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Help! I think my boyfriend has Aspergers!?

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Old 07-11-2005, 07:18 PM   #1
miss helena
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miss helena HB User
Help! I think my boyfriend has Aspergers!?

Hi there,

I've been with him for 2 1/2 years and I have recently seen a psychologist to work out solutions to some serious communication problems we have been having. I've described some of his 'ways of interacting' and she thinks he may have aspergers. I've done some internet research and the following DO ring alarm bells...

He doesn't 'get' implied or lateral comments at all.
He doesn't understand jokes, except for very simple/direct ones. I have to explain all others to him.
He seeks clarification constantly during everyday conversation on exactly what I mean by something. For example we were in Sydney on the weekend and I asked if his Dad/Stepmother had ever been there, he replied yes and I commented that I'm sure they enjoyed it. He asked "who?" ....I replied "his dad and stepmother!"
He is not dumb though and is getting very high marks at science/maths in this university studies.
Much of the time he has an unreadable expression on his face, which freaks me out sometimes.
During any social or group interactions, if someone asks him a question, he doesn't know what is being discussed and gets caught looking foolish.
He will never initiate conversations in social settings and seems overwhelmed in new settings.

He also has social phobia - which I do as well, but after being with him over two years, it is obvious that there is more to the problem than that. Even with social phobia, I've always been able to 'get' what people are implying and been able to follow conversations.

I don't know what to do, whether to talk to him about it?? He is a very lovely, sensitive man, but it would be great if these communication difficulties could be improved in some way. I have been very patient and have never put him down or pointed out his not 'getting' things, but I don't think this is a viable long-term relationship strategy! My psychologist suggested bringing him to a session.

Any advice please?
Many thanks, Helen

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Old 07-12-2005, 12:14 AM   #2
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Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 33
glsmom HB User
Re: Help! I think my boyfriend has Aspergers!?

Hey Helen first I want to start off with giving you some hope I beleive my husband has Aspergers and we are getting ready to celebrate our tenth aniversary. I only discovered this when our daughter was born four years ago and I started researching possible diagnoses for her problems. Foolisly I always thought that are differences were normal Women and Men are different. But I now know that he is really different. He often acts embarassingly in social situations. It pains me to see how much difficulty he has in expressing himself to others. Oh It turns out my daughter has high functioning Autism the reason I visit this board. But my husband who is in the military is in denial about her diagnoses and is super sensitive also is not really interested in understanding our daughters or his own problems. The positive thing is that through the research I have done it has helped me to understand him alot better. Understanding him has helped our communication because I am trying to see things from his point of view. My husband is also greatly intelligent about things that interest him like the military but when I bring up the possibility of aspergers he calls himself stupid and I do my best to convience him that he is not. It is definetly not easy but I love him very much and I can't make descisons for him just for me so it has help me to accept him the way he is and do my best to understand why he is the way he is. Good Luck don't give up these are really great guys.

Old 07-14-2005, 06:23 PM   #3
miss helena
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Join Date: Jan 2004
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miss helena HB User
Re: Help! I think my boyfriend has Aspergers!?

Thanks very much for your reply!

Any other advice, anyone please?

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