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dada78
08-10-2006, 08:43 PM
Dear Forum members,

my husband and I have been married for 9 years and in the beginning of our relationship I became already aware that he would always drink 3-4 glasses of wine a day, sometimes but very rarely hard liquor and that only a half a glass, nothing serious. To me this was unusual behavior because I am never drinking alcohol and I am coming from a family who hardly ever drank either.

His family on the other hand has made it a habbit to drink wine on a daily basis, starting in the afternoon. They can handle themselves very well when they are drinking but I think it might not be healthy.

However, I don't like the way my husband behaves when he is drunk. When he is tipsy nobody would probably notice because he has a very high tolerance it seems. He is never ever wasted and only on a very rare occasion slures his words, but I just don't like it when he is under the influence so to say.

We have a great relatinship and he is a wonderful person, but his alcohol consumption worries me and initiates conflict. In the past he once promised to quit alcohol completely, did it for a couple of days but then started drinking his glasses of wine again. It seems as if he can't live without it. Everytime I recognized him being a bit more than tipsy I got furious, which reslted in a fight again were ich was angry and wanted him to change.

After these periods of him trying to cut down to 1-2 glasses a day, then relapsing to 3-4 and the re-occuring fights we are at a point now, where he is saying that "he likes who he is" and that " he doesn't have a drinking problem" and also that he won't try to change because he can't see anything wrong with having a few glasses a day.

A while back -when I think about it a year back - I noticed a Soda bottle in the refrigerator but I couldn't find any hard liquor. When I asked him what this soda is doing in our fridge he said he likes to drink it with some lemon.

When I came back from work (he is currently unemployed) he looked nice and well kept but I noticed that he was tipsy (or drunk) and his reponses were a bit slower than usual. I asked him what he drank and he said "only a beer and a glass of wine". Okay I thought, whatever. Later I found a bottle of vodka in the trash. When I confronted him, he said he had it for 2 weeks. It could be true, because he wasn't wasted or anything just tipsy.

But the problem is that I don't know if I am unreasonable here or if he really has a problem???

I hope someone can help me.

Thank you guys,
D

beaka_sue
08-11-2006, 10:11 AM
I would say that he has a serious problem and if you dont get him some help something bad could happen. Also I think if he is unemployed that is just giving him more of a chance to want to drink because he is bored. Yes I do think he is an alcoholic. If his family likes to drink as well that is something he is used to and probably he thinks if they do it then why can't he.

Do you have children? Please dont leave them alone with him because that is not responsible. I dont mean to sound so harsh but you need to get him some help.

MissyS
08-11-2006, 10:43 AM
I am the child of a recovering alcoholic and the wife of a recovering alcoholic, so needless to say, I've had a LOT of experience with this :c) After reading your post I would have to say that it sounds like your husband has a drinking problem. Alcoholics come in all shapes and sizes and have all different kinds of habits. Some drink at home, some drink in bars, some binge drink, some drink every day. Some questions to ask yourself:

Does he drink alone?
Does he drink to feel better when he is "down in the dumps"?
Is his drinking affecting his relationships?
Does he lie about his drinking?

From your post, I would guess that many of the answers to these questions is yes. The next step? He needs to realize he has a problem. You may want to consider seeing a professional who works with alcohol addiction. He or she can lead you in the next direction.

God bless!
Missy

brycry
08-11-2006, 11:13 AM
HI,
All too often I hear people say that because someone only drinks beer or wine they are not an alcoholic. An alcoholic is someone who is addicted to alcohol in any form. It could be Vodka, Whiskey, Beer, Wine or even cough medicine. If he can't function without it and/or makes excuses for his drinking he is an alcoholic. From your post it sounds as though he is dependent on alcohol and may or may not realize it. Most alcoholics will not realize their problem until they hit rock bottom. Unfortunately manytimes family members make excuses for them because we are in denial ourselves and don't want to believe that they have a problem or are not sure how to help them. It sounds like both of you could use some consiling. Look in your local phone book for Alanon meetings. They help family members of alcoholics to cope and also can help you find the best way to help him.
Good Luck
Donna

dada78
08-11-2006, 02:22 PM
Thank you so much for all your responses! It really helped to hear another perspective on this. It's still hard to communicate to him that he is having a problem. I don't know how to get to him in regards to this. I guess I have to wait and see.
if I had children and the answer to this is: no. Not yet at least.

Thanks again and god bless!
Carina

jacksinn
08-11-2006, 02:51 PM
I'm sorry for you and all you are going through.:eek:
It really is a sad day for me everyday. My husband is an alcoholic and has been to rehab. One of the best in the country - didnt drink for about 8 months and started again. If I would have realised it sooner I would have never had achild with him. My son is 13 and sees this behavior and just shakes his head. He has no respect for his father and it shows. One minute everything is fine and the next my husband starts "picking" about the house being a mess (its not) about how lazy my son is (He is a typical 13 year old and is a good kid) and then starts to quote everyone in my family and the negihborhood (no one likes you- your father says your a slob-the neighbors cant stand you-blah blah blah. He doesnt think there is anything wrong with yelling this at me. Ofcourse he is half drunk when he starts this. Why so I stay and listen to this? I dont know. We sleep in different rooms and forget about having sex. Who wants to sleep with someone who verbally abuses you? I hope things get better- but deep down I know it is going to have a bad ending.

gg913
08-19-2006, 02:17 PM
Carina,
Your husband is displaying all the classic symptoms of alcoholism. Why isn't he working? Take action- leave until he straightens himself out. Don't do anything in-between- it never works, as you know. Getting mad, threatening, etc., will not change the situation. Walk away now- it is not your problem, staying with him can actually cause more harm and just give him one more excuse to keep on drinking. You know, when you first started telling your story - I thought maybe he doesn't have a problem, but as you went on, I realized he's a 100% alcoholic- lying, hiding alcohol,etc., etc. He's obviously got more issues than just drinking. Best of luck to you.