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My Husband Is So Discouraged

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Old 01-23-2005, 08:58 AM   #1
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 93
Madonna HB User
Unhappy My Husband Is So Discouraged

My huasband is six weeks post op with L4 & L5 fusion with hardward. He is very discouraged because he thought the pain should be better by now. He said his leg, hip, and foot have been hurting very badly. This morning when he got up he started having spasms in his back. He said it was quite painfull. He is getting very depressed over all of this and it hurts me too.

He said there is no way he could go back to work now, he even thinks it will be longer than eight weeks. Have any of you had a similar experience?

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Old 01-23-2005, 09:02 AM   #2
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: New York
Posts: 413
mlachowicz HB User
Re: My Husband Is So Discouraged

I am sorry to hear that your husband is having a diffucult recovery. I have not had a fusion, but my hemi/discetomy was a failure, and we are contiplating fusion now. Please tell your husband to hang in there, things will get better! As for you, you try to stay calm.... he will feed off of the way you are, so the more encourgaing you are the better he will feel. Hang in there, and remember that we are here for you!

Old 01-23-2005, 09:56 AM   #3
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Dallas, Texas
Posts: 764
Rhonni HB User
Re: My Husband Is So Discouraged

Only 8 weeks post op and he thought he'd be healed by now????? IT's a shame his doctor didn't manage his expectations better.

I'm about 19 weeks and was only cleared to return to work 4 weeks ago (office job). I could have gone back sooner, but really wasn't up to it yet.

I still have aches and pains too, and expect to for a few more months to come.

What is he doing for activity. If he's being a couch potato, he's not going to get any better. How much is he walking? Is he stretching? Any exercise at all? Even upper body exercises will help.

8 Weeks is a usual depression point. The more he does the more he'll work himself out of it.

Old 01-23-2005, 10:12 AM   #4
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 93
Madonna HB User
Re: My Husband Is So Discouraged

I agree that the neurosurgeon shoud have managed our expectations better. The NS is not a big talker, however, he will talk to me pretty good. My biggest regret is not being with my husband when the NS intially spoke of the surgery. I would have asked a lot more questions and been a pest!

My husband is going to physical therapy three times a week and goes for walks too. He has also ran little errands for me when he is up to it. He spent a lot of time with me this morning in the kitchen cooking bacon and reading the paper. He is getting really good at getting up and down. His NS said he shouldnt drive much with the medication he is taking, so he tries to limit it. So he ends up staying home a lot. He is just tired of all the pain.

Thank you TxHunni for you encouraging words. I will let my husband know what you said and it will make him feel better.

Old 01-23-2005, 03:23 PM   #5
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: Tempe, AZ
Posts: 309
StMishl HB User
Re: My Husband Is So Discouraged

I am so sorry you and your husband are having a rough time. I don't remember if you said what type of job you said your hubby does (Physical? desk?). If he is at 6 weeks now (same as me, tommorow) Eight weeks is still 2 weeks away, (well, obviously ) but what I mean is that how I feel tends to change 10 times an hour, let alone in two weeks, so how he's doing today maybe isn't an indicator of how he'll feel in a couple of weeks.

I am going back to work PT (only 3 hrs a day) tommorrow (I do Human Resources at a desk job). I am VERY lucky that I have a TON of flexibility and can leave earlier if I need to, or can say that after being there tomorrow that its too soon, and I need another week or 2. Even with that flexibility, I am TERRIFIED. (If I go and then its too much, will everyone think Im a wuss? "milking" my pain??) If I bend the wrong way will I cry at work?? How will I go all day (or even 3 hours) without pain meds?? If I take pain meds will I be too drugged to work?? I'm not on any paid disability, but if he is are there any ramifications to him returning? Like if he goes back for a few days, and he ISN'T ready, can he take another week or so off still or will he have to reapply for disability?

I don't know your husband, but can only imagine that this could be even worse for a husband (SO not trying to be sexist or anything, but especially if he was used to supporting the family). Is he scared that if he goes back and can't handle it or isn't as "tough" as he was that he will be letting his boss/co-workers, or you down?? (I know this is how I feel). Will his work let him come back PT or for a trial day? I went and "visited" work last week, which was really good, I saw my friends, talked to coworkers, and prepped my boss for the condition I was in (and what I could and couldn't do). I also saw how much people missed me and got back a bit of the "real world" feeling i'd been missing while living in my Lazy Boy chair Could he try this??

I know this is really long, sorry. It just really touched me because alot of what you said is what i'm going thru right now too. My gut instinct is to stay home and not go back to work. My back still REALLY hurts. My dr wants me off at least another 2 weeks. But I feel like I have to get back to the real world, for me, or else I never will. I'm sure, that with your love, and time, when he's ready, your husband will also reach this point.

PS. Any luck getting him to read the boards?? I thinks he'd find a lot of support and friends who understand here???
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Failed Bk Fusion, facet joint/hip issues & RA -Wish I could Jump like him!

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