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View Full Version : Functional alcoholism?


spaghatta
08-02-2014, 11:10 PM
This is my first post, and I haven't see other threads like this so I am not sure if it's appropriate. But I am hoping someone can help me. (It's long. Sorry)...

Right now I am living at home with my father. I'm in my mid-twenties and can't afford my own place now. Unfortunately this means sharing the house with his wife, who I am starting to suspect is an alcoholic. But here's the thing, we've all known her for well over a decade and we already knew she liked to drink in the evenings, but she functions well (she has a respected job, from the outside she looks reliable) so no one ever really questioned whether or not her drinking is a problem.

Ever since I was a kid, she would be pleasant most days of the week, and then one day she'll snap and go into a blind rage. I'm talking full on, plain naked insanity. Screaming, restraining, throwing things, the non-stop insults. It usually starts around dinnertime and has lasted well until 2am. As a teenager I just figured that every time it happened, it was because of something I did.

Now that I am an adult, I am wildly suspicious that something else is going on. Here are some of some of the things she has done recently.

1) Came home from the bar with her friend, was nasty to me and my father who were just sitting there watching TV. I told her I needed to walk away for a few minutes, which lead to her restraining me in my bedroom, shouting in my face, calling me every name in the book. in order to leave the room I had to physically force her out of the way. Now, she's accusing me of "attacking" her.
2) Dumped all of the food in the house in the garbage while in a fit of rage over #1. About half of those groceries were bought by me. All my father did to fix the situation was secretly slip me $100 to replace my groceries.
3) She flew off the handle, shouted at me on and off for hours. Restraining me again. At 1am I was in bed trying to sleep and she kept at it - barging into my room, and shouting into my face. I had to beg my father, for the better part of an hour, to get her under control. nothing was done.
4) She was arguing with my dad over the phone while driving, and got so angry that she crashed into a wall of a building.
5) Screamed at me to go f myself, and other like, and then denied saying it two minutes later ("I would NEVER say that!")


During these fits of rage, she brings up things that happened when I was 11 or 12 years old, and applies them to the present. many of them true but not my fault, many of them true but DON'T apply to today, and many of the things are lies. For example, she says things like I smear blood on walls, that everyone in boarding school hated me, that all I do is cause trouble for everyone, that my coworkers hate me and that no one can stand to be around me because I'm so disgusting, etc. Most of the things that she shouts about are stories. For years, I believed the things she was saying. Things like "I did this or that for you!" when I know she didn't. The other day she said that the only reason why my father won't divorce her is because he doesn't want me to know that I'm out of the will, and won't do it himself.... all sorts of crazy talk.

Every time this happens I question my sanity. Some of the craziest things I have ever heard have come out of her mouth during these times. I used to believe all of these things, too. I was sitting there last night, listening to this woman who screamed about how I begged for a prom dress (yes, PROM, and my prom happened in 2006!) and how I had a messy room as a teenager, and I'm so disgusting.... I was just sitting there thinking to myself, I never even got detention as a teenager. I didn't do drugs, drink, have sex, I wasn't even allowed to go out, why am I listening to this crap?

The thing is, if it isn't alcoholism, I don't know what else it could be other than straight up mental illness. Because this woman drinks A LOT of bourbon. Before, during, and after dinner, though I never saw her drinking at a weird time (ie the mornings). She has at least 5 drinks a night. She throws up almost every night, and blames it on the food she ate (she even eats lemons while drinking, and throws up. I'm convinced that she does this specicially to make it look like it's the food). She has done very similar damage to my father and my sister, but she treats each one of us differently.

I am trying to find a place to live to get away from all of this, but whenever I crunch the numbers, it just won't work. I work in this area and it can be pretty expensive. It hard to even get approved.

How do I confront this issue? Even after I leave, I know this won't go away. My father won't do anything. He will sit there and literally say and do nothing. He believes that he isn't part of the problem, yet my sister and I have become deeply concerned about it and can't help but wonder if it's because she's drinking. How do you do something when your other family members won't?

lenvegas
08-03-2014, 02:07 AM
Hi, sorry you are in such a brutal situation. Whatever her mental condition which is quite shaky, the alcohol makes it worse and she very well may be an alcoholic and will not change until she really wants to. Since your Father appears to have no back bone there is really not much you can do except concentrate on getting out of there as soon as possible. You could look for rentals to share which would be a lot cheaper for you. Look in your local paper, the free classifieds or Craigs list for rentals to share and once you get out of there it would be in your best interest to only see your ather when she is not around. ood luck with this....