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misssunshine000
11-17-2014, 10:01 PM
My boyfriend and I have dated for over two years now, and recently moved in together 6 months ago. I believe he has a cocaine addiction and an alcohol problem, as he drinks every three days ( but has gone a few weeks of not drinking in the winter months), and he is very much in denial. He believes that a lot of people use cocaine once in awhile when they are partying and that for the drinking that he works long hard hours in a construction field and his boss supplies beer often after a 10 hours day of work. There is many times he comes home after a few beers, and others where he will drink 6 or 7. He says he rarely spends money on cocaine, if his friends have it and offer it he sometimes accepts. I have been told by two people he knows that he does it all the time. News to my ears! I had a very hard time believing this as I have never seen him do it or suspected he was, because I started watching closely when certain friends were around. I also would have us leave get togethers early once he started becoming overly drunk as I was aware that when he becomes over a point of drunkness he wants to do cocaine. He also says when he does use cocaine it is only a small one" line" ? Just for the short high or something, I love him and he is a good man to me and I am trying to find a solution.
I am having a hard time detecting when he is using because i do not see much of a change, he becomes drunk very easily ( 3 beers in ), comes home early usually (only twice he stayed out until 4 am, and the second time he passed out on someones couch until 7 am and i know the person) meaning he has never stayed out until 3 or 4 am often or where I worried he was binging or using long periods of time, and he eats as soon as he comes in ( i was told users do not eat), and goes to sleep right away meaning he isn't up for the rest of the night high out of his tree, as i am aware of some people will stay up all night and keep partying ( reading some information about cocaine addiction). I am suspecting he is sneaking it, and that is what I am being told.
We were friends before we dated for several years, and he seemed like a great guy, (and still is). He had a lasting relationship for 12 years before me and things fell apart and we started to date two years later, however I was aware that he used to party often and during his years of being single. He has a successful good paying job, he helps run a paving crew that he has been doing for over 12 years and likes it. He has many friends and is quiet popular and a good athlete, plays all men competition baseball and hockey. We spent a lot of time together for the first year, and I was the happiest i had been in several years and we took it very slow. I have a career of my own that i enjoy, and spent four years in school for. I am not much of a party girl and I most definately have never touched Cocaine or any other type of drug. I am not sure how to handle this situation as my boyfriend and I had a big fight a few weeks ago because he was trying to get some cocaine off a friend and I confronted him and he denied it, but i seen the proof. Now i have been staying with family, and trying to figure out if he is an addict if he needs to go to some sort of rehab because he completely thinks nothing is wrong.

Phoenix
11-23-2014, 04:49 AM
Hello miss and welcome. :wave:

Yes,he is an addict; addicted to the way that the specific substance makes him feel.

He may be a "great guy" to you but from what you state,you're not happy with the present situation.

Staying out late some nights,denial of use and/or trying to score drugs, are all indicators.

Unfortunately,unless he feels that he has a problem,or gets into a bad situation due in part to his drug of choice,he won't have the desire to stop.

Until he does,you can expect more of the same behavior patterns being exhibited.

There are Alanon meetings that you can attend,which may further educate you on how to properly deal with a situation such as this,without getting yourself in trouble.

If you'd like to learn more,or have a question any time,feel free to contact us.


Respectfully Stated
Phoenix

misssunshine000
11-23-2014, 08:54 AM
That's the thing he does not stay out all night . He stayed out late twice in almost three years . I have looked into that help group yes . I also heard about other people's struggles with cocaine or listened to family members . It is hard to understand and also very confusing as my boyfriend hasn't struggled with it the way most people do , or should . Some of the people using the drug were explaining about late nights all the time or one women explained how her husband will binge for two or three days every few months . They all talked about losing money spending hundreds of dollars in a night . Losing jobs or not showing up to work because partying during the week day . Some had sexual issues meaning they couldn't perform . Spouses talked about living with a person using and how draining it is because there never home . I felt their pain but was very confused because I haven't seen or dealt with the 'addiction' this way . Someone also mentioned to me that my boyfriend isn't addicted yet that he doesn't have to do it regularly or everytime he drinks that he has some control he's not dependent on it .. He also has never done it soberly . Many of these stories I heard people were using soberly . I also briefly asked a friend of mine who knew my bf ex if she ever knew about this and apparently she did but it wasn't an issue that money wise wasn't a problem and he never was out late either he just drank a lot but at home but she drank too .
Anyhow it's all very confusing

Phoenix
11-23-2014, 11:47 AM
"He stayed out late twice in almost three years ."

Once a year average....

Was it the around the same time of the year each occurrence?


"Someone also mentioned to me that my boyfriend isn't addicted yet that he doesn't have to do it regularly or everytime he drinks that he has some control he's not dependent on it .. "

In the rooms,he'd be known as a "functioning addict."
Functioning addicts can still be productive members of society,yet will continue to have that "monkey" on their back.

"He also has never done it soberly."

Not that you may be aware of, as you can't be around him 24/7.
I do hope you're right though.

"my boyfriend hasn't struggled with it the way most people do"

Anyone using substances of that nature,is compromising their respiratory,circulatory and other systems.

Does he possess mood swings from time-to-time?
Verbally or physically abusive?

Please realize that if he ever has said substance in his possession and the two of you are together,you could also be held under suspicion.

Cocaine may be shared amongst several individuals at times but it's a selfish drug because each and every individual is seeking the "feeling" they receive from it.

"it's all very confusing."

It can be....

Especially if you've never used before....

Consider yourself fortunate and please keep posting.

We're here to help add clarity to a most unfortunate situation.


Respectfully
Phoenix

misssunshine000
11-23-2014, 01:33 PM
The nights out were twice in the same year(2013). Once in the summer until 2:00am because our bars close at 2:00am . I was out with friends and he had gone boating with some co workers then to the pub after . The second time was October at a friends birthday and he was gone until around 3:30 and when I contacted him his friends girlfriend was driving them all home and my boyfriend was passed out in the back seat hard to wake up .
I know he hasn't done it soberly but of course anything can change. As for mood I have honestly never seen or noticed a mood change .
My mother has always been an alcoholic and her moods were extremely noticable and agitated easily usually three days being sober she was difficult to be around . I know everyone's moods are different but as far as my boyfriends mood I have never been concerned . In the winter he has lay off season and he barely drank alcohol we went out New Year's Eve (he never did cocaine because we were with my friends and none would have any and he never went to meet anybody) he said he has never bought ahead of time that it's not like that for him . he commented that he prefers to drink after work only because he has long days in the heat so he prefers a cold beer.
Either way I agree that any drug regularity or randomly is wrong and bad for you . I am just shocked at how many do it or a form of drug, even some who have prescripted medication for pain but extremely addictive . MDMA has become a popular drug which I know nothing about except that many kids from the university I attended where using it at parties and I learned about this last year that it's a common drug being used . My boyfriend was offered it twice this year , both times he said no that he would never try it . I asked him what difference is it from cocaine (.I had a rude attitude) he said that stuff is worse than cocaine much more harmful stuff in it . I was confused thinking does he not know how bad cocaine is for you or does he think it's totally not harmful . I was frustrated with him that moment . As far as myself being responsible of he has cocaine on him as far as I know from our law , that it is illegal to sell drugs and if he was selling it I could be legally responsible especially if I lived with him but I know he does not sell drugs , ever . I know that isn't a concern I need to worry about . What I need to worry about is myself and if I have enough emotional strength to help him or walk away

Phoenix
11-23-2014, 02:37 PM
"he said that stuff is worse than cocaine much more harmful stuff in it "

Let's back up the truck a moment....

If he actually knew what additives they put in cocaine,he might consider against using period.

There's a component in his drinking that I find interesting....

Why the need to drink himself into a stupor at times?

Maybe there's a psychological element to that.

"What I need to worry about is myself and if I have enough emotional strength to help him or walk away"

Right now you do but life has a way of putting people in predicaments that can be taxing both physically and emotionally.

It runs along the Murphy's Law principle.



Respectfully Stated
Phoenix