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View Full Version : Rocd?? Doubts about being attracted.


jkt27
12-27-2013, 07:54 AM
I am pretty sure there is no better breeding ground for a long-dormant OCD than a brand new relationship where everything is going perfectly. I always feel like my OCD scrounges around to try and find the smallest things to grab onto to try and make me crazy and this happens especially when everything is wonderful. :mad:

I have been basically OCD-symptom free for a few years - with some on and off occurances. The last one was an obsession that I wanted to scratch my wrists and hurt myself. It seemed like such an intense thought at the time but now I can easily brush it off. A few years ago I had it REALLY bad, but that has passed, thank goodness.

So now that I am seeing a new guy that I really like (as I type that the thought comes... do you really like him?) I have found the most superficial stupid thing to obsess about: his ears. I feel so bad even writing about it because I want to get the thought out of my head! If I hadn't been attracted to him I wouldn't have talked to him at the party where we met.

So now my thought cycle has become something like this: Do I think his ears are too big and ugly? Am I attracted to him? Do I wish his ears were smaller and didn't stick out?

First of all I know that something like ears is incredibly superficial and that ears come in all sorts of shapes and sizes and that his ears are a little bigger and stick out a bit (he makes fun of it himself) but I am trying to let myself accept that fact that I DO like them and that they are sweet and suit him! But of course my brain won't let me come to peace with this.

So I guess my question is: Can OCD make you obsess about something like whether or not you think your boyfriend's ears are too big or not?

Thanks for reading - actually typing this up makes me feel a bit like a crazy person since because until now this thought has only been in my head. (but almost constantly in my head..)

Thanks!

dovegrey
01-17-2014, 12:49 PM
This is also one of my big issues. I obsess over the size of my boyfriend's nose and the size of his pores. I also have the tendency to pick at blemishes on his face. Sometimes when we are together I can't focus on anything else. It's awful. I admit sometimes I am afraid to make eye contact with him because I don't want to be triggered. I feel so guilty.

betz750
01-28-2014, 09:43 AM
Hi Jkt,
I used to suffer bigtime agonsing spending hours wondering trying to come to a definite conclusion as to whether or not I truly loved my partner, did I have to leave the relationship.

Things had to be 100pc all the time or I was doubting and worrying, I was like this for a few years but I really feel like its finally over, I really thought it would never end I would feel such distress but in my mind I knew for sure it was irrational and I loved my partner more then anyone I have ever loved in the world.

I found the basis for mine, was past hurt and trauma with my own experience with my family. I was so worried I would lose my partner or it wasnt true that I was constantly searching for problems or signs things were going wrong...

I found the major basis for this though was really my low self esteem and lack of love for myself, its funny and cliche but they say that in order to love someone and be loved you have to love yourself, I never knew the true meaning of this, but after alot of soul searching one day it just all clicked for me, i actually figured out for myself what that meant for me, and i think this is the whole journey of what I was going through and what many others go through too, life is complicated, Life isnt black nor white, its in between, Life is acceptance, love, understanding, finding someone who will love you for you even through the bad times is rare, if you have that and if when you are not anxious or obsessing you feel that, then you will be okay in the end, this is the first time I have ever replied about my experience because I would never have felt confident enough or sure of myself enough to do so, its just about reflecting your fear back to you , because its not about your partner its about you.

That is obviously if there isnt any other serious issues.

Best of luck
XXX