View Full Version : I don't know what to do about my husband anymore! Need advice!

08-09-2013, 08:43 PM
I don't even know how to start this. At this point, my husband and I have been married for 2 years but been together for 6. My husband is a pill addict and I just don't know what to do anymore. He was not like this when we first met. The last few years have been hell for us...for me! He's gone through phases of wanting to stop all together to now...he tries to hide his addiction and say he isn't taking anything! I have lost trust in him....I hurt for him everyday! He wants to do right but keeps getting pills from our stupid neighbor and lying to his doctor! He promised he would stop taking Xanax and I found a to-do list tonight that had get Xanax on it!!!! I am wondering if it is a good idea to confront him with writing a letter. We've talked and fought about this too many times and I'm afraid to even address the issue to him at all anymore! I love him dearly but I don't know how much longer I can take of his lying, deceit, and drug use!! If I write him a letter...do I give it to him? Leave it somewhere so he can find it? I dont want to lose him or end our marriage but what will it take?! Please help!

08-09-2013, 10:45 PM
Until your husband is ready and willing to both face his addiction and change his life to recover from it, there is nothing anyone can do to help him.

You will likely help him most by forcing him to realize that you are not willing to take this ride with him and that he cannot include you in his addiction. Hitting rock bottom is usually the only time addicts can consider real change.

Do not let him drag you along, as each day of life is precious and spending it waiting for someone to change is both harmful to you and to your future. Stand strong by you healthy choices and use your energy to make you days happy and productive.

If there comes a day he does choose to live a sober life, you can certainly support him and provide him with your friendship. Until then, your love and caring gestures toward him are not able to be appreciated, accepted or reciprocated.

Time passes very way too quickly to wait for anything or anyone. Take hold of your life and make each second count toward your future.

08-09-2013, 10:55 PM
Would he consider getting outside help from an outpatient rehab or addiction support group? This will end up destroying your marriage if something does,nt change. You are right in that he needs to know you are aware and that you love him and want that person back he was before his addiction. Let him know you believe in your marriage and you want back the happiness you had before. Hugs of support for you and him.

08-10-2013, 07:03 AM
Thank you to those who've responded! It's amazing how I know in my heart what you say is right and it's what I've been thinking all along. Hopefully I can strike up the courage to make a bold move for myself for once. I don't know why that is so hard for me! So confused...

08-10-2013, 07:13 AM
I thought my husband hit his rock bottom a year ago and it was UGLY! If what I experienced want even his rock bottom then I'm afraid of what might happen when he does hit his REAL rock bottom....and I believe that that will be me leaving him! I don't want that. What confuses me the most is that he is a functioning addict so he isn't always acting funny....although I can always tell he's on something. His eyes give it away! Thoughts? Thanks for your help!

08-10-2013, 01:37 PM
I am so sorry. I encourage you to seek some help for yourself. There are some wonderful people trained to help families through these kinds of situations. By educating yourself, you will become empowered to take the steps necessary to give yourself and your marriage the best chances for a positive outcome. Anything you can do to avoid experiences like his last rock bottom.

If he sees you taking steps forward to get healthy, he will take you seriously. It is easy to become a co dependent without ever meaning to. Thankfully, we all can learn how to free ourselves from that role. and best help both parties.