel like a bad parent your not, you are concerned, and love your son very much, and you have to do what is right for him. Felicia

thghtsreal
08-17-2005, 12:00 PM
yes Do go to the police They will not tell them that you told them they cant, I bet your son is not the only child they are giving it to,, there is more children somewhere and this would be a sure way to kept them away from your son, Yes do tell dont hold back. And dont feel like a bad parent your not, you are concerned, and love your son very much, and you have to do what is right for him. Felicia

Actually, the complaint becomes part of public record. The police MIGHT refrain from telling who made the complaint, but if the offenders had the wherewithal, they could get the records and find out who did it.

BUT, that doesn't matter. Let the offenders know that your kid is off limits. Let them know they are messing with a bad momma. Let them know that you have police on your side. No matter who they are, they aren't as big as the police.

Felicia65
08-17-2005, 12:28 PM
Well I guess you are right about digging that far. But most of them are to dum to think of somthing like that. I know when I called the police on a boy across the street from me a few weeks ago. for huffing gas , while he was walking down the street, the lady on the phone ask me if I wonted to have the police come to my house first and I said no. I just wonted somone to come see about this kid before he kills him self. The police came and the boy ran from them, I watch the whole thing take place, The boy ran in to the woods and right back to his house where the police got him, they took him to the hospial because he was only 15 ,,, Then two days later I seen him with another gas can..... You know what the bad thing is I had my gas can come up missing about two weeks before this happen, I just though a friend borrwed it and did not bring it back till I seen him ! and it look like my gas can he had too .... WHO KNOWS!!!

thghtsreal
08-17-2005, 12:37 PM
Well I guess you are right about digging that far. But most of them are to dum to think of somthing like that. I know when I called the police on a boy across the street from me a few weeks ago. for huffing gas , while he was walking down the street, the lady on the phone ask me if I wonted to have the police come to my house first and I said no. I just wonted somone to come see about this kid before he kills him self. The police came and the boy ran from them, I watch the whole thing take place, The boy ran in to the woods and right back to his house where the police got him, they took him to the hospial because he was only 15 ,,, Then two days later I seen him with another gas can..... You know what the bad thing is I had my gas can come up missing about two weeks before this happen, I just though a friend borrwed it and did not bring it back till I seen him ! and it look like my gas can he had too .... WHO KNOWS!!!

Huffing - how awful. That can be instant death.

I saw a kid die from huffing right before my very eyes. I was in a park. There were a couple of kids huffing not far from where I was sitting. I was just amazed. One kid was huffing silver spray paint. His face and fingers were painted with silver. He stood up, took a couple of steps, coughed twice and fell to the ground. Silver paint oozed from his nose and mouth. A rescue squad came. The other kids ran. He was dead at the scene.

I guess he was about fourteen years old or so.

harleydavidson
08-17-2005, 07:50 PM
Im sorry to here that I have 2 daughters one 15 and 1 12 years old you need to be in there business nothing is hidden from you there friends is the problem. getting them away from the wrong crowd is the best thing. Is there a father in the house you have to lay down the law plus he needs to know marijuana will lead to bigger badder drugs that are deadly. Keep him close to you doing family things with you love him unconditionally the reason alot of kids turn to drugs is exceptance its belonging its that there hurt inside and they don't like who they are. Find those things out talk to him really talk to him not belittle him God Bless plus pray if you believe in God pray and ask him for help thats the best advice I can give you if you believe in God or don't he still bigger then any drug out there I know I use to be hooked on every thing Im well experienced in all that night mare thats what it is All pray for you and your son God Bless you :angel: :angel: :angel:

Felicia65
08-18-2005, 05:54 AM
thghtsreal What a nightmare to see... What in Gods name do these kids think they are doing... I live in a small town , and I did not even know all this was going on untill my son came to live with me. Now I see things I never seen before. God what is the people in this world coming too. My son told me he tried it once he said he seen little green men around his truck and the truck was up in the air, Then he passed out, I ask him why he would do such a thing he said one of his friends told him it was fun and would not hurt you.... Kids seem to think that life is one big joke... I never was like that growing up and it is hard for me to understand what these kids are thinking....

thghtsreal
08-18-2005, 06:26 AM
thghtsreal What a nightmare to see... What in Gods name do these kids think they are doing... I live in a small town , and I did not even know all this was going on untill my son came to live with me. Now I see things I never seen before. God what is the people in this world coming too. My son told me he tried it once he said he seen little green men around his truck and the truck was up in the air, Then he passed out, I ask him why he would do such a thing he said one of his friends told him it was fun and would not hurt you.... Kids seem to think that life is one big joke... I never was like that growing up and it is hard for me to understand what these kids are thinking....

My guess is that there is a belief that modern medicine can fix anything, so there is a reduced concern of injury.

I also suspect that video games have a lot to do with it. Before video games, kids played and fell down and felt pain. There was an understanding that health and life is only one bad mistake away. Now, kids spend hours in front of the video screen killing, being killed, and being instantly re-born with super powers.

I guess the "why" is not so important. The important thing is that we are losing a lot of young people and future talent to these destructive vices.

Felicia65
08-18-2005, 06:38 AM
My guess is that there is a belief that modern medicine can fix anything, so there is a reduced concern of injury.

I also suspect that video games have a lot to do with it. Before video games, kids played and fell down and felt pain. There was an understanding that health and life is only one bad mistake away. Now, kids spend hours in front of the video screen killing, being killed, and being instantly re-born with super powers.

I guess the "why" is not so important. The important thing is that we are losing a lot of young people and future talent to these destructive vices.
yes every word you said is true, It is such a sad world for kids to live in , But what can we do ? nothing :blob_fire :confused:

No_More_Weed
08-19-2005, 10:21 AM
Hi there,

I have made it to day 16 :) and I believe your son needs
lots of love. Maybe you should try to put him in
rehab or some type of private school.

I smoked for many years and found I didnt quit because no
one ever gave me any flak. Maybe if someone stays on his ***
he will get the clue.

Yes video games are a big part of it. I know this because I am a gamer
and I played all day on pot. But now im gettting clean I dont
really have the excitment level for games any more.

Let your kid know that you love him and that you may have to
give some tuff love to achieve yours and his goal of getting
him clean.

I feel alot better now that I am off that crap. He just needs it out of
his system. Because right now the weed does the talking.

Lemme know if I can help

Day 16 and still very strong :)

No_More_Weed

ibsweetbaby
09-21-2005, 09:37 AM
:)
I am sorry to all of those who have responded to my message that I have not been on in a while. ALL IS GOING GREAT.(for now) I sat down with my son and he decided on his own to stay away from the kid that he was smoking pot with. I am so very proud of him. I did a drug test on him last Sunday :) HE PASSED I have never been so happy to be the jerk but I got my point across that it is not acceptable in this house, and that at anytime I feel the need I will give him another drug test. I will wait a while to let him get more at ease and then test again, but we do talk about it quite often to keep his mind where it is suppose to be. I feel really bad sometimes because I treat him like a 2 yr old I wont let him go anywhere by himself not until I get the trust back from him It will take a while and he knows and understands it.
I feel very lucky the friend that he was smoking pot with his mother calls me to come to their house because he is still smoking pot. At first I ran down there to try and help her but it is her problem to work it out on her own. She has a good kid also but he is in need of more help than she or I know to give him.
Thank you all I will be on a little more to respond back Im very buisy trying to go to college and work and take care of my baby boy it takes up alot of my time

KFld
09-22-2005, 05:42 AM
Glad to hear you got it under control before he got into something worse. Good for you!!!

You are right to drug test him ever now and then. You want to make sure he's not just getting comfortable with it to get around you. As long as you are testing him and it's negative, then you may want to show him you are beginning to trust him. If he's doing what you ask, and not gaining your trust back, he may ask himself if it's worth it!

Stay in touch and let us know how he's doing.

:D

TJOB3
09-22-2005, 10:07 AM
I Would Say Get Your Kid In Sports... When I Was 12 Years Old I Didn't Have Time To Get High With Everything Going On. Keep Tabs With Changes In Friends, School Performance And Hobbies/activities ( Lost In Interest) I Don't Care What Anybody Says Pot Is A Gateway Drug... Trust Me... Take It From Me. I Played Sports All The Way Through High School, Varsity Baseball The Whole Way Through, Never Did Drugs... Then The Sports Ended And I Started Experimenting With Drugs... Luckily I'm Clean Again... Drugs Took A Hold Of Me For 4 Years. It Happens So Fast.

ibsweetbaby
11-07-2005, 07:53 AM
For those who have been somewhat keeping up with this I did have my son start sports. He just got done with football the team did wonderful they went 7 and 0 had their party got letters ect... now we will be doing wrestling and basketball I am so proud of him he is doing great. He is still not hanging around same old friends still has contact with him by phone but no direct contact. Thanks for all the advice it seems to be working
I will update those who are interested from time to time
Sweetbaby