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Aspergers and relationships

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Old 08-14-2008, 02:24 PM   #1
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 74
nita_xx HB User
Cool Aspergers and relationships

I have been talking to this really nice guy online for a while.We have also talked on the phone.He is currently looking for a diagnosis for Aspergers and i've noticed that he is a lot more confident online than on the phone and he sometimes seems like a different person.He is coming to see me in a few weeks and i want to know if people who suffer from Aspergers can have normal loving relationships or as close as with my help and understanding of course.we get on very well and i really care for him.

Any information is greatly appreciated.

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Old 08-14-2008, 05:04 PM   #2
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 385
CircusSquirrel HB User
Re: Aspergers and relationships

I am married to a man with Asperger's and we have a 13 yr old son with Asperger's. My husband is an accomplished professional but he is a bit "odd". While he enjoys affection, he is not as affectionate as other men, he is sometimes standoffish, he can become easily frustrated if he doesn't have enough "down" time he becomes moody. He is also intensely interested in his hobbies (he doesn't have one "fixation", he has a few hobbies he follows intensely)
On the plus side, he is VERY loyal, does everything possible to make me happy, and is a very moral, good man. He can be a bit boring and some new acquaintances and coworkers seem to find him a bit "odd", but many people enjoy his quirkiness. I wouldn't trade him in!
One thing to remember is that Aspys, while they have some of the same traits, are DIFFERENT people.

Old 08-15-2008, 12:31 AM   #3
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 74
nita_xx HB User
Re: Aspergers and relationships

Thank you for that.He is one of the sweetest people i know and i am really looking forward to meeting him.I don't mind the so called "bad points" because we all have them and if you care for somebody then you will get through them.The way he described how he felt was that he would want affection but wouldn't know how to show it to me first.I want to understand as best as i can so that when he comes to see me i can make him feel as comfortable as possible.

Old 08-18-2008, 10:58 AM   #4
Senior Member
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: PA
Posts: 108
luckystar HB User
Re: Aspergers and relationships

I am not sure if you have meet your friend yet. As the last person said each Aspie person is different to an extent.

I swear my dad and sister are both Aspies. My dad was ALWAYS working and tinkering with something and still does. He is not very comfortable when there is a lot going on socially. He was married to my mom and had 4 kids. He gets frustrated easily by multi task things and situations.

I think if AS kids find someone who is caring, understanding and patient things will be fine.

Old 09-05-2008, 03:20 AM   #5
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Manchester England
Posts: 9
Katycat HB User
Re: Aspergers and relationships

Hi Nita. I have a 33 year old son with Aspergers who still lives at home with us. He is so good looking and he works out at the gym and runs for charity. He has a great sense of humour too but unfortunately when he is with people he doesn't know well he is unrecognisable. He is stressed and you can see the panic in his eyes. He laughs but it never reaches his eyes. He is awkward and clumsy and he just wants to run away and hide.
I suppose what I am trying to say is that people who aren't close to him never see the real beautiful person that he is and I feel so sad about that. I wish you all the luck in the world with your relationship but it might take you a while to find the real person in there.

Old 09-11-2008, 06:16 PM   #6
Lone Bird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: UK
Posts: 3
Lone Bird HB User
Re: Aspergers and relationships

I'm not sure if you'll have met this guy by now, but I figured I'd respond to your post anyway.

I'm 17 and in a relationship with a guy with mild autism (PDD-NOS). I also met him online. I love him dearly. We've been together for nearly a year now, and whilst we've had our ups and downs, I can't imagine a relationship more loyal and loving. Whilst my boyfriend's autism is relatively mild and I have no experience to draw upon with aspergers specifically, I'm certain that a loving relationship between you and this guy is more than possible and could be very fulfilling.

A couple of things I will give you a heads up on though - what CircusSquirrel said at the end of her post, about remembering Aspys, while they have some of the same traits, are DIFFERENT people, is very true. He will have his quirks and oddities, I can garantee it, and they can be both endearing and a little frustrating sometimes, but aspergers or not he's still very much his own individual. Also, what Katycat said about finding the real person in there is true as well. He may well find it difficult to express himself to begin with, as he's told you, but with time and understanding on your part that can change. It sounds as though you really have the right idea about this whole thing though, so I wish you the best of luck! I'm sure you'll do great; you seem caring and patient, and he sounds like a sweet guy.

There might be times when things are a little difficult, but should you both develop a relationship together, talk and listen with one another, then there is absolutely no reason why it would be any less close and loving than a 'normal' relationship.

Edit: Haha, I just noticed the dates of the posts. I suppose you must have met him by now. Ah well, my post remains for anyone else who might wonder the same things you do.

Last edited by Lone Bird; 09-11-2008 at 06:18 PM.

Old 10-12-2008, 03:29 PM   #7
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: North Carolina, USA
Posts: 14
carolina08 HB User
Re: Aspergers and relationships


I am married to an Asperger man, he is very loving, our marriage is wonderful, he is a gift from God to me. He works, he is loyal.

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