View Full Version : Fiance an Alcoholic what to do?

10-15-2008, 09:05 AM
The love of my life is an alcoholic he drinks a pint of whisky and a few beers a day and then acts like such a jerk and he gets all emotional and i hate it so much! I dont know how to approach him about it right now i have talked to him about it before and he has quit before for about a week and when he does he gets all irritable and cant sleep but he wont admit thats what it is. He has a high stress level and he gets mad easy but when we have talked before he didnt get mad, but i feel like he might its hard to explain. Im sick of coming home from work to a drunken fiance. Im gonna spend the rest of my life with this man,and i dont want to come home to a drunken retard everyday, and then when we try to have sex when he has been drinking he just passes out in the middle of it, so we barely have a sex life anymore, but when he is sober we have the best sex on the planet. I guess that could be a point i bring up to him but i dont want him to feel less like a man or anything. How should i talk to him, im not gonna say well im leaving if you dont quit, i want to help him thru this, and i want him to know that i am here for him if he needs me to be. I just need some advice if anyone has ever gone thru this before. and how they approached there loved one. Please help i love him so much and i want this to be over!!!!

10-15-2008, 10:28 AM
I would strongly urge you to find your local Al-Anon district and attend a few meetings for support and education on alcoholism.

Your fiance has a disease and always will. There is no cure for alcoholism. He can put it into a sort of "remission," but only if he chooses. But you will still be living with an alcoholic.

Just as if your fiance were diagnosed with MS or diabetes or cancer, you would be getting yourself educated on how to coexist (hopefully in a productive and positive way) with someone suffering from one of those diseases; you need to treat alcoholism the same. And Al-Anon is the leader when it comes to support and education for those of us who live with and/or love an alcoholic.

Best of luck :)

10-15-2008, 10:28 AM
You cannot fix this man, no matter how hard you work at it. The best thing you can do is go along to some Al-Anon meetings, and learn all about alcoholism and its effect on the people around the alcoholic. The bottom line is that HE must want to stop drinking enough to tackle the problem. Like all alcoholics, though, he will probably get a LOT worse, and ruin his and your life before he reaches that point. Information and skills to deal with it are your most important priorities. Sera.

10-15-2008, 10:47 AM
At least don't marry this person until he has this problem under control. You will have a chance to break up and go. To tell the truth I would suggest you to do it now. Life is hard enough. You don't need an alcoholic husband.

10-15-2008, 11:08 AM
I would think long and hard before I married an alcoholic. Like one of the other posters said, life is hard enough without a major problem like an addiction. You won't be able to make him stop drinking, he has to want to stop. I have family members who are alcoholics and wouldn't wish that upon anyone. I can tell you that it is hell living with an alcoholic. And even if he stops drinking, there is always a chance he'll start again.

10-15-2008, 11:15 AM
You know this about him already, going into the potential marriage. You already know you should leave and find someone who isn't having this problem. It doesn't matter what all of his "good qualities" are, because it's not going to make any difference if you marry this guy and unable to get out of the marriage when it starts falling apart.

You know what you should do. Walk away. There's nothing else you need to do. Find someone better. You don't have to settle for an alcoholic who is sure to make the rest of your life a living hell. If you do settle and end up getting married, it's clear that you will be miserable and you'll be asking yourself how you got in this predicament in the first place. It will be because you didn't walk away when you still had the chance.

10-16-2008, 09:27 AM
I am going to jump on the bandwagon here and agree with the other responses. You can't marry this man. You already dread coming home to a drunk. Do you honestly see that changing for the better anytime soon? It will get way worse; not better. Like I keep saying, sometimes love just isn't enough. Your happiness matters. Don't marry a man hoping he will change. Good luck with this painful situation.