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gkbmom
03-12-2008, 11:27 PM
I lost my 18 yr old son 7 weeks ago in a car accident. Life has no meaning. He was my breakfast buddy, I miss him soooo much. I walk around like a zombie, with no energy to continue with the "normal daily routine". I just feel lost. My son could brighten up any room with his smile and that sparkle in his eyes and all that is gone. All I want is 1 more kiss, 1 more "I love you mom". All I'm left with is his smell from his cloths and room. I have 2 other kids that need me, but I know I'm not being the mother they need.:(

Diva10
03-13-2008, 06:55 AM
So sorry for your loss, I have 4 children and do not know what I would do if one was taken from me, that has to be the hardest thing in life to go through, but you are right your other kids do need you, and I am so sorry but I can not tell you how to overcome, I really wish I could, just know there are people here caring a listening to you and will be here.
Hugs
Vee

gkbmom
03-13-2008, 06:27 PM
Thank you Diva10 for your kind words. I know my son does not like to see me crying, sad, and with no will to get up in the morning. So, I must thank God for giving me the priviledge of being his mother and that I had the honor of having him love me for 18 yrs. I know I will see him again, but until that day, my heart will ache but also is full of love for him and his brother & sister. His memory will carry me thru everything.

Niclolu
03-13-2008, 07:37 PM
I feel so much for you having to go through a parent's worse nightmare. Our friends lost their 13 year-old son from a hit and run by a drunk driver and their faith is the only thing holding them together. Their hearts are broken yet they have their two other children to think of and care for. I cannot imagine the pain and emptiness they must feel and you as well.

Allow yourself the time to grieve and cry and talk about it. But in between all of that, take the time to do the things you enjoy. Your son would want you to.

I pray you will have the strength to get through this and be able to be there for your other children. They need you and they must feel like they have lost you too. Take it one day at a time and treasure each day you have with your children and loved ones while you have them.

Things happen for a reason though we may never understand why. Just know that you are not alone. There are many people who share your pain. You are not alone because your son is with you in spirit and you will have breakfast together again. The hardest part is the wait. I am sure he can't wait to show you around his beautiful new home one day. :angel:

bivi686
03-13-2008, 07:50 PM
Thank you Diva10 for your kind words. I know my son does not like to see me crying, sad, and with no will to get up in the morning. So, I must thank God for giving me the priviledge of being his mother and that I had the honor of having him love me for 18 yrs. I know I will see him again, but until that day, my heart will ache but also is full of love for him and his brother & sister. His memory will carry me thru everything.


Please accept my condolences for the loss of your eighteen year old son. I can immagine the pain, emptiness and loss you must feel inside of you. Remember your son is with you in spirit and your memories of him will live with you till you meet again. For now pray for strength & Faith God will be with you and help you walk the tough path to find inner peace.

Take care

gkbmom
03-14-2008, 03:51 PM
I appreciated your thoughts and prayers, I know my son is proud of me today, because I actually smiled without regret or guilt. I tried some meditation last night and I can honestly say, that it help me release some of the feelings that were tied up in my stomach. Today my heart is controlling my brain. I actually drove his car today.
So my feelings today are of happiness, because I can feel my son here with me. It might sound crazy, but that is how I feel. I don't know how tomorrow will be, but I can olny think about today, because tomorrow might not be.
It's funnt that as I meditated the person I spoke to was not my son, but actually GOD.
I have to focus on my living children, because that's what he would want. He was their defender whenever I would get upset at any of them. So I know he would not like the mother and person I am turning into.

I guess I must go, because I am just rambling on...

Hope Everyone has a great and save weekend.

I to pray for all of you that have lost a loved one. Life will never be the same, but we have to continue to search or understand God's purpose.

:angel:

gkbmom
03-19-2008, 11:32 PM
Just when I thought I had a handle on grief...it just crawls back and hits me with no warning. Since the last time I wrote in here, all those painful feelings have come back. Saturday I received the police report, so that just took me back to that dreadful morning 1/21/08 when my 18yr old son "G" along with my life as I new it died. The report did not tell nothing new, except it confirmed that the my son had not been drinking, was not using his phone, and that it was just a stupid accident. Then Sunday a went to a soccer game, and all those memories of my son's games came to me. Boy! I really miss him. Life just doesn't have the same meaning. Today my heart took over my brain. Hopefully tomorrow will be different. :confused:

LostN07
03-20-2008, 06:20 PM
Im so sorry. I know how you feel I lost my little boy last summer. Right before his 5th birthday he snuck out and drowned. I still feel like I cant go on many days. My life feels empty and I still have 3 children left too. Im sorry you have to feel the same pain I do.
I wish I could take away our pain.

gkbmom
03-21-2008, 02:29 AM
On 1/21/08 at this time, my son had been pronounced dead. Nothing and I mean nothing will ever erase that night. As I sit here writing, with tears rolling down my face it feels like that awful real nightmare night all over again. I remeber waiting for my son to get home, calling his phone with no response. I new something was not right. Those hours seems endless, until 4:30am when the dreadful ring at the door, I remember the officer came to my home and ask "are you Giovanni's mother"? Just by looking at his face I new my son was gone.
My heart is in pain, my body is numb, and I still ask Why? All those memories and no son to kiss or hug. No more "I love you mom" no more "Chill mom, I miss him sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much!!!!!!!!!! He was full of life.

Sarahs Daughter
03-21-2008, 08:09 PM
Anniversaries are difficult. I have heard lots of people talk about how they managed their anniversaries. Also there are birthdays and christmas and the list goes on.

I haven't had an anniversary because it has been too soon. I have said, its been 3 weeks today, or this time last week we were at his funeral. I have a friend whose sons birthday is today, he has been gone 9 weeks, Their family are getting together and writing messages to him on balloons and releasing them. They are having his favorite meal together. They are taking time to tell stories about him and laugh. I am sure that they will cry lots too.

You will never forget what you were doing at the time that he died, or when you were told that he had died. You are rebuilding though, and that is a good sign that you are moving through different stages of grief. Driving his car was very brave. Contributing to threads is good. Remembering is good. Realising that others need you is good. You managed to go to a soccer game. Dont stop doing these things because they will help you remember your son in a good way. You are doing well in an unfair and extremely painful time.

We had time to prepare for our sons death, and that is something that I will always be extremely grateful for.

You have had a big shock, I cant imagine how bad that must have been. Focus on how much you love him because that is what counts (if you ask me). You are right to think that he would be proud of you. It sounds like he was the sort of person that wouldn't want you to always be sad.

gkbmom
03-24-2008, 07:18 PM
Well, Easter was very hard to get through. It's my 1st Easter without my son. All I can say it SUCKS! Im sure everyone that has lost a loved one knows how I feel. Words can not express all the emotions that went through my heart. All I can do is let God continue to guide me through whatever he has planned for me and my family.

Here is a poem that I find comfort in:

GOD'S LENT CHILD

I'll lend you for a little while
A child of mine, God said.
For you to love the while he lives
And mourn for when he's dead.

It may be six or seven years
or forty-two or three.
But, will you, 'til I call him back,
Take care of him for me?

He'll bring his charms to gladden you
And should his stay be brief,
You'll have his lovely memories
As a solace for your greif.

I can not promise he will stay
Since all from Earth returns,
But there are lessons taught below,
I want this child to learn.

I've looked the whole world over
In my search for teacher's true.
And from the things that crowd life's lane
I have chose you.

Now will you give him all your love?
Nor think the labor vain?
Nor hate me when I come to take
This lent child back again?

I fancied that I heard them say
Dear Lord, thy will be done.
For all the joys thy child will bring
The risk of grief we'll run.

We will shelter him with tenderness,
We'll love him while we may.
And for all the happiness we have known
Forever grateful stay.

But should thy angel call for him,
Much sooner than we planned
We'll brave the bitter grief that comes
And try to understand.


Author Unknown

LostN07
03-24-2008, 08:25 PM
The poem made me cry it was beautiful.
I know This was the first easter without my little boy too. I hated to hide easter eggs and pick out 3 baskets this year instead of 4. I know your pain. Im sorry it will get eaiser. I still have a hard time with my sons death. Its a little better but I cant say Im over it I will never be. HUGS

venentiarose
03-25-2008, 11:56 PM
Hi there
It has been 18 months since my 11 year old was killed by a truck while biking to school. I remember that day like yesterday. The last thing he said to me, the way he made his breakfast. It is very strange that I watched him so intently that morning. I was marvelling at how much he had grown and moments later it got snatched away from me. The grieving has changed throughout the months, and the first year was the hardest. So many anniversaries and it was strange which ones affected me the most. Mothers day, My birthday, and his memorial at his school really got me low. He was my eldest only son, but my daughters have kept me strong. I too feel like I am not as good a mother as I could be, but you have to look after yourself first. Just remind your children how much you love them and one day they will understand. Like I said the grief process is constantly changing for me. At the moment I am going through an emotional process of realising the happiest times of my life was when my son was alive. My life feels wasted because now those joyous moments make me cry. That is something I need to contend with and I need my other kids to support me and create new happy memories. I am sure in time, my sons life wont make me cry anymore, but it is a process, and as you know, we just have to carry on. It may be robotic for awhile, but that is how we deal with it until we can learn to smile again. It does happen and you dont have to feel guilty about it, because our sons want us to be happy. I know what you mean when you say you feel him. I feel mine too. I know he is watching me and sometimes I swear he is kissing my forehead. He had sloppy kisses and I used to insist he kissed my head because of it....now I only wish I could feel those sloppy kisses again, over and over again.

gkbmom
03-26-2008, 10:37 PM
LostN07 and venentiarose sorry to hear about your sons. I grief with you.

Life is just not the same and I don't think it will ever be. Can you tell me if & when you were ready to let go of your child's belongings. What did you do with them? I ask because I'm not ready to let go of his car, cloths, shoes, hats,etc.. His room is still the same. I go in there and open the blinds every morning and closed them every night. I still have his work shirt that he wore that night (unwashed), just to feel close to his smell. I thought I was getting better coping with him not being here, but it then it hits me, and I began to cry, just out of the blue. Does the pain lessen with time, or do you just miss him more as time passes by.
Because I miss him more each day that passes. I just want to hear his voice asking me, "Mom what's for dinner i'm on my way home?" words so simple are so priceless. Or him baking me some brownies at 10:00 o'clock at night, just because I had a craving.

venentiarose
03-27-2008, 01:49 AM
It has been over a year and his bed is still the same as he made it, and his clothes in his dresser how he had them. I have kept the silliest things. Even his smelly socks that he left in the laundry the morning he died. A few months ago I would have shook my head at having to put away his things. He died a few metres from our house and I have to cope with that every day. I need to get away from the negative feelings I have here so, I am moving in a few weeks. I was worried about moving his things because to me, if I touch the things he last touched it feels like I am desicrating his essence, his imprint left behind. My counsellor suggested that I make time to do it. Take time of work, make sure I am not interrupted, take the phone of the hook and lock the door. Then as I am packing his things, remember him, honor him, dont rush it and to cry my heart out as need be. I think this is a good idea. But, it has taken awhile for me to gain this confidence. It is early days for you, so just take your time. You know when you will be ready to let go. We are both part of a club no parent wants to be a part of. It is unnatural to lose a child, it is the worst pain you can ever feel. You will be strong because of it. I have made so many friends because of my sons death and I have been offered alot of support. Do not decline this support, take as much of it as you can, and you will see it will pick you up when you feel down-another counsellor gave me this advise and it really worked. When my son first died I met few people that had lost children but either through sickness, as babies or as fully grown adults. I feel it is not the same when you lose a child you nutured with an expectant future only to have them suddenly taken from you. It really isnt fair. I hated to deal with the fact that I was going to grieve for the rest of my life. I still break down at the strangest moments, like at work, or driving, but it is getting less frequent. Still more often than I want to, but that again is something that is normal and we just have to deal with it as it comes. My sons friends all look older now, and when I see them hanging out having fun I start thinking my boy would look like them too. I hide my tears when I see them but it really hurts. I have lost both my parents and grandparents, but the pain of losing them is nothing compared to the loss of my child. The pain will always be there, it does lessen, and you always will cry for him, but not as much. I cannot wait for the day when I can think of him and smile rather than cry. I am sure it will happen, but for the moment....not yet.

jazers
03-29-2008, 11:07 AM
((((gkbmom, and anyone else who has lost a child))))

I am so sorry for your pain. It sure isn't easy, is it.

My only child was killed in a horrific car accident 11 years ago. He was 29 years old.

I know this is hard to believe, but trust me.

It does get better with time. You will never get over the death of your son, but you can learn to live with it.

New grief is an extremely difficult journey for each and every one of us and yours is very new, very raw.

No two people grieve the same. And no two people do it in the same amount of time.

It is okay to cry your heart out. It is a healthy emotion.

It is okay to talk about your son and your loss. He was, and always will be a part of your life forever.

Sometimes well meaning friends will try to steal your grief by telling you that everything is all right, just dry up those tears, and get along with life.

They don't know that things right now are not okay, that you have an indescribable pain, an ache in your heart and a void in your life.

Do not let anyone steal your grief. It belongs to you.

This grief must be worked through and will be very difficult and seem impossible at times. I think that's why they call it work!

Please know that many hearts beat as one with you, and I will remember you in my prayers.

Sarahs Daughter
03-31-2008, 01:16 AM
People have stopped asking me how I am going after my sons death. Its only been 4 1/2 weeks. I am not ready to stop talking about him yet. My husband and I haven't used his name in a few days. I have been having a hard time, I feel so sad and alone, like there is no real reason to do anything. I am just doing things because I know I should. I have no idea how my husband feels. Maybe he feels alone too.

Over the weekend I have had contact with 2 other Mums who were pregnant at the same time as me. Their babies are well and growing. I got to hold one of them and my husband held one too. It was so hard to watch.

I dont feel like I can go back to work but I feel guilty about not working. My husband is working. We can't survive on his wage alone. I feel like I have come out of the shock of my babys death, but then I have the realisation that this is permanent. How am I going to survive it?

venentiarose
03-31-2008, 10:36 PM
You have to take each day as it comes. I found people were less inclined to talk...and now, no one mentions my son at all, unless I bring the subject up. They are scared of how you will react, and probably dont want to upset you. I find this message board really helpful. I see the guy that ran over my son, the truck that killed him, the roundabout he died on, the policemen and ambulance officers in attendance on a daily basis, and sometimes I just blurt out what I am feeling at that moment to whoever is around me. Most of my friends dont reply back, dont say anything and carry on with whatever they are doing. It is an awkward situation and I am not sure if they dont answer me because they dont want to get upset or dont want to upset me. Take every day as it comes, let it all out, dont let it fester, who cares what anyone else thinks. Its your grief and if they dont like it thats their problem.

aaliyah86
04-17-2008, 04:22 PM
To all the mothers/fathers who have lost a child.. i want to say first that im so sorry for all your loss's... and that i have a few answers to some questions i read here..... but from my feelings and how i feel.... I lost my son just over a year, he was 20years old. he died while abroad in yemen on holiday sudden death.. they buried my son without my consent because him being in a muslim country... i feel robbed of my child... tortured daily... he was vomiting blood before he passed... he was due back home in the Uk wednesday but died tuesday to unexplained sudden death... im tormented by this... not knowing what happened to my first born... im angry and sad... my heart has been torn to shreads and will never heal... no chance to fly over and bring him back... or to find out the cause of his passing. They just buried him within hours of his passing.. my son not theres.... He was a loving caring sweet boy.. who loved everyone and most me... his mom... i miss him so much..

The pain will never go away.. ever.. each day you miss them more and more..
I wont get rid of any of his things.. i will hold on to them untill i take my last breathe.. I wont let anyone tell me.. what they think is best for me.. because only i know that... ill treasure all of his things... ill move stuff a around because its ok.. there are my sons things.. i talk to him always because i believe he hears me... Friends are not my friends anymore. because im a new person.. im not that person i was before my son died.. i died with him... im a new person with a new life... a new world.. im a grieving mother... who has lost her son.. I dont know how to live in this new life i have now.. or what Gods plans are for me... i take each day as it comes.. when i want to cry i cry... i cry when driving my car without knowing that im about to cry because grief does not warn you when its about to tear your insides.. it comes without warning.. so maybe times ill burst into tears, driving or at tesco anywhere... the pain grabs me at my heart and tears at me.. untill i cant breathe... my new friends are all mothers who have lost a child because they understand me... which other friends to understand me would have to loose a child.. and godforbid i never want anyone to loose a child.... i wont answer my phone if i dont want too or the door...

So dear friends.. this is my new life now... dont let anyone tell you what they think is best for you.. only you know what is... I have created a Garden for my son.. planted flowers and trees etc.. a bench in his memory.. this is my comfort place where i find peace with my son... i talk to him... I also created a website for him.. where i have his pictures and light candles for him. people all over the world visit his site.. i put poems there people pay tribute etc.. this helps me... its my comfort zone.. my breathing space... Maybe for those who have not got a site for there children or loved ones may want to create one... i got the idea from some sweet friends who lost there children and im glad i did it.. My sons site is: wasim-hussein.last-memories.com if anyone would like to visit it and maybe like the idea of a website for there precious child..

I will lift you all in my prayers and your angel children.. May there sprinkle you with love and hugs from heaven God Bless you all.. im new here and feel your pain (((Hugs)))

barbarae
06-02-2008, 12:08 AM
We lost our 34 on March 29th, 2008. That's 2 months ago, but I can tell you how many days, hours and minutes ago it was, because each minute has seemed like an hour since then.
Shane was killed in a single vehicle accident driving home at 7am. Why he was really on the road at that time will remain a mystery.
I have never felt so alone in my life. People avoid me. I ran into an old friend in the grocery store one week ago. She acted delighted to see me and asked me to email her and make lunch arrangements. By the time I returned home there was already an email from her. I answered her right away. Telling her I was free any day next week. What day was best for her? I added that our son recently passed away, so I'm a bit emotional. I never heard back from her.
I emailed a cousin, that my parents raised, like a sister to me. She only lives a hundred miles from me. I had tried calling but kept getting the machine. After several attempts to get her to call me. I finaly left the message on the machine that Shane had died and I needed her. She has never called me.
Shane struggled with drugs for almost 20 years. He'd be clean for a few years and go back to it. His name was in the paper several time for petty crimes. He was a wonderful son and everyone who took the time to know him loved him. He had hundreds of friends.
Our entire family turned their backs on him 15 years ago. He was an embarasment to them. He was excluded from every family event.
Now that he is gone, they act like its for the best or just ignore me, as if my pain is not valid.
If I could have two wishes, it would be to be able to have my son back and to be able to forgive our family for their behavior. I know he will not come back... so I am working hard on forgiveness.
Bless you all, who have loved and lost a child. If I could give you all a hug, I would.
May you all have many kind loving words and support in your lives.

jazers
06-02-2008, 08:12 AM
(((((barbarae))))

gkbmom
06-02-2008, 11:06 PM
Hi Bararae,

I know exactly how you feel. My son also died in a single vehicle accident 4 months ago he was 18.

My thoughts and prayers are with you and all those that have lost a loved one.

Big hug from the bottom of my heart.

May God give you the answer you need. I know its hard but he is the only one that can see us through this terrible tragedy.

brokenmom
02-05-2010, 09:07 AM
I am so sorry for your loss. I loss my 21yr old son a little over 3months ago. He was in motorcycle accident/murder while riding his friend's bike. My life has been ruined. I am tormented from my pain everyday! It has only been getting worst as the days go on. I say to myself every morning"wow, another day is starting without him". People mean well, including family but I hate whwn people ask me "how are you doing" when the answer should be obvious. If I answer that I am not doing good, most people say to me "why", that hurts me so much, it feels so insensitive. I prefer to be by myself and not talk on the phone much because I dont want to burden others with my grief. When certain family members see me crying, they will say "ok, you need to stop this and get counseling, think about your other children", that pisses me off even more! First of all, I am not doing anything wrong, I am grieving, he is my son, my baby!!!! Having other children does not replace the loss of one. Sometimes I dont feel like being "mommy" to my other children. I try my best to hide my grief and I prefer to be alone, unless it's happened to someone, most people do not understand. I talk to my son everyday, I can not speak of my son in the past tense. He had a life, he should be having fun with his friends and his cousins and driving me crazy like he use to. I need this nightmare to be over with, I just want to here my son say" hey mom, its me, I'm home", I want my son back!!!!!!!!