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View Full Version : Alcoholic Daughter and Judgemental Son in Law


mjfb
03-23-2011, 07:46 PM
I have a daughter who is an alcoholic and who has newly admitted such and is now working a program through AA meetings and medication. Her husband, my son-in-law, refuses to accept alcoholism as a disease, doesn't want to know anything about it, just wants it to stop and wants it to stop now. She has called me on rare occasions for encouragement as well as to provide updates. He has called me more often to tell me how she is wrecking their lives. I have been in Alanon for years and am not trying to remedy anyone's lives and have told both that I do not wish to be involved, wish them the best and they both know what they should do. My daughter understands this, as she was in Alateen when young. My son-in-law is very angry with me because I will not "take his side" so to speak. I am at a loss as to what to do...accept his calls and infuriate him when I refuse to listen to him continue with the complaints and his side of the story, or not accept his calls and infuriate him because I do not talk with him. It is a lose-lose situation for me. I lose if I talk because if I tell him what he wants to hear then I am not telling him what I truly feel (that he is a part of the problem) and if I tell him what I feel (he too needs to become educated about it and seek help through Alanon, etc.) I lose, also, as he becomes angry and hangs up on me and tells my grandsons (11 and 13) that I have sided against them. Any suggestions out there? I live 3 hours from them, so I have no idea whose side of the story is closer to the truth, nor do I care. I only want her to find sobriety and for him to understand the disease. (Wow, some serious wishing there from me!) Thanks!

oxygirl
03-23-2011, 08:04 PM
you might just want to send him a letter and explain the same thing you said in the post. After all, what good would taking sides do for any of them. It isn't like you are the boss of them and can say who wins and who doesn't. I would tell the hubby if he wants it to work then he needs to try to forgive her and help her. Sounds like he might just need a venting partner. Unfortunately he feels like that person is you. I know how you feel. I have a daughter and I am sure I wouldn't want to speak against her that way. Good luck.