View Full Version : New to being a spouse to an addict. Please help!

11-21-2007, 10:13 PM
I am new to this addiction life. My husband just admitted to me last week that he is addicted to Lortab and he wanted help so the next day he admitted himself into rehab. They have him on Ultram to help with the pain. He has had 5 knee surgeries on the same knee and this last surgery in May is when he became really addicted he said. He told the doctor that he has taken them for the fun of it about a year ago but became addicted in May. He was taking anywhere from 10-14 a day. The thing is not only was he getting them from the pain management doc but he has been buying them from someone else and that person has been calling his cell phone! He is supposed to come home Monday from rehab and he is doing great he says but i am concerned because i have been reading your threads on the ultram. Is it possible that he can become addicted to those as well even though the doc says it is non-narcotic and not addictive? What do I do about this guy who has been calling and his cousin that has introduced him to the person and how can I trust him again. We have 2 kids and I am just scared about all of this and don't really know how to handle this. Any suggestions or comments I am desperate!

11-22-2007, 06:03 AM
hi, my thoughts are with you - it must be a very emotional time for you im sure. 1. Can you change his cell number/sim card so that this person cant call? or have his number deleted from the phone and the persons number blocked from ringing it? 2. i know this might sound harsh but trust is going to be difficult and is something that you will have to build back up again. i have no experience of the drugs you have mentioned, but i feel that addiction is the same whatever drug you are taking. while using i lied/conned/stole to keep my habbit going and kept it a secret (after admitting it initialy & pretending to be rehabilitated) you have to be strong, keep your wits about you - and your intuition/instinct IS normally right.

The flip side of the coin is that none of this will apply to you and that your spouse has been succesfully rehabilitated and has a speedy recovery. i hope that this is the case for you. in any case You are the one that needs to be strong - i know it sucks but there just doesnt seem to be the support out there for the addicts partner - keep reading and posting on this board as the support and advice you will get from it is worth its weight in gold.

i genuinley hope that things work out for the best for you, keep your chin up.

keep on keepin on


11-22-2007, 06:20 AM
<whew> This is a tough one. Yeah the Ultram is addictive - I don't care what anybody says. They actually gave me Ultracet my first time around getting clean (which is basically the same stuff), and it DID overcome me a did the other opiates. It is very minimal, but there IS some opiate in it (if I'm correct - please tell me if I'm wrong).... It is also very tough being partnered with an addict. I went through relationship hell my first time around.... I wasnt married, but was with someone for about a year, and when I finally got clean, I realized that I didn't like her that much. I know that sounds horrible, but it felt that my feelings for EVERYTHING changed when I went from one life to another. You're going to have to work hard on things - that's for sure - but the first thing you need to do is get that guy to stop calling. Also, give hubby an ultimatum - tell him if he continues using, that you're out. Make him realize that you and your children are MUCH more important than those little round demons.... 10-14 a day isn't really a HUGE amount (well, it also depends on the strength) - so it shouldn't be all that bad to get off of them.
But as I always say...YOU ARE IN THE RIGHT PLACE right now.... This board is awesome, and you will find a ton of people who care - and who can help you through this.
So God bless.....good luck....Happy Turkey Day.....and keep us posted!!

11-22-2007, 07:23 AM
Hey Ms Emotion,
On your husband's behalf, I have to say he did the right thing. He fessed up about his addiction and sought help through rehab. I'm sure that took a lot of courage for him. I never admitted my addiction to anyone but the people on this board. I went cold turkey from pain meds and have been clean 3 months. He will be struggling when he comes home. He may get very depressed. I did. I'm sure the rehab will send him home with the emotional tools he needs to get through this. Be supportive of him and try to understand that he is going through a very difficult time in his life. I've taken Ultram before and compared to the Vicodin it did not make me "feel good". Do what you can to keep the bad people away from him. I'm not good with cell phones, but I think there must be a way to block callers. Maybe call your cell phone company and ask.
Best wishes,

11-22-2007, 06:04 PM
hi ms emotion. and welcome.
one of the best things you can do for hubby when he comes home is to encourage him to continue his recovery with some outside support. a therapist, AA, NA. anything to keep his mind on recovery and keep himself busy with making it work for himself. thats the hardest part for us, the addicts. to stay sober once we are free from the drug. the emotional and mental addiction is much worse than the physical. so this is hugely important. yes, he will most probably suffer some sort of depression, that is normal. he will also suffer with cravings, and that is normal and treatable, with support. with therapy. with the twelve steps. so i really really encourage you to help with this. look in your phone book for the AA or NA central office number and call. they will send you schedule books for meetings in your area.
have him find a good addiction therapist to help him find the root cause of his need to use in the first place.
also, ultram is addictive, so i sincerely hope that he is not sent home with any. he should not continue to take them or he will have another addiction on his hands....
i wish you and hubby the best of luck. please keep posting. we DO want to know how you are doing and help the best way we can...

Take care,


11-22-2007, 08:51 PM
Ms. Emotion....where'd you go? Everything allright?


11-23-2007, 01:02 PM
Thank you to all the responded back so quickly! I really appreciate all of your responses. The kids and I were able to go eat dinner with him for Thanksgiving! We had a wonderful time and a really good talk. I got to speak with his therapist about everything and I told him and my husband about the guy calling. J told me to delete his number and also him and his therapist told me to tell him to quit calling as well. I had a lot of things answered yesterday and I felt a lot better when I left. I did call that guy and told him that my husband is in the process of getting clean and he wants him to stop calling. He said he would but I am still not going to let my guard down. His therapist also said that J and I would need to sit down together with his cousin to let him know that he can no longer be a part of our life as long as he is using, he is the one who introduced my husband to the seller. J gets to come home Monday!! the kids and I are so excited but scared as well. Yossarian22 your suggestions about the cell phone, i had thought of that as well but i didn't really know how that would work out. That guys has been calling from 2 different numbers and also calls as an unknown caller. I did explain this during our meeting yesterday and J's counselor said that we should switch out phones for a while, my husband agreed to that but we will see when he gets home. He sounds pretty determined to stay clean and when he does have to have more surgeries on his knee he doesn't want to have any pain pills at all. They are supposed to be taking him off the ultram today I believe and only be on his blood pressure pills and cymbalta when he comes home and his therapist is also going to set us up with a counselor around here. I will keep in touch with everyone. You don't how much this means to me to be able to speak to people who understand and who can help get my family through this. I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Christmas is just around the corner!!!:eek:

11-23-2007, 01:30 PM
great news! im really pleased for you, sincerely. if there is 1 thing that can help someone overcome an addiction (once they themselves have faced their inner demons - which it sounds like your hubby has) is the love of his family. i cant tell you how happy i am for you. im sure his cousin will understand when he's told the score. i am also currently changing my phone number - a smal sacrafice when you look at the big picture.

i wish you and your family well and am glad you'll be able to have a merry xmas.

keep us posted

keep on keepin on


11-23-2007, 01:46 PM
welcome to the board. I am excited that you are here. I am dealing with the same thing except I am the husband and the one who got stuck in the pain meds web. I was taking hydrocodone for a back injury and ended up abusing it. I fessed up to my wife and after lots of conflict my doctors as well. We too have children. If you are interested, my thread is "first time post.... hydrocodone, one day at a time". it is a posting of my experience dealing with the addiction, recovery, and collateral problem related to the hydrocodone addiction (fyi. lortab is a brand name for hydrocodone... same thing). As far as the Ultram... when I called my doctor and told him, "I am incapable of taking narcotic pain meds. as prescribed and don't want any more opiates" he prescribed me Ultram. I read about it and discovered that people are still abusing it and it is apparently addictive. I had my wife pick up the Ultram from the pharmacy and throw it away. Feel free to review some of my other posts if you like. It may lend you a little insight into the frustration and helplessness that your husband is surely experiencing. Be optimistic and encouraged. He has made a HUGE step in the right direction. There are many pitfalls along the way though. I had "quit" a couple of times before. Best of luck and welcome again...... ms1.

11-24-2007, 09:47 AM
Howdy Ms. lotsofemotion!!

And like she said down below, WELCOME!! =)

I'm sure you know how tough these next couple of weeks are gonna be, but PLEASE, be strong, and be there for him.

He is going to need you like never before.

There have so many times in the past few days/weeks that I wish there was someone by my side to help me through this, but unfortunately, I'm pretty-much on my own.
There will surely be ups n downs, it's inevatable. You - along with your hubby - can get through this.

Keep us up to date, please....there are a ton of caring loving people here who will jump up if you need anything.

Hang in.


11-26-2007, 12:45 AM
Hello everyone!
Well Monday is the day that my hubby is coming home, here it is 2:25 am and I still can't sleep b/c I am so excited!! I wish ya'll could see this cute banner our kiddos made for him, they are so excited they can't stand it. I know it is going to be a tough road ahead but I have faith in him that he will not have that urge. I told him the other day that if he ever gets put in a situation and he gets that urge that he will trust me enough to come to me and I will be there for him no matter what to help him overcome that feeling. We have been together for 14 years of which 11 we have been married and I am not about to give up on him. ms1, I have read your posts and I can relate to just about all of it. My husband has been put on cymbalta for his chronic knee pain and it is working very well for him. I hope things are going better not only for you but with your relationship with your wife as well.

Well, I better try to get to sleep so I can get the kids to school on time and get myself to class on time. I will keep everyone posted on how things are going here at home. I really am glad that this site exists, it is a relief to be ablt to talk to people that I can relate to. Hope everyone has a great week! Stay strong and continue to do well on staying clean and helping your loved one to stay clean!

11-26-2007, 04:13 AM
The world just became a better place. :)

keep on keepin on


12-05-2007, 01:05 PM
i wanted to check with you to see how things are going. i hope they go smoother than around here. is your husband doing alright with his pain? what about the guy that kept calling ? on a more personally related note, how did this effect your trusting him and is there a difference in the perception of your and your husbands perception of your relationship? if this is not something you want to talk about then please simply ignore it. (sorry, i've never been one to hold back on tough questions) these are issues i'm dealing with and communication is not flowing here so i was hoping for some insight. anyway, i hope that all is going good for your family and that you will feel free to continue to post if you need someone to talk to. lots of great people are here.

best wishes,