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  • Aspie boyfriend is stressed and taking it out on me

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    Old 08-06-2014, 05:31 PM   #1
    EveHallows's Avatar
    Join Date: Aug 2014
    Location: Jacksonville, NC
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    EveHallows HB User
    Unhappy Aspie boyfriend is stressed and taking it out on me

    This is basically just a rant/vent.. because I do love him and I feel like we're perfect for eachother. This won't sound like that though...

    I just have a tender heart and that makes it easy to run over me. He's very controlling and I never really know if it's about his asperger's/OCD or if he just thinks my opinion isn't important enough to listen to.

    He interrupts me all the time. He never listens. He doesn't trust me to cook our food. He doesn't want me to meet new friends because he's worried I'll cheat.. even if it's a woman.. and I'm straight.

    We both suffer from depression and anxiety, and he makes me feel like my depression is less important than his because he's got a more difficult job.

    He always takes the bigger, better, of everything and makes an argument about it if he doesn't get it.

    He snaps at me when he wakes up, he snaps at me when he gets off work. He gets upset with me if I don't come when he calls.

    If I were to talk to him like he talks to me, I'd feel terrible!

    He's under a lot of stress right now because his family is kicking us out basically.. he's worried that we won't be able to afford wherever we have to move.

    He's taking all his stress and hard work from his job.. out on me, and I don't know if I can handle it. I KNOW we'd be fine if this stress was gone, but he just can't cope and he's projecting it all to me.

    I already feel like I soak up everyone elses moods.. this house is so tense right now because the family is not getting along.

    I don't know what I want to do.. I can't sleep, my stomach hurts all the time, every time we speak to eachother it ends in one of us storming out of the room.

    Help? Advice? Leave him?

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    Old 09-19-2014, 08:13 AM   #2
    justjess4019's Avatar
    Join Date: Sep 2014
    Location: Mars
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    justjess4019 HB User
    Re: Aspie boyfriend is stressed and taking it out on me


    Maybe i can somewhat give advice as to where his mind is coming from. I'm furthest from expert status BUT i have almost the same issues as far as his side goes, the only difference is that i end it before the other person can.
    It's not that i feel bad, it's that i'm exhausted from all the disagreement.
    I end relationships because i'm tired of feeling like i tell my partner what to do and how to do it. I disagree with majority of their opinions simply because they are just that, opinions. I love facts, hate emotions and don't understand people that are.
    I take a lot of stress out on the other person because they are typically more of a weak person than I (which is rotten i know).
    Don't let him slide, put your foot down. Be honest with him on how you feel without yelling or crying, he most likely won't understand your emotions.

    Find a distraction for yourself, set new goals.
    After everything is over with and/or nothing seems to click still, i say leave.
    There's nothing wrong with 2 humans not working out, i'm pretty sure people break up more often than not.

    hope this helps.

    Old 05-17-2015, 03:59 AM   #3
    Join Date: May 2015
    Posts: 24
    2nosy HB User
    Re: Aspie boyfriend is stressed and taking it out on me

    It's been a long time since you made this post. I'm not sure where you are right now or how it worked out, since it is almost one year later. I just want to say that these are not Asperger's traits. Your boyfriend may have Asperger's, but what you describe doesn't sound like Asperger's. I do know Aspies can get frustrated easily, but all those other things you describe sound like what you have is a potentially abusive partner. Things like taking out his anger on you, not wanting you to have friends, and not getting along with your family all point to an abusive relationship. Maybe you look up some reliable articles on healthy relationships vs. unhealthy relationships and signs of an abusive relationship. Hope this helps.

    Old 09-07-2015, 12:27 AM   #4
    Lunaun7's Avatar
    Join Date: Sep 2015
    Posts: 4
    Lunaun7 HB User
    Re: Aspie boyfriend is stressed and taking it out on me

    If there is no trust then relationship is over. If you can't trust someone and they can't trust you best to call it quits because once the trust is gone it's hard to get back and the relationship is over
    It's a tuff pill to swallow. And I know because I had to end a marriage with my wife over trust. It just wasting your time

    Old 09-10-2015, 04:23 AM   #5
    Join Date: May 2015
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    2nosy HB User
    Re: Aspie boyfriend is stressed and taking it out on me

    It looks like we're the only ones writing and the original person abandoned this post. I want to write something for anyone else who may be in a similar situation. She says if all the stress was gone, the relationship wouldn't be the way it is. What she doesn't seem to see is that if the boyfriend was gone, all the stress would be gone.
    Granted, everyone involved in a relationship plays a role. It may be the role of the controller, the placatory, the doormat, the mascot (the one who makes a joke out of everything to keep people laughing), the identified patient (the one who shows outward symptoms, and is often singled out as the one who has all the problems, and the blamer.
    I've learned not to give advice because the person most likely is going to do what she or he wants anyway. Also, If I give good advice, great, but if I give bad advice, guess who will get blamed? Lots of times when two people are having a dispute, and someone else steps in and takes sides, when they kiss and make up, the third person will be the odd man (or woman) out.
    Just for myself, I know it's easier said than done to say, just leave, get out before it's too late, but if this were me, I would be gone. When I was a young girl, I may have gotten mixed up in this type of relationship because I didn't know much better, but now that I'm older, I would steer clear of any man with these type of tendencies. I'd rather be alone than in bad company, and most dogs get better treatment than this.
    I also hear signs of paranoia, jealousy, and narcissism. He doesn't sound perfect for anyone except maybe a cobra. People have to decide what they want and deserve, and build standards upon it.

    Last edited by 2nosy; 09-10-2015 at 04:28 AM.

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