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Ronnie3112
06-11-2007, 08:03 AM
I'm a 31 year old female living in New Jersey. I've been with my b/f a 2 1/2 years and out of that he was in jail for 2 of those years. He has a history of herion use and still do. He is in denial b/c was just released from Detox on early part of April. He was going to his meetings then just stopped. I'm getting to the point where I want to give up. He is such a wonderful guy, God Fearing, family oreinted person.

I know he want's help b/c he made a statement to me he just needs to know how to stay off of it. And the only way I know is through Prayer but it feels like it's not working. I love him so much and kills me to see him addicted to something so horrible. Does anyone have any suggestions on something he can do or any places in Northern New Jersey that can help him He does not have health insurance right now.

HURTING

rosequartz
06-11-2007, 08:09 AM
sorry to hear about your BF. Why don't you look into a N/A group in your area (narcotics anonomous)

Ronnie3112
06-11-2007, 08:11 AM
He was attending meetings for about 2 weeks but stop going. I'm trying to get him to go back but he has to detox first.

rosequartz
06-11-2007, 08:15 AM
if he stops doing what he's suppossed to do, you need to be done with him....he's only going to drag you down with him

Ronnie3112
06-11-2007, 08:29 AM
No i don't think so...I'm not that weak to let him drag me down. I've already kicked him out my house b/c I have a son to think about. So I'm not going to let that happen. It just hurts to see him doing that himself and I still want to help him.

Xant
06-11-2007, 08:36 AM
You can't help him I'm afraid..only he can do that. The only way you can be of any 'help' to him is to refuse to let him in your life at all until he is clean. He needs tough love, as hard as it sounds. If he loves you more than the drug, he can and will break free from it.

rosequartz
06-11-2007, 08:42 AM
You can't help him I'm afraid..only he can do that. The only way you can be of any 'help' to him is to refuse to let him in your life at all until he is clean. He needs tough love, as hard as it sounds. If he loves you more than the drug, he can and will break free from it.


agree with the above.....you can't help him
he has to help himself.

although I don't agree with "if he loves you more than the drug"
that should be changed to "if he loves HIMSELF more than the drug"
sorry to burst your bubble but love and you have nothing at all to do with this equation.....

Xant
06-11-2007, 08:54 AM
Actually, you are right Rose...he has to do it for himself in the first case. I think what I meant was that if he loves her more than the drug, then he would be doing it for himself to get her back..if that makes sense :)

rosequartz
06-11-2007, 09:00 AM
Actually, you are right Rose...he has to do it for himself in the first case. I think what I meant was that if he loves her more than the drug, then he would be doing it for himself to get her back..if that makes sense :)


I know what you mean, and I do understand, I just wanted to clarify for her that his addiction has absolutely NOTHING to do with her......
she didn't create it and she can't fix it.......and while it's a nice fantasy that love will overcome all, it's just not reality.
I don't want her to think that if he doesn't kick the habit, it's because he doesn't love her enough.....that would be really destructive thinking......
:angel:

Ronnie3112
06-11-2007, 09:06 AM
And you know Rosie that's what it is. I feel that he does not love me b/c if he did he would try and get some help which he did but did not stick to it. And it hurts me b/c I put so much time and effort trying to help him.

rosequartz
06-11-2007, 09:11 AM
And you know Rosie that's what it is. I feel that he does not love me b/c if he did he would try and get some help which he did but did not stick to it. And it hurts me b/c I put so much time and effort trying to help him.


you have to STOP thinking like that......addiction is STRONGER than love......he has to love himself enough to stop. Don't take the blame, don't take the responsibility. Don't try to help him anymore than he's willing to help himself.....you're just enabling him and not helping him in the long run. You need to practice tough love, as hard as it is, you need to do it.

Xant
06-11-2007, 09:16 AM
Ronnie this is one of the hardest addictions to beat. Heroin addicts lie, steal, prostitute themselves to get hold of the stuff...dont be too hard on yourself. They normally make many attempts at trying to get clean before they succeed.

As harsh as it seems, he really has to hit rock bottom, ie, no job, no friends, nowhere to live, no money etc before his brain will kick in and make him realize just what is happening there. It's at that point that they either drown, or start climbing.

As Rose implied, if he can't do it for himself, he won't be able to do it for another person, no matter how much they have helped them.

My niece is a heroin addict. She started when she was 12 and is now 23. Her parents have been through hell and back with her, trying to get help, forcing her into detox, rehab and everything else. She stole from them, money, the tv, anything that wasn't nailed down. They picked her up on the streets of Amsterdam where she would work for the money...at 14. She has been resucitated twice.

She had a baby 6 months ago and it has been taken away from her, she still hasn't made any real effort to stop, just to give you an idea of how hard it is to beat this thing.

Good luck, I'm hoping he will come round and realize what he is doing to himself and you two might one day be happy together :)

oh-notagain
06-11-2007, 10:57 AM
He was attending meetings for about 2 weeks but stop going. I'm trying to get him to go back but he has to detox first.

the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using. so he doesnt really have to detox first. but anyway, thats not really the advice i want to give YOU....

the best thing you can do for yourself and for him is to attend al-anon or narc-anon meetings. it is at these meetings where you will get all the love and support that you need. these meeting will teach you healthy behavior in regards to being in love with someone who is an addict.

please try it. i am praying for you both.

i was addicted to heroin for many many years, in and out of jail and prison, lost my home, went bankrupt. lost everything. believe me when i tell you that i needed to hit my bottom (really low one here) before i was able to take that first step into sobriety..... loving someone had nothing to do with it.
i just relapsed after 5 1/2 years. i relapsed for 10 days. i am now back on track. i will always be an addict. i will always need to attend meetings, help others, and most importantly; rely on my higher power.

i hope that you go to these meetings and find your answer. :angel:

m

kandr73
06-11-2007, 11:34 AM
Im so osrry to hear what your going through. I was married to a crank addict/acoholic. All I can say to you is LOVE cant fix this. You cant make him change. He has to want to do it himself. It doesnt mean he doesnt love you, he has a sickness and if and when he gets clean he will always be an addict.

Ronnie3112
06-11-2007, 11:56 AM
Thanks for all you guys support. I will think about attending a meeting for me. It just hurt so bad. Deep down inside I know he was still getting high and he kept denying it.

And what really bothers me is that I grew up arond people in my family and friends close to my family addicted to drugs. My uncle died from AIDS b/c he use to skin pop. My b/f does not use needles his smokes or sniffs it. And I also found packets of Tylenol PM that he tried to hide from me. I dont's know I'm just so hurt that I wasted 2 1/2 years of my life.

Xant
06-11-2007, 12:35 PM
the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop using. so he doesnt really have to detox first. but anyway, thats not really the advice i want to give YOU....

the best thing you can do for yourself and for him is to attend al-anon or narc-anon meetings. it is at these meetings where you will get all the love and support that you need. these meeting will teach you healthy behavior in regards to being in love with someone who is an addict.

please try it. i am praying for you both.

i was addicted to heroin for many many years, in and out of jail and prison, lost my home, went bankrupt. lost everything. believe me when i tell you that i needed to hit my bottom (really low one here) before i was able to take that first step into sobriety..... loving someone had nothing to do with it.
i just relapsed after 5 1/2 years. i relapsed for 10 days. i am now back on track. i will always be an addict. i will always need to attend meetings, help others, and most importantly; rely on my higher power.

i hope that you go to these meetings and find your answer. :angel:

m

well done, you must be a very strong person!:angel:

doddsgirl1
06-11-2007, 12:44 PM
Hi Ronnie and welcome. I know it is hard for you but there is hope. I myself am not on maintience but a lot of people who are in your b/f shoes are. Take him to a methadone clinic and see if they can help. I know it is exchanging one for the other but being on maintience you can lead a normal life and it will take the desire to use away. I was in a rehab where people would come everyday and get methadone or suboxon and were not using anymore. It does work. Some people are on maitience for a while until they learn how to deal with life while others are on it forever. But it sure does beat doing what he is right now. Hope this helps and never lose your hope or faith.

Ronnie3112
06-11-2007, 01:13 PM
He was on suboxon when he was in rehab in April but they told him he did not need maitence b/c he does not use that much. He used maybe every 3-4 days but it might have increased since he's working and is making good money. My thing is I dont's want to start hating him b/c the type of person that I am that's what is going to happen. I feel if he do not care about me why should I care about him.

I Just Don't Know:confused:

Podee
06-11-2007, 07:25 PM
He's obviously just not ready to stop. As long as you enable him, by letting him stick around, he will not be forced to take a look at the consequences of his behavior and get clean.

I've been clean and sober for many years, and my drugs of choice were heroin and cocaine. NA did it for me, and I still go regularly even after all this time. I love the Fellowship of N.A. and have made several life long friends there, as well as helped many others get clean as well.

Suboxone and methadone are just other narcotics. Being on them does not constitute being clean. And, the majority if not most of the people on at least methadone use other drugs. Obviously not working. Worst part of using legal narcotics is that then the person is shut out of 12-Step based Recovery.

deskette
06-11-2007, 09:41 PM
okay well like everybody else said... you cant blame yourself for his addiction. i dated a guy that was addicted to cocaine. wow he was like unable to think without it. at first i didnt realize how bad off he was cause it was new to me, and i was doing it with him. but then i got over my faize (sorry i dont know how to spell that) and i didnt even care to do it anymore. i started to hate everything about it. and thats when i realized HOW BAD he was. it came to the point where he admitted to me he couldnt stop. he didnt even want help. i told him that i didnt like what he was doing to himself, and either he had to get help or i wasnt gunna stick around.he said he wasnt going to stop, and therefore i said alright its over. that was in 2005 and he is stilll doing it... hes even worse than before. that just proves that the addict has to WANT to quit to better themself.

i know it wasnt me, dont allow yourself to feel you are the fault here cause you arent. maybe once your out of his life it will be more of a reality check, cause his still in his own world.

anyway i thought maybe my little story might make you feel a little better... and not blame yourself cause we arent to blame sugar. these drugs are extremely powerful. dont give up on him, but this is your life too. if he is affecting your life in a bad way then you should move on and care for your child. let him know you want to help him, but you have to think of yourself too.

anyway. hope i helped. good luck to you sugar!

crookedback
06-13-2007, 02:44 PM
Not to sound like an idiot but is smoken it (ie herion) really that bad?

Take care... Dave!

reachout
06-13-2007, 03:03 PM
How old are you? twelve? There is NO way I can believe any normal adult cold possibly ask a question like this.

In shell shock
reach

crookedback
06-13-2007, 03:16 PM
Hey Reach... I'm 48 for your info & sorry I'm not that knowledgeable about drugs... I just thought most people that got addicted to it were shootin it...

Sorry to shock ya... Dave!

reachout
06-13-2007, 04:12 PM
Hey Dave

My sincere apologies. I was big time wrong to be so shocked I think. I am always one to say that the only dumb question is the one we don't ask. Please do accept my sincere apologies. I should have thought longer before I posted a response.

Duh on me, Buddy
reach

jules3
06-13-2007, 05:14 PM
dave, herione is very addictive..smoking,snorting,shooting its all the same as far as addiction goes.

crookedback
06-14-2007, 08:26 AM
Thanks jules... I really didn't know... no problem reach... no apologies needed...

Take care... Dave!

slipperyslope
06-14-2007, 09:55 AM
crookedback, you do not need to apoligize for asking a question like that, its okay to ask anything you need to here and I hope you weren't made to feel as if you were 12 years old....:dizzy: .


snorting heroin is just as bad as shooting it. Its a nasty evil drug and will ruin lives of everyone that uses it.

jules3
06-14-2007, 10:01 AM
Ssssooo True

Ronnie3112
06-14-2007, 10:42 AM
Thanxs for all u guys advice. I decided to let him come to terms with his addiction on his own. I realized that their is nothing I can do about it except be there for him when he decides to admit to it and help himself.

Thans to Everyone:wave:

reachout
06-14-2007, 10:43 AM
Slippery

I appreciate greatly your stepping in to handle my mistake. I thought I had already done so, but whatever.

Dave

Are there other things you might be wondering about? Questions? Thoughts? Are you struggling at all? Whatever you need, Buddy, throw it out here in the bullpen. There are a lot of great experiences to be shared here that are so very helpful. I was very fortunate to find this site when I was going through my own stuff and not capable of handling it alone. Got some advice and invaluable help and thoughts that will serve me always in my life from this point forward. The site has also served as a great outlet just to share what I encounter and continue to in a restored life.

Hang with us
reach

rosequartz
06-14-2007, 10:45 AM
Thanxs for all u guys advice. I decided to let him come to terms with his addiction on his own. I realized that their is nothing I can do about it except be there for him when he decides to admit to it and help himself.

Thans to Everyone:wave:


what exactly does that mean? I hope that means you are ending the relationship and I hope it doesn't mean that you are just going to resign yourself to accepting the problem.......

Ronnie3112
06-14-2007, 10:49 AM
it means exactly what it sounds like. He as to except and man up that he is an addict and seek help on his own. I can not be with anyone that has a problem like that. But I will always be there for him no matter what if he needs me.

rosequartz
06-14-2007, 10:50 AM
it means exactly what it sounds like. He as to except and man up that he is an addict and seek help on his own. I can not be with anyone that has a problem like that. But I will always be there for him no matter what if he needs me.


so you're leaving him?

reachout
06-14-2007, 10:54 AM
Hello Ronnie

Holy Mackeral! Your thread got sideswiped a bit here, didn't it?

I am very glad that you are ready to let someone special to you face his addiction and stand on the side-line only as someone who will give him a bit of a hand WHEn and IF he aslks for it. It is so very hard to do when we love so deeply and care so much.

Ronnie, you need healing, too, Honey, because his problem became yours by default. Perhaps to help you get past all this, a few NA meetings will serve you very well. if you are determined to be there if and when he seeks your help, it might be a good idea to learn from others who have stood in your shoes some of the helpful things for you and him.

Stay strong, Ronnie, and educate yourself to keep yourself healthy and happy.

reach

Ronnie3112
06-14-2007, 11:05 AM
I'm always educating myself Reachout everyday. Like I said before he is not the first person in my life that I have seen go through this. My uncle(who died for AIDS) two very cloes friends to my family who have been clean for 5 years. I'm in the medical field and have worked in a detox hospital b4. I will be fine.

jules3
06-14-2007, 01:41 PM
Ronnie, i wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do..just remember that you are important and so is your son. :angel:

Ronnie3112
06-21-2007, 09:12 AM
Hi everyone
I was gone for awhile. Update on my situation. My ex-boyfriend got upset with me this morning b/c I told his cousin who he is living with that he is getting high again. I really don't care he is upset, actually it's really turnig me off b/c he is still in denial. I had bought him a cell phone for his B-Day and I took that from him today b/c he lost his job. I feel so much better b/c God gave me the strenght to get him out of my system. I still do Love him and will be there for him if and when he decides he wants help. Just wanted to share that with you guys b/c @ one point I though I was going to go crazy. You guys helped me alot..especially U Reachout. Thank alot.

God Bless:blob:wave: :blob_fire

reachout
06-21-2007, 02:20 PM
Dear Ronnie

I am so very happy for you that you have found the strength and will to deal with this painful situation. If I could, I would take your post, your whole thread, and have it engraved upon the heart of every man or woman who stands in the shoes you have. You are a very brave and smart woman to understand so quickly that addiction affects partners as well as the 'addictee' every moment and in every past of life.

Addiction is a sad and often lonely situation. Stand tall that you have not let your boyfriend turn you into a lonely and sad woman. You are going to be okay, Ronnie, yes, you are. Like the addict, there may be a time of mourning and hurt, but it will pass and you will be stronger and happier as it fades. Good things are waiting for you in life, Ronnie... claim them!

I am so happy to know I have had a part in your 'detox and recovery.' Well done. Smiles.

With hope always
reach

Ronnie3112
06-22-2007, 09:49 AM
Thanks alot Reach I really appreciate those words.
God Bless You.
Ronnie:angel:

ronniesteers
06-23-2007, 01:18 AM
There is a hospital in I believe Bergen County in New Jersey that takes on patients for detox with no insurance as long as they have proof of no income and that they are dependant upon someone for their living expenses, food, shelter, etc.

That was about 6 years ago. My boyfriend went there and I believe they used buphrenex or subutox for w/d's. I don't know if the program is still available but check with some hospitals for more information. Sometimes nurses know or go to a meeting with him and find out where others have gone.

I know it's horrible - I went through this several times. Or, if you trust your family doctor, inquire about detox, you don't have to tell him it's your boyfriend. Then I would suggest it and see if he follows through. He made the commitment to stop using. It is his responsibility to follow through with it.

I know how you must be feeling. I don't want to remember that year and a half. But I had faith and some difficult days. Get some support. My b/f, now my fiance, made a decision. Now one of his "friends' is dead from an OD (so he heard) and he still is living with Hepatitis C. We are always scared. We moved and changed our people, places and things. That was only step 1. I really wish you the best of luck if you think it is worth it. Heroin addiction is really tricky. Hang in there! Someone is praying for his recovery all the time.

reachout
06-23-2007, 05:20 AM
Hello Ronniesteers

I am glad your boyfriend had the gumption to do something about his addiction. I hope he marries you someday and I hope you have researched what a Hepatitus C infection in a father can possibly do to his offspring. I hope you are prepared to see your fiancee through future chemo treatments as this a a normal progression of treatment for Hepatitus C. I guess as a future bride, these are thoughts that would disturb me. But that is me.

I know you have good intentions with your post. Truly. But the truth is that love does not conquer addiction. If it did, there would be no suffereing addicts in the world. Or, I correct myself... love... love for ones-self can conquer addiction, but first we must learn to love ourselves enough to find the strength to take the steps involved.

I am glad, ronniesteers, that you man has found these things. Ronnie3112's has not. It is admirable and wonderful that you are a person who cares enough to post to a complete stranger and offer hope. However, dealing with an addict must be based in reality and practicality, not only hope. If one is married, then there is a moral obligation to stand by the partner in hope until the hope is gone or the partner gets his act together. To chose an addict as a mate for life just isn't very sensible to this old lady.

In kindness
reach

jm74
06-23-2007, 06:20 AM
Dear Ronnie

I am so very happy for you that you have found the strength and will to deal with this painful situation. If I could, I would take your post, your whole thread, and have it engraved upon the heart of every man or woman who stands in the shoes you have. You are a very brave and smart woman to understand so quickly that addiction affects partners as well as the 'addictee' every moment and in every past of life.

Addiction is a sad and often lonely situation. Stand tall that you have not let your boyfriend turn you into a lonely and sad woman. You are going to be okay, Ronnie, yes, you are. Like the addict, there may be a time of mourning and hurt, but it will pass and you will be stronger and happier as it fades. Good things are waiting for you in life, Ronnie... claim them!

I am so happy to know I have had a part in your 'detox and recovery.' Well done. Smiles.

With hope always
reach
Showing tough love will help your boyfriend. However, you need to make sure you are consistant with it. If he knows he can get what he wants from you then you too have become the addict and are apart of his addiction. You too will need treatment. I would explore a meeting in your area dedicated to adult love ones of alcoholics (addicts). I am concerned for you as well. You need to know to seperate your life from the addicts life. I have not read all the postings but this one hit too close to home for me. If he is not willing to go into treatment on his own, you might want to check with the courts to see if his family is willing to get him invol. committed to a treatment center. Every state has different guidelines on this. There are only 3 ways out of heroin addiction: jail, treatment, or death. But remember it will takes the average addict between 5 to 7 treatment attempts before they stick with a program that works for them. Now some people are able to do it in less time others might be more. I will not tell you to leave him or stay with him. You know what he was like before he was an addict and the true person he is. But you must decide if this is the road you want to stay on or if you want to take another path within life. Like previously menitioned I believe it would be wise for you to go to a meeting at least just once. Sit there and listen to what others have to say and if you want you participate. Addiction is not just with the addicts but with all the love ones who are going through the maddness. I hope you take this advise. take care and keep me updated.

Ronnie3112
06-26-2007, 07:27 AM
Hi Everyone

I spoke w/my ex on Sunday and he stated that he wanted me to move on with my life and forget about him b/c it will be no good to be with him. Which I do understand. But I got to admit that kind of hurt me. I started thinking that he does not love me anymore and he will find someone else and they will get him on the right track something I could not do. He's been communicating with his ex wife lately and she kept him on the straight and narrow when he was downsouth about 10yrs ago. I don't know if it's her but he did state he has been talking to a friend u know someone he can lean on and talk to about what he is going through. And I thought why can't he come to me I'm the one that's been going through this with you. I don't know but that will hurt me to find out that he is with someone else and she got him to get some help.

mk7657
06-26-2007, 09:43 AM
Hi Ronnie.

Do you really believe that his wife kept him on the straight and narrow? She may know a lot about addiction, but it is up to the addict to make that choice. Don't feel bad, you did everything in your power to help him.

I think, personally, that you are better off without this guy. I wouldn't be surprised if he tries to come back to you some time in the future. I have had a lot of ex-girlfriends who wanted to come back, and I said "no way." I suspect that if I did take them back, they would leave again (They had lost my trust).

You deserve better,


Mike

shay4bliss
06-26-2007, 12:35 PM
Hi Everyone

I spoke w/my ex on Sunday and he stated that he wanted me to move on with my life and forget about him b/c it will be no good to be with him. Which I do understand. But I got to admit that kind of hurt me. I started thinking that he does not love me anymore and he will find someone else and they will get him on the right track something I could not do. He's been communicating with his ex wife lately and she kept him on the straight and narrow when he was downsouth about 10yrs ago. I don't know if it's her but he did state he has been talking to a friend u know someone he can lean on and talk to about what he is going through. And I thought why can't he come to me I'm the one that's been going through this with you. I don't know but that will hurt me to find out that he is with someone else and she got him to get some help.


Hi Ronnie,
I'm sorry about what happened because I know you're hurting, but sweetie, take it from an addict, you are better off....really.
If this 'friend' is his ex, he can probably relate to her because she may or may still be using....you didn't really say. Either way, we addicts relate to other addicts.
I know what you mean about being hurt and not wanting him to 'get fixed' by another person. In all honesty, no one is gonna fix him but himself. If it so happens that he is 'fixed' by someone else, that really isn't the case, it's just place and time. And really, you don't want to be the one trying to fix him....you really don't. First of all, you can't so it's very frustrating, full of pain, deception,just ask Jules! But with her it's her son.

I know you've stood by him, but the hurt you are feeling right now is minimal compared to living with this for years and years.

Being an addict myself, I don't see alot of true motivation to get clean on his part from your posts. Other addicts are real good at reading between the lines! What actions has he actually taken other than to call his ex and tell you to go on with your life? If I'm wrong please correct me.

Girl, you just really don't want this! You think you do, but if you knew how much pain is involved in active addiction you would think twice before shedding a bunch of tears! You want clean and sober, and you can't even begin to expect to majically cure him with love and support....he has to really, really want this! The consequences of using have to be greater than not. He is going to have to get so miserable that he wants sobriety more than anything....even you.

Let the 'ex' put up with all the mess if she wants to. He's gonna get clean when he wants and not any sooner....whoever happens to be there is just that...happening to be there....it could be you, her, someone else.....but they aren't what's getting him clean.

I know you hurt, because I've been on you're end too before addiction got to me full force. But you will be much better off like this, thank him for that.

Best of luck!
Shay

Ronnie3112
06-28-2007, 12:45 PM
Hi All

My ex called me today just to see how I was doing. He stated he was deciding on what he is going to do. If he is going to go to NC or stay here in NJ. I really did not give him any feed back. When the conversation ended he told me to Pray for him. So hopefully his thinking about getting some help.

Ronnie3112
06-28-2007, 12:52 PM
Hi Ronnie,
I'm sorry about what happened because I know you're hurting, but sweetie, take it from an addict, you are better off....really.
If this 'friend' is his ex, he can probably relate to her because she may or may still be using....you didn't really say. Either way, we addicts relate to other addicts.
I know what you mean about being hurt and not wanting him to 'get fixed' by another person. In all honesty, no one is gonna fix him but himself. If it so happens that he is 'fixed' by someone else, that really isn't the case, it's just place and time. And really, you don't want to be the one trying to fix him....you really don't. First of all, you can't so it's very frustrating, full of pain, deception,just ask Jules! But with her it's her son.

I know you've stood by him, but the hurt you are feeling right now is minimal compared to living with this for years and years.

Being an addict myself, I don't see alot of true motivation to get clean on his part from your posts. Other addicts are real good at reading between the lines! What actions has he actually taken other than to call his ex and tell you to go on with your life? If I'm wrong please correct me.

Girl, you just really don't want this! You think you do, but if you knew how much pain is involved in active addiction you would think twice before shedding a bunch of tears! You want clean and sober, and you can't even begin to expect to majically cure him with love and support....he has to really, really want this! The consequences of using have to be greater than not. He is going to have to get so miserable that he wants sobriety more than anything....even you.

Let the 'ex' put up with all the mess if she wants to. He's gonna get clean when he wants and not any sooner....whoever happens to be there is just that...happening to be there....it could be you, her, someone else.....but they aren't what's getting him clean.

I know you hurt, because I've been on you're end too before addiction got to me full force. But you will be much better off like this, thank him for that.

Best of luck!
Shay
Being an addict myself, I don't see alot of true motivation to get clean on his part from your posts. Other addicts are real good at reading between the lines! What actions has he actually taken other than to call his ex and tell you to go on with your life? If I'm wrong please correct me.


In response to your reply. If you would read my treand you will see that he was just in Detox in April and he also tried going cold turkey several time but that was b/c I asked him to. He wasn't ready to do it on his own. He knows he has a problem but it is hard for him to kick b/c he is weak especially with the area we live in in Passaic County. So hopefully he will go to NC where it is much harder to get a hold of herion or any other drug.

Podee
06-28-2007, 06:46 PM
True he does not seem to be ready.

The best thing you can do is pray for him. Also, cheerfully offer him the same pity, patience and tolerance you would a sick friend - without enabling!

jules3
06-28-2007, 07:45 PM
I cant understand what passiac has to do with drugs. im not being sarcastic or anything like that. i was told an addict can find drugs on the moon.

shay4bliss
06-28-2007, 09:17 PM
That's the truth, Jules...!

An addict can be broke, homeless AND on the moon, and if we wanna use, we're gonna find a way!!!!!

Addiction goes to NC too!

Ronnie3112
06-29-2007, 07:20 AM
TO JULIES AND SHAY

First of all if you you know anything about Passaic County NJ then you would know that certain parts you can just walk out your door and have any drug you desire at your hands. so before you decide to make a comment do you home work first ladies. Places like NC depending on what part it's very hard to get drugs and if you do it will cost u an arm and a leg.

To make a long story short if your in a place where the drugs are easily accessible then you need to take yourself out of that situation.

rosequartz
06-29-2007, 07:26 AM
TO JULIES AND SHAY

Places like NC depending on what part it's very hard to get drugs and if you do it will cost u an arm and a leg.

To make a long story short if your in a place where the drugs are easily accessible then you need to take yourself out of that situation.

Ronnie - you can get drugs anywhere.....North Carolina included......

Ronnie3112
06-29-2007, 07:35 AM
Understand that Rose

but all I'm saying is that it more easier and cheaper to get drugs where I'm from. The choice of drug for him is very expensive compared to in NC compared to $7 here. When he was there for 5yrs he stated clean and as soon as he came back here it was all over. Where I'm from there is to much temptation and if you are a weak person you are going to fall victim. I know alot of accidts that have stayed clean when they have moved to a less drug infested area.

rosequartz
06-29-2007, 07:40 AM
Understand that Rose

but all I'm saying is that it more easier and cheaper to get drugs where I'm from. The choice of drug for him is very expensive compared to in NC compared to $7 here. When he was there for 5yrs he stated clean and as soon as he came back here it was all over. Where I'm from there is to much temptation and if you are a weak person you are going to fall victim. I know alot of accidts that have stayed clean when they have moved to a less drug infested area.

I see your point, but if it's there and he wants it, so what if he has to pay a little more for it? Is the plan that he stays there forever and never comes back because there are too many drugs in NJ ? How is this ever going to work? Addicts don't quit because drugs aren't available in their location, they quit because they've made the concious decision/effort to do so.

rosequartz
06-29-2007, 07:43 AM
Understand that Rose

but all I'm saying is that it more easier and cheaper to get drugs where I'm from. The choice of drug for him is very expensive compared to in NC compared to $7 here.

Ronnie if $$ was the motivation, I wouldn't still be smoking cigarettes, because they've gone from 50 cents a pack in the 70's when I started to almost 4-5 bucks.....

jules3
06-29-2007, 01:56 PM
rose, wow i never thought of that..i dont know anyone thats stopped smoking because it got too expensive.