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New to aspergers, my son is 12

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Old 07-01-2011, 04:47 PM   #1
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: California
Posts: 2
mom2withlove HB User
New to aspergers, my son is 12

Hello. My son is almost 13 and we are newly introduced to AS. When he was 5 years old his private school thought he may have AS but his pediatrician said it would do him more harm than good to have a 'label' so we didn't find out and I have always wished that we had. My son was born with eyes wide open, curious, awake a lot, extremely intelligent (people noticed at a very young age) and didn't have much to say until he was almost 2.5 but understood EVERYTHING. He is a gift that I love so very much. He also has dyslexia and though he thinks and speaks like a little adult, he is emotionally younger than 12. This past year at school, he started having more problems. Of course he doesn't fit into the 'normal' mold of children even without the probably diagnosis of AS. Fitting in was always hard for him and he gets stuck on certain topics that he just doesn't want to stop talking about until he knows everything possible about the topic. School interests, unless science related (we homeschooled for a while and he was doing 6th grade science in 1st grade) he just isn't interested, however when he wants to do good, he does amazing and blows the teachers minds on tests. His school psych was amazed by him and wanted to work with him more to learn more about him. He is a treasure thats for sure. So now I need to learn about AS to be a better parent. He is going into 7th grade and I'm scared for him...but I feel I should be. I want to shelter to him, but I know that retains him from being who is which is an amazing person and I want him to bloom, not be kept in a shell. As a mom, what can I do for him to help him? I need to learn how to work with him rather than fight with him because he is stubborn and set in his ways and being a teenager doesn't help lol is there any advice from parents of AS kids or any AS kids that have tips for parenting? I would love to hear it all to help my child the best way I can. Thanks (sorry this got long winded).

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Old 07-01-2011, 07:06 PM   #2
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Oregon, US
Posts: 1
namian HB User
Re: New to aspergers, my son is 12

I was in the same boat as you were a few years ago. My son is now 17 and he was also diagnosed with Asperger's when he was 12. He also has dyslexia. I also homeschooled him from second through fourth because he was having so many difficulties socially.

We're lucky that we now live in a small community with a tiny school (his senior class has 23 students) and the staff are very conscious of how the kids treat each other. His biggest problem is that he doesn't have any friends there.

The best you can do for your son is to listen and grab those teachable moments. Recently my son (worried about going away to college after this coming school year) mentioned that he didn't know how to do small talk. We were then able to have a conversation about that.

Your son's special education teacher is the best resource you can have. Hopefully you have a team who are aware of what your son is dealing with, the areas where he needs the most help and a teacher who is willing to go to bat for your son whenever he needs it. This is invaluable.

The best thing for your son is an awareness that you are always there for him. Find out his preferred method for communication -- my son is texts, followed by emails -- and use it.

If you can find a support group, for yourself and/or your son, try to go. It really helps! By the way, my son was incredibly relieved to have a "label" and to finally understand why he was different than his peers.

Old 07-05-2011, 09:17 AM   #3
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: California
Posts: 2
mom2withlove HB User
Re: New to aspergers, my son is 12

Thank you so much! We are on vacation but I would love to ask you a little bit more when I return if that's ok. Thanks again for your time!

Old 10-21-2011, 05:00 PM   #4
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: Ireland
Posts: 35
mishka101 HB User
Re: New to aspergers, my son is 12

Hi there! i too have a 12 yr old boy (aspergers) and a 5yr old boy (classic autism) so I know where you are coming from! Every mother knows when things are not "quite right" with there child, I knew when my eldest was 18 months old!! It took me until he he was 9 nearly 10 to get him dx!!! He has a laundry list of Dx including APD, ADHD(type 3), Dyspraxia, GAD etc. Not all doom and gloom. He could READ and I mean properly read at TWO years old. I wont lie to you it is a real rollercoster ride especially where bullying is concerned. We have had to move him schools 3 times due to it. He can be very taxing at times(told you i wouldnt lie haha)but this is the hand that has been dealt. We have never coddled him as he has to live in "our world2 not us in "his world" where to be honest he would stay quite a bit if let! Hope this helps

Old 11-09-2011, 05:34 AM   #5
Join Date: Nov 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 3
UKSickNote HB User
Re: New to aspergers, my son is 12


I have a 15 year old son who has AS, he was lucky to get a diagnosis when he was around 3-4 years old. I hate it when someone says don't "label" your child, we had a real fight with his consultant as she wanted to postpone diagnosis and wait and see. I had to insist that he was given the "label" and if necessary we would peel it off later. I am happy to read that the other poster's child was glad to have his label!

He was lucky to attend a small primary school where my wife is a teacher. The whole school knew him so he got on well at school. He is a bright boy but he is stubborn and he only does the lessons he likes. Well he does all of them but only gives minimum effort to the ones he dislikes!!

As already mentioned, it is important to talk with him about anything and everything. That way you will be able to pick up on what makes him tick - please don't think I am being condescending or suggesting you don't speak to him - I simply mean involve him in as much as you can.

We found that it was helpful if we did a lot of "what if" talks with our son so he could prepare for events. He has a poor feedback mechanism so he doesn't always learn from events. The more you do it the easier it becomes and slowly you will hopefully find he starts asking you "what if?" That is a good time because then he will start to think more about his actions.

Have you tried any sports with him? We found he loved chess so I taught him that. He eventually went to chess club where his attitude and interest was shared so he made friends.

We also noticed he had a real love of water so we taught him to swim. He struggled at first but we discovered he hated getting water in his eyes. A pair of goggles solved the issue and he just enjoyed it so much. I have spoken to other parents with AS children and they also found their children liked the water. I think it is the isolation of the water or the feeling of being cuddled by the water. My son loves it and is now a very good competitive swimmer. This has gained him real sporting recognition at his school and his self esteem has risen so much. He is as fit as a flea and rarely ill. He has represented his school at swimming and raised considerable sums for charity by swimming the UK channel distance in the pool.

As he gets older he develops more coping strategies for social situations but he also struggles with "small talk". His swimming means he has a strong toned body and the girls like him - he doesn't know what to make of this. I mean this in the best possible way, the girls are very good to him calling him "cute" and "a decent boy". Naturally I think he is the most handsome boy in the world but it's good that others agree

I hope that helps you, please contact me if you would like to know more.


Last edited by UKSickNote; 11-09-2011 at 05:35 AM.

Old 04-17-2012, 08:15 AM   #6
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Indiana
Posts: 1
cody85 HB User
Re: New to aspergers, my son is 12

i understand what your son is going through i had aspergers since i was 3 years old. people thought i should go to a home but my mother refused to except that. i got learning disabilitys and when im in big places i get lost. life was never easy for me as a child i had trouble making friends. do to my disabilitys i had a hard time meeting woman. its ok i truely understand and dont give up hope because your son will be ok.

Old 04-17-2012, 12:24 PM   #7
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Scoobygert HB User
Re: New to aspergers, my son is 12

My son is also 12, 12.8 to be exact -and he is. He is also very smart and not very social. Learning about Asperger's was a good thing for him, slowly and gently. We read books and watched movies and are addicted to Big Bang Theory, sometimes he even calls himself 'Sheldon' when he is having a Sheldon Moment. He struggles in school now, since we moved to Minnesota. His teachers in NC admitted that he was smarter than they were and passed him without requiring him to do any work. Not good. Now he has to turn in work, demonstrate knowledge of the subject, not just his superior intellect in general, and he has teachers that are experienced in teaching Aspergians, as he proudly calls himself. He often has depressive episodes about not having friends, but usually only when he is extremely tired. Most of the time he is quite unconcerned with the kids around him. This state offers online schooling for everyone, and he is keen to try it out, but the teachers and staff at his school are encouraging us to let him go to the high school here, which is rather large. They say there will be more Aspies there and they all seem to find each other. We will feel it out and see how it goes. I want him to learn how to interact with his own age group.... eventually he will need to do it, so I can't think of a better environment to try. Yikes.
I would like to see if there are other kids in this area with Aspergers that are looking for friends. One of the other threads had an adult Aspie that recommended the same, and I think my son would really benefit from having friends that are just as socially awkward/unaware as he is. He is an awesome kid but has a really hard time communicating 'politely' with people that don't understand him. Have you tried anything like this? Just hoping to help him learn and grow...!

Last edited by Scoobygert; 04-17-2012 at 12:32 PM.

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