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pteque
07-23-2014, 10:23 AM
two years i was diagnosed with OCD. i was in an outpatient program at the hospital, totally unaware that i could possibly be OC. i believed i needed to be a germaphobe or a checker and i was never one of those. i did skip certain parts of the sidewalk, need most numbers odd, need certain colors of towels for my hair, certain colors for my body - i just considered them quirks and they never really bothered me or interfered with my life. then i started obsessing that i would hurt someone in my family and i had a total mental breakdown. it was so scary, i believed my thoughts were real and i became severely depressed. i had always had anxiety before, major attacks and such, but this was a whole new ball game. i was a hot mess.

the doc in the hospital was awesome. he greeted me, looked at my chart, smiled and told it was just my ocd flaring up.

uhm -- what? ocd? you have the wrong chart, dude.

i informed myself, did the therapy and worked my butt off. getting diagnosed was the best thing to ever happen to me. i got to meet the beast that had been lurking in the shadows, waiting to strike. so many things made sense. plus, my therapist is AWESOME.

i always get intrusive thoughts, but this past week i have been totally stuck!

most of the time, i do know it is the ocd playing on this weakness. the thought terrifies me, so of course it is going to stick around. it is like providing a nice petri dish for bacteria to grow. a large portion of the time i understand what is happening and i groan and demand the bully that is OCD back on up and chill out. however, there are moments where i am completely consumed and totally believing the thoughts.

i am not looking for reassurance. sometimes writing it out helps me. i just want to state that OCD is one sneaky, cheeky SOB and i am really fed up with it at this point. get a life, dude. pick on someone your own size.