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New, need support

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Old 04-17-2011, 04:19 PM   #1
Join Date: Apr 2011
Location: Minot, ND USA
Posts: 1
Hogheim HB User
Unhappy New, need support

Hi. I am feeling at the end of my rope. I'm making knots but they are unraveling. Im 45 and I live with my brother with Aspergers. My parents are both dead, there is just us. Right now, my brother is having a rough time of it. We are renovating the basement. The loud noises disrupt both of our sleep. I worry more for him because he works nights. The dust is bothering his allergies. He won't go to a doctor and so I have been giving him my allergy meds (OTC). Changes to his routine set him off so basically I have been living in various stages of melt-down and it is so draining. I have my own physical and mental health issues too. I try to ignore it when he hurts my feelings, I know he doesn't mean it but it is hard. I went looking on the internet and its hard to find support for people in my situation. Most of what I read about siblings of autistics are all 'happy happy' making me feel guilty for the times I am not and the times I feel hurt. I feel like a failure as a sister. Growing up no one told me what was wrong with my brother. Just as long ago as I can remember I was told to take care of him and keep an eye on him. I remember getting yelled at because he didn't bring something home from school he was supposed to. I never felt like a child. I felt like a mini adult. Now to I am trying to be friends with a gal with aspergers but it is so hard. Unlike my brother who is more forgetful or at times tactless, she is cruel and biting. She will say the nastiest things and then walk up to me and we are supposed to be friends again. Its so hard. I dont want to give up because she needs friends too but its hard to feel like a punching bag. I can learn to ignore it but why can't I ever tell her how I feel? When I try she says 'she's autistic, it's not her fault' and then cries and makes me feel guilty for hurting her feelings. Please, just any support, anyone understand? I feel so freakish and alone. Given my life circumstances, I feel life devoid of emotions would be better all the way around.

Sorry to vent.
Blaize (my nickname)

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Old 04-17-2011, 06:54 PM   #2
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Re: New, need support

OK, I see that their are 2 people in your life that have Asperger's. Your brother , and a female friend. it looks to me like this is way too overwhelming for you to have to deal with. I also see that you feel a sense of responsibilty towards your brother. If your brother is under 22 he is eligible for educational services . If he is older then 22 their might be a rehab center in your county where they teach adults how to work , or they are called workability programs. You can call your local refional center for assistance. They can tell you more services and programs that your brother would be eligible for. I just read that he does work, good for him. But, during the daytime , does he have anything to do?
As for the female friend, if she is too much stress and your already caring for your brother, then perhaps limit the amount of time you spend with her. Even if she does not agree. You have to take care of yourself first.
Their are residential programs, halfway houses, semi independant adult living programs for the developmentally disabled. I am just trying to help you se that you do have options .

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