View Full Version : My Big Brother Has A Problem

09-24-2011, 05:07 PM
I was having breakfast with my dad yesterday and he is now living with my big brother. While eating he expressed to me that he felt my brothers marijuana use was kinda out of control. He did my brothers bills and was concerned at why "Jake" couldn't pay his electric bill. I had no idea his power had been turned off. My dad says with all of "Jake's" bills they shouldn't amount to more than three hundred dollars. He doesn't pay rent (he lives in a friends house, rent free). So he shouldn't have a issue paying his bills. So I asked my dad what was up with all "Jakes" money. Dad says "Jake" spends more than $500 on marijuana a month. I was so surprised. My brother turned into "my body is a temple" guy, when I was diagnosed with cancer. Now he is back to smoking, and smoking a lot more! He won't even quit to look for a job. My dad is a former drug user, so with daddy being concerned, I'm concerned as well. But I don't feel like I should say anything to my brother. It's not really my place, right? :confused: Or is it?

09-24-2011, 05:59 PM
Hi Kay

It hurts when we see our sibling falling. Personally, I do think you have a place in saying something. What he does affects your life also. Get in there, express your concerns, your care, maybe an offer to go to an N'A meeting with him, and get your piece said.

Give it your vest shot and then the ball is in his court. Maybe you will be the thing that nudges him into seeking recovery. If it does, Hurray! If not, you have made an effort.

Wishing your brother (and you) well


09-24-2011, 06:08 PM
Thank you so much for the reply. I was so afraid that I wouldn't be taken serious because of the type of drug "weed". I know so many people don't see it as a drug. But I think that if it is effecting your life in a negative way, it is. So thanks again. I think I will say something. My family means so much to me and I've always look up to my big brother. The fact that my hippie dad showed concern is what scared me. I hope he will understand. Thanks again.

09-24-2011, 09:41 PM
I don't want to sound alarmist, but pot is dangerous to some people.

The theory that pot is a 'soft' drug is very damaging, because many people cannot handle its affects and end up having psychotic episodes and major issues with depression. My ex husband was one and it was no fun, believe me.

I think it is a very sensible idea that you approach your brother about this. It is very evident that you love him and your dad very much, so they are very lucky to have you. Maybe point out to him that you are worried about him and ask if he would consider getting some help. Failing that, there is loads of literature out there about the effects of smoking....perhaps get some and leave it around the house for him to, 'stumble upon'.

I wish you all the very best with this and hope that you can get through to him.:)

09-25-2011, 06:24 AM
As a recovering pot abuser myself, you have every right to say something to your brother. I like to think that if someone had spoken to me I might not have abused the 'soft drug' for 34 years. It is real, and there is an addictive factor- trust me on that. The money drain is also real, and it will not get any better with time. You love him, and he needs to see that it is real, and it is a problem that is becoming larger and effecting others. It will not get better without some changes. He will also resist your words, as I did for so many years, and he will not see it for what it is- an addiction, a dependency, and a crutch. My love to you, and I pray that he will hear you.
Good Luck

09-25-2011, 08:28 AM
I'm concerned as well. But I don't feel like I should say anything to my brother. It's not really my place, right? :confused: Or is it?

Hello Kaytaters,

We don't get to choose our family and for better or worse,we're stuck with them.We however can choose how we react to them.

It is your place to let your loved one's know that you're concerned for them.

It's also your place to be there for them in both good and bad times.

I was raised in a dysfunctional family that never thought to address one another's issues.

In hindsight,if I had the insight that I do today,I would've addressed my brother's alcoholism,which inadvertantly led to his death.

Life is strange and funny while being serious at the same time...it leaves us with more questions than answers simply to stay ahead of the game.

By all means,say something....before one thing leads to another and who knows the end result?

I hope that all works out positively.


09-25-2011, 02:27 PM
I would first say your are concerned about his habit. All you will get is denial (don't have a problem, it is none of your business) Then say you know he is short of money. Be prepared if he ask to borrow from you. You probably won't get far but keep talking to him. Bring him a plate of food once in a while. when the time is right, talk again. Keep on it. I wish you and your family the best of luck