View Full Version : Mother of heroin users

06-06-2009, 07:19 PM
I've battled drug addictions with my son since he was 15. Sent him to rehabs, treatment centers, long term residence care and he's even been to jail. The drug is heroine. Ever since jail, he has tried to quit but I see he fights this demon every day! He is 21 years old. It's not only the drug addition, but the constant reminder of the criminal record. However, he has accepted and is now living on probation while trying to stay "clean". His only real goal is to complete the probation and then join the Military. Colleges and Employers frown on a criminal record...so what other choice does he have?
Current problem...my 17 year old daughter is going down the same path. Now she is in juvenile detention. Using heroine and being caught with the possesion on the last day of school in her senior year. She is now suffering withdrawal while her classmates are attending graduation. What a monster this drug is! I never thought anything can be more powerful than a mothers love. But my point is that not only does drugs rule your thoughts and life...it controls your future with a criminal record. She has been slapped with charges a mile long at a very young age and not only have to worry about "quitting" drugs but what to do afterwards...no drivers license, no employment, no school, a criminal record and how is she to pay the fines? It's no wonder the kids go right back to the "drug". Sometimes the law makes it impossible to move on and get out of the rut! This is now my fear for my daughter. I have confidence that she can kick this addiction, but with a very dreary picture of the future...why would she even want to! I most definitely will be attending meetings because I am so confused as to my position in this whole thing. I have 3 other kids that didn't go down this path and it just seems to unfair to them that my attention is always focused on the troubled 2. What is your opinion: Do you not think it is bad enough to withdraw from an addiction without having to battle a criminal record the rest of your life? Eventually, I know my daughter will come home...maybe 6 months...maybe 1 year...but what am I to do with her???? If she is able to get a job..all her earnings will go towards fines, I know this will involve some sort of probation which means I'll be driving her for urine tests...etc...who really suffers in all this...if you ask me it's the PARENTS!

06-07-2009, 01:22 AM
Hello T,

As these are extremely sensitive sets of situations, I will try to tread as lightly as possible.

It is safe to say that no child stands up in class and announces that they want to be addicted to drugs when they grow up.

There may be one or several factors that led your two children to seek drugs in the first place(peer pressure,depression, etc.).

This is not to say that you were a bad parent; the world in general is going at such a fast pace that it is often difficult to keep up. Some children can be harder on themseves than any parent.

Although i've never used heroin, I will say that the desire for drugs in those truly adicted is uniform; a roller coaster ride that seems impossible to get off of.

For those addicted, it is often said that there are three extremes: jails, institutions or death.

Please thankful that the latter has not occurred.

Financial situations can be worked out.

Parents seem to suffer indirectly because they care so much about their children's well-being. Their safety is of paramount concern.

They will be in my prayers, as well as their caring mother.


06-07-2009, 06:08 AM
twilight, my thoughts are with you.

Pheonix is right. A kid doesn't just stand up and decide to be a drug addict.
I'm 21 years old like your son and I started experimenting with drugs at a very young age...when I was 14. It was my first year of high school and I was just curious. The first drug I tried was a mixture of amphetamine salts. A pretty hard drug. It's a prescription drug called Adderall, but amphetamine is a drug to be reckoned with. Thankfully, I didn't become addicted to that drug, but came close.

If you have never tried drugs you can't possibly understand. Most of these drugs induce an intense feeling of pleasure. It's hard to explain. Like your son, I discovered my fondness of opioids when I was 15. Opioids are drugs that work on certain receptors in the brain to produce an intense rush of happiness and well-being. They are prescribed for pain relief. I have been addicted to a drug called tramadol since I was 15. It is similar to an opioid, but also does other things in the brain traditional opioids do not. When I was a kid I had no idea this was ever going to happen. And it's not my mother's fault. I grew up in a very organized and loving home. Both of my parent's were always there for me. As I'm sure it's the same with your children. A loving, caring mother. It's not your fault...don't ever think you went wrong. Your kids were just curious one day...having no idea what they were getting into.

Heroin (diacetylmorphine) is a very nasty drug. Did you know it was developed as a less-addicting pain killer years and years go? Well, that turned out to be dead wrong. It was also known as "the sedative for coughs". This drug is very addicting. I have never tried it, but have tried drugs similar. You may be wondering "why can't my kids just quit?". There is one simple answer and it's called withdrawal. Once you have been using a drug long-term, when you try to quit suddenly, there is physical withdrawal. It is agonizing and unless you've ever been through it you can never possibly even come close to understanding. Heroin is infamous for it's severe and agonizing withdrawal and it's extremely high ability to cause dependence.

As for your children, they have to WANT to be clean. Rehabs may help, but it's a life-long battle for most people. That's the dark truth. There are life-saving drugs that help a lot of people. One of them is called Suboxone (buprenorphine) that can save a lot of opioid addicts. It helps mitigate withdrawal and blocks the action of many opioids with the patient tries to take their drug of choice. I'm not a doctor and I can not prescribe this or give any more advice. I'm just letting you know that option is there.

06-07-2009, 06:32 AM
Thank you! I need all the prayers that my children and I can get. Right now my daughter is going thru withdrawal from heroine (cold turkey) in the junvenile detention center. 1 year ago, my son also went thru cold turkey withdrawal. However, that did not stop him from using again, because he did use the suboxon to withdrawal the second time around...what I can't believe is if heroine produces an agonizing withdrawal...why do kids go back to it? And right now the most painful thing for me is to know that these 2 kids will have to fight this demon every day for the rest of their lives and that is heartbreaking! And to stress once again...once the criminal law gets involved...the reputation and future life of a drug user is ruined!
Ironically, I called my daughters Probation Officer 1 week before she was caught in school with the drugs. I expressed my concerns and actually gave the name of the (wanted for arrest) drug dealer that she was associating with. The PO gave her the benefit of the doubt and said he did not want to arrest her on hearsay and wanted her to graduate. The last day of her senior year...she gets nabbed with: dirty urine, possession of paraphanlia, heroine baggies, although the 20 bags were empty there was residue and thus also charged with intent to deliver! She wanted to be a nurse 6 months ago....there goes that dream...can't possibly be in the medical field with drug charges....So see what I mean?

06-07-2009, 07:43 AM
I would like to add that I do feel that I am suffering to a point that is much greater than my children. I fear for my own health and I still have a 10 year old to raise. I am on no medication, I don't drink and quit smoking 1 year ago. It has taken everything in my power...not to light up again! And as a mother...quite frankly...I am tired of TOUGH LOVE...I just want plain old LOVE again! I am sure my children love me but this heroine is much more powerful than a mothers love and I HATE this drug, not only because it is ruining my childrens lives but that it won the battle and took my kids from me. I am raising these kids alone and my previously addicted son and I hug and cry all the time over what my daughter is now going thru. I don't think I could make it without him, yet none of this had to happen, but they do say everything happens for a reason...I can't imagine what that reason can be! Thank you all for your care and concern.

06-07-2009, 08:01 PM
It has taken everything in my power...not to light up again!

There's the answer to one of your questions. They keep going back to it because of the solace it provides. Heroin is of course a lot easier to relapse than nicotine. I'm not speaking from research, but that would be my guess. It's just the nature of addiction. They say the real battle begins after withdrawal. So true.

You're right. You are suffering as well. It's called "co-dependency". :( It happens so often. So your son is no longer addicted? If he has won this battle that pride in his strength. I'm sure you already do. He is stronger than he ever would have been. It takes tremendous character to overcome withdrawal and not relapse.

06-08-2009, 05:38 AM
I talked to my daughter last nite and she is suffering the withdrawal. They will not let her see a doctor. She is going thru this in a locked cell all alone. Seems to me that animals are treated better than this. Of course my heart broke speaking with her and I want to take her home. The court hearing is this AM but thanks to your opinion stating the recovery is worse than the withdrawal, I've decided to let the court decide her fate and hope they get her into a treatment center. My son did relapse several times but does hold a job and after his probation which ends in about a year...does want to join the military. In the meantime, we have been searching for meetings to help us cope with Rachel. Once again I must demonstrate tough love...but this time it hurts so bad. This is my baby girl who just last month hooked up with the wrong guy. And I want my baby girl back...the one with the goals and ambitions, good grades and work habits. I want this nightmare over NOW...yet I know it will take years. And this saddens me. Right now, I want this "boyfriend" (drug dealer) caught and I want him to suffer just as he has my little girl suffering. Please pray for us and for justice.

06-08-2009, 02:27 PM
Welcome Twilight!

I am so sorry to hear of your situation. After I read your post I immediatly said a prayer for you to have strength to endure all of this and that your childrens addictions can be taken away from them. I myself am a recovering pill addict and it's such a hard thing to go thru. Never in my life would I have guessed this would have happened to me... that I allowed this to happen to me but it did and now I have to pick myself up.

I just want you to know that we are here for you and will help in any way that we can. I will keep you and yours in my thoughts and my prayers!


Wild Irish Rose
06-08-2009, 06:32 PM
Twilight, I'm so glad you found this site! I'm new, I've been off opiates for almost a year with the help of a medication called suboxone.

I'm praying for you and your family, also. My story is the exact opposite of yours: I'm the addict, and my husband and 3 sons were in your position. Luckily, I was never arrested, but my sons and hubby had to take me to the ER 3 times for ODs....

When I think of the h*ll I put my family through, the people who love me and who are my heart, I love them so much...it makes me sick. But I'm trying to win their trust back day by day. I don't think they'll ever have full trust in me like before I started using, but...that's to be expected. If I was in their place...I might not either.

I know you're very worried about your daughter's ability to be employed when she gets out and gets straightened up. I'm not working right now, but I've thought of trying to get educated to be a drug & alcohol counselor. When I was in rehab, a lot of the professionals there were recovering addicts/alcoholics. Without fail, they were the most wonderful people...it was so great to be able to talk to someone who was like me, but now has years of sobriety behind them, got an education, and went into the field that meant so much to them. They're "giving back", and that's what I'd like to try to do. I wonder if that might be something for the back burner for your daughter?

Well, probably too early to be planning her career at this point. Just want you to know I care, I'll be thinking about you, and I'll keep praying. Also, as you already know, the people here are more than wonderful! Keep us updated, will you?


06-09-2009, 04:26 AM
Your story brought back a lot of pain that I went through with one of my adult kids. It seems like an endless nightmare and so hard on the family let alone what your daughter is going thru.
I can tell you this that sometimes when an addict comes out try very hard to maintain her fight with drugs and finds possibly a job that may pay less because your right, the history these kids have to live with is terrible when it comes to job hunting. But...I know of one who worked hard for two years trying to get her life together and trying to pay off her debts the best she could. She stayed clean which was hopeful for all of us parents to hear.
When she went back to court after two years the judge looked at her and saw that she was trying so hard and he dropped the rest of her fines to help her. I thought this was wonderful as it is so hard for them to work and pay everything out and still have nothing. Not all courts are this kind, but it is hopeful to know it can and does happen.
A long haul for them and for you and family but... good things can happen if they fight hard enough and believe they can do it.
I wish you strength and love to get through all this with your daughter. Mine has been clean one year now and I am still praying it stays that way for her and me. Good luck to you and don't give up hope. Take care of you because you need to be her strength and hope that there is a tomorrow and the sun will shine again.

06-09-2009, 10:36 AM
I am sure my children love me but this heroine is much more powerful than a mothers love and I HATE this drug, not only because it is ruining my childrens lives but that it won the battle and took my kids from me.

Hello T,

Please remember that the battle may have been lost(this time) but not the war.

As long as there is a fight and a chance, there is a fighting chance that things can and will get better.


06-09-2009, 06:23 PM
I believe that the prayers I am receiving from you wonderful people are beginning to work. I found peace with myself and stopped trying to figure out what I did wrong, although it's still hard to sleep thru the night without waking up and thinking about my daughter. I was in court with her yesterday and I could see the pain in her eyes. They are making her withdraw cold turkey. I know if she were to get out at that moment..she would be headed right for the drug.
They ordered a drug screening on her to determine the treatment center that would best suit her. I do intend to go to meetings to help me cope, but for now I found this site very comforting. Yesterday, I went to the police station to tell the cops where this fugitive is and how he got my daughter hooked on drugs. I don't know exactly where he is because he is always running (warrant for his arrest) but I had a good idea because that is where my daughter would stay and I gave at least 5 kids names associated with him that the police know very well and the cop told me to go find him myself! I left in tears! I honestly think that the police want him to hook more kids so they have more to arrest...why else would he tell me to find him myself? So I'm giving up being a detective...alot of good it did! I would just like to stop worrying at all. It is so true that complete trust will probably never happen. I am constantly looking in my sons eyes...looking for a sign that he did something. I know he is probably sick and tired of me asking and hounding, but he accepts my distrust and understands why. And I will also be skeptical of my daughter when she returns. It's an awful way to live. And on Sat nite when my daughters high school graduation ceremony is taking place...she will be sitting in a cell. I don't know how she did it, but she had really good grades and was accepted into a college. So she still will get a diploma and live in a rehab instead of a college dorm. It's just unbelievable how one stupid decision to "try" a drug can lead to a lifetime of regrets. Maybe I'm more heartbroken than she is but that's what being a mother is all about. I'll keep you all posted and in the meantime we can all pray for each other because addicts and the love ones affected by addicts are all suffering and all need our prayers!

06-09-2009, 11:49 PM
It's just unbelievable how one stupid decision to "try" a drug can lead to a lifetime of regrets.

Hello T,

One time is all it takes for most.

One may get caught up in a "fog" of sorts and develop what I call the "rip van winkle complex."

The unfortunate thing is when the person "wakes up" finally, the damage has already been done; sometimes beyond repair.

Although I have never used heroin, I believe that there are many similarities with drug seeking behavior as a whole. (opinion)

Take care of yourself.


06-11-2009, 05:17 AM
F/U: Drug counselor ordered my daughter to a 28 day in patient rehab center then probation and out patient counseling. This should occur in the beginning of next week. One big question I have: she was suppose to have 4 impacted wisdom teeth extracted on Wed. The probation officer is denying this, however, the drug counselor feels she should have it done before the rehab. Would the anesthesia hurt her at this point...should I try to pursue the issue that this surgery needs to be done? Her teeth are causing her pain and at one point or another she will need pain meds unless the surgery is done. Please give me any thoughts. There may be nothing I can do to fight the court anyhow:(

Wild Irish Rose
06-11-2009, 11:12 AM
Hi, Twilight. I'm so happy to read that things are going better. Obviously you know that there are still battles to fight, maybe while your daughter is in treatment you can at least have "some" time for yourself, even if it's to go to meetings for yourself, and try to begin some of your own healing and renewing your strength.

I have no idea if the probation officer is going to win on your daughter's dental work or not, but I was wondering if you could get documentation from both the dentist and the drug counselor that the impacted wisdom teeth should be extracted for medical reasons, (maybe the dentist can document the implications if impacted wisdom teeth are not extracted, I'm sure the result wouldn't be good). Maybe they could explain (in writing) to the probation officer that if this is not done when suggested, that it could really cause a problem in your daughter's recovery, possibly setting up a situation where relapse could occur.

I have some experience with the court system, through my troubled son, but none of this kind, so I don't even know if this is good advice, just the thing I would try if I was in your situation.

As for the anesthesia hurting her at this point, not being a medical professional, I have no advice for you there. Does your daughter's dentist/dental professional know about her addiction? If not, he/she should be told and I'd suggest that you ask the dental pro about the advantages/disadvantages of anesthesia/pain meds. If the advice is that the anesthesia wouldn't hurt, maybe this is another thing that could go in writing to the PO.

I'd just make sure everyone knows about everything, and if necessary, that they get in touch with each other via phone, fax, email, whatever. No matter how much this procedure is advised by the dental pro and the counselor, you may just end up having to go with what the PO says. Hopefully, the PO will have some empathy and do whatever will be best for your daughter.

My thoughts are still with you, and appreciate the updates. Keep in touch about this situation, ok? We're thinking about you and your daughter.


06-12-2009, 04:48 AM
The drug counselor will speak with the PO about the dental work and it will be the PO's decision. If there is a chance he says OK then I will take the appropriate steps with the dentist. I am going to visit her for the 1st time Sat evening...that is when her class is graduating and it will be very sad for us. I'm not even sure what to say to her ("I told you so") is about all I can think of. Monday AM we have another court hearing to establish which rehab she will be going to. I realize this will be a very long journey and I think Rachel has the strength to pull thru...I only wish the boyfriend would be picked up by the police already! My son says that as long as he is around, it will be tough for Rachel. I suppose it was "true love"! I do feel better but have tons of trouble sleeping! Well today is my little guys last day of school and I'm going to try to enjoy the day with him. Thank you for your support and please keep on praying!

04-15-2010, 11:03 AM
I know how you feel. I am also the mother of a heroine addict. You can read my story on board "mydaughtersmom". If you read the entire thread you will know where I am at now. Currenty there is zero contact, I do not have a clue where she is or when or if I will ever hear from her again. It is a helpless position to be in. I will follow your story and will wait to see if you read mine.