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loulou597
11-02-2011, 09:19 AM
I am the adult child of an alocoholic drug addict. My mother has had trouble with the aforementioned for over half my life. She has been fired from numerous jobs, arrested and lets just say she is a mean drunk. As a family my father, sister and I have rallied around her to help her in her pursuit of sobriety. These attempts have failed and the lies and anger come back.
She finally decided, for herself, she would go to inpatient rehabilitation. She made it 24 days and signed herself out AMA. She lied to my sister regarding leaving AMA twice until my sister finally pushed the issue and she came up with another lie to cover the others. Now home, she has made one attempt at contacting me, I was really sick and she knw that and never called again. That was a month ago. My father and I are very close and he is preparing for a divorce as this has been going on for 35 years and he has finally had enough. I feel like I have have tried with her, through all this and am finally at an impass. I don't want her in my life. It hurts too much with the lies and false hopes. Am I overreacting? Anyone?

pupcake
11-02-2011, 12:17 PM
Please contact Al-Anon. You need all the help you can get.

Pup

Phoenix
11-04-2011, 06:19 AM
She finally decided, for herself, she would go to inpatient rehabilitation. She made it 24 days and signed herself out AMA. She lied to my sister regarding leaving AMA twice until my sister finally pushed the issue and she came up with another lie to cover the others.
I feel like I have have tried with her, through all this and am finally at an impass. I don't want her in my life. It hurts too much with the lies and false hopes. Am I overreacting? Anyone?

Hello loulou597,

I have been to the same 30 day inpatient rehab twice and each time seemed to bring me closer to where I am now.

When things begin to get "real" a person does one of two things;runs or faces things.

Somewhere during that inpatient setting,she met a crossroad,if you will and opted for the path most traveled.

The reasons may not be abundantly clear but one thing is obvious;she's riddled with demons.

These demons can manifest themselves as guilt,regret,remourse and a myriad of others.Know that she could be plagued with more than one at a time.

She tried and was unsuccessful but as long as she has breath in her body and even half a will to want better for herself,then there's still hope for her yet.

If it hurts too much then tell her but at least give her the opportunity to either accept or reject what you have to say.

At that point,if she gets defensive,then you've tried.

You will be left with two choices;hate her or love her from a distance.

The love I speak of is of the unconditional variety and it requires being non-judgemental.

No one says it will be easy but it's something worth considering.

Respectfully
Phoenix

reachout
11-04-2011, 03:02 PM
Hello Loulou

It's a tough road you have been walking here for a long time. I am sorry for your troubles and the burden it has lay upon you.

I have thought about this for a day now and think I am in agreement with something Phoenix wrote: "hate her or love her from a distance."

I would hope you can get past any hate, although I am sure there is much to hate about what she has done to you and your family. To love her from a distance seems like a good choice to me. In a phone call or a letter, I think you might let her know, "Mom, when you are ready to be sober, I will be here ready to be your daighter again."

Having majorly abused drugs myself, I know that drug addicts and alcoholics are self-medicating to avoid dealing with buried issues. In that I have sympathy for your Mom. However, I also recognize that when another's misery is taking a toll on our own life, it is time for us to distance ourselves. Nothing you have done thus far has made enough of an impact for Mom to do the really hard work it takes to gain sobriety. Though she doesn't do it to hurt you, she chooses to remain in her drug and alcohol haze even if it means alienating he family.

Please do not follow in her indecisive pattern... make a clear choice and follow through. Personally, It feels pretty clear cut to me to take a stand, distance yourself and start investing in your own life. We will never become all we are meant to be if we allow our life to be dictated by another's actions.

This does not make you a 'bad' daughter! It makes you a woman who understands in maturity that we can not make the changes for another... it must come from their own depths of courage and determination. Do what you need to do. You are not overreacting... you are working on your own survival.

Stand strong.
Hugs
reach