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  • Overwhelmed my Aspbergers

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    Old 06-08-2019, 11:12 PM   #1
    dietcokeaddict's Avatar
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    dietcokeaddict HB User
    Overwhelmed my Aspbergers

    I was diagnosed in 2008 and i was angry i didn't want to believe it but once i accepted it, I understood why i did the things i did, and why my school life was hell. I just got recently got out of an abusive relationship, he would talk down to me, lecture me, yell at me. lately he would tell me he didn't want to take me around his friends because i embarrassed him. I suffer from terrible anxiety, i have had multiple surgeries i suffer from chronic pelvic pain that never goes away and im afraid it never will. how does an aspie female set appropiate boundaries with men, and others so you dont get abused.

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    Old 06-09-2019, 03:21 PM   #2
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    Re: Overwhelmed my Aspbergers

    Dear dietcokeaddict,

    I can understand that anger and helpless feeling, as if we have no control in life. I experienced a similar thing when I was 17, right out of high school. Back then until one fateful day I was tall, had gorgeous long legs and was nicknamed "Legs". I loved to run, ride horses and dance, and was known for those things.

    Then on a motorcycle ride, doing nothing at all wrong, out of the blue a pickup driver that had spaced out came onto our side of the road and barreled directly into my leg, crushing both upper and lower bones and throwing me backward 30 feet. There was nothing fair about it. The driver wasn't licensed and never was even penalized that I know of.

    That day ended the life I knew. Expecting to have to amputate my leg above the knee, doctors put me in a body cast for six months. I could not imagine life without the activities I loved and the gorgeous legs I was known for. I turned my anger onto myself and became suicidally depressed, and I lost my will to live. I wish I could say that some miracle fixed some of the disaster but nope, nothing that was tried fixed anything, except I did allow the other leg to be made shorter. I wryly call it being 'cut down to size'. I still have to live with one leg shorter than the other, and none of the leg bone lengths match the other, I have scars all over my legs, this affects my back andhow I stand.

    I am doing good to walk at all. At least I can still drive. Still, being off balance I am prone to falling, which I try to keep to a minimum. All of this is very humiliating. I share my humiliation only so hopefully you can see that though our situations are not exactly the same, I can genuinely understand how your situation is humiliating to you.

    Thank God you are out of that abusive relationship! You did not cause your lot in life and you deserve to be respected for who you are. The more you tell yourself the truth that this is not your fault and does not define you as a person, the easier it will become to let go of the anxiety and focus on being the best you can be as you are. None of us ask for how we are born or the lot in life that we get.

    It helped me a lot to begin to see that most people we think have it all together or no problems are beset with their own self-doubt, anger and anxiety. This is true in all walks of life, and is not based on looks, riches or family tree.

    What will make the biggest difference is your own choice of what to focus on and what to believe.

    I can't tell you what to believe, or say it's easy. I can't make you see your own unique value and beauty. I cannot make you relax about your life problems.

    But I can tell you the truth, that how an Aspie sets healthy boundaries with other people is exactly the same as for a crippled person or an able bodied person ~ by getting to know very well the values of the people she meets, and saying no thanks to anyone that does not treat you with utmost consideration, understanding and appreciation.

    Crippled, maimed people, male or female, do not deserve rejection or abuse, and keep in mind that drop dead gorgeous people get abused too, out of not knowing their true value as human beings.

    When abuse is the cost of a relationship, then reject it.
    I wish I could cement these words to your brain.
    But what you do with them is up to you.

    Much love,
    ~ YaYa ~

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