View Full Version : my husbands 10 year crack addiction

10-09-2006, 07:46 PM
Hi. My husband has been addicted to crack for 10 years. We have been together for 9and a half years and been married for 7 of those years. At first he was able to hide it from me. We dated for 2 and a half years before we were married. We didn't live together for the first two years, but after we moved in together i can't believe i didn't know he was doing something. we have a beautiful healthy six year old son. I finally have reached my wits end with his addiction. He has been in rehab twice and nothing has helped, he now stays gone for days or even a week at a time. I'm afraid of what it has done to his body. Can anyone tell me some of the long term effects it will have on him. He is a 41 year old he only weighs 130 lbs now and that is small for him he is 5ft 11. I'm so worried about his health.

NY 1009
10-10-2006, 06:32 AM
I really feel for you with the situation you're faced with.
I had a friend I grew up with become a crack addict and she was down to bones. I couldn't believe it was the same person I knew. she told me found anyway possible to get the drug even if it meant stealing or taking money she should've been using for food.
I have always feared that drug above any drug in history.
once it gets hold of some people, I'm sorry to say they don't come back.
some do and my friend happens to be one of the lucky ones.
there is not a thing you can do to change your husband or make him stop.
he knows he shouldn't be doing it but that's what addiction is all about.
addictied people KNOW they shouldn't be doing it but they can't stop themselves.
sometimes they have to go in pt. multiple times before they are actually able to stay away from it long enough.
he has to stay away from the people he buys it from and has to be made aware of what sets him off to want to do it.
don't think it's a reflection on your part and that he doesn't care enough about you to want to stop.
I used to do that when I was married to my husband who's an alcoholic. he was from the time till we were married and still is. he's gone down hill and has lost everything. his job of 30's yrs, the house that his employer's let us live in, he lost his wife, his family, etc.
even if we think they hit bottom, they STILL may not be ready to quit.
it's a very dangerous and addictive drug, more than any drug I've ever come across besides heroin. I wish it was never created.
if you can communicate with him if he allows himself to open up to you, maybe you can suggest in patient treatment as well as an out pt. program for when he gets out. he has to want to change. I know this causes alot of stress on the other partner becuase you want with all your heart for them to stop killing themselves.. it hurts to see it.

I think it would be wise too if maybe you sought out some counseling for yourself before you wind up becoming sick from stress. I had to, and I'm glad that I did.
you have your own life to live and just because he's your husband doesn't mean you have to stand by his side on this.

I really hope things work out for you both. I know, because I'm a recovering addict myself, but not to crack.
he has to want it. I did. and that's the only thing that will make the addict change.


10-10-2006, 02:37 PM
I know all of this to be true. It has been a long hard road with him so far and i just don't know if i can do it anymore. We have a son and i have three other children by another marriage. We have never been without food or anything we needed because of his problem, but that is only thanks to my parents and his parents support. He has traded things from our home for crack. He has stolen money from my purse and the kids. I just can't live this way anymore. I still want to support him and help him get clean though. I'm really worried about his health. He looks so bad. can crack damage your internal organs. He is a good person when he is not on the drugs and he always worked before the drugs.

THANK YOU for your reply

NY 1009
10-11-2006, 05:50 AM
oh ms,
I feel for you tremendously. I think you're a kind and compassionate woman simply for the fact that you don't just want to run from the situation but that you owe it to him to help him.
that says you care. You've been with him a long time and I'm glad to hear that he's a kind person when not using drugs. Addicted people are kind people too. anyone who has an addiction doesn't make them a monster or a bad person. they need to be loved and helped along as if they have a illness or disease. not to be discarded like trash.
I understand that you can't live like you've been living much longer.
you have every right in the world to feel that way. It's not easy to live with people who have addictions. there's so much you go thru with that person and they don't realize this.
thank God you have family who have helped you.
and YES, crack can and will kill a person. it may take some yrs to see the end results of it or it may happen right away. it sucks the life right out of their bones and takes their soul away. I see why you're worried about his health.
I"m sure he is in need of medical attention and should have a complete physical and blood work performed.
he doesn't mean to hurt you when he steals from you and the kids. that goes with the territory of crack addiction. they have to get that drug no matter what. that's what they're feeling at the time.
some really do want to stop and some simply don't care. It sounds to me he does care simply by the fact that he's tried to get help.
IF he really doesn't care and doesnt' start taking action for his own problems than you may have to leave him. which doesn't mean you don't care.
you have yourself and the children to think about. it's hard at first because you've been with him for so long. I know, I've done it myself.
you will get by and there is assistance and help for woman who have chidren and who are in your situation. maybe your family can take you in temporarily in till you are able to get your own apartment? use this plan if he doesnt' show progress and that you mean what you're saying.
I don't know if you say things to him to try to get him to change. it's easy to say things to them when we're angry at the moment and then when the day light comes or the next day, we change our minds about leaving and think that things may change. but sometimes they don't and you have to prepare yourself for that back up.
get him into an in pt treatment again and have a plan for out pt five to six days a week when he gets out.
then if that doesnt' work, I would honestly say you have to really take a stand.

I'm here if you need to talk. i wish you the best and pray that your suffering doesn't last.

10-11-2006, 02:56 PM
I agree with bob there is nothing you can do if he doesnt want to help himself. As long as he thinks he can use then he will use its an addiction and an addict will do whatever it takes to get their DOC. Have you considered nar anon meetings you cant help an addict get better once he decides to quit if you dont get help for yourself too. Alot of people are told that but never go to any meeting since they dont need the help. But really you cant help him but you can help yourself by meetings and knowledge. I can promise you this if he dont stop things will never get better. I hope you dont take this the wrong way but those of us who love addicts are addicts themselves your addicted to the addict and cant walk away. I suggest nar anon to anyone dealing with this you will learn alot and find your inner strength and learn how to stop being codependent also. Good luck to you. Remember you cant help an addict until they help themselves. I'm sure he is a great man when not using. Kim

10-11-2006, 10:14 PM
I am a recovering crack addict and have researched this subject as part of my recovery. Here is just a little information on what I've learned. You can research online by searching "Health problems related to crack addiction".

Crack cocaine abuse symptoms can be classified into two categories: symptoms that show up during early use and symptoms that do not become until use has progressed into addiction and dependence.

The internal physical crack cocaine abuse symptoms are more difficult to detect. These symptoms include cardiovascular symptoms as well as physiological symptoms such as irregular heartbeats and depression.

Smoking crack cocaine can also cause particularly aggressive paranoid behavior in users as well as depression. Physical effects of using crack cocaine include constricted blood vessels and increased temperature, heart rate, and blood pressure. Users may also experience feelings of restlessness, irritability, weight loss, malnutrition and anxiety.

Cocaine smokers may suffer from acute respiratory problems including coughing, shortness of breath, and severe chest pains with lung trauma and bleeding. An irregular heartbeat that is produced by crack cocaine use can lead to heart attacks, strokes and possibly death.

One of three things will happen to a crack addict - They will either get cleaned up, locked up or covered up. That may sound harsh, but there isnt any way around it. We either get clean, go to jails and/or institutions or die from our addiction. Sometimes it happens quickly and sometimes we drag on for many years as in your husbands case. But it will happen!

10-13-2006, 11:50 AM
thank you everyone for your replys. Things turned ugly yesterday. I was on my way to pick up our kids from school and my husband met me in the road and got me to stop(he has been gone for 3 days on a binge). He wanted me to give him money and i wouldn't. He then proceded to cuss me out and got in his truck and spun out and it threw gravel all over my car. He was driving fast, when he got to the stop sign he just stopped and wouldn't go, so i slowed down to let him go, which he finally did. When i got a little ways down the road he slung his truck around in the road and was coming back towards me. I stopped and when he got close to me he went around me at the last minute. He didn't come back. I was scared of him, for the first time really scared. I took my kids to my parents and went home and packed his things and took him to his parents. I can't live in fear of someone. I still want to be there for him, but i don't know what to do. I just know i can't but my kids through this anymore.

I have a choice to be in this situation or not they don't. They have to be in whatever situation i put them in and i don't feel like i would be a good mother if i stayed with him anymore. I pray for him everyday and night.

10-14-2006, 01:08 AM
Good for you! You cant let your kids grow up like that and you cant be treated like that. Now just be careful cause when hes over his binge and realizes what he did he will be telling you he will stop and everything else. Unless he proves it to you dont believe him. Stay strong. Kim

10-14-2006, 01:48 AM
Forget him and never look back. If you go back to him, then you will be no better than him. Its all about SELF-WILL, some people have it, and some people don't! Do you?

10-14-2006, 11:36 AM
Sorry double posted above reply. My computer is weird someday. lol

10-16-2006, 07:04 PM
It eats away your teeth. It causes long term brain damage. Some times your brain chemistry never gets back to normal. It is time to go. You have a kid and I guarentee it has effected him. Do you want your child to grow up thinking that is acceptable or normal? I bet he already does. You need to get out for your child's sake.

10-16-2006, 07:07 PM
I did not read your post where you left. Good for you. I was a heroin addict and a crack head for five years. You gotta let him go. You can not get him to quit and you can not help him if he decided to quit. And if he decided to quit and get help it will take a few years of him being sober before he will be better mentally anyway. Good for you. It is freaking sad when kids are put through all that. Really sad.

10-21-2006, 10:20 AM
thank you for all your replys. I have hired an attorney i am getting a divorce.
He did try to come apologize to me the next day. I talked to him on the phone, I refused to talk to him in person. I was the same old story the tears and i will quit and never do it again. I told him he had to do it for hisself and his children because i am filing for divorce. He went off and started cussing me like i was the one who had done something wrong. I hung up. I have not talked to him since. I don't answer if he calls. In our divorce i am asking for supervised visitation of our 6 year old(2 hours every sunday in his parents home). I still pray for him everday and will continue to because we have a beautiful son who loves his father and needs him to get clean so he can be
the father that my son deserves. he also has to wonderful daughters by his first marriage that need him desperately. There mother has become an alcoholic and is addicted to xanax. I pray for them also.

10-22-2006, 01:19 PM
I think everyone is making light of a very dangerous lifestyle. My daughter lives with an addict (crack and heroin) and he has pulled a knife on her, put her in a headlock, has been in and out of rehab for 21 years, goes to AA meetings, steals and sells anything that isn't nailed down. Plus, when he's using he doesn't work so he doesn't pay for the stuff and there are people who have come to their apt , sat down, and refused to leave until they were paid. My daughter has heard of several people who were murdered for not paying or whatever; many have died of overdoses and/or heart attacks.
"But he's so sweet when he's not usiing" he says. Well, she had to give her son to her sister since child protective services and the police come over to their place constantly--I guess to see if her son, 8, is living there. I think they have had 4 cars traded for drugs just this year alone. My daughter is selling her possessions--she says he has cost her a fortune whatever that meant. He doesn't come home at night often, sometimes he's gone for days and comes back dirty and skinny. His mother calls him 4 times a day thinking it'll make him change :confused: He's 45; and he'll change?? They have no kids together, they're not married, she's a real estate agent so what is in this nightmare for her?? It isn't like she's not pretty; she is. She needs to feel very sorry for him, pray for him then run away from him as fast as possible in my opinion. He already has chest pains and a criminal record. I just don't get it. Maybe my insight is limited :confused: His pattern is to be ordered to rehab for 3 days, then he gets out and gets high. This goes on over and over again and she thinks her love will make him well? If she had gotten rid of him she'd have her son but she CHOSE to give temporary custody of him to her sister where he is living a Dream Life now. But she can see underlying anger in him. Now he's in church and karate; counseling starts soon. I will have to be hospitalized with exhaustion before I'll let something happen to that boy.
I'll take him; I've had him for weeks on end and spring break and I'm still alive.
This man refers to it as "my disease." I say , I am so sorry you have a disease but my grandson comes first. He also has hepatitis C from sharing needles. 80% of IV addicts have it. I fail to see the attraction.