How Back Conditions & Pain Have Affected Your Life...

sammyo1

Baybreeze, I have a feeling all of our lives have been effected in the same ways as you have mentioned, I never thought about what people go through living in pain every single day, but now I walk in thier shoes so I do. I can tell you probably all of us have every single aspect of our lives affected, every relationship, from the time we get up & for some of us even in our sleep. I believe we have all went through desperate times & depression. For me the very worst thing is not being able to be the kind of wife & the kind of parent I want so badly to be, Had to turn around yesturday taking my daughter to the library because I was just in to much pain to drive down the road three miles, and was fearful of throwing up. I felt so d*** guilty. I am still going to specialists & trying to get to the bottem of why all this pain is here, & I cannot tell any of you how much I am so afraid they will tell me I have to live like this the rest of my life, one of the doctors brought it up already & my husband was there & he just freaked out. I feel I am taking enjoyment away from the whole family, & having to see me like this, I know they are so sick of it, I am so how can they not be. How can you make doctors understand all of this? I will not take life for granted again, never complain about mopping the floor,or scrubbing the tub. I will tell you all when I think I have had it, I think about my sister-in-law who has cancer & is fighting for her life every day, I am 42 & she is 44. I have to remind myself that at least I am here, but lord knows it is hard, my family going with out the old me, that is the hardest part of all. Sammy

ms_west

Baybreeze....you just wrote my life. The more I try to do in life - getting out for a walk, visiting with a friend, shopping, going to church the pain zooms up quickly. It is to the point that it is not worth the pain. So in a nutshell, heck yes it has changed my life dramatically. I am so glad that my children are with me and we are homeschooling otherwise my days would be so empty. I can't imagine them being in school everyday I would be more depressed than I am now.

Baybreeze...thank you for being you and providing support to so many of us in pain. I don't know what I would do without my friend.

Sammy you are right it has greatly affected my family too!!

WalksGINGERly

Hello

Your post is one that I felt like posting earlier today.Trust me you are not alone in feeling how back problems changes your life. I think once the dust settles and we realize our life is never going to be same, the next thing to do is form a plan b, c, d, e, or whatever one you may be one. Ironically I spent most of my day reflecting on the past two years of my life, and have finally accepted I am alone and have literally let my past go. I think with the close of summer and the darkness of night coming sooner, it gets me so down.I know the majority of my problem is I know I have to make changes and it is literally impossible to do things alone. I used to be an up beat positive person, always on the move, always doing things, helping people, planning things and having things in control. Then one day somewone said you cant be paid for being injured at work and my workd turned uside down. I have to wait to do things, sort of like a homeless mentality, like find a place to live, figure out my income if I am disabled or if I can work again. I have no social life, I am single, no kids at home, no job, no income except from my children who are grown and who are supporting me. How depressing is that they sacrifice. How can you date when you cant sit on the chairs, or play tennis, dance, or walk the beach etc,. I used to get up at 5 and be in work at 630 am, come home get dressed for the gym, work out. I would date, go on trips, be able to go out to restaurants and sometimes clubs to hear music, join in with family gatherings, Now I only go out for an hour at a time, to food shop or do wash, or go to a doctor. I feel so inadequate, so worthless. My hair all fell out with stress, I have swollen baggy eyes from crying, wrinkles from pain and worry. My thoughts all run together with no one to talk to, I feel like I am in prison. I constantly dwell on the fact that the employer and lawyer screwed me, and the fact that I let them. I lost all confidence, am completely beaten down. I was left in the dust by family and friends when this chaos all started, everyone said work hurt but it never happened. I dont even have anyone to ask to drive me to appointments I have coming up. On top of back problems I have to have a hysterectomy for an infection in the uterus I got after a fibroid procedure. I had to call a church and get a volunteer to take me for that surgery I had in February. How embarrassing is that? Last Wednesday my hip bone snapped and crunched again, and the severe sciatic and butt pain came back at 10+. I literally felt like dying, like all I did to get help for this is gone, and i am back at square one. I have been in bed flat for 5 days. I am 45 years years old, and sit in my apartment and stare at the walls. My parents, sisters etc never have a nice thing to say. I got so tired of being put down because I dont work, it angers me so. So i dont bother with them. I am not even missed thats the worse part. Some days I just cry because it is all too much worrying about bills and which doctors i am scheduled to see, what bill is due, can I walk to day..can I go out today if I am bleeding too much. It is like I am being punished, but sure wish I did something wrong to deserve it. It will be days before I even see a live person. I am in a deep deep depression. So I do understand how everyone feels, you cant go out because you think of the seats and the chairs at the place, cant concentrate if you are in pain,dont drive if its over 20 minutes, its like the whole world changes in front of your eyes. I learned to pray alot and found a quote from the psalms, I just put my trust in the lord and he keeps me safe. Truly God is our salvation, trust in him and dont be afraid. I pray this prayer everyday and night for the energy to fight and keep going. Sorry I didnt mean to depress anyone but I needed to vent, I am literally out of my mind tonight. Keep happy thoughts everyone and remember better days are coming.......G

xzx

Baybreeze,

Great thread by the way. I dream about the day I don't have my back to tell me what I can and cannot do that day ( or any for that matter ). I feel so bad for my two little boys that I can't do the things that " normal mom's " do. Like you said, go out on New years eve or 4th of July, go out to eat when it is not crowed ( fear of being bumped ). The day friends are just that! a friend. Having l4 s1 fused, and other problems in the back. It really can take it out of you. I really have to pick myself up by the boot straps and live my life the best way I can. May not be a perfect life, but its mine.

shawley

This is really weird , were all feeling the same . My life and life style changed so much since 2003. What really stinks is when something needs done around the house and you can't do it . I get so mad at myself .
I also noticed I don't socialize much with people anymore. I just lay on my couch and rest day in and day out. Yes this injury has effected my life in the worse way.

The only good thing ( yes something good) is that it has brought me closer to GOD and my wife and children. I spend more time with them now than ever. I never attended church either. This really embarress me to but I'm going to tell you all . I was never babtized until last year. My parents never had me babtized and I didn't know this until they passed away. No I'm no Holy Roller but I do believe in GOD and the Bible and know there is a better place I hope to go when I leave this world. Maybe this is a test ? I hope not cause I probably failed.

I'm sure we all are effected by this in one way or the other . I pray everyone can live a happy life with your condition and function like we are supposed to. We can lean on each other on here.

Hope everyone has a goodnight tonight and able to sleep well.

kkmom

Yes back pain and sciatic have affected my life, I am now just getting to the point where I am able to do just about anything with mild pain, the pain is constant, but rarely sever any more. My life this past year has been a living hell, I had so many changes going on and to top it off not being able to work because of the pain. Just recently I am feeling much better, I pray I dont have to go through what I had to deal with anymore. It is very depressing and sad and to top it off no one wants to be around you. Back problems suck!!!

Sage48

Yes, pain is something that causes us to change the way we live our lives...in how we socialize, entertain, shop, vacation, drive....EVERTHING. It helps us find out who are our true friends and which members of our family are really "family"... It's so hard at times...to have pain...and still be in pain, even when you have taken meds. to stop the pain. It's hard to have a friend or family member insinuate that you are a "pill popper"....addict and not really hurting. I think that is the worst... like we want to not work...play....and have to adjust our lives around meds. so that we are able to function... I know that my social situation is not supposed to be going to a Dr. appt. Then a big fear is that our doctor will decide to change our med...to something that is less effective...or to tell us we no longer need it...YIKES...and that has happened to a lot of us. But the one constant is that we keep trying to get better...we keep moving on....and the lucky ones do recover (and how wonderful for them)... Hopefully we become better people for what we have to live with..more considerate, kinder and more understanding...more appreciatative of the good things in life...and to value our friends and family. But the one thing that we do not seem to be able to give up is our HOPE... The hope that someday/somehow we will be well again...or as well as we can be.

Leslie

yvette777

I have to tell you, I didn't read any reply's to this thread, because I don't want to be more depressed lol.

I am sure our lives are all similar.

It showed me alot of things in my life, one thing is my husband didn't love me enought to stay by my side.

It showed me I am strong and I will survive.

It eliminated stuff, it changed everything. Its hard not to let it define who you are.

JohnM61

The biggest area, the one where I have the most regret, is how my back problem has affected my interactions with my daughter. We recently went to the county fair. Like before, I couldn't ride rides with her. My doc has given me veru explicet order not to do anything like that. I feel like I have let her down in many ways because of the things I cannot do with her. She is so understanding for her age (10).

ibake&pray

[COLOR="Navy"]Well, it has taught me patience, that's for sure! I have learned that there are other ways of doing things that are almost as acceptable for cleaning as mine (well, almost). I've learned that I can eat my husbands cooking..just don't ask what he put in it asnd how long it's been in the fridge. I've learned that no one loves me more than this man who has stuck with me through thick and thin, meds and wiping my tush.

I have learned that this is a difficult way to live and it has permanently changed my perception of who I am and that wasn't what I signed up for. I don't remember signing up for a life altering event...just to have back surgery...where was that box on the form? I would like to uncheck it please. Life altering events are to be saved for major times in your life only..not for back sugeries.....Back surgeons are not qualified to perform life altering events.....[/COLOR]

Nikirae

Reading these posts are like reading my life story since my work accident in 2001 and I am only 35. Before my injury I was a healthy and very fit 29 year old. I went to the gym 3-5 times a week, went out with friends, went skiing every winter...basically it a nut shell...I had a life.

Since the accident, I have lost my home (banks don't care what you are going thru), my credit (they don't care either), most of my friends (they just don't understand) and most importantly I have lost my independence. My life is nothing like it was before, and I struggle every day to keep my chin up and make the most of what I can of it.

Since my diagnosis of failed back syndrome it has been even harder, but I try. I try really hard. I find myself crying at stupid things, I have become such an emotional person since all of this. I was never very emotional before.

So yeah, back problems suck as KK said...but it is so nice to know I am not alone in this!! (((HUGS)))

~Niki

kkmom

[QUOTE=yvette777;3177509]I have to tell you, I didn't read any reply's to this thread, because I don't want to be more depressed lol.

I am sure our lives are all similar.

It showed me alot of things in my life, one thing is my husband didn't love me enought to stay by my side.

It showed me I am strong and I will survive.

It eliminated stuff, it changed everything. Its hard not to let it define who you are.[/QUOTE]
Yvette, this experience showed me that the man I was about to marry was not there for me, I have to say I thank God he is out of my life and that God allowed me to see the kind of person he was before we walked down the isle. This along with the pain made me severely depressed, just now coming out of it.

Baybreeze

Thanks, pepper..and everyone! Always know that you can find words of support from a fellow spiney & pain sufferer. Even though at times I may be in severe pain, it even helps me just to be able to offer kind words or encouragement or advice to someone else who needs it. I am sure you probably all feel the same way, though sometimes it is very difficult to find the words. So sorry if any got depressed with my thread here, didnt mean to have that happen, hope you'll forgive me. But it is good just too see how similar we all are and that we go through many of the same feelings & changes, to know you are not alone. And maybe good to spill it all out in writing to get it off your chest. Isn't it weird? [U]Sometimes[/U] it seems we get more support over the internet from people we don't personally know than our closest friends & family.

I finally saw my rheumatologist today for all my joint pains b/c it's going to get extremely busy at work within a week or so and I am going to having major problems writing and keeping up. Plus I'll have to sit even more for longer periods, UGHHHHH, which I tend to really feel in my low back. My concentration gets off, I have brain fog, I make errors, so it really affects my job too. Gosh, when I had the bad sciatica and more recently nerve pain in both hips and back spasms, its soo hard to get in & out of the car. I've had several times where some idiot parks to close to my car door and Ive had to wait for them to come out & leave before I could get in my car. That really sucks. All of this pain makes me more frustrated & irrated than anything else.

Oh, and also, I don't understand why when I start my own thread and always make sure to click instant email notification, i never get notified of any replies. Is there somewhere on this board I can ask about this?

Arthr Itis

It's kind of strange, a friend just sent me a e-mail about the guy who wrote A Purpose Driven Life. His wife has cancer. In it he writes about how God is developing us for our future in eternity. He wants to see how we handle the good, the bad and the ugly. We should thank God for the good, pray to God to help us through the bad and give it over to God when it gets ugly. Remember " All things are possible through Him" For those who ,like me, found out how many friends and carrying family they don't have, get into a good Bible based church. You will be suprized how many friends you will have! Now it's time to take my drugs and get into the recliner for the rest of the evening. Fred