View Full Version : Alcholic Boyfriend

02-13-2011, 09:17 PM
Hi there.
I've just joined this site in the hopes that people could give me some advice.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for almost 2 years now and he i feel like he has an alcohol problem.
I myself am a social drinker, I drink once/twice a month and maybe one of those times I will drink excess amount of alcohol to the extent that bits of the night are erased from my memory. I know this is bad for my health and i am not one to say I am perfect.
I am very concerned about my parther however. I know he has a drinking problem, if it worries me to the extent that I created this account, its an obvious problem. The problem is tho, I don't know how to address it to him.
Last night we went to a friends house, and he drank a whole standard bottle of rum within 2.5 hours.... this seems to be quite normal for him tho, he drinks that stuff like its water. It scares the hell out of me. He gets drunk and starts to be narky toward me because I get upset at the fact of how drunk he is and how much hes had to drink in what little time he drank it in and then we end up in an arguement. Because we argue when were out, his friends say they get "bummed" when they see my boyfriend upset because we are fighting and it makes them have a bad night too, so I try not to say anything anymore.
My boyfriend also says to me that hes glad im not like his ex and i dont comment on his drinking alot or make him stop. (obviously she had an issue aswell)
He drinks beers on his lunch breaks at work (not sure how many as Im not there he says only one), and during week nights (atleast 4 a night). One week he didnt drink during the week nights and he made such a big deal about it, he was so proud of himself.
I cant leave left over alcohol in the house that I didnt drink because no doubt he will drink it the following day)
His friends drink alot aswell, probably even more than him (one in particular doesnt even use a mixer with his rum, he drinks it straight) but they dont get drunk from it as much as he does (they dont show it anyway). I know they are such bad influence on him but he wont stay away from them- (again we argue because I dont want him and I to stay out all night with those boys so I can try and stop him from drinking so much, but always thanks me and appologises the next morning)
It kills me to watch him do this to himself. I hate being his girlfriend when he drinks because I have to act like his mother and I look forward to the morning after when hes back to his sober self.
His family I dont think have any clue that he drinks so much. I am thinking about having a discussion with them in private to inform them. I cant deal with this on my own anymore. Both my grandfathers had drinking problems, one died because of it. I dont want to lose my boyfriend, i love him so much. I dont want to come across as the nagging girlfriend and his friends will probably make him think I am, but something needs to be done. I love him so much and I want to help him. I have spoken to him about it a few times, he just gets upset and feels like im attacking him and it finishes with me in tears and nothing being resolved. Any ideas or advice would be greatly appreciated.

02-13-2011, 09:28 PM
How old is your boyfriend?
How long has he been drinking?
Does he want to stop?

02-13-2011, 09:46 PM
He is 25 years old
Been drinking since he was a teenager i believe, but hes been drinking progessively more and more over the 2 years weve been together.
He knows it upsets me, he knows hes got a "bit" of a problem. Doesnt want to stop. It relaxes him.

02-14-2011, 03:02 PM
He has a drinking problem and it's only going to get worse.
I would tell you to leave him if the alcohol is causing problems - if he loves you he will stop drinking or at least cut down.

02-14-2011, 03:11 PM
That's not necessarily true that he'll cut down or quit because he loves you. I love my family and friends dearly and have continued to use despite this. Your addiction becomes top priority when you're in the midst of an active addiction, despite the fact that in your heart, you don't really care about it and would do anything for your family and friends.

02-14-2011, 04:24 PM
Well if he doesn't stop ........
It just proves he thinks the alcohol is more important than his girlfriend and if that's the case she is better off moving on and leaving him with his bottle.

When I had a drinking problem my wife took our daughter and left.....
I then realised that they were more important to me than the alcohol.. so I stopped drinking!

That was 23 years ago and we are still together today. :)

02-15-2011, 04:07 AM
its a tricky situation I would also say leave him and move on.
His last girl friend tried to help, maybe not in the correct way ( what ever that was), but look where it got her, sounds like he is not yet ready to admit his problem untill that happens he is going to think you are nagging him and bringing him down which is likely to send him further to drink.
You said he stopped drinking for a week, what did you do in that week with the extra time you had, maybe you can do that again, without him knowing he not drinking.
hope that makes a bit on sense

02-15-2011, 12:27 PM
You are right.
When I was nagged at about my drinking I thought they were trying to stop me from having fun .. which made me drink more.

02-17-2011, 04:58 AM
You better bring your boyfriend ti somebody knows well to advice him to that kind of situation that he is into. Anyone with an active alcohol problem is focused on drinking alcohol and is not focused on a relationship. His main relationship is with a bottle of alcohol. A person who is actively drinking alcohol or using drugs is unable to meet the needs of his partner in a consistent way. He believes he needs alcohol (his brain is alcohol dependent) and you think you need him.