View Full Version : 45 and Depressed

07-06-2011, 07:18 AM
Removed original post for privacy reasons.

07-06-2011, 08:03 AM
You are subconciously trying to sabotage this relationship because you don't think you deserve it for whatever misconceived reason. Please get counseling.

07-06-2011, 08:09 AM
I understand what you're saying, but it's not as simple as that. I still have the fear of dying, fear of aging issue, whether he is in my life or not. I do realize that I'm creating problems for us that don't need to be there, absolutely...but I am also trying to be realistic...trying to figure out if being with someone younger who happens to be very youthful for THEIR age, may be bad for me in the long run. I know I have issues...I was with a man for 6 years who belittled me, insulted me, yelled at me and made me feel like complete sh** constantly...who was an alcoholic and full of rage and I walked on egg shells constantly. I know I'm feeling ramifications from that. I also know that I don't want to age. It sort of runs in my family. Just the other day I was reading an article that was exploring the issue of bikini's...should you wear a bikini after 40? Should you have long hair after 40? And let me tell you, it never occurred to me to not do either one of those...(I do both)...until I read that stinking article. Now I'm wondering if I should hang up the bikini and cut my hair off. If I'm painful to look at...at 45 year old woman trying in vain to be young...or if I look terrific. I don't know anymore. I hate this! I do thank you for your reply, I really do...but I think there's more to it than that. :)

07-06-2011, 11:15 AM
You should still seek counseling. You have a lot of issues to overcome and I doubt you can do them on your own. Questioning yourself to this extent is self sabotage. I wish you the best.

07-06-2011, 11:24 AM
Honestly, I understand the "go seek counseling" replies, but really I posted on here to see if anyone else has ever felt this way. Some "I've been there's" or "No, I've never felt that way's" or something like that. I was not expecting a miracle...that someone would have the answers for me and I really didn't want to be advised to seek counseling because these boards are in addition to any help I may seek in the future if I decide to do so and while I know you are trying to be helpful and I appreciate it, obviously I didn't write that long post in order to be told to go seek counseling. I really wanted a sounding board, which is what I thought this was for; an exchange perhaps with someone who may have felt similarly at one time or perhaps knew someone else who had been through something similar. I know I can't be the only youthful 45 year old who all of a sudden is feeling age and freaking out!! Who is feeling insecure, all while dealing with other issues. Whose concerns are not only superficial, but fear of getting old and dying! I know I can't be the only one!! I just wanted some "girl chat" because frankly I don't have any friends that are in a situation like mine...some have been married for a long time, some are younger than me, some have children, some live for their careers....I really don't have anyone close to me in the same situation...thus my post on here. Thanks. :)

07-06-2011, 01:35 PM
Sweetie, I'm 65, been divorced 12 years, have a male friend 10 years younger, I look about 50 - most people are stunned to find out how old I am. It's all about faith in yourself. Yes, I've had self doubts at times. But, my ability to "do whatever I have to do", which my mother HATED me for (her words, not mine), always comes to the fore. I have faith in myself, in my God and I know I will survive and be fine. You need to find that center - and counseling helped me....that's why I suggested it.

I hope you get some resolution soon.

07-06-2011, 01:38 PM
Hi, I don't know if I can ease your fears but all I know is age is a number and life is about attitude and being confident. Most people want to be around confident, happy and secure people and I'm sure that is what your boyfriend saw when he met you. A person can be years in their age but not be mature emotionally and it sounds like you have a great young man there and he loves you. Enjoy the time you share together and read positive things. I heard the 45 year olds look and feel like 35 and Christie Brinkley is in her late 50's and still acts and feels young. It is our attitude and our outlook in life. Be thankful that you don't have a terminal disease. I got cancer when I was 48 years old and had chemo and radiation. It was not pleasant but I have lived 10 more years and really appreciate life each day. Appreciate your life with someone who loves you and enjoy the emotionally safe person you are with. I married someone my own age and he remained only a 16 year old kid who was back in the hippy days. I remarried a man 25 years older than myself and I love him so much because he doesn't criticize or blame me for things like my first husband. Write what you are thankful for and stop seeing all the negative and see the positive in your smile, your character and life away from a toxic person. Reframe your thinking and put positive things in your mind. You are your own worst enemy and our minds and feelings can sabatoge a good relationship. Best wishes.

07-06-2011, 05:48 PM
Thanks! Funny, my mother hates that about me and always has...I'm sure many of my issues stem from my relationship with her throughout my life. I appreciate your reply.

07-06-2011, 05:52 PM
Thank you...and I'm so sorry you had to battle cancer. I'm glad you're doing better now and are happy. This makes me feel positive as well; your positive energy helps. :) Keep it up...happy for you that you found a wonderful husband too. My ex was a hippy that never grew up as well, so I know how that is. I know I'm fortunate enough to have found a sensitive, trustworthy, loving man and I cherish him. I know self doubt is sabotage to any relationship and I'm going to try and keep it at bay. Hearing from you and the other person replying truly helps and I appreciate it very much. I know I'm in a funk, but I also know I'll get myself out of it. I am normally a strong woman, which is why this is so baffling and unsettling for me. I wish you much happiness! Thanks!