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Marirose
08-08-2006, 07:30 AM
Hi yall - Thanks again for all the caring support you have given me here. It looks like I might need some more of it. :( I went to see my brother this morning, and he told me that when he gets out of jail at the end of the week, he has decided to move out west for a "new start". Our youngest brother lives on the west coast, and my alcoholic brother is going to live near him. Unfortunately, our youngest brother is still in his twenties, single, and out there partying on the weekends. While he does have a steady job, and I don't think the youngest one has a problem with drinking, I don't see that he will be very helpful in this supposed "new start". In fact, I don't think my alcoholic brother is telling me the truth. I think the "new start" he has in mind is getting away from me and my DH nagging him about his drinking and "starting over" with drinking his life away.

The good? news is that he asked me & my DH to adopt his children permanently, which furthers my suspicion that he has no intention of creating a new life for himself. I hate to say that I am actually glad about taking the kids. It feels sooo terrible to say that, but my poor little neice & nephew have had nothing but chaos in their lives since birth, and I would hate to see them drug away from the only home they can remember to be bounced around by my brother and the string of "girlfriends" that he will undoubtedly hook up with if he starts hanging out in bars again. I feel guilty even posting these feelings, but they are how I feel right now.

I know that it will be hard on everyone, but I really feel it is for the best. I hope you will all keep us in your prayers - It is going to be really hard for the younguns to kiss daddy goodbye at the end of the week if he goes through with this plan. Please esp. pray for my brother, and also for my husband, Toby. I can't imagine going through this without his support. I am so grateful that he is happy to adopt my brother's children - it is going to be a burden that falls mainly on his shoulders to support all of our (now) eight kids with the farm, and I am just so glad he will take that responsibility - he deserves to be blessed with prayer. Thank you all so much, Marirose

Liamsmom
08-08-2006, 09:14 AM
I'll pray for all of you. What an incredible thing you and your husband are doing for your niece and nephew. I wish there were more people like you two in the world. Good Luck and I hope your brother finds his way.

tryinghardmom
08-08-2006, 09:39 AM
Oh goodness.....what a shame. Your younger brother will find out very quickly what a destructive life your other brother leads and I'm sure the new will wear off quicker than you can say 'Tequila Sunrise'. Yes, your husband deserves many many hugs around the neck and many prayers also.....what a guy. Your brother is missing out on so much by abandoning his kids, and he'll have to deal with that guilt and their hurt and anger eventually......but your stepping in and showing them that they matter to you will greatly assauge those wounds. The stability that you and your husband offer will do wonders, I'm sure, counteracting the chaos they've felt up to now.....I think it's true that kids are very resilient.

So although it's not the change you'd like to see in him, you can at least have the peace that the kiddos are okay. I'll keep you all in my prayers.

Christy

Marirose
08-09-2006, 05:18 AM
Thanks for the kind replies. You are so right, Christy, I do feel a certain peace when I know that the kids are going to be safe, but I still have an underlying feeling of panic when I think how bitter they may be when they grow up and realize that their father and mother (who they never really knew - she left when my neice was 3 mos. old) gave them up for drugs/alcohol. We live a very simple life, and we are never going to be rich, and I get scared when I think that what we have to offer here will not seem like much to them when they are teenagers and they may want to go chasing after their "good times" dad....yet my neice (my daughter? that sounds weird to say after having six sons!) slept in my husband's arms last night and she is already up bouncing around the yard with him, feeding the chickens. It's so good to see her (and my nephew) happy, but scary to think about what may come when my brother leaves. My husband spoke with him last night, and he seems definite about the move.

I am also scared for my brother. My husband and I both spoke with my youngest brother last night and told him honestly what was going on here. He was shocked to hear about the adoption issue - I don't think he had any real clue how far gone my alcoholic brother is. He has sworn not to let him move in or enable him, but I pity him if he has to put up with anything like what we went through.

And, lastly, as the feeling of relief of helping the children fades a bit, it is replaced with cold, hard fear for what is happening to my brohter. The idea of giving my children away repulses me. I'm sorry, but it's true. I feel sick to my stomach when I think of it - giving them away b/c he can't be bothered with anything but drinking. I can't imagine what is going to become of him...will he wake up and realize what he is missing? what if he does and then he wants to come back into the children's lives? what if he doesn't and dies out there not knowing the love of his family? So many feelings....

Thanks for the prayers -please keep them coming! My brother gets out of jail on Friday. God Bless, Marirose