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jmor19
05-14-2012, 08:06 AM
Hello. I have been dating my boyfriend now fro 2 years. we don't live together but we spend around 4 days a week together staying at each others homes. He is a very loving, and caring person but very selfish and unable to talk about his feelings.

I found out about 8 months ago that he snorts cocaine. He says he does it mainly at weekends but i know for sure that he uses it during the week also. He says he uses it to give him a buzz when hes out drinking. Everytime he uses it he gets very emotional and opens up his heart.

About 4 months ago after using cocaine he came to me crying saying he needed help and wanted to stop doing it.I found out lots of support networks for him and sent him all the details. He did stop for a short period of time but realised that without cocaine he would have terrible hangovers after a night out drinking...he's now convinced himself that he's better off taking it as he never gets hangovers when he's been out drinking and snorted cocaine.

It's now reaaly starting to affect our relationship. He gets very angry for no reason at all and everytime i mention it he just wants to argue with me or completly blank me.

I asked him if he'd used it this weekend and he said he hadn't...I know he had has his behavior alters drastically. He has just left to work away for the week and i went through is bag and found his stash.

I know don't know what to do. He his 45, very stubborn and always does the opposite to what people tell him to do. None of his close family know about his addiction so i cannot talk to anyone about it.
I feel like the more i question him about it the more im driving him away and the more arguments we are having.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this? I do love him very much and deep down he is a good man who runs his own buisness and has a loving family. I really don't want to walk out on him but i cannot watch him to continue on this downward slope.

bolter
05-15-2012, 05:37 AM
Hi, I got into coke pretty heavy in the 80s both snorting and booting it. Being an alcoholic what you wrote about your bf really brought me back. At times it seemed like I could drink and control it better when high on coke. If I was sloppy on the booze a few lines or a hit would straighten me up, or so I thought. I was just high as a kite. I don,t think at the time I was drinking as much as usual because it would mess with my high so I was not getting the bad hangovers which a couple lines before work would take care of that. Coke made me want to talk, I,d have deep conversations with whoever would listen. I would also lie a lot, its part of the territory. Is your bf also an alcoholic? Reason I ask is because of what he said about getting high to ward off hangovers, ha, good one. Sorry but this just reminds me of myself. Addiction talk plain and simple. I got lucky with the coke, one day I woke in morning and said " thats it " and stopped right then and there. Rough couple weeks after that, got drunk a lot. Eventually I got into opiates but thats another story. Currently on suboxone to try to deal with it. Like I said, I got lucky getting off coke. There are a lot of programs out there as you found out for help. Maybe bf got to hit rock bottom before he seeks help like loose his business, loose you, arrest, that sort of thing. I hope not. Have you heard about Alanon? It,s not just for alcoholics. Keep posting because I think it helps to get things off your chest. Read other posts and you,ll find people in the same boat as you. And please check out Alanon. You won,t have to say anything there, just listen. Don,t be a stranger.

Phoenix
05-15-2012, 05:32 PM
we don't live together but we spend around 4 days a week together staying at each others homes.

I found out about 8 months ago that he snorts cocaine. He says he does it mainly at weekends but i know for sure that he uses it during the week also. He says he uses it to give him a buzz when hes out drinking. Everytime he uses it he gets very emotional and opens up his heart.

About 4 months ago after using cocaine he came to me crying saying he needed help and wanted to stop doing it.I found out lots of support networks for him and sent him all the details. He did stop for a short period of time but realised that without cocaine he would have terrible hangovers after a night out drinking...he's now convinced himself that he's better off taking it as he never gets hangovers when he's been out drinking and snorted cocaine.

It's now reaaly starting to affect our relationship.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how to handle this? I do love him very much and deep down he is a good man who runs his own buisness and has a loving family. I really don't want to walk out on him but i cannot watch him to continue on this downward slope.

Hello jmor19,

It seems that he has both a cocaine and alcohol addiction.
If he's unwilling to discontinue both,then he will always have a problem.
Trying to convince himself otherwise just further complicates things,as he will generate a multitude of reasons that he doesn't need help.

If you are thinking about a future with him,try laying it all on the line,as it seems that you've tried everything else.

Let him choose....if he still believes that everything is fine and dandy,then he's made his decision clear.

You can't have a productive or satisfying relationship with a person who has two additional mistresses(metaphorically speaking).

Respectfully
Phoenix