View Full Version : Ex-wife is meth addict advice to get custody of child

04-04-2011, 07:12 PM
My boyfriend's ex-wife is using meth but we have no hard evidence to use against her. She was using meth while my boyfriend was still married to her and her children from a previous marriage got fed up with her and moved in with their dad full-time. Her first husband requested a drug test and she used some sort of shampoo to mask the drug use and the test came out negative. So she has worked the system in the past and he's afraid if he goes the accusation route and she may be the test again and then she will tries retaliate.

It is a super long story and I'm afraid to post all the details here, but we have talked to CPS, Welfare, etc. and because there is no hard evidence they will not do anything. His ex appears to be getting deeper and deeper in her addiction and is doing very bizarre things and the child says the mom is either up all night or sleeping all day and the child is being ignored and feels invisible. For whatever reason though when my boyfriend has asked if the child is okay and wants to live with him the child says it's fine. The child seems to be fiercely loyal to the mother.

The child is on an emotional rollercoaster during the visits with my boyfriend. Up one minute down the next, crying at the next minute at the drop of a hat. It appears and the child is young so who knows for sure.

My boyfriend is currently unemployed and doesn't have the money for a high priced lawyer or private investigator either.

Does anyone have any advice?

04-05-2011, 10:11 AM
I think meth is the one drug that doesn't stay long in the system. So if they told her Friday she had a drug test on Monday, she would have an easy time taking it and passing. I am so sorry for the child. Children also seem to have a unconscious loyalty to parents with drug problems or parents who abuse them. How far away does your boyfriend live from the ex? Also, maybe if you lived closer you could offer the opportunity to take the child more often like say for an overnight during school week and you could get the opportunity to see her school and become involved more with her.

Unless the court sees signs of abuse or neglect or drugs, they will not take this child from her. Especially since the dad has no gainful employment. After a certain age a child can pick which parent to go live with but it sounds like this one is protecting mom. All I can say is try to get closer to the child and invite her over more so that she feels comfortable in her father's home and who knows what will happen. If the mother is a real bad addict then the child will open her eyes and see it. The mother will eventually put her meth first. Is this the only child he has with her?

I am sorry for

04-05-2011, 10:21 PM
Thanks for the support and words of wisdom. My boyfriend lives 30 minutes away so it's possible but I highly doubt his ex would give him his child during the week. Ironically I offered to help at the school and the child was very excited about that but I told the child to get approval from both dad and mom. The child didn't understand why approval was needed but I just said that's the way it is. I'm pretty sure my boyfriend's ex will say no. She never volunteers at the school or takes the child to school events so she could be threatened by me going there. She also is hiding information from the child's school that she moved out of the district so she might also feel afraid that I would mess that up or something. As I mentioned in my email I don't want to get too detailed about the situation for safety reasons. This is my boyfriend's only child, but I think I mentioned that she lost her other children from a previous marriage because the kids did know she was on drugs and got fed up and went to live with their dad. The dad requested a drug test and she used some sort of shampoo and passed that test.

It does seem like things are escalating at the ex's house and we came across some social networking information that the child has been involved in and there was some inappropriate information we came across. We spoke to both CPS and a Child Custody Evaluator and they have both said there really isn't anything you can do right now. So the bottom line is that she either has to get caught and put in jail or the child has to really open up to my boyfriend about the situation if the child wants out and realize like his ex's other children that the mom is a drug addict and an unfit parent and it would be healthier to live with dad.

04-06-2011, 05:26 AM
unfortunately i don't think there is anything you can do unless she gets caught. try befriending the other exhusband to get information because eventually you may need him to testify in court on your behalf that this is common chronic behavior for her. Right now I would just watch and wait. Make sure this child has your phone numbers where he/she can reach you at all times in case of a crisis. Make sure you let him/her know that it is okay to call whenever no matter what. Sorry I couldn't help anymore than that. Good luck to you and hopefully no harm comes to this child as a result of a negligent drug addict mother.