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New Member, need some support


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Old 03-29-2017, 09:36 AM   #1
SwingLow
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New Member, need some support

Hey folks -
Im new to the group and looking for a support. Not sure how this works so Ill dive right in. I have bipolar and PTSD, and Ive been a mess for a long time. My life in the past few years has been a nightmare of family deaths, job loss, med changes and reopening of past traumas. I was recently hospitalized for the first time because of severe depression.

My partner recently called me out in a really intense way about how bad of a partner I have been and I had a total meltdown about it. Im dealing with a lot of shame and guilt and Im not sure what to do to make things work again. I know this is a lot, im not expecting advice really. Just wanted to introduce myself and my current situation. Im just trying to get support outside of my relationship.

Last edited by Administrator; 03-29-2017 at 10:16 AM.

 
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Old 03-29-2017, 01:12 PM   #2
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Re: New Member, need some support

Hello and welcome to the HealthBoards SwingLow, there are so many wonderful people and Admin are just lovely too! I hope you enjoy your time here!

I am so sorry to hear of how things currently are in your life, but good on you for reaching out for help! It is such a HUGE and brave step to take and you really should be proud of yourself.

I myself have been in your shoes. It actually took my husband to tell me what a horrible person I had been for me to even realise the state I was in. I truly had no idea! At the time I was admitted to hospital and dx bipolar. After a couple of months stay they let me back home and kept changing medications which wouldn't work to the point they re-admitted me and I had ECT.

My life was in a very dark place for probably a decade Without that push from my husband I don't know that I would have actually actively sought the help that I needed, which now looking back I can see clear as day, but at the time I had no idea.

I have been free of hospital for just over 2yrs now but I do have mental health services come out to my house every fortnight still as while I'm quite stable, I'm still not 100% and don't know that I ever will be - but we're ok with that, as long as I am getting the help I need.

Are you able to access any services or anything similar like I have? I know there's a lot of times where I can't physically make myself leave the house, even for medical appointments so for them to be able to come to me makes things so much easier. I also keep a journal just for me where I write and write......and write! Especially on a bad day, I find letting it out helps and sometimes we just don't want to talk to another person right? Or there's things we'd really rather not share, so getting it down and out seems to help me. I also sleep when my body tells me it needs it. Depriving myself of the rest I need has only led to further deterioration of my physical self so I have granted myself this small mercy.

Are you crafty at all? I find sewing helps me and I also go through phases of knitting and crochet too. It's satisfying to see the resulting product but I also donate things to different missions around the world with the items I make so it kind of helps lift my mood knowing that I am doing something to help make another person's life a little easier

Sorry I am just rambling now. I do wish you all the very best and if you'd like to ask me anything please ask away!
K.

 
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Old 03-30-2017, 04:01 AM   #3
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Re: New Member, need some support

Listen,
I'm 51 yrs.old...was no diagnosis for me till recently. Impulsive decissions.
Beat your self up if you like or do the best you can to admit when you are wrong and try like hell to learn from it. No med will cure this thing. All u can do is hang on...it will pass...then again and again...as we learn the train wreck we cause is lessoned. Knowledge is the key.
I am by no means much I'd any better. But...i try to admit my actions are wrong promtly. Anti depressent elavil has helped me but it can put me in to a manic high. Frankly...i like it. Time here is so small anyways....roll with ot. Don't fight it....just roll.

 
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Old 03-30-2017, 09:17 AM   #4
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Re: New Member, need some support

Thanks, that was actually very helpful. I get off on rants a lot so I totally understand and welcome it haha. I dont know that there are any services like that available to me, but I will definitely check into it. Also not sure if my insurance would cover something like that Im just feeling like I dont know how/if they are going to ever be able to get over how I have treated them, but I know that I just have to keep doing what I can. Its hard to remember that though when they are reminding me often, and I feel like they have every right to. Its a tricky balance. I appreciate you sharing

 
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Old 04-06-2017, 01:19 PM   #5
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Re: New Member, need some support

Hey No problems at all, I am an open book, I figure if my misgivings in life can help just one other person then it kind of makes it worth it if that makes sense?

Love heals a lot of things, and I am sure seeing you getting better and trying will help your loved ones realise you were just in a bad place, we would not be blamed or shamed for having any other serious illness so I'd like to think the same for our mental health also.

I hope things continue to improve for you and it all straightens out. It can be a long and bumpy road but open communication and keeping your medical appointments etc all helps so much!

All the best!
K.

 
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Old 05-29-2017, 04:36 PM   #6
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Re: New Member, need some support

You definitel are not alone SwingLow.. My boyfriend often gets very upset with me because of the same stuff you're going through. I try really hard to change & then do it all over again. I'm an emotional rollercoaster. I'm curious if anyone else has any tips on what's best. I tried a mood stabilizer once I can't remember which one but it actually made things worse I think. Ugh.

 
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