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View Full Version : Daughter just found out..asked me to keep it a secret


countrykid
06-29-2006, 05:43 AM
Ok I'm new on this board..I haven't taken the time yet to read all the posts regarding skin cancer yet...I'm still upset.....My daughter who lives MILES away (3000) called yesterday to tell me about her appointment with the specialist doctor.....she was going for some allergy testing...she's experienced something ..what was being told to me as anaphaltic shocks due to something...happened to her twice in less than 3 weeks...So needless to say when she said Melanoma and biopsy it floored me!!!! It took all I had inside me to stay calm and not relay the horror I was feeling....As the good mother I did the reinforcing chit chat about how far the treatments and such have come over the years.

Now the worse part is I have been asked by her not to tell ANYONE...she doesn't want her father or siblings, etc to know yet...she wants me to wait till after she gets the results of the biopsy (2 weeks)...the dr talked to her about FH Melanoma? Skin laser? I can understand why she wants to wait to tell because of how the rest of the family will react (I'm more reserved or not dramatic) we've been touched by cancer...my mother in law died from bone cancer and my husband's best freind of liver and his wife from brain....so unforunately we've dealt with some horrible close deaths because of cancer...You say the word cancer and my husband just ohh I can't describe it in words his reaction...Now I want to scream at my youngest daughter to stay out of the sun and those darm tanning salons....I can't even tell anyone that my daughter called or I'll start crying....so how am I going to hold it back if someone remembers she had a drs appointment this week????? Oh I just hope none of the neighbors or freinds I see ask about her in the next 2 weeks....Oh I just remembered...4th of july weekend...freinds, family OH NO!!!

It's going to be a long 2 weeks...I have physical health problems so stress is not my freind....My poor husband couldn't understand why last night half way through dinner I got an attack...I was fine and then BAM!!!

Hopefully posting this might help me...I can tell "someone" and have no fear of it getting back to our "circle"...we've lived here so long and been involved with the community there is always someone that knows someone that knows us.....

rw82
06-29-2006, 11:27 AM
I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what you and your daughter are going through. But as you said in your " chitchat" with your daughter that treatment has come so far. I know it will be hard but please try to think positive.

Maybe posting here will help. I know that there are a lot of good people here that will listen.

Take care :wave:

jimmielegs
06-29-2006, 12:11 PM
I'm so sorry you are facing this with your DD, countrykid. Your daughter must trust you very much to be able to call you with her news and know that you will keep it confidential.

As to what to say to friends who ask, you can simply say you are waiting to hear. The thing with DH is tricker. I can imagine how difficult it is to keep something from him especially when you are having physical reactions to it.

BonBe
06-29-2006, 12:46 PM
and to follow your daughters wishes are what is called for. Nothing is known truely until she gets a proper excised (not shaved) biopsy. Only then will things be known and at what stage.

As for her keeping it a secret, yes until the exact nature is known. It is hard thing for sure. I know itwould prob kill me to do it, but I would have to honour the wishes and just be there for her.

Bonnnie Lea
Melanoma Stage 2:blob_fire

countrykid
06-30-2006, 08:01 AM
Thank You all for your words of comfort...I am feeling better today....doing research...luckily no one has asked as of yet about her dr's appt....it's not that unusual for her not to call right away...she has a very important position with her employer so she is always very very busy...flying here.. flying there...day trips.. hard to even get in touch by phone...service in bad in some of there areas she has trips to...we play alot of phone tag....I've decided that if someone asks I will say they took some tests (not lying to anyone--they did skin and blood) results in 2 weeks...that should get me by...keeping busy will be good...I'll just cook up a storm of food for the holidays.....
Thank you all again...these boards are great for reaching out!

Ga Lady
06-30-2006, 12:33 PM
Ok I'm new on this board..I haven't taken the time yet to read all the posts regarding skin cancer yet...I'm still upset.....My daughter who lives MILES away (3000) called yesterday to tell me about her appointment with the specialist doctor.....she was going for some allergy testing...she's experienced something ..what was being told to me as anaphaltic shocks due to something...happened to her twice in less than 3 weeks...So needless to say when she said Melanoma and biopsy it floored me!!!! It took all I had inside me to stay calm and not relay the horror I was feeling....As the good mother I did the reinforcing chit chat about how far the treatments and such have come over the years.

Now the worse part is I have been asked by her not to tell ANYONE...she doesn't want her father or siblings, etc to know yet...she wants me to wait till after she gets the results of the biopsy (2 weeks)...the dr talked to her about FH Melanoma? Skin laser? I can understand why she wants to wait to tell because of how the rest of the family will react (I'm more reserved or not dramatic) we've been touched by cancer...my mother in law died from bone cancer and my husband's best freind of liver and his wife from brain....so unforunately we've dealt with some horrible close deaths because of cancer...You say the word cancer and my husband just ohh I can't describe it in words his reaction...Now I want to scream at my youngest daughter to stay out of the sun and those darm tanning salons....I can't even tell anyone that my daughter called or I'll start crying....so how am I going to hold it back if someone remembers she had a drs appointment this week????? Oh I just hope none of the neighbors or freinds I see ask about her in the next 2 weeks....Oh I just remembered...4th of july weekend...freinds, family OH NO!!!

It's going to be a long 2 weeks...I have physical health problems so stress is not my freind....My poor husband couldn't understand why last night half way through dinner I got an attack...I was fine and then BAM!!!

Hopefully posting this might help me...I can tell "someone" and have no fear of it getting back to our "circle"...we've lived here so long and been involved with the community there is always someone that knows someone that knows us.....

Hi there Country Kid,

Don't know your daughter's age or such but I will share my experience with the Melanoma word. I am 37 years old. It's been almost a year now since I was diagnosed with Melanoma. Mine was .80 in Breslow Depth and a Clark IV in Level. It was on my arm just above my elbow. I was just like your daughter. I thought if I didnt tell anyone, it wouldn't be so.....Scarey? Or ? I really dont know. Iremember calling my husband and telling him. And my Mom is my bestest friend in the whole world, but I told her last. The people we love we want to shelter I imagine. I felt numb, and at a loss of words. People from my church started calling me telling me they were praying for me. And I knew my husband had already got the prayer going on! Today I sit here NO EVIDENCE OF DISEASE (NED) and very thankful. I look at life in a whole different light now. I see the flowers, I stop and smell the flowers and I examine them to their fullest detail. If that makes any sense. You're family needs to be aware of this due to the fact that Melanoma is inherieted. My daughter who is 18 has already had 4 moles removed by a punch biopsy. Very abnormal. One being a pre-mel if it hadn't been removed, it would of turned into a Melanoma. Please keep us updated. I know this heavy baggage to carry. We mothers carry our childrens burdens alot of times that we just can't carry on our own. The "C" word was my biggest phobia as a teenager. I met it face to face at the age of 36, and I have tosay it made me stronger. And helped my faith! God Bless youand Yours! :wave: :angel:

countrykid
07-14-2006, 06:13 AM
Yesterday was a wonderful day....all the results were back from the biopsy....No Melanoma!!!! she just needs to get checked every 3 months to watch her moles because she was a "tanning salon" user...She told her father and of course his reaction as soon as he heard the word cancer he flipped....she had to quickly say No Cancer to get his attention....Thank you all again for your support it was of great comfort to know I could reach out and someone would be there...

rw82
07-14-2006, 04:26 PM
:bouncing: What great news for your daughter !!!

Have a good weekend,
RW