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  • Austism and behavioral problems - Help!

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    Old 09-16-2014, 08:40 AM   #1
    ms424
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    Austism and behavioral problems - Help!

    My boyfriend's son Evan was diagnosed with Autism about a year ago or so. He is a very sweet, smart and kind boy but from time to time he has episodes and throws tantrums. I am very aware this happens with Autistic children and I'm ok dealing with it, trying to comfort him and explain to him why things are the way they are. He was recently placed in a public school after attending a school that specializes in Autism. He did really well last year, began to talk more and overall seemed more engaged and social than he has before. His mother refuses to accept that he is different, instead blames their divorce for his behavior. She demanded he be placed in a mainstream school and classroom. Ever since school started, which is now 3-4 weeks, Evan has cried every morning, he has come home with notes from the teacher stating he is disrupting class and does not play with other children. They also held him back another year =(

    I too have children of my own from a previous marriage, and ever since we had our children meet they seem to get along and Evan engages in activities with them such as coloring, throwing the ball around, etc... I have been told this is new for him as he most of the time plays by himself. I'm not sure what is different about my kids and the kids from school? Why does he feel more comfortable to play and talk to my kids and not others?

    I love Evan very much, like I do my children. I hate to see him struggle in school and for him to be stressed out first thing in the morning. I would hate for him to fail, in school and life in general. I want to help him so bad but I'd hate to step on his mother's toes. My boyfriend and I have been reading different books on approaches we can take at home as well as his diet. How can I continue to help without stepping on his mothers toes? Will our efforts work if we are the only ones working at it and he lives with his mother? What else can we do to help him get the most out of life?

    All your help and comments will be greatly appreciated =)

     
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    Old 09-20-2014, 02:12 AM   #2
    blessedmom
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    Re: Austism and behavioral problems - Help!

    A lot of times it is hard to get used to changes and sometimes it takes time. My daughter has to get used to a person before she will even let them touch her. You have to just continue your routine and still include them but at their own pace.
    With my daughter when her routine change it is hard for her and if she is around someone new, she have to warm up to them and if you try to approach her first she will back off from you and its hard to get her trust. Most of the time whenever someone come new come around I have to tell them to talk softly to her but don't approach or touch her until she come to you first. Once she does that means she is comfortable but if you approach her first you have lost her having to do anything with her. Sometimes it takes a while though so don't be dishearten, he will at his own time start to join in. You have to sometimes do activities with your kids and ask him to join or have your kids ask him to join and if he doesn't thats alright because eventually he will as long as you acknowledge he is there and not ignore him. It gets hard sometimes but sometimes what works for one does not work for another so its a trial and error thing. Patience is the key. Believe me it will be worth it when it happens. God bless and keep the faith.

     
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    Old 09-20-2014, 02:33 AM   #3
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    Quote:
    Originally Posted by ms424 View Post
    My boyfriend's son Evan was diagnosed with Autism about a year ago or so. He is a very sweet, smart and kind boy but from time to time he has episodes and throws tantrums. I am very aware this happens with Autistic children and I'm ok dealing with it, trying to comfort him and explain to him why things are the way they are. He was recently placed in a public school after attending a school that specializes in Autism. He did really well last year, began to talk more and overall seemed more engaged and social than he has before. His mother refuses to accept that he is different, instead blames their divorce for his behavior. She demanded he be placed in a mainstream school and classroom. Ever since school started, which is now 3-4 weeks, Evan has cried every morning, he has come home with notes from the teacher stating he is disrupting class and does not play with other children. They also held him back another year =(

    I too have children of my own from a previous marriage, and ever since we had our children meet they seem to get along and Evan engages in activities with them such as coloring, throwing the ball around, etc... I have been told this is new for him as he most of the time plays by himself. I'm not sure what is different about my kids and the kids from school? Why does he feel more comfortable to play and talk to my kids and not others?

    I love Evan very much, like I do my children. I hate to see him struggle in school and for him to be stressed out first thing in the morning. I would hate for him to fail, in school and life in general. I want to help him so bad but I'd hate to step on his mother's toes. My boyfriend and I have been reading different books on approaches we can take at home as well as his diet. How can I continue to help without stepping on his mothers toes? Will our efforts work if we are the only ones working at it and he lives with his mother? What else can we do to help him get the most out of life?

    All your help and comments will be greatly appreciated =)
    Also the difference could be the size of the classroom, in the mainstream classes there are more kids and sometimes crowds and loud noises scare kids with autism. I can't take my daughter around a large group because instantly she will go to meltdown mode and very loud noises frighten her too. When she first started high school, there were kids all over the place and loud laughing and talking in school and she went into meltdown in the hallway and the teachers had to call me because she could not take it. You may have to talk to the principle or the school board about putting him in a smaller class size or having a special parapro with him at all times. That will give him a level of security in school to know that there is someone he can trust to be there when he gets anxious or frightened. Hope you the best, been there, done that and still going through but it has gotten better. When she gets a little agitated, the one teacher that is there with her when that happens just take her for a walk outside so she can calm down and feel secure again. Sometimes you or your husband have to ask for an IEP meeting and have them put in his IEP the things you want to help him feel more secure in school and check the teacher out. Our kids can tell, whether adult or child, that they are being treated differently. But I find a lot of times moms always go to the school to inquire about the kids and the teachers get used to that but dad have to go and make his presence know so they will take it more seriously. If they say they will do what you ask, make sure it is put in his IEP because if it is not, it wont be done and you won't have a leg to stand on if they don't. As far as his mom, he is feeling confused. He knows something is wrong and if mom pretend it is not, that is taking away from care and therapy he could be having to help his behaviors. But the best thing you can do is make him feel secure in your home and let him feel the love you have for him. Sometimes make a surprise visit at the school to see how he is being treated or if he is being secluded from activities the other kids do. You will be surprised what you find out if you go in unannounced. Take care and love and patience will be the key.

     
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