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View Full Version : Alchoholic? bottle of wine per day


Lins220
12-13-2006, 06:22 AM
I come to you very concerned and upset with my boyfriend of nearly 3 years. He started drinking (and in my opinion, over consuming) wine and other alchohols (rum & coke, hard cider, guiness beer) a couple of months ago on a daily basis. At first, a drink or two per night (which in my opinion is fine even if it is more than I myself would consume) but now has progressed to an entire bottle of wine or the equivalent each and every day. He doesn't drink during the day (he has a full time job) and does this when he comes home at night.

He's 210 lbs, 6'3" and 24 years old. When he drinks an entire bottle, he tends to get slightly altered... a bit goofier and more clumbsy... but he isn't an angry drunk nor does he pass out or otherwise have physical consequences. This lack of effect gives him the excuse that it's fine for him to drink that much.

I say it isn't and it worries me. I have repeatedly asked him to cut down to 1/2 a bottle of wine per night, but he blows me off. He only gets upset with my expressed opinions on the matter when I tell him that it turns me off and I don't wish to be intimate with him. I am then called a prude and "no fun."

I told him last night (being exceptionally angry because he had opened his second bottle of wine and had a glass from it) that I wouldn't consider marrying him as the way things are and if he thinks that I'm a prude and being unreasonable in my opinion of his drinking he can just try this routine on the next girl.

Am I over-reacting?

isitme
12-13-2006, 06:53 AM
I was told it isn't how much you drink that makes you an alcoholic, it is the REASON behind it!!!!!! And the more regularly you drink, the more you'll need next time to get the same effect, as your body tolerates it more. Does he have any underlying stresses, work, family etc?

Lins220
12-13-2006, 08:07 AM
Yes he is experiencing job stress combined with what I would call "real world" stress.

I am 26 and have been living on my own (pay my own rent, bills, tuition etc) since I was 18.

He is 24 and up until June of this year, his parents paid for everything... tuition, rent, books, health insurance, etc.

In the past 6 months he's become a home owner (something he's not responsible enough to be easily), started paying for medical insurance, and gotten a "real" job, which as we all know has it's own stresses that a retail or student job doesn't prepare you for.

He doesn't think he's stressed though. He is ever the optimist and still acts for the most part like he doesn't have a care in the world.

It's this denial of reality that has me concerned...

desertdweller
12-13-2006, 08:10 AM
If this has only been going on the last few months, I'd think maybe he's a stress drinker. Maybe you should ask him about it when he hasn't been drinking. It's always a bad idea to discuss someone's drinking when they are drunk.

Lins220
12-13-2006, 08:14 AM
I do talk to him about it before he's had his second drink... or even before he's drank anything at all. He blows it off as "no big deal" ... and "I drink it cause I like wine that's all... it doesn't effect me"

Bridges
12-13-2006, 11:30 AM
You have one life to live....
My ex used the excuse that it was only one glass per night....then it was two glasses...only her glass was a plastic 16 ounce tumbler, and she weighed 105 lbs.
You are correct in calling for intervention...whatever form that may take. It will not resolve itself. I am 6'2" and 200lbs, and two glasses (16oz) of good wine is plenty after a hard day.
If your partner does not have the respect for you to consider your opinion on this, then consider what your life together may look like in the future.

Lins220
12-13-2006, 12:31 PM
You have one life to live....
My ex used the excuse that it was only one glass per night....then it was two glasses...only her glass was a plastic 16 ounce tumbler, and she weighed 105 lbs.
You are correct in calling for intervention...whatever form that may take. It will not resolve itself. I am 6'2" and 200lbs, and two glasses (16oz) of good wine is plenty after a hard day.
If your partner does not have the respect for you to consider your opinion on this, then consider what your life together may look like in the future.

Thanks...

I wrote him a long email (I find that form of communication works best when talking about a conflict as it is non emotional.. I can explain what I'm thinking, read it several times to make sure that it is clear before sending it off.. may sound impersonal but it works). He read it and appears to be willing to work on it... so I said "we'll see"

I am glad I came here and asked the question... even if just to get confirmation for myself that the situation warranted the reaction on my part and it was in my best interest to do so.