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plumtired
08-06-2011, 08:09 AM
Dying doesn't frighten me at all. The thing which causes me the most anxiety is thinking of the possible journey! I'm alone and there is no one who would care of me should I lay up for months or years with cancer. It's my one fear. I actually have cancer-phobia and it causes me serious anxiety. The older I get the worse it becomes!

In all reality, I should be concerned about heart failure but nope, it's the BIG C word that scares me to the brink of going mad!

I wonder is us 'oldies' all feel this way or is it just me?

Thanks for reading this and I hope you will reply.

God bless,

Plum

plumtired
08-07-2011, 03:04 PM
Guess I'm the only 'oldie' here.

MsNetta61
08-07-2011, 05:45 PM
I am 61 yrs. young and feel great. I guess I can say this because attitude has a lot to do with how you look at life and consequently how you feel. I saw on the news today a lady that just turned 104 and she got around better than many people who are in their 60s or 70s. She was volunterring at a hospital and giving of herself. Her attitude was or is just take one day at a time. Mind set needs to change my friend. Develop friendships, join a gym, get out and meet people and you will not be alone. Read books that will motivate and encourage you. Normal Vincent Peale's book on a positive attitude is good for a starter. Change takes place gradually but in time you will start to see a difference in your mood and mindset. Be encouraged and let me know how you are doing. Also read books on good nutrition which will help alleviate your fears on getting cancer or growing older. Forgive, forgive forgive those that have hurt you for life is too precious to hold grudges.

JohnR41
08-08-2011, 09:13 AM
It's my one fear. I actually have cancer-phobia and it causes me serious anxiety. The older I get the worse it becomes!

Spend time with friends or make some new friends. Get a hobby or go to the library and find something interesting to read. If you find more enjoyment in life, you may not experience as much anxiety.

In all reality, I should be concerned about heart failure but nope, it's the BIG C word that scares me to the brink of going mad!

Do you have a history of cancer in your family? I do, so I read lots of books on how to prevent cancer. Then I changed my diet accordingly and now I feel confident that I won't get cancer.

I wonder is us 'oldies' all feel this way or is it just me?

Were you a caregiver to someone who suffered for a long time with cancer? It's not uncommon for caregivers to have extreme anxiety afterwards.

There are lots of anti-cancer foods like cruciferous vegetables. Perhaps if you eat more of them (include them in your diet everyday) you may find that it puts your mind to rest. It's easy to find lists of these foods online.

plumtired
08-08-2011, 04:30 PM
Thank you both for the reply. It was very kind of you.

God bless

renko
08-09-2011, 07:31 AM
Hi, On the other side of your anxiety and question of death and illness, I had cancer twice and had no history in my family but it was caught and detected early so I think that is an important key. Be proactive with your health and yearly check-ups. If you see anything unusual on your body or in your body then go see a doctor or specialist and get educated. Knowledge is power and gives peace of mind. I am a believer and know where I will go when I die so my faith and prayers and lots of supportive friends got me through chemo and radiation. Any disease is scary and the fear of the unknown but ignoring it is worse. God bless and hope you see things in a better light and be with those who will encourage you and use your gifts that God gave to you. You might be the only one to visit a lonely person in a nursing home or smile at a homeless person or feed someone who needs help, etc.

sammi2
09-26-2011, 03:54 PM
I feel pretty much the same way you do. I've been a care giver most of my life & I'm worn out. I have a multitude of health problems now but I can still get up & take care of myself. I too dread the time I may/will be terminal & have no one to take care of me. When I was young I would have said, "spend time with friend" but most of my friends are already deceased. I used to do volunteer work but now that I'm a senior I don't have the energy to help anyone else. If I was wealthy & could afford to hire live in help I wouldn't be concerned about the future. Try to keep a positive attitude.:)

BelleoftheSouth
02-04-2012, 03:57 PM
Everyone here has given great responses. I hope you're feeling better. Being obsessed about things that don't or won't happen is wasting your time.

When I have something bothering me I journal. It helps me a lot.

~Belle~

Machaon
02-05-2012, 05:29 AM
Dying doesn't frighten me at all.

Same here! Death, to me, is the same as sleeping without waking up. I LOVE to sleep, so death to me is a pleasant thought, even though I would much prefer to live as long as I can. This can be a wonderful and beautiful world we live in! :)

The thing which causes me the most anxiety is thinking of the possible journey! I'm alone and there is no one who would care of me should I lay up for months or years with cancer. It's my one fear. I actually have cancer-phobia and it causes me serious anxiety. The older I get the worse it becomes!

My feelings are somewhat the same. I am close to 70 and I have been married for 46 years to the same gorgeous, wonderful, caring wife. I have also battled against Heart Failure, Permanent Atrial Fibrillation, Insulin Resistance, etc., for over 25 years. I fear getting worse and becoming a burden to my wife. I also fear leaving her alone to fend for herself, without her faithful partner in life.

In order to keep myself as healthy as possible; and give notice to my Heart Failure that it's going to have to take a back seat; I eat a very healthy diet; do extensive, demanding exercises each and every day; take effective medications; and avoid nasty chemicals and irritants. All of these efforts have led to a significant recovery and have made me feel much younger than I am. :bouncing:

plumtired, I hope that you are doing well, and have also found ways of coping with, or diminishing your cancer-phobia and illness anxieties.

dusky blue
03-18-2012, 05:12 PM
No your not, plum I think I know how you feel. I often think " Death dosent bother me, it's dying that bothers me" Of all the ways to die, falling into a deep painless sleep and not waking up....absolutely wonderful! I'm 68 & if it happened this minute..that's ok. It's the lack of choice & the dreadful unknown that bothers us. Hope I didint depress you cos I dont feel that way. I'm a happy-go-lucky realist

phldar2010
03-31-2012, 07:52 AM
Guess I'm the only 'oldie' here.

Hi Plumtired, now you are not the only oldie. I just came on today and I am 70+ so feel like you now have a oldie friend. I have a lot of friends who are close to my age and all have fears. We look around and see all these frightful diseases and not having anyone to help. Cancer is a horrible disease and we all pray not to have it. I know many friends who have suffered with it. Heart disease is a "family tradition" in my family. I now have a blocked artery in my right leg. Have had the tests and waiting for a time to have it stented and then a stress test will follow as it is said if you have a blockage in the lower area of your body it is likely you may have blockage in you chest area. Ok, yes, I am anxious but more anxious to get this done and over. No need to be anxious about the stress test until I have it done and know the results. I believe that all are concerned as dying is something we have not expeienced.;);)
Life is wonderful with a few pitfalls here and there but I too have the concern that you feel. Now that you have an"oldie" friend we can share what we may not want to discuss with those who declare they are not afraid. I am happy to find your post and hopeully someone to share fears and concerns. When I am able to express my fears and concerns it helps me to deal with them. I believe that is just human nature to feel these thoughts. Hopeful you will repost and we will chat a bit more. Take care...

phldar2010
04-05-2012, 02:16 PM
Dying doesn't frighten me at all. The thing which causes me the most anxiety is thinking of the possible journey! I'm alone and there is no one who would care of me should I lay up for months or years with cancer. It's my one fear. I actually have cancer-phobia and it causes me serious anxiety. The older I get the worse it becomes!

In all reality, I should be concerned about heart failure but nope, it's the BIG C word that scares me to the brink of going mad!

I wonder is us 'oldies' all feel this way or is it just me?

Thanks for reading this and I hope you will reply.

God bless,

Plum
Dear Plum, I think that we are afraid of the process. I don't know anyone who does not want to feel like we might be lying around with whatever disease and no one to take care of us. I am dealing with more than one health issue right now. I have no idea what would happen if I should die a lingering death. My husband is one of those people who seems to have no sympathy for any one but himself. I am waiting to be scheduled for a leg cath. (arterial) In a couple of weeks I have an appointment to have a stress test. The clinic where I go is less than 15 minutes from our home and he does not want to be with me for any of these test or the procedure. I have no one else to help me. I hope that I can find someone willing to take me for the procedure or it cannot be done. I can't understand why he is this way. I was surprised when he refused to go with me since all he has to do is take me there and leave me. The leg cath cannot be done unless you have an adult to bring you and then bring you home after the procedure is over. This is causing me a huge amount of stress. He mows our yard and a neighbor's yard is in good shape for a person age 70+. He seems to be able to do anything he wants to do but when I have a problem he just refuses to go with me. Back to the death issue, several of my friends have owned up to their fear of dying so you are not alone here. I wish I could offer you an answer that would help you cope with your fears. I am a sympathic person and I feel your concern. I try to use my faith to accept these issues but they continue to remain with me. Take care and post again.
sending you care and concern also big hugs from one oldie to another.

uptownJ
04-05-2012, 02:53 PM
Wow.... you sound just like me! I was terrified of getting cancer.... AND DID. That pretty much took the fear out of cancer. I had breast cancer nearly 5 years ago and am alive and well today. It sounds like you have some anxiety in your life and you have hooked your star on cancer. Yes, it is always a possibility. The deal with cancer, usually, is to catch it early. Treatment for cancer now, is not what it used to be. I went through a mastectomy, chemo, lost my hair.... all the accompanying stuff but was perfectly able to take care of myself. We live on a farm and I rarely missed a day of chores. I think you should go see your doctor, have a check-up and possibly take an anti anxiety medication. It might help you. The thing about being alone.... you have GOT to get out there and mingle. I am big into volunteering and have met so many wonderful people whose interests are like mine. I don't know what your interests are but no doubt, there is a group to match your personality. Do you belong to a church? (I don't) It is another place to make friends and get involved with a choir group. Are you interested in politics... plenty of that going around right now. Do you like to knit, garden, like animals.... like to read.... when you look around your community, there is usually lots to do. I think you have to address your anxiety FIRST, have a very frank discussion with your doctor, get on the right path and once you are feeling a bit better, throw open your front door and charge out into the world! I am speaking as a woman who for 20 years had agoraphobia so bad I couldn't leave my house! I had that discussion with my doctor... got on some medication and now that is ancient history. You can make a real difference in your life but first things first. You need to get to feeling better... then you can take tiny steps and live your life without so much fear. Been there done that.... now go make an appointment with your doctor! Hang in there! Sharon

robertz
06-14-2012, 06:46 AM
you should not give yourself time to think about these things. Indulge yourself in the activities of your interest, Meet people who are full of life and have positive attitudes towards it. This can help you to change your mindset and fears of having cancer in the future,

tinam7
07-15-2012, 05:19 AM
These are all wonderful posts. I fit right in being over 70 also and terrified, not of ca, but of debilitating stroke and dementia go with it (in my family) and lingering in a hideous way.

It makes me angry that there is no way that I know of that we can say, "Enough," and act on it.

uptownJ
07-15-2012, 08:38 AM
I don't think you are alone in your thoughts and the desire to have some control over the end of your suffering. Some states have enacted the right-to-die but they are few and far between. Some would say we treat our pets better when it comes to "putting them to sleep" to end their suffering.

tinam7
07-15-2012, 09:44 AM
Thank you for your response and understanding. The typical reaction is something else altogether. To compound the issue, a friend in CA sent me an article (very recent), latimes.com, re, "An ailing wife (84, constant pain, totally dependent, etc.) takes her life; a husband (88) is arrested. The problem? He did not call 911, as she wanted him not to call, but sat by her as she died. This is a crime.

I look at my husband who has been ordered by me never to call 911 and the poor thing could end up in jail? Is this insane, or what?

uptownJ
07-15-2012, 01:18 PM
I have to check-the-box next to "INSANE"

tinam7
07-16-2012, 05:35 AM
So I'm not alone, thank you, but the likes of us have no say whatsoever. I also read recently that we have no right to die of old age, for example. A disease must be noted on a death certificate. If we are in excruciating pain because of a cracked spine or hip, let's say, do not want to exist in a stupor of pain killers, what's the disease?

It seems we have a terrible problem in this regard that generally can't even be addressed. But I proceed undaunted. With all the info that is available to us, I feel optimistic.

uptownJ
07-16-2012, 08:29 AM
There are many of --us-- out here. As the "boomers" continue to age and die, I think this subject will become to the forefront. In the meantime.... get out and enjoy the life you have. We all could get hit by a bus tomorrow. I hope to die at 110 while being run over by a herd of miniature horses. One can dream....

tinam7
07-16-2012, 01:28 PM
Yes, I do try to enjoy the life there is repressing thoughts of the rest. Works sometimes. Other times I can only think of what I know happened to others in my family, am determined not to go there but how will I avoid it? That's what I must work at myself. It will be nice when the subject is out of the closet.

Sure appreciate your input.

tinam7
07-17-2012, 08:56 AM
Good that you are keeping us this side of the law. Actually, I'm not looking for anything assisted. I want to be on my own. Can't have husband sitting around either or he'll go to jail. All I can think of is learning to use heat, but I'm terrible with anything technical and it would be so messy. You know who are doing well? The criminals on death row: they get a shot to be calm and then another to do them in.

I have googled my head off, everyone wants to save me. But I'll try again. Thank you for being a kindred soul. It is more urgent for me because I am much older and there are terrible family genes which are already showing up. I'm not putting car keys in the fridge yet, but there are signs. Personality changes too, sometimes for the better, ha ha.

katrae
07-21-2012, 12:22 PM
LOL, UptownJ, live to 110 and be run over by a herd of miniature horses. One can dream....

I LOVE it, much better than my wish for a large semi-truck to come for me......anytime from here on out. Thanks for the giggle!

Susan Perkowitz
07-31-2012, 02:37 PM
Hi Plum,

I know exactly how you feel. I have disabling dementia and it has been so difficult. I've not been able to hold a real job or do anything most of my adult life.

My prayers are with you,

Susie Perkowitz

tinam7
08-01-2012, 04:59 AM
How brave of you to acknowledge dementia. It is in my family and, I believe, is making its appearance in my head. We get vascular dementia from mini strokes.

I am frantically trying to contain it, or at least slow it, with much exercise, including puzzles and learning for the mind. Any coping suggestions you've discovered and practice?

Riley518
08-01-2012, 12:50 PM
Dying doesn't frighten me at all. The thing which causes me the most anxiety is thinking of the possible journey! I'm alone and there is no one who would care of me should I lay up for months or years with cancer. It's my one fear. I actually have cancer-phobia and it causes me serious anxiety. The older I get the worse it becomes!

In all reality, I should be concerned about heart failure but nope, it's the BIG C word that scares me to the brink of going mad!

I wonder is us 'oldies' all feel this way or is it just me?

Thanks for reading this and I hope you will reply.

God bless,

Plum

Riley518
08-01-2012, 12:55 PM
I'm not afraid of losing this earthly shell, I know where I'm going once I do, and it's a better place than this.

If I were going to be afraid of anything, it would be my Doctor. He doesn't bother to research the drugs he gives older people. If he had, he'd have found that LYSINOPRIL should not be given to we "oldies", for High B.P., because of the very respiratory difficulties it has caused me.

I have not been able to do my relaxation exercises to lower my B.P. since June2, 2012 because of him.

I choose to forgive him, I released him to God who loves him, and pray that God blesses him, and causes him to fall in love with Jesus, though. Hope to see him in heaven!

I have a new Doc, and the drug he is giving me now, VERAPAMIL raises my B.P., and when it gets over 140, I have to take my Clonidine. (Catapres).

I thank God I have it, but it kind of wipes me out. Better than stroking out, I guess.

God Bless, Riley518

uptownJ
08-02-2012, 08:14 AM
I think as we age.... and hopefully we do, our bodies just don't work like they used to. When our brains aren't as sharp as they once were it is frustrating, to say the least! To hunt for that word... or to try to remember someone's name, or to try to find your car key's drives me nuts. We find little ways of coping... writing notes to ourselves, always putting your car keys in the same spot helps. What I have seen in my friends.... they do the same things. We are all deteriorating, mentally, in the same way. Funny.... we assist each other to find that word, or remember that name. As for mental deterioration from dementia or alzheimer's it is just plain lousy. I would try to seek help as soon as possible but ultimately, it is in God's hands. We live each day the best we can, we treat each other with respect, we try to leave a good mark on this Earth, but none of us get out of this life alive.

uptownJ
08-02-2012, 08:40 AM
I'm not afraid of losing this earthly shell, I know where I'm going once I do, and it's a better place than this.

If I were going to be afraid of anything, it would be my Doctor. He doesn't bother to research the drugs he gives older people. If he had, he'd have found that LYSINOPRIL should not be given to we "oldies", for High B.P., because of the very respiratory difficulties it has caused me.

I have not been able to do my relaxation exercises to lower my B.P. since June2, 2012 because of him.

I choose to forgive him, I released him to God who loves him, and pray that God blesses him, and causes him to fall in love with Jesus, though. Hope to see him in heaven!

I have a new Doc, and the drug he is giving me now, VERAPAMIL raises my B.P., and when it gets over 140, I have to take my Clonidine. (Catapres).

I thank God I have it, but it kind of wipes me out. Better than stroking out, I guess.

God Bless, Riley518

Riley 518... BP regulation can be a tough one. Everybody is so different and what a doctor usually chooses is a drug that has been well tolerated by many of his patients. My husband is on Lysinopril and it works well for him. My sister-in-law, (hubby's sister) on the other hand, has had a very difficult time finding the correct medication she could tolerate and also lowers her blood pressure. Until a patient tries to take a drug, no one knows how they are going to do on it. My husband is an "oldie" too. One of the rare side effects is difficulty in breathing but it isn't typical. Unfortunately, you had it. It is actually a good drug to be given to us old dudes. You just were one who could not use that drug. I am glad you could forgive your first doctor, but try to let go of the idea he didn't know what he was doing when he gave you Lysinopril. He did his best, but had no way of knowing you were going to react badly to the drug. I don't know if you went back to the first doctor or not but he would have done just what your new doctor did.... put you on another medication. All's well that end's well. You are now on a drug that works for you and that's the most important thing. Take care, Sharon