View Full Version : Living with an alcoholic

03-03-2013, 01:42 AM
I am an older woman, 58, I have been ill so i have no choice but to stay in my situation. I live with an alcoholic, and its progressing to the point where my husband actually gets what I would call, psychotic. He starts drinking at 8 am, and passes out around 2 pm. A few times lately, when he awakes, he accuses me of the craziest things, in a violent kind of way. I think it based on what, dreams? I have often called the authorities, and it seems there is nothing to be done unless he actually hurts me or gets in the car and drives. Anyone have any suggestions as to what to do to get him some help? He is a great guy when sober, but I rarely see that side of him.

03-03-2013, 04:26 AM
I strongly suggest either Al-anon or a women's shelter for YOU! You can't change him but you can find ways to help yourself. Call those in your area and ask for help.

03-03-2013, 04:51 AM
I strongly suggest either Al-anon or a women's shelter for YOU! You can't change him but you can find ways to help yourself. Call those in your area and ask for help.

I tried alanon. why do I have to leave my husband in the depth, when I just want to help him? tell me how to help him?

03-03-2013, 08:44 AM
Hi lovecabbage, I am sorry for your situation. I am a recovering alcoholic with 17 years sobriety and during that time I have known many women in your situation. I need to ask you how long he has been in this condition and does he want to quit?.. As you know this is a progressive disease and without him getting sober will die a premature death. In reality all you can really do is bear witness to this if he does not want help. By himself he is powerless over his addiction. I have seen 20 and 30 year alcohlics get sober in AA, not that I am pushing AA, it is just one solution.

03-03-2013, 09:02 AM
The problem is that YOU can't make him do anything. Now, you may be able to legally get him a 72 hour hold in a hospital psych unit, but he'd have to be left out after that unless a judge could be convinced to make it more permanent. However, my experience is that they won't do that. The prevailing thought seems to be that we are allowed to drink ourselves to death if we want to. It is not against the law. I recently went thru this with the sister of a dear friend. She was an alcoholic. She refused to quit. Her doctors gave up on her as she had health issues - of course! - that they could not treat with her drinking. She told family members she wanted to drink herself to death. She even survived a 4.8 blood alcohol level after one binge. The courts would do nothing. Her husband nor her children could change her. So her husband divorced her so he could move out and not be legally responsible for anything she might do - drive, etc. She finally passed away last October from complications of wet brain. All very sad. The bottom line is that you cannot help someone who doesn't want help. So then you just have to help yourself.

Are you churched? If so, perhaps they have some resources.

03-24-2013, 05:16 PM
I just lost my beloved husband of 25 years of this horrid desease , and I tried everything I could and that I could think of to get him to quit drinking, He allways had a excuse, When this thing is over with. Or when, I am not so stressed etc,,..I could not leave him either so I watched him slowly die...So sad to see such a strong lovable man turn so thin and yellow and confused and pass away before my eyes and not a thing I could do but accept the reality of it..It has been 7 months and it still hurts so bad...And this will be you...And I am so sorry, but if he can not stop drinking and has every excuse in the book not too. You will be writing my same story too, Which I pray to god, NOT.. He was only 54 years old and I just turned 51..But was 50 when he passed. And not a day passes that I do not cry or think of him very often. You are in my prayers and hopefully , your hubby gets some kind of help so you will not be writing these same words to someone in the future. Hugs, Studey

03-26-2013, 01:42 PM
For sure, alcohol can make people psychotic after long-term heavy use (as in very heavy, not just one too many drinks... you know what I'm talking about!). It's scary. You could have him committed if he is actually psychotic, no matter what the reason. Best of luck.

03-26-2013, 05:35 PM
I am so sorry for your loss..and to live by the side of this man you love all the while he drinks himself to death.

It is a very long and sad road to travel alone, as you have been, and as you will be.

My prayers are with you..