View Full Version : Who else lost their mother during childhood/adolescence?

04-01-2008, 11:29 PM
Hi everyone...I am 29 years old, and lost my mother when I was 13. She drowned, and was found several hours later by a stranger walking near the lake. As you can imagine, her death was totally unexpected; a complete and total SHOCK. To make matters worse, my siblings were much older than me and already out of the house...so I was left with my dad, who wasn't exactly supportive. Yes, he provided a roof over my head, food, the basic necessities...but he NEVER talked about my mother, and was VERY nasty and unpredictable at times (he was that way even before she died). He sometimes left me alone for weeks at a time after she died, when he went on "vacations."

Anyway, I have read questions on here where people ask if "the pain ever goes away." Well, I have lost numerous other people during my 29 years...including grandparents I was close to (I have no more left), and one uncle I was close to as well. All of those losses were painful, but not as unbearable as the loss of my mother. And even the pain of the other losses never totally goes away. But the loss of my mother still affects me every day...Certainly, the pain is not as "acute" as it once was, but there is always a deep "void" in me. Hard to explain...even though I am happily married with lots of friends, NO ONE and NOTHING could ever totally fill that void!!!

So, I am wondering, is there anyone else here who lost their mother at a young age?? Especially to a sudden death...I actually have yet to meet anyone who lost a parent to a sudden death when they were young. It makes me feel a bit strange and isolated at times. Don't get me wrong...overall, I am a very "functional" person, with a normal social life, work life, etc...but there is still that underlying feeling of being very "different" from others...anyone know what I mean?!!

04-07-2008, 03:59 PM
I am a 33 year old male.I lost my mother when I was 7 from breast cancer and my dad at 12 from prostate cancer.I still miss them every day.And you are right it does get a little bit easier with time.

04-09-2008, 04:43 PM
I am 17 and it has been less than a year since i lost my mum suddenly. She was completely healthy, just came off of a diet (so she was v.happy!), planning trips and holidays with her new boyfriend (v.v.v.v.happy!), then one morning she fainted and died from an aneurysm and hemorrhages (i think thats the right spelling).
I'm so isolated from my friends, even though they are supportive it's like a taboo subject.. So i try not to bring it up! I can't blame them though, because they have not been through this loss.
Then less than 6 months later my Gran had a stroke and later died in hospital, she was in a coma for a few hours. I didn't get to say goodbye, although my dad and brother got on the first plane up to Scotland, I was stuck to my bed as I was too scared of going back there after my mums funeral.
It hurts more than I thought possible, I miss my mum so much, but it's making me stronger. I hope you don't feel too isolated now, because you're not the only one.

Happy Days
04-11-2008, 02:25 PM
I lost my mother to an unexpected death when I was 26 years old. I just had her first grandchild who was 5 months at that time. My mother suffered with schizophrenia. She drowned in our backyard swimming pool and my brother came home from school and found her. We are not sure if it was suicide but the coroner put "accidental death" on the death certificate. That was 21 years ago and the pain still hurts. Because my mother suffered so bad from this terrible mental illness, part of me is relieved that she is not suffering anymore but I still miss having my mother. I keep pictures of her all over my apartment. There are days that I cry and then there are days that go by and I don't even think of her. Holidays are the worst. You never get over losing your mother; you just learn how to live with it as each day goes by.

04-12-2008, 04:30 AM
I am a 33 year old male.I lost my mother when I was 7 from breast cancer and my dad at 12 from prostate cancer.I still miss them every day.And you are right it does get a little bit easier with time.

You are the most similar person to me that ive seen. I'm 32 and lost my mother to cancer the day after my 5th birthday and my dad to cancer when I was 18. I thought I was young to lose them, you were even younger.

01-11-2009, 04:35 PM
My mother died during my birth. I was 2 hrs. old. My dad and his mother raised me. I have spent many hrs. thinking how my dad must feel.. I hope he didn't blame me for her death. He never showed it. He loved me very much. He didn't remarry until I married. I was a lonely child and I have a lot of emotional issues, fears, anxieties, ext. don't know why. Anyone want to comment , you are welcome to.

05-26-2011, 07:58 AM
Terribly sorry to hear of your loss. My story is that I lost my Mum when I was six years old. It was an unbearable grief that has never really left me (I'm now 44 years old). I too am a fully functioning,successful adult but inside the sad little girl is still there yes. I think about my darling Mum every day of my life.

06-03-2011, 01:05 PM
I lost my mom suddenly (meningitis) when I was a few months short of five years old. It has also left me feeling like an alien. My father remarried three months (!) later and he didn't like my mother and so we were not allowed to talk about her or have pictures and if we did we go things like "you're better off without her." I too have that deep void feeling. It has taken a long time to get over the feeling that "I shouldn't grieve for her" as I now know that that is just plain... wrong! I now have my house filled with pictures of her and send flowers to her grave every year. I think it is better to memorialize them rather than follow the stupid advice we get like "move on, get over it," etc. I too have a wonderful career and current family but there will always be that part of me that is the sad and angry little boy who misses his mom so much. I find comfort in writing on boards like this. Keep searching around for them.

09-03-2011, 12:00 PM
Yes me too.... am 35 years old now. My mum died when is was 12. Dad got a new wife that i didnt accept at 14. I wasnt such a hard kid... Since 15 mostly alone at home cause my dad and new wife were at their place. At 18 forced to live alone cause house was sold. Never spoke about it with anyone. Did finish school got my master in economics and have normal job. Since two years i feel worse and worse. Also caused by doing abnormal stuff. Drink too much one a month and gets more destructive every time. Tried to find help before but shrinks never understood it. Till last weekend after a drinking party felt so sad i couldnt live anymore. Fortunately was brought to a "crisis centre" and finally met someone who understood it had something to do with what happened in my youth. Am facing now the hardest battle ever, but will do it. Will go in intensive therapy and not accept anymore if some fakedoctor thinks it has nothing to do with my mum. Because it has everything to do with that. I miss her, i dont feel secure at all, and amangry nobody helped me back then. Its nice to put it in writing here... helps alot with the hard times coming up. But am 100% sure will do it now.

09-03-2011, 12:56 PM
My mother and I were just beginning our 2 month tour of Europe when she had a heart attack in Hamburg, Germany. I was 15 yrs. old at that time and was able to handle it fairly well -- probably because I was in total shock. If it were not for the incredible support and kindness of the top executives at the largest steamship line in Germany, I would not have been able to return home to SFO the following morning (free first class accomodations the entire trip).
Yeah, totally unexpected. Her body was finally flown home after a few weeks -- once again thanks to this company!

09-09-2011, 11:51 PM
I lost my mom two months before my fourteenth birthday. It's been two years now and I can't go a day with crying. She died from colon cancer. It was the worst thing I have ever experienced. Especially because my dad never lived with us due to his work. A week before she passed she was literally a baby from all the morphine she was on. Her liver had failed and her kidneys. She had fluid in her stomach and multiple incisions from the doctors failing to remove tumors. For that one week it consisted of me staying up through the night doing everything for her. I had to help her get to the bathroom use it and clean her up afterwards. She was the farthest thing from lucid. She would randomly take off her clothes and say to email her a shirt. To see her like that was more than I could handle. People say the pain eases and you get better. Well it's been two years and I'm waiting when I'll get better. I feel broken beyond repair and I am yet to meet someone who's experienced the same. I too feel alone in the world.

12-16-2011, 02:27 PM
Glad to hear your married and successful in life, my Mom died from breast cancer when I was 6, my dad then resorted to alcoholism for 3years so I was pretty much on my own, none of this had any negative affect on me until I was 15, I remember shutting down feelings/emotions related to love and everything that was good in me, I changed completely as a person for the worst, became completely withdrawn and majorly depressed n angry, I read about a thing called complicated grief (people stuck in a stage of grief) where people talked about feeling as if there was a demon in them and I remember praying/pleading with god to take this evil out of my system, went from being a very out going popular guy to being a complete recluse, I have been alone ever since for the past 13 years and have spent most of that contemplating suicide, nothing as gotten better for me since this initial collapse, I think what drives most people in life is that they want to love and be loved, but this is completely alien to me, Iv never slept with anyone and don't even have the desire to do so for the past 9 years, I tried a few times to visit prostitutes but nothing happened.
Someone suggested homeoopathy as a way of resolving issues from childhood during the summer n out of desperation I tried it, I had a breakthrough, this powerful surge of emotion that I had not felt in in 13 years came up in me n I broke down balling my eyes out for 10 minutes straight, but then my mind just started racing n I think this was some sort of defence mechanism to keep me from certain feelings, since then Iv actually started smiling again but at the same time at 29 my life is pretty much ****d Over the years now and again I would run into people I knew before all this **** started and they would out right say that it was a complete tragedy, It seemed I had everything in the world going for me and the ability to do anything but I crashed...
If there's any one out there who had similar circumstances it would be nice to be able to talk to someone about all this :)

12-16-2011, 04:02 PM
Just to add to that, the damage done to you by loosing your mother as a kid is one thing but the other side is going through life never having a mother, I read a post on face book saying no matter how bad your day is going a phone call from Mom makes it all better, Anyone else relate to never having that person in your corner cuz it's probably one of the most frustrating things Iv ever dealt with

01-04-2012, 08:47 AM
I am completely lost and alone and it really really sucks :(

01-04-2012, 08:59 AM
I don't know, like your relationship to your mom is linked to your emotional well being and happiness as you grow up but if you didn't have that where does that leave you? Also maybe I'm thinking maybe I'm not allowing myself to be happy due to unresolved grief, I look at ******** n everyone else on there is alive, plenty of photos with other people and then I look at mine and I might as well be dead, is there any point on reaching out over the internet to strangers or by doing so am I pretty much just ****** already...