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9 year old nephew issues: selfish, no empathy, few friends, poor student

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Old 01-19-2012, 07:31 PM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Boston, MA, USA
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joseph992012 HB User
9 year old nephew issues: selfish, no empathy, few friends, poor student

Wife and I have been concerned for many years with his development. He is an only child whose mother works 12 hour days and is more concerned with her career. Father is never around and is very selfish with little regard for his son's development. Parents treated him like a plant as an infant. Fed him and left him to fend for himself in front of a tv. Nanny spoke a foreign languauge and kept the house clean. She didn't work with his development at all. He never made many baby noises or had expressions as many babies do aside from crying. As he grew and started to crawl then walk at age 2 he was always behind a chair or hidden behind the tv being very quiet and away from people and any interaction. Never any baby talk or expressions of laughter. Many of his uncles, aunts and family friends became aware of this unusual behavior. But the parents never listened or seemed to care. They would acknowledge it and would fail to act on it. So, he is 9 years old and really acts like a 5 year old with his interests and development, he is very selfish, lies often, is very sneaky, shows little empathy toward other children, enjoys other children getting hurt and crying cries like a 3 year old if he doesn't get his way, has few friends, gets bullied at school yet doesn't want the bullies to get in trouble because they are "his friends", has sensory issues--doesnt like to be touched. I can go on but isn't this enough? Any thoughts as we need to open our mouths so his parents get him some help. Thanks.

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Old 01-26-2012, 05:44 AM   #2
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Location: Gzira, Malta
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Mira32 HB User
Re: 9 year old nephew issues: selfish, no empathy, few friends, poor student

Hi first of all, I read your message, it just happened to browse here and I couldnít leave without trying to say some words. This is a sad image of a child and with all my respect for parents because I donít know them but I wish they can see more into the future, now maybe their child is still a child in their opinion and the attention they give is not at a high level because they work a lot and they struggle, anyway.
All I know is that when parents are not around childís development will not be proper at all and the lack of affection will add more prints on their son. Usually a child is happy, makes noises, looks around, investigates parents all the time etc, a sign that his development is normal and his will of learning is getting higher and higher.
The lack of confidence he started with, at the age of 2, as you described, the shyness are signs of lack of attention or praise from family. The lies could be a way of getting attention or a lack of self confidence, it depends. All these together give him the image of a little wild child trying to find out the way through real home, through real himself.
I truly wish that parents will see something is not quit right about him and will find a way to come closer and to help their child discover himself. We all know that when we are grown up and have issues we blame most of our reactions on how we were treated in our childhood and yes, childhood is the most important period because it will build you as a person, it will build the affection and empathy, the strengths, self confidence and so much more.

If there is a chance for parents to see this message I just want to say that denying was a part of me as well and is not a shame to confess it. My child was having many issues after the age 2, I was working 10 hours a day, the relationship with my husband was not so good and my child was staying with my family most of time but they couldnít cope with him, many people told me is something wrong with my child but I couldnít see that time or I didnít wanted to see. At the age 4 he was diagnosed with autism and I was still denying and acted like time is not moving forward but I woke up because I loved my child more than anything in the world and he changed my life and I changed his life as well because I started to believe in him and I dedicated myself to him, now he is 8 years old and is such a happy boy with an incredible will to learn, no tantrums, no bad behavior and all people are proud of him.

I am not saying this child is having autism, i am not here to give diagnoses or worst to judge anyone, is just my way to confess because I know is hard to talk with no experience at all and is hard for someone to understand what you feel or why you do what you are doing if something from his or her life didnít proved it.

I am happy there are still people in this world who involve themselves in helping others and hope you will receive more messages to help you to get closer to the child's parents heart.

All the best for the child, for his family and for you all who give a hand here!


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