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I'm so miserable

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Old 02-14-2005, 07:43 AM   #1
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 92
toelle HB User
Unhappy I'm so miserable

I need to vent. I just cant take it anymore! Just to update any of you who have not heard my story before, I had a bad fall in aroebics class in Jan. of 2004. Since then I have had a microdistectomy, physical therepy, coritzone shots, and the electronic stimulator all with no results in pain reduction. They tell it's an iritated nerve and it burns in my butt and down my left leg and into my knee. It hurts every day all day. Some days are bearable at least part of the day but it never goes away. I am now seeing a nerologist who has prescribed 750mg of Lortab, Lamictal starting with 25mg and working up over a period of 5 weeks to 100mg., and 10 mg of eliville which I can take up to 3 at night to help me sleep. After two week of these meds. I am not feeling any relief at all. The Lortabs sometimes take the edge off if I'm having a fairly good day, I never have a really good day, but mostly I'm still in horrible pain to the point where it's hard to function. The only thing that has helped me at all to get through and functon is when I take l mg of Zanx which I used to do every day but now I just do it once in a while when I'm at the end of my rope. I dont' know how I'm going to stand it when they run out and none of my Dr.s will prescribe any more. Every day I wake up knowing it's going to be another day of unbearable pain. I am losing hope that I will ever be normal or even close to normal again. I am 61 years old and I realize that seems old to some of you but I thought I had a few good years left. I always lead a healthy lifestyle, kept my weight down, exercised, and ate healthy. People always told me how young I looked for my age. On top of the back pain I have been recently diagnosed with ostioprosis, begining stages, and hyperthiroidsm. I am so depressed! I am an artist and have signed up and paid for some outdoor art shows and I dont know how I'm going to get through them but I have to do them somehow because I need the money. My husband is going to help me so I'm hoping I'll get through them with his help. I did a couple last fall with his help and got through it with the help of the Zanx. Without it I just dont know. I know I sound like a wining crying baby and I apoligise for sounding so negitive but I just cant help it. My husband works 10 hours a day and I am home alone a lot. I try to go out and do things and stay busy but it's so hard when you're in pain all the time. I look at some of my friends who hav'nt practiced nearly the healthy lifestyle that I have and they are still healthy and happy. It's just not fair! And to top it all off I've started to gain weight. I always prided myself on haveing a good figure but now I'm losing the one thing I had that I could still be proud of. If anyone has the patience to get through this long post please tell me how to cope. I just dont know how to anymore. Toelle

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Old 02-14-2005, 04:27 PM   #2
Senior Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 221
memawhurts HB User
Re: I'm so miserable

I wish I had the answers you are looking for. I truly do, since I would be using them myself. My surgery, almost 5 months ago now, I would not consider successful either. But I am trying to keep hope that something will kick in and turn things around. I'm like you, I'm terrified of the day my neuro says, there is nothing more I can do for you, so get out. I know I can't live like this forever.

The only thing I can offer you is support and an ear to listen when you need to vent. I hope you do wonderfully at your art shows and I'm sure you will work something out.

Best Wishes,

Old 02-14-2005, 06:52 PM   #3
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: Pennsylvania
Posts: 593
Jessie1 HB User
Re: I'm so miserable

Toelle, I wish I knew what to say to make things better for you, but the best I can do is tell you I'm here to listen and help if I can. I truly hope things get better for you. Please don't give up- there may still be a solution out there for you. I wish you the best of luck with your art shows. What kind of art do you do? Please share- I would love to hear about it!



Old 02-15-2005, 01:21 AM   #4
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Fl
Posts: 571
Bionicwan HB User
Re: I'm so miserable


Sorry things are so bad for you now - I admire your tenacity to continue with your show and I offer you support when you need it and the best of luck life can offer !~

btw: the elavil are awesome they are the ONLY things that help me sleep nights but, they are notorious for causing weight gain

xanax helps me just as you - sometimes at the end of a very long & painful day they seem to help more than the other mix of meds. I'm sure that when the anxiety lessens so does the pain.

Gentle Hugs,
Bionic Witch
Lami L4 5 S1
Fusion L4 5 S1
Neuropathy Fibro Arachnoiditis
awaiting fusion redo

Old 02-15-2005, 04:59 AM   #5
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 552
zoey1 HB User
Re: I'm so miserable

You found a place that has tons of support of folks some dealing with severe pain issues even months after surgery...........

I noticed you metioned xanax, i also might suggest amitritplene to ask your doc about ( old line anti depressant) however it has been used in cases to help with nerve damage, itches, and other "off lable uses " that seem to work well in low doses...........i have no idea why this is useful as compared to the newer ones but it does seem to help in some cases.

i wish you luck answers to your questions and pain relief...........

Old 02-15-2005, 09:26 AM   #6
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Ft. Worth
Posts: 521
myspine HB User
Re: I'm so miserable

Hi Toelle
O.K. first on the meds. Amitriptyline that Zoey was taling about is Elavil. And sister it WILL put wieght on you. I was on it 12 years ago and gained weight and swore never again. Than I worked so hard to get in shape before my fusion , but when I started having other problems in December I was so desperate, I did not care I decided to take the medicine that I swore I would never take. But it def. is known for weight gain. Go to google and look up patient responses and see what you find.
I wish I could help on the other , I hope you know that just because I do not have a solution does not mean that I am not praying for you to have some relief .
I hope you can find some relief soon.

Old 02-15-2005, 10:02 AM   #7
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 92
toelle HB User
Re: I'm so miserable

Thankyou all for responding to my posts. If only my Dr. would prescribe some Xanx I think I could handle this pain but they wont. They are so afraid that I will get addicted to it and they dont seem to care how much pain I am in. I just dont' understand thier reasoning. If it helps me handle the pain why not? I do have some Xnax left but I'm saving them for when I do the art shows so I can make it through them. It's really bad today probably because the dew point is high; it always hurts more then. I have to go back on the couch and lie on my right side with an ice pack now. Cant' sit at the computer anymore. It seems like praying is all there is left for me. Toelle
P.S. Some of you asked what kind of art I do. I do watercolors of local sceans of my town and surounding areas. I live in Port Orange, FL near Daytona Beach.

Last edited by toelle; 02-15-2005 at 10:08 AM.

Old 02-16-2005, 02:42 AM   #8
Junior Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: USA
Posts: 14
JasonE HB User
Re: I'm so miserable

May God Bless You,

I am only 26 and having so many similar problems that I will not bore you with the story. However, I can say that I agree with you about the docs and meds, why don't they just give them to us and screw the addiction. Don't they realize that people who are in pain don't get high from these drugs (when taken properly) we just get relief and are able to be happy again. I was taking 30mg of methadone a day, and 10mg of lortab every 4 hours for 5 months post op and now they give me neurontin, and motrin. THANKS DR!!!! Now I hurt like you know what I feel like giving up myself, I think I would if it was not for my wife, 2 year old and 6 month old daughter! May god bless us all And give these Docs some common sense and wisdom. By the way you mentioned that you were in port orange, FL. I live in Titusville, Florida. Nice to see such a close neighbor on the boards. Best luck to you, you are in my prayers.

PS I don't think 61 is old, not these days.

Old 02-16-2005, 04:44 AM   #9
Senior Veteran
Join Date: Jul 2003
Posts: 1,133
flyonthewall HB User
Re: I'm so miserable

Have you seen an orthopedic spine specialist, one with a spine fellowship? I was 63 and I had a laminectomy and was fused from L3-S1 in June and I'm doing great. Also, I have advanced osteopenia. Hyperthyroid eats the bones.

Old 02-21-2005, 12:43 PM   #10
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 342
Rampage HB User
Re: I'm so miserable

toelle -

have they id'd the problem? or did i miss it when i read your post?

you are so not alone in the misery - i think many of us are just fed up with the lack of diagnosis and gung-ho treatment effort, or whatever else is the source of their frustration.

i just turned 36 last month and i'm coming up on my 5th wedding and accident/pain anniversary (married 1 month when i suffered a riding accident). i read your post and thought, "i remember my 1-year 'i'm at the end of my rope' feeling." sorry to fnd humor in that, but your post reminded me of how much time we spend trying to be good to ourselves yet realizing just how much we can really take (more than we expect of ourselves). our strength comes from the fact that we just have to keep trying...and then passing our knowledge and experiences to others.

it took 4 years to find my 3 problems...L3-4 annular tear that took 3 years to id (idet seems to have been successful to-date, since 7/04), si joint that took 4 years to id (successful idet only reason we figured it was not a radiation from the disc tear), and sciaticia that only took 10 months to id (pinched by piriformis muscle, which would sound like "preexisting" but 15 yrs. of ballet & 15 yrs. of driving a stick-shift never caused a problem until the accident).

it sounds like your pain down your leg & butt is sciatica (back of the thigh, straight down the middle). there are some good stretches that would at least assist is relieving your pain, plus a massage therapist couls also help. the best stretch for me is lying on my back, placing my ankle (of the one with pain) on the top of my other thigh, then pulling my "good" leg to my chest. it allows the muscle to be placed in the right location to stretch properly. i also have required my massage therapist to focus on that region...they may also recommend the "tennis ball" maneuver. that involves lying on the floor with a tennis ball under the "cheek" where you have pain. IT HURTS AT FIRST!!!! but i've found it has helped...usually placing it under the middle of the butt.

i don't know if this'll help, since i'm not sure it's your problem, but i hope it does.

good luck, and keep plugging away...don't give up on your hobbies/loves, and be persisent. EXTREMELY IMPORTANT.

much support and love from us.
Accident '00
Sciatica, L3-4 Tear, Spinal Stenosis, DDD L3-S1
IDET '04
Laminectomy '06
Fusion (BMP) L4-5 '11
Anterior Fusion (BMP) L3-S1 '13

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