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to mothers of children that have autism please help i need your advice

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Old 05-19-2008, 08:36 PM   #1
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Madison, AL USA
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bamamotherof2 HB User
Question to mothers of children that have autism please help i need your advice

HI everyone, if this is long i do apologize i am just so overwhelmed with everything it is very emotional and frustrating at the same time here it goes.
MY son is 4 years old turned 4 in feb in Jan was the first time he ever told me he loved me after i had repeated it to him until i was blue in face everynite for 4 years and pleaded and cried one nite and that when he said it "I love you" i could tell he did not know what he was saying but i was just so happy to hear those words
My son started of has a baby being very demanding at the age he could start crawling he would have fits , between 1 1/2 to 2 1/2 started talking to the doctor about my son telling him something just isnt rite it excells in all others except speech and his body language certain things about him were just not rite in my eyes. He would throw himself to the ground at times, bang his head , bit himself , pinch himself , slap his face, pull his hair..... and all this everytime we would go for checkup or inbetween check ups " JUst ignore them he is trying to get your attention walk out of the room when he does it" i looked at the same doctor he has now and said you must be crazy how do u expect for me to walk away from my child when he is hurting himself . " he says just try get do alot that to get parents attention" so i did , it didnt stop it at all he continued weather i was there or not and started having emotional trama as i would call it , he would break down emotionally so bad it scared me. He said again " its the terrible two " then it was " HE is just being three' On his fourth birthday i looked at his doctor with my 15 month old in my hands and my 4 year old running around crazy opening the drawers etc and just bursted into tears i said doc if you dont help me figure out what is wrong with my son i am going to have an emotional break down i am tired of this is this stuff there is something wrong and we need to figure it out, and the same time i looked at him and told him this is the most frustrating thing i have ever gone thru , I said at times im scared i might spank him so hard i dont i just walk away please help me cuz if my child is a TYPICAL 2 3 AND 4 YEAR OLD THEN I MUST BE DOING SOMETHING WRONG

That was the first time the doctor could really see the pain in my eyes and i think really looked at the way my son was being that day, dont get me wrong he is a great doctor so he referred me to a pysc. SO i went to him he said a low functioning autism child would not be able to do this do that but if he had any form it would be the Asperger form of autism, so he said he didnt not want to label him as he called it he wanted to do a three day out patient testing to find exactly what is wrong and put him on .1mg of clondine

SO he is on clonodine, all it does is knock him out that is , im not saying it doesnt help a lil but not enought to say yeah thats great, now he has gone from new things now he is starting to crinch his finger up when he is frustrated, when someone is in his lil bubble i call it he freaks out and tell them to move away, he has emotional breakdown with anything loud firework, trains etc. he has to wear always a blue shirt, always, he has to watch the same cartoon everytime before it was a year on cars then we got him on sponge bob that all he watches
he melts with the toilet does completley flush all the way down and go back up, or when his certain covers is not on his bed, if they are not postioned as certain way he freaks out, he is also a clean clean person he hates to be dirty or wet it bothers him, he barely eats, always had to have a pink milk instead of anything else


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Bertha Marie (01-15-2011)
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Old 05-19-2008, 09:35 PM   #2
Join Date: Dec 2007
Location: Southeastern USA
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roses4lace HB User
Re: to mothers of children that have autism please help i need your advice

I can't imagine how you've managed to cope with this behavior for so many years! Consider yourself able to handle any childhood problem now!

This is going to sound silly, but take away red dye, take away sugar, take away caffeine, take away milk, and take away wheat. These are the most frequent culprits for causing emotional/ behavioral reactions. Corn is also a major problem, but it is almost impossible to eliminate. At the very least, cut down on these items to the bare minimum, or even rotate them so he doesn't have all of them every day.

I'm no doctor, but if it were me, I'd try a children's antihistamine for a couple of days and see if there is a difference (no red dye, though). Doctors don't really know what to do for the Asperger's problems, they just throw meds at each symptom hoping something works. They were just itching to have me on antidepressants and something for ADHD, when the real problem was an extreme allergy to wheat/ gluten, which I finally figured out.

Many of us (including myself) have extreme food allergies that make our symptoms much worse. Get away from the common thought that "allergies cause hives and runny noses". They do, but allergies can cause ADD, severe emotional breakdowns, symptoms of arthritis, hyperactivity, severe stomach aches, hypersensitivity (to sound, touch, sight, etc), avoidance of social contact, and a host of other symptoms. How do I know? Because the ones I listed are the reactions they cause in me. Also, I crave the foods that make me worst.

After 2-3 days of this, if he calms down, you might try adding one item back at a time, and see if the out of control behavior starts up again.

But always, trust your gut. Mothers seem to know best when something is wrong, and when something isn't working. We have to be advocates for our children until they can learn to figure things out for themselves.

Old 05-20-2008, 05:18 AM   #3
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datgrlstef HB User
Re: to mothers of children that have autism please help i need your advice

I am not sure I read this correctly.. you said he excelled in all areas except speech? That would indicate (along with all of the other symptoms) Autism.. not Aspergers (which typically presents w/out any speech delays at all). I'm not sure why the doctor would tell you "it can't be low functioning, so it must be Aspergers".. there is a spectrum, and your child could be between the two.

Not that I'm typically for medication - especially in young children - but isn't there something else worth trying? It doesn't sound like the current med is doing anything except making your child knock out. That isn't a desired result, I'm sure.

I agree with the previous poster regarding eliminating troublesome foods, etc.. from your son. My child is sensitive to dyes, so I can't even give him vitamins w/out it causing some kind of effect. I think your son needs to be evaluated by a developmental/behavioral pediatrician. After my son was diagnosed, that is where I took him. They have been helpful to many parents, and seem to know more than most pediatricians when it comes to Autism.

Best of luck to you. I know it's hard.

Old 05-20-2008, 05:48 AM   #4
Join Date: Jan 2008
Posts: 608
gorgee HB User
Re: to mothers of children that have autism please help i need your advice

bamamotherof2, I have 2 boys, they are 2 and 4. My 4 year old, soon to be 5 in 3 weeks, is very demanding, and he has been since the day he was born. My other son he is very easy, entertains himself, and does not have picky issues. My oldest has to wear only long sleeves, and long pants, and they cannot work there way up, even the slightest, or he gets frustrated and aggravated. His cups have to be filled all the way to the top, he drinks moslty only milk, he is a little behind, on some things, like potty training, and occasionally still likes a binky. He goes number 2 on the potty, but will not go pee, he only goes in his pull up. We talk about this all the time, and he gets so frustrated with me, but we have been 90% potty trained for 2 years. At one point we were so close, and then he completely stopped and he went the other way, he would not go at all, and became very constipated. It was horrible. For the first couple of years, I thought he would be an only child because I could not do this again, he was sooo fussy all the time. My husband did not want to be around us, and over the last 6 months finally has become part of the boys lives, as far as doing things with them.

Some of the things you have written sound so familiar, the temper tantrums have gotten a little better, and I am trying to make him more independant, by letting him get his own stuff. I find myself doing things for him all day, and never sitting. He is always needing something. My boys are completely opposite, from the day they were born. Our 2 year old never cried when he was born, our oldest cried constantly in the hospital. That is how is has been every since.

My husband and I have made the decision to keep him back, and send him to his preschool again next year instead of kindergarten. He has been home with me his whole life, we tried preschool at 3, just 2 hours, 2 days a week, and it was horrible, and supposed to be the best in town. He was not ready and the staff was getting upset with me. Then last fall I walked him down to a preschool about 7 houses down the road, and it is a small home based preschool, and he loved it. He has gone 2 days a week, from 9-11, and with his teacher, and pediatrician, we decided that for him, and how he does not do well with change, it is best to keep him back, and go to the same small preschool next year, but this time 3 days a week, and 2 1/2 hours a day. He is fine with his cousin and friend going on to kindergarten without him, he takes that much longer to adjust to things, and we want him comfortable. He has an ability to upset the whole household, and he takes up 80% of my day, while our 2 year old takes 20%. Our 2 year old will do the same thing as far as preschool, go to the one down the road, but he will go when he is three, and 4, and then possibly at that time go to kindergarten when he is five, he turns five in February. We will see. He already wants to go with his brother to preschool, it is funny how children, boys, brothers, can be so opposite.

I feel your frustration and I wish I could help you. I am glad that the doctor finally listened to you, but it sounds like you need more help. Do you ever get breaks? For 17 months, our oldest was 3, and youngest was 6 months, and I sold my car to get something bigger, but it never worked out, and I did not have a car for that long. It was hard sometimes, and we stayed home an awful lot. I thought I would go crazy.

I think that keeping the official diagnosis out of his chart is a good thing for now. They can change so much. One day I looked at my husband, and said, "wow, he was easy today." Day by day is has gotten a little better, we have our battles, real ones, over the simplest things, but they pass.

Keep writing, this is a great place to chat it out. We are all here for you.

Have a good day, and be good to yourself, you are a great mother!


Old 05-21-2008, 02:04 PM   #5
Scot gal
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Scot gal HB User
Re: to mothers of children that have autism please help i need your advice

I'm totally new here and having read what you can and can't post on this forum I'm going to find it pretty difficult to tell you what I have to say.

My son regressed into autism aged 16 months old. His autism was severe, no eye contact at all, spinning things all day long or hiding in cupboards. He wanted no human contact at all.

3 years on with intervention he is talking, we have a way to go but he can ask for what he wants and sometimes jokes, he can read, understand instuctions, his eye-contact is good, he will cuddle and kiss, initiate play with sister. So many gains have been made. The intervention is Biomedical. Some of the things we do are as follows;

Gluten and Casein free diet, high dosage probiotics, minimal sugar, high dose vit C and E also supplements of fish oil, aloe vera juice, co-enzyme Q10, Liver life, and NDF+ ,We have also used Hyperbaric Oxygen therapy.

All of what we do is under the guidance of a DAN! (Defeat Autism Now!) Doctor. We have seen much progress and although hard work at times it is worth it and I will never stop.

This is not done via the NHS and everything I do I pay for. I don't know what your medical insurance would cover.
My son is not on any medication whatsoever and the supplements we give him have been are based on Laboratory findings of tests we have carried out (stools, urine, hair, blood).

I'd love to share much more information with all you Mums out there. A famous Hollywood star is shouting about biomed and she has a recovered kid, I want to be where she is.

Hope this helps and is within the rules.


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Bertha Marie (01-15-2011)
Old 05-21-2008, 02:52 PM   #6
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 536
datgrlstef HB User
Re: to mothers of children that have autism please help i need your advice

Jenny McCarthy's child still has Autism. He might not be as "bad" as he was before being diagnosed, but he still has Autism. But more power to her for getting out her story, and getting the spotlight on Autism in any way she can.

And that's great about your son. I'm glad he's doing so much better.

Old 05-22-2008, 05:51 AM   #7
Scot gal
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Scot gal HB User
Re: to mothers of children that have autism please help i need your advice

The term "recovered" does not mean cured. She may have to continue with biomed for some time but the child is now indistinguishable from his peers.

My child is also making these gains but we still have lots to do. He is still mercury toxic, I have to detox him to rid him of this and other metals.

I prefer this route to medication. My GP hasn't got a clue about autism. He will not support us in any way but will give us ritalin like sweets and prozac for me. No thanks.


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