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  • What to do when child isn't yours?

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    Old 04-20-2005, 10:55 AM   #1
    motormouthmomma
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    What to do when child isn't yours?

    Hi I'm new to the board and I am a stay at home mom with a 3 year old son, and I babysit a little boy who is now about 15 months old, I have babysitted him since he was 6 weeks old. I see things in this child that no one else does and I don't know if I'm paranoid or if he has autism. I have been to several web sites concerning autism and I shake my head yes to almost every symptom. I've noticed something wrong with this child since I met him, he's very emotionless, he just started cooing and babbling. He seems very slow for his age and I use to work at daycares and babysit other children and he does nothing that the same age children he is, does. He says mama but only because my son says it about 100 times a day, he doesn't direct it to me or his mother. That's the only thing that comes out of his mouth that even sounds like a word. I thought this was also unusual he wouldn't open his mouth to eat off a spoon until he was almost a year old, you had to force his mouth open to eat. I just recently got him to hold his bottle, and he is always scratching at things and flapping his fingers about, he has always done this. It drives me crazy sometimes. He will not hug me, smile at me, or even look at me when I call his name, he just ignores me, I've had to tell him no to the same exact things he meddles with everyday sometimes 12 times a day. It's fustrating because you would thing he would know now what he can touch and what he can't. I'm consistant. He cries a lot he doesn't point, or wave or really anything, the only thing he seems interested in is the TV and wheels on toys. I try to teach him things as I did my son and he won't pay any attention long enough for me to even show him how something works. Now he's starting to bite, scratch when you hold him, pull hair, Oh by the way you cannot cuddle this child he arches his back and will slap or try to hurt you, bite to get away. I forcable tried to hold him to try to get a bond out of him and he tries to hurt me. He does smile at me now once in a while, but he just seems like a blank slate most of the time. It's fustrating because his mother sees none of these problems and each time I try to direct any of these issues to her, she just agrees but acts like Oh well. She works I know this and maybe she does see them but doesn't realize anything is wrong. I'm with him 10-12 hours a day 5 days a week, so I know this child, what little there is to know of him. It's weird it's like he has no personality, he hates to play with my son, if my son comes within 2 feet of him to hand him a toy or play with him, he puts his hands over his eyes and screams and cries. I don't know if this is autistic, but I'm fustrated because I don't know how to deal with him anymore he's a hard baby to understand half the time. No one will even watch him for her on my days off anymore because he is so difficult to deal with, he cries all the time and tring to get him to listen or do anything is pointless. He is just now starting to crawl and pull up on things, but will not come to you, I am confused it's hard to deal with a difficult baby when the baby will not bond with you no matter what you try to do. He is the same way with his mother and father. He is excited to see her in the afternoon, but when she holds him he scratches her, pulls on her glasses, bites her, pulls her hair. He can be very mean. He's very active, but motionless if that makes sense. What should I do everyone I tell my husband, my mother think I'm overreacting, but they're not around him long enough to see these things, except that he seems kind of slow. They just keep telling me every child is different and maybe he's just a slow learner. I'm recoming very resentful toward the child, my husband, my son, everyone. I don't know what to do. What do I do to tell the mother that I see a problem without insulting her child, but getting something done to help him. I love this child despite his problems how could I not I'm like his second mother but the fact is, is he's not my son, and I'm fustrated dealing with a very hyper 3 year old who's very neurotic and demands every second of my attention I have no time to work with this child like he needs. Another question off the subject is every child that lines things up, autistic? My son has done this since he was a baby, he used to be amazed by ceiling fans, and he knows where everything is and if it's moved he becomes very upset. You would be surpised he knows exactly where a certain toy is buried under a pile of toys. But if he asks for something and you don't know what he's saying or exactly where it is he becomes very fustrated and starts screaming. He also remembers everything. But he talks fine, loves to cuddle, does everything a 3 year old does and more. He can count to 20, knows all his A B C's and remembers every song you sing to him. So I really don't see any other symptoms with him. Other than he is very obsessive about how and when he wants things and hair, touching it. He's very persistant, and will not potty train, even though he can tell you "mommy change my diaper". These things are probably normal but with all the issues I'm going though with this other child any simple issue seems like a huge one. I feel like I am going insane and everyone treats me like I'm the one with issues and maybe I do, maybe I'm wrong but I feel anxious, depressed, and I'm starting to feel very irritated and angry most of the time. Please give me advice and tell me how to help this child or if I'm the one with the problem and I need help. I feel trapped.

     
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    Old 04-20-2005, 10:59 AM   #2
    motormouthmomma
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    Re: What to do when child isn't yours?

    Oh I forgot to mention since there is so much to mention, he also bangs his head on everything and falls over a lot still which seems strange, but no ear problems, no infections or anything. I've made the mom get his ears checked and do hearing test all fine.

     
    Old 04-20-2005, 11:00 AM   #3
    motormouthmomma
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    Re: What to do when child isn't yours?

    Oh I forgot to mention since there is so much to mention, he also bangs his head on everything and falls over a lot still which seems strange, but no ear problems, no infections or anything. I've made the mom get his ears checked and do hearing test all fine. He also sleeps a lot or not at all. Is this weird?

     
    Old 04-20-2005, 12:05 PM   #4
    Cazzie
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    Re: What to do when child isn't yours?

    Everything you said about this 15 month old sounds like autism, but, depending on where you are, getting a diagnosis at 15 months is difficult. But having said that, I would have a very serious talk to the parents of the boy. Call BOTH of them in. Outline to them your experience first and your qualifications. Ask first if they have ever brought the boy in for evaluation. They may have already done something. Then very methodically go through what you've observed in their son and why you believe he needs to see a specialist in pediatric development. You don't have to mention the 'A' word, but the developmental delays and differences should be mentioned. Think of it as your job because you're a primary caregiver. Tell them that early intervention for what ever the problem turns out to be is a very good idea. The longer it gets left, the farther behind he'll fall.

    Good luck.

     
    Old 04-20-2005, 12:14 PM   #5
    motormouthmomma
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    Re: What to do when child isn't yours?

    Thanks for advice I'm just scared and don't want to seem overreactive about the situation I don't want anyone to get mad at me. But I cannot help this child myself I don't know how. I just want to know and feel comfortable that it sounds like he has a problem to someone else before I face this childs parents, and my husband who works with this childs mother, before I do something. I'm in a very bad situation.

     
    Old 04-20-2005, 12:22 PM   #6
    MOM23ANGELS
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    Re: What to do when child isn't yours?

    i think you should seriously address this issue with the parents. print up some info about milestone delays and give them to mom. this child should be evaluated and hopefully start therapy soon. at his age, the therapists would come to your home and work with him. secondly, dealing with a special needs child is VERY difficult for everyone involved. i understand your frustration but he probably has no idea what you are saying to him and thus keeps getting into the same trouble. if you really feel overwhelmed by this child, tell the mother you can't watch him anymore. if he is indeed delayed in several areas, he will require intense intervention that will involve you as his primary caretaker. it may also be unfair for your 3 year old to become secondary, because of all the attention this other little guy will require.

    as far as your son lining things up...i wouldn't worry about that. my NT son did this at 3 also. it becomes a problem when that's all he does or doesn't show any imaginative play skills. Good luck.

     
    Old 04-20-2005, 12:31 PM   #7
    motormouthmomma
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    Re: What to do when child isn't yours?

    Thank you I have felt so overwhelmed and it's starting to affect my relationship with my son through my fustration and with my husband, maybe it's best I don't watch this child anymore, but I'm afraid god sent this child to me for a reason and I don't want to turn my back on him when I may be all he has because no one else shows interest in him as a person, only a burden. But I feel like I'm neglecting my duties as a mother to my own son and as a happy wife to my husband I'm sure I can find another way to make ends meet if I have to. Maybe I should sit down and discuss these things with my husband first, and the childs mother. Thanks so much.

     
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