View Full Version : Son is threatening to leave rehab

05-08-2006, 05:43 AM
My son is saying he is going to walk from rehab this Sunday his two week mark.

He goes from one idea to another to get out of that place, his newest idea, he wants to join the reserves or enlist (which I know my son, is bs to get out of rehab). He is going to call me today for the numbers to contact these people. I told him they will not accept him with a drug past or if he is on medications. My son said he will lie to them because his records are confidential.

He is grasping at straws just to get out and all I want him to do is hang in there for five to six weeks.

I don't know what to do! How do I get through to this knuckle head? Can I enlist the rehab for ideas or help?

My son is the most unpatient, wants his way person I have ever met.

05-08-2006, 09:38 AM
Cram stay strong and dont let him leave. This is the addict trying to manipulate that he is ok after 2wks he has seen the "light". Let him threaten let him throw a tantrum he will get over it Ithink I dont know your son but thats what it seems to me. We need chef over here to put in his advice which is always wonderful!!!! CHEF!!!! Keep your chin up. Good luck Kim

05-08-2006, 03:35 PM
hi,was hoping no news was good news,only comfort i can give is that another 5 days withput drugs will make him think differently,in the meantime when you speak tell him well done for aanother day look forward to speaking again and can we leave the decision to quit rehab until sunday and then talk about it,just try to make the most of your time there,stalling i know but better than being at loggerheads because he is craving this drug and it is making him so angry,keep posting,rooting for him,sad mum

05-08-2006, 10:37 PM
The same, the same, the same.

Seen this in myself and many, many other people.

1) he is very uncomfortable (sorry for this obvious statement - just want to be clear) and (surprise! surprise!) rehab is a very uncomfortable place...at first.

They make you confront everything (if it is a good one) and this he needs. This and a lot of time.

2) he also needs to make his own mistakes. It is part of growth. I only pray he survives them.

Best wishes.


05-09-2006, 05:23 AM
Last night he called me, he badgers me until I can't stand it anymore, I had to tell him I couldn't deal with him anymore and to call me back. Of course he'll call me today. I may not answer the phone. He wants me to pick him up asap. He has to be driving the people at rehab crazy.

My son is a spoiled brat who badgers me, no one else, to death. Now he has three new ideas. The army, in hospital rehab (lieing he is an alcoholic so he can get addiction counselling) and to let him come home, under house arrest and if he leaves kick him out (I work and he knows that, he will sleep and come and go while I am at work). His mind is all over the place, scheming.

I don't trust him, at all with anything these days.

I am going to call his rehab later this am to see what they suggest. I will let you know what rehab tells me.

Thanks Ethos, I never thought about your points. Sadmum, stalling is a good idea. Kim, boy is he ever trying to manipulate me!

I think one of my sons problems is he wasn't totally honest with rehab, he didn't mention he lost his license years ago to a dui or that he was/is on probation. Or that he screwed up his scholarship.

05-09-2006, 12:26 PM
I spoke to rehab and they said do not enable him, if he leaves tell him not to contact you.

Well, my son called and said he was getting a ride out of there (said the place was boring and he was butting head with the staff) and that he would leave his stuff on my back porch and going to a shelter. Oh yeah right. Said he would do much better with one on one counseling. I told him we tried that and it didn't work.

I told him if he left rehab, don't come here, the conversation was so frustrating I hung up on him. Before talking to him I sent in another two week payment in to rehab. I guess I will have to keep in touch with them and if he does leave ask they send that check back.

05-09-2006, 01:16 PM
I'm sorry your son doesnt see what a great mom he has and is taking advantage of you. One day he will open his eyes. Its just to bad he wont right now while he has such a great opportunity and the resources to do it. Many of us had to get clean ourselves without the opportunity to find out why it happened. Take care of yourself right now.

05-09-2006, 03:40 PM
back to the merry go round cram,hope he stays its too soonhe needs to get over the cravings but having said that my daughter went 4 weeks and still went back and here we are again 6days clean and just keeping faith in god,will he go on blockers,sub or naltraxone it is supposed to be good and much better than methadone,look after ypurself and stay strong,sad mum

05-10-2006, 12:28 AM
Sounds like you are doing all the right things.

Now my advice is this:

do exactly what you said you would: do not allow him back home if he leaves rehab. Tell him you will call the cops (and be ready to back this up) and don't take his stuff.

You must cut him off now...or until he comes back to his senses.

Sorry about all this. Stay strong.


05-11-2006, 02:20 PM
Well, he didn't walk yet but he wants out this weekend. He is calling tonight and I am going to stick to my guns and tell him it is five weeks minimum. I will re-iterate to him if he walks sooner, he walks alone, when he looks backwards there will be no familiar faces.

A rollercoaster is an understatement.

Ethos, he isn't welcome here. Not now, not anytime soon.

Sadmum, six days....how is she doing? Are the meds she is on working? Is she going for counseling?

Kim4074, thank you for the kind words, especially so close to mothers day. I heard that my son won't partake in the rehabs group sessions because he doesn't care about his fellow residents. How said, that he is so cold to his fellow man and to his family. I hope this is something normal that rehab people go through.

05-11-2006, 04:18 PM
hi,hope your son doesnt leave rehab but if he does hes not ready,the sad thing is he will regret it,you have done everything you can and it must come from him now,i told my daughter she could not stay home while taking drugs but when she was ready to quit i was here to help and support her all the way,this is the 5th time she has come this far and further and still gone back to drugs but everytime she learns a little more,yes we are going down the therapy route,waiting for doc to come back with a recommendation have decided to go private as the hicks on the nhs dont seem to be doing any good,2 out of 4 app are regularly cancelled because of meetins,holidays or off sick,she has never been abusive or nasty to me she is just very sad and it transpires something happened to her and she wont talk about it just cries,but she said rehab will have planted a seed about geting clean so it may have done a little good,for your son,thinking of you,sad mum

05-11-2006, 04:19 PM
I think the rehab should be able to handle this I'm sure its not the first time they had to deal with someone who doesnt want to be there. Maybe your son still doesnt think he has a problem if that possible cause he isnt as bad as the people in there? I'm sooo confused. Maybe this is the first time he has to be accountable for himself and his actions and isnt ready to face that. Your a great mom and I hope you have a great mothers day you deserve it. Do something that YOU want to do and WHAT makes you HAPPY after all its your day!!! Your son will come around hes desperate right now. Is this the first time he is being made to do something he doesnt want to do? Just wondering I hope I didnt upset you but I do know people like that and its just frustrating that people dont know what they have. Have a great mothers day and dont let anyone ruin it!!!! Kim

05-12-2006, 04:43 PM
hey cram...havent been around for a week...too busy..went thru staff problems again and have been workin straight thru 6am to 9 p,.m.....just got caught up on readin your posts...your son is obviously in denial and mental anguish and pain from the methadone w/d's......if you can keep his butt in there,its good...he needs to be re-programmed and re-brainwashed.....itll happen,but all not too soon im sure for you...thats right also about keepin to your guns...if he does leave,homeless life aint much fun after awhile.....if its worth anything,be patient...i know that seems far fetched,but hes goin to learn the hard way,either way...it took a sledgehammer thirty bops on my ****** before i got it,im sure hes going to be a hard learner too....he'll need to open up to alittle honesty and a small amount of spiritual intervention before he sees the light.....that methadone stays with ya for a solid month so stick to your guns.....if he desires to see the light,the door is always open for him...he just needs to ask for help to get thru the door....chef

05-13-2006, 10:50 AM
I had to hang up on him today, I wouldn't answer when he called back. I also called rehab. They weren't aware my son is threatening to leave but now they know. I also told them if he leaves he is not to get the balance of money in his folder for laundry and phone cards.

My son thinks he is cured and rehab is in it for the money only. He makes me so crazy. He almost ruined my day but that is why I thought enough and hung up.

Chef, so glad to hear from you again. I didn't know that the meth would linger for a month and yes I do know he isn't over the hump yet from your previous posts. Sorry work is so crazy for you.

Sadmum, whatever transpired to make her cry is something you have to address. The agony she must be going through not being able to share it with anyone. Is she eating and sleeping?

Kim, funny your should mention rehab should be able to handle this. At first I was feeling guilty about dumping my son there on their lap with ALL his problems and then I realized after reading your post, this is what they do and have seen, I am paying for a service so let them deal with his moods. You don't upset me at all, thank you for being here for me. My son, likes to get his way, he knows how to steam roll right over me. He likes to blame me for all his problems.

Ok guys, I am putting all these problems on a shelf so to speak, till tomorrow night. This is Mother's Day weekend and I am taking my mom out in a bit to celebrate with her. Then tomorrow I get to enjoy my day. Enjoy the weekend, enjoy Mother's Day!

05-13-2006, 11:54 AM
good to hear from you cram...i'll enjoy another mothers day also....what it basically means to me since my moms gone is just cooking for another 400......havent had a mothers day/thanksgiving/easter off in 32 years...yahoo....but it would be a pleasure cooking for you and the family...take care...chef

05-13-2006, 12:56 PM
Cram, I'm new to this discussion but I just wanted to express my sympathy and support for you. I have a son who sounds exactly like yours, manipulative and wants what he wants when he wants it!!! Only contacts me when he needs something and I'm sure I won't hear from him on Mother's Day tomorrow. Not on hard drugs that I know of, but can't hold a job and always expects to come back home and Mom will support him.

I'm the one who went from rehab to rehab in my 20's .... called Mom and told her I wanted to come home, she always took me back (wrong). Went through a very difficult and long methadone withdrawal, it was horrible. The only thing that straightened me out was getting pregnant right out of rehab, or I probably would've gone back to drugs....very difficult to stay away from the old life and friends when you get out and don't know anything else. I've been straight for 29 years but unfortunately now am enjoying my pain meds for back problems a little too much ... hope I can avoid a relapse after all this time.

I just wanted you to know there are other mothers out there who are feeling your pain and going through similar issues. Please enjoy your time with your mother tomorrow. Stay strong but even if you don't...we're here for you either way.

05-14-2006, 03:19 PM
Chef, I had to laugh (thanks for the long distance chuckle, laughing really does lift one up). When I read you were cooking for 400 people, I don't know it just made me laugh. Not at you with you, hope that makes sense.

Avalon, 29 years :bouncing: Now that is a wonderful Mother's Day gift to me, to hear this. Please, for yourself, don't relapse. You see what we are all going through, you would cause so many people pain besides yourself. Good, that you are aware it could be a potential problem....good that you are discussing it, we are here for you, if you are tempted to refill those, we are here. Please be careful.

I have some good news (OK, good news today, because I never know what to expect from day to day with my son). Son is still at rehab. Tough love may be working.

He called to give my husband a list of things he needed from home. I never thought hearing "I need more clothes, send my dress clothes and I need dryer sheets" would make my day but it did! I am boxing these items and shipping them off tomorrow.

Could it mean that he is seeing the light? That he is caring about his appearance? That he needs dress clothes because he wants to go to church? OK, I am going to enjoy this moment of happiness.

05-26-2006, 08:04 PM
Any parent going through this has to stay strong to save your son!! That is the ony way he will get clean and have a chance of staying clean.

We battled with our son for about 2 years (not yet driving) our home was a living hell! He was skilled at splitting us up to get what he wanted, which was money and freedom to do xtasy and bars and smoke pot. (A LOT OF POT and a LOT of X) He was a different kid. Not the sweet boy that I knew. He was angry, sneaky, spiteful, all of the horrible adjectives you can think of.

One night, he stole our car. The cops were at our house at 4am for us to go and get him. When we arrived again he argued, tried to take down a very big policeman. I (not his dad) told the cops that we had enough to take him to jail. I honestly thought that would teach him a lesson. He spent the weekend there and on court day, he walked in head cocked, strutting and I knew that he did not learn his lesson. He smarted off to the judge and was remanded for another 2 weeks.

When he finally got released (I think I cried a million tears those 2 weeks, as well as questioning myself with my decision) I took him away for a while, just the two of us for 2 months and had a wonderful time. I really thought that the worst was over. When we returned home, very soon, infact the same day that we returned he was up to his old tricks.

Things got from bad to worse very fast and we finally had him admitted to a live-in long term rehab. I knew he wouldn't go on his own, so we had him arrested away from home, sorta a surprise attack. His sister didn't need to see this.

We didn't talk to him for about 6 weeks and that first phone call was agonizing. He was trying to stay strong, but his voice sounded so very sad.

Slowly, from that day forward he has been doing better and better. He has accepted that he can no longer use drugs, that HE is accountable for his actions.

During the holidays (he had been there about 6 months)
I was so homesick for him that we went to the school and demanded to see him alone for a few minutes and asked him if he was ready to come home. I thought he would jump at the chance, but he said that he didn't think he was ready and that if we took him home that he thought he would be using again very soon. That is all I needed to hear.

Although this is not the road that I would of chosen for him, I am so very proud of him and his accomplishments.

During a weekend seminar a few weekends ago, he was asked to share his story. He stood in front of the entire audience and THANKED ME for having him arrested. He said that he knew that by me doing it, his game was really up. He expected it from his Dad, but not from me. I was the one to get him out of trouble and try to smooth things over with everyone.

SO before I got so windy, I want to tell you to STAY STRONG! Don't buy into his manipulations, just hang up. It will only take a few times of you hanging up for him to get the message. I had to tell myself over and over again that my son was in the fight of his life and I had to be strong for him until he could be strong for hisself. I also had to tell my self that if I got weak, it could cost him his life.


05-26-2006, 11:49 PM
You cannot force anyone to get sober. You can, however, refuse to enable them. In the end, all you can do is not allow him back into the house if he skips out on treatment. This will raise the "bottom" for him and may bring him to his senses quicker.

05-27-2006, 12:11 AM
Try an Al-Anon meeting for YOURSELF. There are lot's of people there who have had the same problems with thier children. Peace :)