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    Old 09-26-2005, 10:49 PM   #1
    desertgirl
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    staying overnight

    My fiance and I have been together for a long time now and we're finally going to go away for a weekend and it will be our first night sleeping in the same room and bed. Up until this point, I've always gone back to my house because he and I are trying to keep all that stuff for when we're married. But now that we're finally going to sleep in the same bed I have questions....

    What should I wear? If I wear something like I'd normally wear to bed (like a tank top and cotton sleeping pants) then he may think I didn't put any effort into it. However, if I wear a nightgown or something more femminine, he may think I'm trying to sway him into sex (we're trying to wait till we get married). I don't want to look like I planned for us to get physical, but I want to look cute. I'm not talking garter belts and corsets, but a nice nightgown or something. He said today, "I'm expecting you to come out all cute in spongebob squarepants or something and watch, you'll be in Victoria's secret. Then I'll be in trouble." This was a joke, but it got me thinking...is he secretly hoping for something a little bit sexier and mentioned it as a hint, or does he really not want me to wear something like that and was serious about him being in trouble? Ugh...decisions, decisions. Don't know where he got the spongebob idea from though...

    AND... if I'm wearing something sleeveless to bed, then my armpits will be slightly hair in the morning and I'm not sure I want him to see that.

    Also, how does one look pretty first thing in the morning? If I don't wash my makeup off, it'll end up smeared all over and I'm not sure racoon eyes are appealing. So I'm probably going to wash my face... but I wake up in the mornings with swollen eyes, drool marks, bed head, and lines from the pillow on my face. Is there anyway to look nice without jumping out of bed first thing before he gets up? Do guys like the way girls look first thing in the a.m.?

    And morning breath kisses? Do people do that? It grosses me out to TALK to anyone before I brush my teeth.... I can't imagine someone kissing me or me kissing someone without first using a little scope. Is that weird?

    I know he probably doesn't care about any of this. He's happy we're finally going to spend the night together and he probably couldn't care less what I wear, but I'm stressing out. (God, I hope I don't get a stress zit!) What do you all think is the best option for sleepwear? Should I just go for it and be a little sexier, since it's our first night together (we don't have to have sex no matter what I'm wearing) or should I just stick to my normal tank and pants? We are getting married, so does it really matter what I wear one night? Then again, we probably won't sleep together for a while, so I'd like to make it special.

    Any advice will surely help my frazzled nerves. I feel like such a dork asking all these questions... I'm 24, but have never spent the night with a man or anything like that. This is important to me and I'm so nervous, I'm afraid I won't enjoy it. So please help me out, post your beauty tips, sleepwear tips, or any other tips. They will be greatly appreciated... thanks.

     
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    Old 09-26-2005, 11:10 PM   #2
    SpasticMonkey
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    Re: staying overnight

    LOL! OMG you are really stressing out over this. Ok this guy really loves you or you eouldn't be getting married. Alll the little details aren't going to matter to him as much as the fact that he is getting to spend time with you. My advice is just do what you always do. He will be seeing you like that everymornig for the rest of your life anyway. LOL. Goodluck and let me know what happens.
    Love,SpasMonkey

     
    Old 09-26-2005, 11:53 PM   #3
    amethystle
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    Re: staying overnight

    I agree, you are worring way too much. But I know that you are looking for some answers, so here is my opinion. Wear the tank and pants or sleep shorts. Most girls look cute and sexy wearing that type of thing - there is no need to wear something you normally wouldn't, like a nightgown. Don't worry about armpit stubble - he won't notice. As for morning breath, when you brush your teeth before you go to bed make sure you brush your tongue and the morning breath won't be as bad. Guys usually don't seem to mind the no makeup, just woke up look - sometimes they think thats sexy too.
    My husband and ex-boyfriend both often told me that I looked good without makeup on and that I didn't need to wear any even though I wouldn't leave the house without at least a little bit of makeup on.

    So just relax and don't worry about it. Most guys aren't as critical about the way we look as we think they are. Especially if its your fiance and he wants to marry you.

    Love is blind, remember?

     
    Old 09-26-2005, 11:59 PM   #4
    aquatilly
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    Re: staying overnight

    i agree with the above posters... also i think it's better to just not wear makeup, wear what is comfortable. if you are uncomfortable and have makeup smeared on your face when you wake up that's just not cute.

     
    Old 09-27-2005, 03:01 AM   #5
    JimJohnson
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    Re: staying overnight

    Concerning how you look in the morning:

    With my girlfriend I find it very attractive and sweet to see her in the morning with a little bit of messy hair and a tired look on her face. This is the real her, without make-up and any other additions, and so I feel quite special to be allowed to see her this way.

    Also, on our first night sleeping together, my girlfriend wore one of my T-shirts to bed. Don't know if that will work for you, but that was very very fun, cute and attractive, all in one little package.

     
    Old 09-27-2005, 10:22 AM   #6
    Cassie4u22
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    Re: staying overnight

    Yeah I agree with everyone else, most guys (that I have found) think the just woke up look is very cute and sexy.

    As for what to wear, I think a spaghetti strap, tight fitting tank top and some sleep shorts would be just fine - not too "sexy" but at the same time, not frumpy. I have found that Victoria Secret's PINK line of sleepwear is perfect for this type of thing, they have all sorts of tanks and sleep shorts/pants that look good together (Not too expensive either!

    If you are really worried about your face in the morning, you could try bringing a silk pillowcase or sleeping on your back - your face won't be puffy and you'll avoid any creases on your face.

    Don't worry, you'll be just fine! He loves you just the way you are

     
    Old 09-27-2005, 11:54 AM   #7
    caliente
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    Re: staying overnight

    get a cute sleep outfit from victorias secret! you can get some really adorable tanks and sleep pants. you'll be wearing your normal outfit, AND its from victorias secret. its the best of both worlds!

     
    Old 09-28-2005, 07:37 PM   #8
    BostonGirl44
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    Re: staying overnight

    I agree with all the above posters. My only concern with my bf staying over or me staying over his place is morning breath. Luckily, that seemed to be his only concern too. We usually just run into the bathroom to brush or use some mouthwash.

     
    Old 09-28-2005, 09:55 PM   #9
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    Re: staying overnight

    I don't really need to give any advice in terms of what to wear, the above posters did an excellent job already.
    But I do have a tip for the morning breath. Brush your teeth and tongue extra-thoroughly and gargle with some strong mouthwash right before going to bed. Put a glass of water by your bedside so when you wake up, you can immediately have a sip. This will freshen your mouth up a little bit, and you won't have to make a scene or appear too self-conscious by running to the bathroom. And if all else fails, just inhale through your mouth as you're diving in for a kiss and exhale through your nose.

    Trust me; this is coming from the girl that used to brush her teeth in the high school bathroom before seeing her boyfriend.
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    Last edited by surrealmeal; 09-28-2005 at 09:57 PM.

     
    Old 09-28-2005, 09:57 PM   #10
    nailchick2000
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    Re: staying overnight

    I agree with the others. Don't worry about it too much. What you can do is pack a tank and pants along with something a little sexier, then go to the shower, act like you forgot your p.j's , then ask him to pick something out of your suitcase to put on. But if you are truly trying Not to have sex, stick with a tank and shorts.. Victoria secret makes sleep sets like that , so you Can wear Victoria Secret and still be covered up. Just sexy enough.. they just don't quite cover your butt..but almost.. looks accidental.
    If you worried about morning breath, just keep some breath strips on your side of the bed. You will probably look better if you remove your makeup the night before.
    But HE may be worrying about pillow marks, bad breath, and bedhead too. What if he farts in his sleep and you hear/smell it? Will you call off the wedding? I don't think so.. Just relax and have a great time!!

     
    Old 10-01-2005, 03:46 AM   #11
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    Re: staying overnight

    Hmmm...forgive me, desertgirl, just have to wonder if you are being honest with yourself...

    Not sure what difference it makes whether you wear a tank top or lacy garters or a clown outfit -- bigger question is, why someone plans to sleep in the same room if they are "trying" (interesting wording) "to save all that stuff" till they get married?

    I don't really care whether you "save it" or cash in your chips right now, but frankly I think you're halfway planning to have sex without admitting it ahead of time. Like it will be more okay if it's "accidental"?

    Also wonder why you are guessing and asking strangers what your BF meant by his comment about you surprising him in something sexy. Can't you ask him? Do you feel you cannot speak freely to him and get an honest answer?

    It's obvious you both are setting up for the possibility, if not likelihood, of sex happening that night, so why are you not discussing whether you do or don't plan to have your first sex on this trip?

    Maybe you are both privately intending to "accidentally" have sex? Fine, have it, but I think you should both be responsible and make up your minds NOW, not in the heat of the moment, and communicate ahead of time and make sure you are on the same page and prepared. (Such as how you will deal with the possibility of pregancy, will one of you bring condoms, perhaps lubricants or whatever, discussing any hopes or concerns you may have about how it will go...)

    Or if you decide you DO want to wait but know there's an attraction between you that may derail your plans -- come on, don't kid yourselves!! get separate rooms, or skip the trip if that's what it takes to honor your intentions.

    Last edited by seekalot; 10-01-2005 at 04:31 AM.

     
    Old 10-01-2005, 12:45 PM   #12
    W3IGHTL0SS
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    Re: staying overnight

    Geez, Seekalot. Calm yourself. The girl is only a bit curious. She probably has on her mind what she wants to do, but is asking others for advice as well. Asking other kind girls for advice is alright to do. She'll know how to be safe and all. I do agree on the one part though, of maybe discussing a few things with him, but just let her be.

    To the main girl, that made this thread... good luck with the near-future-husband. You'll be fine... good clothes, or not. It doesn't matter. You're about to get married, and he's not going to marry you for only your looks. He loves you, so don't worry. =)

     
    Old 10-02-2005, 12:36 AM   #13
    seekalot
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    Re: staying overnight

    Maybe you're right, w3ightless, sorry if I got carried away and came off harder than I should. Hope I am among the "kind girls" when I respond here, that's certainly my intention is just to be helpful! Otherwise I wouldn't bother responding at all! You say desertgirl will know how to be safe, and maybe you are right, I hope so.

    I admit I do get bothered when sounds like people may be behaving irresponsibly sexually. There can be such tragic consequences as we all know! I'd hate to think of an unwanted pregnancy because a couple didn't know how to communicate about sex or someone thought it was more romantic to be "spontaneous" rather than prepared or whatever. Not saying any of those apply here, but such things of course have been known to happen!

    Sorry again if I've upset anyone

    Last edited by seekalot; 10-02-2005 at 12:39 AM.

     
    Old 10-02-2005, 06:30 AM   #14
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    Re: staying overnight

    Apology accepted. But yes, I agree, on the pregnancy thing. No one would want an 'unexpected' pregnancy. That wouldn't be good news, especially when you're not even wanting to have sex until married...

    Good luck to her though. I'm sure they'll be fine.

     
    Old 10-02-2005, 06:54 PM   #15
    desertgirl
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    Re: staying overnight

    Hi people.... thanks to all of you for your advice, encouragement, and concerns. First the fun stuff: It was such a great trip!!! I had so much fun and it was nice to roll over and have someone I really love be there. The pj thing wasn't a big deal at all, and I think I (obviously) blew it out of proportion. I'd never slept in the same bed as a guy before and was terribly nervous. I think I mostly wondered what he expected. It worked out well. I wore a tee shirt and cute pajama pants I got at Mervyns (on sale ) It wasn't even a big deal.... there was no dramatic entrance as I'd pictured in my head. I think I watch too many movies. Anyway, we got back to our room Saturday night and decided to get comfy and watch tv. It was sort of just like regular hanging out or a regular date, only this time when we were done with tv, I got up to take out my contacts, wash my face, and then went back to him to go to sleep. The next morning, he told me I was pretty and that he'd gotten a "good catch." It's mushy, but we always talk about who got the "better catch" in the relationship. In the middle of the night, it got cold and it was amazing to roll over and have someone I love right there. The sweetest thing was when he thought I was asleep and we were spooning (I hate that word) and he kissed my shoulder when he thought I was sleeping. He said he watched me sleep for awhile and it made him happy. I love him so much! Morning breath wasn't a big deal...a quick (closed mouth) good morning kiss wasn't bad at all. I'm so glad I went and I just wish I hadn't stressed out about it so much. Getting dressed was easy this morning...we've showered (seperately) at his house after the gym and before a date before anyway. That wasn't intimidating.

    As for the people who were concerned about pregnancy and if I was fooling myself about not having sex, I understand your concern. Both he and I want to wait till we're married to experience certain things. That's why we haven't spent the night at each other's house, moved in together, or any thing like that. The farthest we go in that direction is cooking dinner together. I want to experience married life when I'm actually married. Maybe that's weird, I don't know. As far as the physical aspect, we're always careful. We've talked and I'm on the pill and he has other means of protection, just in case. We don't leave sex as an option, but we realize that we're human, young, and attracted to each other.... so we could slip up. Both of us have had previous partners, so we know how to protect ourselves. So we're prepared, but that doesn't mean we're giving ourselves permission to do it. I know enough young girls who have gotten pregnant because they weren't prepared and were waiting till marriage also but weren't able to handle it. I was only stressed out about my outfit because I wanted to look cute and feminnine, not sexy. I was trying to find the fine line between looking like I was looking for sex and just being attractive. It was our first night together; I wanted it to be special. (that sounds like some line out of a cheesy teen movie.) Plus, I knew it'd be a while till we slept together again. Thanks to w3ightloss for having my back. No hard feelings to seekalot. I got where you were coming from.

    Hope this wasn't too much of an overshare. I was just so excited when I got home. I didn't want it to end. It's great to have this too look forward to for when I get married... I just wish that wasn't months away. Thanks you all!

     
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