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my mom needs encourgament. please

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Old 06-10-2007, 08:06 PM   #1
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Donna1959 HB User
my mom needs encourgament. please

I'm very worried about my mom. I'm 16 and I love my mom very much and I'm tried of seeing her hurting beacuse of her back..she is suppose to have spinal fussion something..she explains it to me like this..

they take a piece of bone from her hip and fuse her other bones together from where the disc is gone and her bones are rubbing together. she says it isn't 100% effective.

she always comes to me and tells me about how she gets on this website and sees so many things that keep making her feel like its not worth it. I love my mom so much she has busted her butt working to let me and my sister have everything we need. As i've gotten older i've realized that money can sometimes be a problem and i don't ask for much anymore..some money here and there for gas and maybe some food. my mom tries to give me more money for things i want but i can't take it.. i always get change out of my car and around the couch to get money for me for gas and such so i don't have to ask her all the time. i know this is long and probably people have stopped reading it by now.. but i just want my mom to be healthy and happy and ok. she is my hero and is everything to me. i know the surgery might not help her fully but i don't her to end up to where she cannot walk. she tells me about how she reads things on her about how people don't feel like going back to work and how the can't really do anything. my mom is so worried about it. there is no way she will loose her job but she is just so worried about money and things. i've gotten a job doing yard work to help with money so she doesn't have to pay for things. shes done so much for me and i just want to do something for her.. so please anyone that can give her encouragment please..she is a very strong person and i'm gonna hate to see her after the surgery beacuse i will feel so bad but i hope it helps her so just someone anyone please if you have any good expirence after your surgery please tell her. i just want her to not hurt for once and be very happy. i love my mom.

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Old 06-10-2007, 09:02 PM   #2
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Re: my mom needs encourgament. please

Hi: You are such a sweetheart!!!! Don't worry too much about your mom I'm sure she'll do just fine. This type of surgery is hard, but not impossible by any means. There are plenty of people who have done so well, that they have moved on with their lives and don't post that much anymore. They've gone back to work and are taking care of their families, just like your mom will. When you're that busy it doesn't give you that much time to come back here an update everyone on how "well" you've done.

There are people who have set backs after surgery but that is normal with most anything in life, but it doesn't happen to "everyone".

Tell your mom if she has specific questions that she's concerned about to post them and plenty of people will answer.

She's going to have to take it easy after the surgery and will need some of your help, but I know she can do it, and you will too.

Hang in there, it will work out, and she'll be better off without the pain once she takes the time to recover and heal. Have her read the tips for pre op and post op, at the top of the page.

Old 06-10-2007, 09:53 PM   #3
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Re: my mom needs encourgament. please

Hi there child of Donna. You have said some lovely things about yourself.. even though you didnt actually type them (loyal, devoted, loving, caring, etc) and about your Mom.

I am a successful surgery. I am 16 month post op fusion at one level. The surgery you described.. you did a pretty good job. I dont know if you fully understand it.. but that bone they take from the hip will go into where the bad disc "was", which will then help the bone (facet) above and below it to become ONE bone (which means to "Fuse" them together). There several ways to have this type of surgery done, but the one you described is the "typical" of all of them.

Though I am not pain free and kicking up my heels on the dance floor at the moment, I am doing really well. I will never be 100% again, but Im also 45 years old now. So that's okay. I can trade not doing rollercoasters and water skiing for other things. Not a biggie.

I was barely able to walk before my surgery. The pain was unbearable. Post surgery, I walk like a normal person now. I can even wear platform shoes again. Modest ones, but still, to be able to wear them again.. is amazing and makes me feel normal and feminine again.

This weekend I was very active. I worked planting in the garden, pulling weeds, I washed 3 cars on the same day. Now today.. Im sore, but I would have been if I didnt have the surgery too! lol.

This surgery is MAJOR. No if and or buts about it. You do not heal overnight. The bones have to heal, then your body has to heal and recover from the surgery. This takes quite awhile to happen for most of us. BUT even now, I continue to notice more flexibility, ease of things I couldn't do even a few months ago, and again.. Im 16 months post op.

I have NO regrets from having the surgery. I would and will do it again if needed.

Your mom will be so proud of you and feel ever so much loved by you when she reads your post.
"believe in the beauty of your dreams"- E. Roosevelt

L5/S1 bulging @ 18, now 46; still there (but no pain)
Fusion at L4/L5 Apr -2006
Solidly Fused Nov-2006
A Success, but still improving!

Old 06-10-2007, 10:12 PM   #4
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Re: my mom needs encourgament. please

Hi! You sound so wonderful and caring alot like my soon to be 16 yr old daughter. It is nice to find kids today that worry and are concerned about their moms.

When is your Mom's surgery? I am not going to repeat everything that has been said but I will say that your Mom is very lucky to have you after she gets home from the hospital. She will need some help that first week or so.

I am sure if the Dr's are recommending your Mom for a fusion then it is the best for her. I am sorry that some of our posts might have worried her.
Before my surgery I was the same way. I even postponed it once. But I was having trouble standing and my job requires I stand alot. I also could not pull open a door at the store. All of these things got better right after the surgery.

The people at the hospital will help your Mom get started with walking and doing things before she comes home. The scarest thing you may have read is that some people have to use a walker at first. This is only because after the surgery the big muscles in the back (that help you stand and walk) have to heal. A walker will help her stand and walk till they start to heal.

I hope your Mom gets to read what you posted and is proud of you. I know I would be very proud of my daughter. Tell her if she doesn't read this to post and we will be there for here. This is a very good support group and although alot of us have had surgery alot have not and are waiting for surgery just like your Mom. She will find people here that understand exactly how she is feeling.

Stay sweet and help your Mom. Hugs to you.

Old 06-10-2007, 10:50 PM   #5
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Re: my mom needs encourgament. please

Hi again: Are you and your sister out of school yet, or close to it? If so, maybe you could go with your mom to the dr and have him show you an x-ray of what is wrong with your mom's back, and explain how they are going to fix it, and get rid of the pain.

If you are able to do this, it should take the fear out of the surgery for you and your sis, and help your mom as well to know that you understand it better.

If you go, make a list of questions you want to ask the dr, that is worrying you two, and they will tell you what to expect, that way you won't be surprised. I know if I can actually "see" what someone is talking about, it helps a lot!!

Keep up the good work, you're a wonderful young lady.

Old 06-10-2007, 11:18 PM   #6
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sherry1 HB User
Re: my mom needs encourgament. please

Hi Donna

Oh its so good to hear that you care for your mum so much!

Please try not to worry.
I am going to be in the same situation on choosing wether to nhave a fusion or not but i recko it can only be for the good if she is in so much pain!

Be strong for her and for a while after she wil need alot of support and love from you and your sister.

Doyou know when the fusion will take place?

Best wishes

Old 06-11-2007, 07:01 AM   #7
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Re: my mom needs encourgament. please

Hi Donna:

Since I've been doing so well post surgery, I don't post much anymore, but I felt compelled to reply to you. What a special daughter you are! You should be very proud of yourself, and I know your mother is very proud of you, and is lucky to have a daughter as special as you.

I had a two-level fusion on March 9th. I have done [B]INCREDIBLY [/B]well. Though I was planning on having my surgery in May when my College classes were finished, something called CES came up and required an emergency surgery earlier than scheduled. I did so good. I am strong today, and though I have some residual pain, it's nothing like it was prior to my surgery.

Though I DO NOT RECOMMEND IT, I went back to work after two weeks because of the nature of classes that I teach, and needing to get my students finished prior to graduation. As soon as their grades were done, I went home to get back to the business of recovery. I am doing aqua therapy at the local YMCA. Boy, does my tan ever rock!

I did A LOT of walking before I started my water Physical Therapy. I got through a LOT of the initial postoperative pain by walking through it.

My doctor knowing that I didn't really want to have the surgery (at that particular moment in time) because of my classes, and a planned trip to Vegas, actually told me something that I believe was very helpful in my recovery, he told me that if I wanted to go to Vegas after the surgery, I could. He told me that I was gonna hurt at Home just as much as I would in Vegas. Those few words actually got me through my recovery. I adopted the philosophy, that no matter where my body was, it was going to hurt until it was healed, whether it was laying in the bed, or teaching in the classroom.

A trip that was planned to Vegas during my Spring Break (2 weeks after my surgery and postponed for obvious reasons) was taken in Mid-May, and I did surprisingly well. It was either go, or lose all $3000 paid in full since Christmas for my Mother's and Daughter's Christmas gift.

I will keep your mom in my prayers. I'm sure with a daughter as special as you helping to take care of her, she will do great. I actually got out of the hospital on my daughter's 21st birthday, and I felt like such a louse!! She made my homecoming so special. She gave [B]ME [/B]flowers, as a birthday present, for giving birth to [B]HER[/B]! Just be the things for your mom that she is unable to do mom when she gets home! I know in my case, I never realized how much we bend, twist, and have to lift things. Having my husband and daughter there every time something fell to the floor was a Godsend. A pair of grabbers were my next best friend too!

Good luck to both you and your mom. As I say, I will keep you and mom in my prayers.

\lm/ = "I Love You" in Sign Language

12/10/04 MicroD & Hemi Lami 100% Success
09/05 Re-injured post Katrina
06-07 In Pain Mgmt. trying to deal
3/9/07 2 Level PLIF due to CES

Old 06-11-2007, 07:03 AM   #8
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Re: my mom needs encourgament. please

[COLOR="Navy"]Child of Donna,
What an absolute delight of a daughter you are!

First what you need to think about is that your Mom isn't going to get any better without the surgery and she may only get worse. The longer she waits, the more permanent damage she may do. Alot of us here are walking examples of what happens when you put sugery off too long.

Although it is scary reading what happens to people when they have had surgery, it is also good to know what your Mom will be facing.

I am here to help peoplw who have had surgery. I would consider my surgery a success. I had a three level fusion 2 years ago. I cancelled my surgery twice. Once because I was scared beyond belief. And one other time because I was sure that I knew more than my doctor and I didn't need the surgery. I had some unfortunate complications that have led to long term damage, but my fusion surgery was a success. The pain that I was living with is diminished, and that part of my life is better.

What you need to do is to go with you Mom to her doctor's appointment and ask him all the questions that you can think of that you have. Write them down. Make a list as you go along. Don't think that any question is too stupid to ask. IF your Mom's doctor is good, he will take the time to sit with all of you and discuss this. Surgery involves the entire family and all of you should know what is going on before you go through it.

Ask her docotr to show you the x-rays and describe what is wrong and how he is going to fix it. it will make it easier for you and your Mom when you both can see it in picture.

Be prepared to hep. There are stickies at the top of this board on what you need to do for after surgery. It is a good list of things to consider.

And last. You are a courageous young woman and a credit to your Mom.
She is lucky to have you at her side. Take time for yourself also, as she will need you alot after the surgery so make sure you have some "me" time too.[/COLOR]

Old 06-11-2007, 09:10 AM   #9
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Re: my mom needs encourgament. please

Hi Ibake&pray: Great minds think a like For a second there I thought you were reading my mind Read my second post on this thread (freaky)

I'm glad you all feel you're doing much better after your surgeries, that's great news

Last edited by DesertBloom; 06-11-2007 at 10:27 AM.

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