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court991
02-05-2014, 04:02 PM
Hi everyone. I'm 17. I need help. I'm currently suffering with rocd and major anxiety which causes panic attacks. I literally have panic attacks almost 3-5 times a day. I've been with my current boyfriend for almost 5 months now, and he's the best man I could ever ask for. During our first month of dating, I was on cloud 9 and the happiest I've ever been. Then I started thinking," what if I don't love him?" Or "what if I'm just convincing myself I love him cause he's a great guy?" Or "what if he would be happier with someone else who doesn't have my problems",and then I think," what if I want him to break up with me so I don't have to do it." and then that made me think, " what if I'm just making excuses because I want to break up?" And "what if I'm not br eaking up with him because I don't want to hurt him.?" I used to know for sure that all of these were all my ocd and didn't mean anything, but lately, I've been scared, "what if it's not ocd, and all these thoughts of real?" And when I think about the breaking up thoughts, my ocd says "what if you want to be single?" I dream about him breakin up with me, and me breaking up with him. Or, "what if I'm just staying with him so no one else can have him?" It's horrible. Basically, I'm a mess. He's never done anything wrong to me an has always showed love and support. I cry everyday to my boyfriend about how I don't want to lose him because of my anxiety and how he deserves so much more than my crazy anxiety problems. I feel like I want to be with him forever, but my anxiety is killing me. I want him to be happy, and I feel so guilty for having these thoughts. Sometimes they don't bother me much when I have these thoughts, which makes me think I want to do them in some part of my mind. Lately u feel numb because I'm so confused if I actually want t o break up or if it's my ocd anxiety. I know I love him, and! I know that if I broke up with him, I'd be crushed and regret it and want him back, but I can't shake this feeling. Please help. I'm desperate :'(

Kszan
02-05-2014, 08:39 PM
You want to know something really interesting? I've been reading a lot of OCD boards and the only people who post about having this ROCD are girls. Most of them are also on birth control. Not all of them but most. I can't recall ever seeing a post from a guy about it. Guys are too busy having OCD about HIV, apparently. So I'm pretty convinced that the whole ROCD thing is totally hormonal and not based on actual feelings that these girls have (or don't have) for their boyfriends. That's another thing, it's always girls about their boyfriends and never married women. There's definitely something to it that only girls who are dating have this problem. I'm convinced that it's a hormone thing.

Maybe you should talk to your doctor about getting your hormones checked. Maybe you can get a referral to an endocrinologist to do a full blood work up to see where your levels are. And even if your levels appear normal, that doesn't mean that your hormonal fluctuations on a monthly basis aren't causing you to have this problem. There's too much evidence out there to deny the connections I've found. You can't convince me that I'm wrong about it.

Also, I had bad panic attacks at your age too and I'm pretty convinced there is a hormonal component to that too. I still get panic attacks from time to time, almost 20 years later but not nearly as often or as intense as they were when I got them at 18. Less than a handful of times any given month.

court991
02-07-2014, 06:59 PM
Thank you so much! I will most definitely look into this:)